Men afraid of commitment?

Off Topic
121

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He’s a nice guy, hopefully it will go down well.

[/quote]

Not very likely[/quote]

It did! Not a problem at all. Possibly a positive result, if anything.[/quote]

Sorry, we misunderstand each other. I’m saying the whole relationship won’t go down well for him.[/quote]

Actually, I’m beginning to think possibly otherwise. It’s still very early and there’s no way to know, but - he certainly has my attention.

AC, you said don’t spend too much time together, but what about emailing and texting? Is that meant to be limited, too?

123

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He’s a nice guy, hopefully it will go down well.

[/quote]

Not very likely[/quote]

It did! Not a problem at all. Possibly a positive result, if anything.[/quote]

Sorry, we misunderstand each other. I’m saying the whole relationship won’t go down well for him.[/quote]

Actually, I’m beginning to think possibly otherwise. It’s still very early and there’s no way to know, but - he certainly has my attention.

AC, you said don’t spend too much time together, but what about emailing and texting? Is that meant to be limited, too?[/quote]

Ha ha ha.

I’m obviously not AC, but, yes, of course, Em!

You really do lose your otherwise excellent thinking skills at times like this, don’t you? :slight_smile:

<Now waiting for AC to come along and tell me I’m completely wrong and should leave the date counseling to him!>[/quote]

I’m hoping he does tell you that, because otherwise I’ve already blown it. :frowning:

124

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He’s a nice guy, hopefully it will go down well.

[/quote]

Not very likely[/quote]

It did! Not a problem at all. Possibly a positive result, if anything.[/quote]

Sorry, we misunderstand each other. I’m saying the whole relationship won’t go down well for him.[/quote]

Actually, I’m beginning to think possibly otherwise. It’s still very early and there’s no way to know, but - he certainly has my attention.

AC, you said don’t spend too much time together, but what about emailing and texting? Is that meant to be limited, too?[/quote]

Ha ha ha.

I’m obviously not AC, but, yes, of course, Em!

You really do lose your otherwise excellent thinking skills at times like this, don’t you? :slight_smile:

<Now waiting for AC to come along and tell me I’m completely wrong and should leave the date counseling to him!>[/quote]

Thinking more about this, AC is definitely my go-to early dating guy, but in the end what I want is what you have. I’ve had close enough intimations of it that I know its value. I’ve had longevity, and enjoy that still with my ex now that the dust has had time to settle. It’s warm and comfortable to be able to share history and old in-jokes. With the recent boyfriend I had strong connection and passion, which was lacking with my husband.

I can well imagine what a relationship comprised of the commitment of the first with the joy of the second might be like. And I want it.

So feel free to advise away! Except in matters where I may have already blown it. :wink:

125

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He’s a nice guy, hopefully it will go down well.

[/quote]

Not very likely[/quote]

It did! Not a problem at all. Possibly a positive result, if anything.[/quote]

Sorry, we misunderstand each other. I’m saying the whole relationship won’t go down well for him.[/quote]

Actually, I’m beginning to think possibly otherwise. It’s still very early and there’s no way to know, but - he certainly has my attention.

AC, you said don’t spend too much time together, but what about emailing and texting? Is that meant to be limited, too?[/quote]

Ha ha ha.

I’m obviously not AC, but, yes, of course, Em!

You really do lose your otherwise excellent thinking skills at times like this, don’t you? :slight_smile:

<Now waiting for AC to come along and tell me I’m completely wrong and should leave the date counseling to him!>[/quote]

I’m hoping he does tell you that, because otherwise I’ve already blown it. :frowning:
[/quote]

Yup, you’ve blown it! LOL Chushin is correct, how can you give him the gift of missing you when you call/text/email all the time?

Silly girl! LOL The goal is to PROLONG the “courtship” so that you can have some freedom to spread your wings a little, correct? If that’s not the case and the “new” goal is to jump to the nearest available suitor and snap right back into your relationship comfort zone, then by all means, text/call/email away! Cuz that’s exactly what will happen.

I’m betting it’s happening already. You’ve passed the point of “no return”, haven’t you? We are, at this point, prolonging the inevitable, aren’t we? If that’s what you want, then by all means, enjoy yourself and jump right in.

Just understand what’s driving this - and it’s NOT your conscious mind making a rational decision. If you’re in therapy, bring it up. I would submit for your consideration, that you simply can’t help yourself BUT to “court” this gentleman on his terms… You are squarely within your “pattern”, and it is in control, not you. What’s driving this? By what mechanism (fear) does it control you? Where did it come from? Does it serve your best interest? What risk do you take by breaking your pattern? What benefit could there be? Are you at a place where it would serve your best interest to do so?

I could keep going, but you get the idea. KNOW THYSELF!!! Right now, you are just in auto pilot. And that’s not a very genuine place to be coming from.

If I’m off base, let me know, but I bet I’m closer than you really want to admit. :slight_smile:

126

Ack! Stop, stop! I don’t have therapy until tomorrow night!

But I don’t know, my therapist, though she holds a PhD and is very smart and wise, is in most ways oriented just like me. So we always seem to agree about stuff. My best friend, also a therapist, too. They have no more clue than I do.

127

It’s a good thing I have new clothes to wear today, so I can feel cheery in spite of all the affliction being visited upon me.

128

Okay cant read all of this thread.

Can someone give me some cliff notes?

Q do ever think maybe you think about all this stuff to much? Meaning you OVER think/analyse all this.

Just a thought, dont yell at me :slight_smile:

130

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He’s a nice guy, hopefully it will go down well.

[/quote]

Not very likely[/quote]

It did! Not a problem at all. Possibly a positive result, if anything.[/quote]

Sorry, we misunderstand each other. I’m saying the whole relationship won’t go down well for him.[/quote]

Actually, I’m beginning to think possibly otherwise. It’s still very early and there’s no way to know, but - he certainly has my attention.

AC, you said don’t spend too much time together, but what about emailing and texting? Is that meant to be limited, too?[/quote]

Ha ha ha.

I’m obviously not AC, but, yes, of course, Em!

You really do lose your otherwise excellent thinking skills at times like this, don’t you? :slight_smile:

<Now waiting for AC to come along and tell me I’m completely wrong and should leave the date counseling to him!>[/quote]

I’m hoping he does tell you that, because otherwise I’ve already blown it. :frowning:
[/quote]

Oh, no! Well, maybe you can just subtly cut back on the number of texts and e-mails?

132

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]The Other Titan wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Really? Under what circumstances? Is this a myth, meant to confuse women further? As if your regular incomprehensible behavior isn’t enough!

Because once again I find myself doing a deer-in-the-headlights thing as someone begins pushing in that direction, i.e. exclusivity. And we’ve been seeing each other only briefly, no sex.

So my question for the board is, how is this best handled?

I don’t understand men. Except orion.
[/quote]

Well, either you are super awesome or he needs a woman in his life.

Any woman really. [/quote]

I think he just wants someone around to pick up his dirty socks, that JERK. I’m going to send him a note right now, stating very firmly that THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER FRIENDSHIP.

And P.S. I only say I understand you because you’ve spent a lot of time explaining yourself. I think you could probably say the same of me, no? So don’t be mean.
[/quote]

Why am I mean.

Either you are one in a thousand and he goes for it or he needs to latch on to a woman.

Maybe a bit of both.

I think you understand people who need, need, NEED to be in a relationship a lot better than I do.

[/quote]

Some people might want, want, WANT to be in a relationship.

I was last minimally involved with this guy a year and a half or so ago. At that time, he was coming out of what sounded like some transitional post-divorce stuff. I didn’t and don’t see him as desperate, as he has definite market value and if he only wanted a relationship, any relationship, would have one. He also chooses to live in our remote area rather than in the urban settings where most of his work is centered, which suggests that a relationship is not at the top of his priority list.

Now, one possibility is that he enjoys cat-and-mousing goofy, earnest women for the entertainment value it provides and isn’t interested in a relationship at all. If so there’s a chance that I’ll wind up being drawn in and will ultimately be spectacularly hurt. Could be. I worry it! But I don’t think that’s it.

Again I note that men are incomprehensible creatures, despite what Mr. Foxworthy says. [/quote]

Too much wanting pretty much is needing.

Your argument is the equivalent of arguing that sluts would just fuck anybody.

They dont, the fuck as high upwards as possible.

A needy man would not just “relationship” anybody too, they go as high as they can get.

Now, as for how high his SMP might be, you have already been with one paper alpha.

To realize his potential, he would have to know its there, if he does not, he could be a total beta shlub in a nice package.

Getting a bit clingy seems to indicate that he does not know that he is enough. [/quote]

But doesn’t it all depend upon what your definition of value is when you determine what is the highest you can get?

I think it does. [/quote]

That’s an interesting question… I’ve always been interested in people I consider way out of my league, like “10s” or at least solid “9s” in my mind. LOL [/quote]

You seem to be a woman.

Of course you are.[/quote]

Are you saying that we aren’t interested in dating women out of our own league? If I’m just looking to hook up I might drop my standards to a 6 but if I’m looking for something more I definitely wouldn’t be settling either. [/quote]

You cant get a woman out of your league.

You can get a woman in your league.

A woman however can bat above her league if she uses agressive sexuality, i.e. if she sluts it up.

You slut it up and see where it gets you. [/quote]

I disagree with you on this one. I’ve dated out of my league and I’ve never used aggressive sexuality to do that. Brainwashing perhaps, but “slutting it up”, never!

133

[quote]The Other Titan wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Really? Under what circumstances? Is this a myth, meant to confuse women further? As if your regular incomprehensible behavior isn’t enough!

Because once again I find myself doing a deer-in-the-headlights thing as someone begins pushing in that direction, i.e. exclusivity. And we’ve been seeing each other only briefly, no sex.

So my question for the board is, how is this best handled?

I don’t understand men. Except orion.
[/quote]

Well, either you are super awesome or he needs a woman in his life.

Any woman really. [/quote]

I think he just wants someone around to pick up his dirty socks, that JERK. I’m going to send him a note right now, stating very firmly that THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER FRIENDSHIP.

And P.S. I only say I understand you because you’ve spent a lot of time explaining yourself. I think you could probably say the same of me, no? So don’t be mean.
[/quote]

Why am I mean.

Either you are one in a thousand and he goes for it or he needs to latch on to a woman.

Maybe a bit of both.

I think you understand people who need, need, NEED to be in a relationship a lot better than I do.

[/quote]

Some people might want, want, WANT to be in a relationship.

I was last minimally involved with this guy a year and a half or so ago. At that time, he was coming out of what sounded like some transitional post-divorce stuff. I didn’t and don’t see him as desperate, as he has definite market value and if he only wanted a relationship, any relationship, would have one. He also chooses to live in our remote area rather than in the urban settings where most of his work is centered, which suggests that a relationship is not at the top of his priority list.

Now, one possibility is that he enjoys cat-and-mousing goofy, earnest women for the entertainment value it provides and isn’t interested in a relationship at all. If so there’s a chance that I’ll wind up being drawn in and will ultimately be spectacularly hurt. Could be. I worry it! But I don’t think that’s it.

Again I note that men are incomprehensible creatures, despite what Mr. Foxworthy says. [/quote]

Too much wanting pretty much is needing.

Your argument is the equivalent of arguing that sluts would just fuck anybody.

They dont, the fuck as high upwards as possible.

A needy man would not just “relationship” anybody too, they go as high as they can get.

Now, as for how high his SMP might be, you have already been with one paper alpha.

To realize his potential, he would have to know its there, if he does not, he could be a total beta shlub in a nice package.

Getting a bit clingy seems to indicate that he does not know that he is enough. [/quote]

But doesn’t it all depend upon what your definition of value is when you determine what is the highest you can get?

I think it does. [/quote]

That’s an interesting question… I’ve always been interested in people I consider way out of my league, like “10s” or at least solid “9s” in my mind. LOL [/quote]

based on what criteria? [/quote]

My criteria has evolved over the years. When I was younger, I really only cared about looks. The guy could be dumb as a brick with a personality to match but as long as he was gorgeous, he’d be perfect! That’s sad to admit but that was my mindset in high school and college. What can I say, I was young and immature. :stuck_out_tongue:

Then for a long time, I was only interested in going out with physicians. I got it in my mind that someone in the medical field would possess all of the character traits I was looking for. Okay, I’m not going to lie, the whole white coat, over scrubs, with stethoscope draped around the neck, was a look that was working for me!

134

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Okay cant read all of this thread.

Can someone give me some cliff notes?

Q do ever think maybe you think about all this stuff to much? Meaning you OVER think/analyse all this.

Just a thought, dont yell at me :slight_smile: [/quote]

I’m going to give what you’ve said a great deal of thought, Derek, and will respond at length after I’ve had time to really turn it over and view it from all angles. :slight_smile:

135

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Okay cant read all of this thread.

Can someone give me some cliff notes?

Q do ever think maybe you think about all this stuff to much? Meaning you OVER think/analyse all this.

Just a thought, dont yell at me :slight_smile: [/quote]

I’m going to give what you’ve said a great deal of thought, Derek, and will respond at length after I’ve had time to really turn it over and view it from all angles. :slight_smile:

[/quote]
hahahaahahahhahahaa awesome.

I dont believe you go through relationships with your head in the clouds and the lust in your loins, but you also should not go through it like a you are a psychologist analysing every little thing. Just my .02, sometimes what makes a relationship great is a little of both of these.

136

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]The Other Titan wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Really? Under what circumstances? Is this a myth, meant to confuse women further? As if your regular incomprehensible behavior isn’t enough!

Because once again I find myself doing a deer-in-the-headlights thing as someone begins pushing in that direction, i.e. exclusivity. And we’ve been seeing each other only briefly, no sex.

So my question for the board is, how is this best handled?

I don’t understand men. Except orion.
[/quote]

Well, either you are super awesome or he needs a woman in his life.

Any woman really. [/quote]

I think he just wants someone around to pick up his dirty socks, that JERK. I’m going to send him a note right now, stating very firmly that THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER FRIENDSHIP.

And P.S. I only say I understand you because you’ve spent a lot of time explaining yourself. I think you could probably say the same of me, no? So don’t be mean.
[/quote]

Why am I mean.

Either you are one in a thousand and he goes for it or he needs to latch on to a woman.

Maybe a bit of both.

I think you understand people who need, need, NEED to be in a relationship a lot better than I do.

[/quote]

Some people might want, want, WANT to be in a relationship.

I was last minimally involved with this guy a year and a half or so ago. At that time, he was coming out of what sounded like some transitional post-divorce stuff. I didn’t and don’t see him as desperate, as he has definite market value and if he only wanted a relationship, any relationship, would have one. He also chooses to live in our remote area rather than in the urban settings where most of his work is centered, which suggests that a relationship is not at the top of his priority list.

Now, one possibility is that he enjoys cat-and-mousing goofy, earnest women for the entertainment value it provides and isn’t interested in a relationship at all. If so there’s a chance that I’ll wind up being drawn in and will ultimately be spectacularly hurt. Could be. I worry it! But I don’t think that’s it.

Again I note that men are incomprehensible creatures, despite what Mr. Foxworthy says. [/quote]

Too much wanting pretty much is needing.

Your argument is the equivalent of arguing that sluts would just fuck anybody.

They dont, the fuck as high upwards as possible.

A needy man would not just “relationship” anybody too, they go as high as they can get.

Now, as for how high his SMP might be, you have already been with one paper alpha.

To realize his potential, he would have to know its there, if he does not, he could be a total beta shlub in a nice package.

Getting a bit clingy seems to indicate that he does not know that he is enough. [/quote]

But doesn’t it all depend upon what your definition of value is when you determine what is the highest you can get?

I think it does. [/quote]

That’s an interesting question… I’ve always been interested in people I consider way out of my league, like “10s” or at least solid “9s” in my mind. LOL [/quote]

You seem to be a woman.

Of course you are.[/quote]

Are you saying that we aren’t interested in dating women out of our own league? If I’m just looking to hook up I might drop my standards to a 6 but if I’m looking for something more I definitely wouldn’t be settling either. [/quote]

You cant get a woman out of your league.

You can get a woman in your league.

A woman however can bat above her league if she uses agressive sexuality, i.e. if she sluts it up.

You slut it up and see where it gets you. [/quote]

I disagree with you on this one. I’ve dated out of my league and I’ve never used aggressive sexuality to do that. Brainwashing perhaps, but “slutting it up”, never![/quote]

Did you get him into a LTR with all bells and whistles?

Because if not , what do you think he was in it for?

137

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
Okay cant read all of this thread.

Can someone give me some cliff notes?

Q do ever think maybe you think about all this stuff to much? Meaning you OVER think/analyse all this.

Just a thought, dont yell at me :slight_smile: [/quote]

I’m going to give what you’ve said a great deal of thought, Derek, and will respond at length after I’ve had time to really turn it over and view it from all angles. :slight_smile:

[/quote]
hahahaahahahhahahaa awesome.

I dont believe you go through relationships with your head in the clouds and the lust in your loins, but you also should not go through it like a you are a psychologist analysing every little thing. Just my .02, sometimes what makes a relationship great is a little of both of these. [/quote]

Actually, I think I do exactly that (head in clouds, loins in lust) which seems to be the concensus on this thread, if I’m not misreading AC and Chushin, etc.

I have more to say, naturally, but I need to say some stuff to my agency’s documentation system before I get fired.

138

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]on edge wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
He’s a nice guy, hopefully it will go down well.

[/quote]

Not very likely[/quote]

It did! Not a problem at all. Possibly a positive result, if anything.[/quote]

Sorry, we misunderstand each other. I’m saying the whole relationship won’t go down well for him.[/quote]

Actually, I’m beginning to think possibly otherwise. It’s still very early and there’s no way to know, but - he certainly has my attention.

AC, you said don’t spend too much time together, but what about emailing and texting? Is that meant to be limited, too?[/quote]

Ha ha ha.

I’m obviously not AC, but, yes, of course, Em!

You really do lose your otherwise excellent thinking skills at times like this, don’t you? :slight_smile:

<Now waiting for AC to come along and tell me I’m completely wrong and should leave the date counseling to him!>[/quote]

I’m hoping he does tell you that, because otherwise I’ve already blown it. :frowning:
[/quote]

Oh, no! Well, maybe you can just subtly cut back on the number of texts and e-mails? [/quote]

But P.S., speaking of documentation and getting fired - I did notify him this morning that I’m going to a limited-email policy over the next couple of days, which I mentioned before reading in here. Also, I’ve been recruited to apply for a job that would take me a distance away (still doable, but not as convenient). I’m pursuing the job, which he knows.

See? I’m not ENTIRELY abject. (She said defensively.)

139

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]The Other Titan wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Really? Under what circumstances? Is this a myth, meant to confuse women further? As if your regular incomprehensible behavior isn’t enough!

Because once again I find myself doing a deer-in-the-headlights thing as someone begins pushing in that direction, i.e. exclusivity. And we’ve been seeing each other only briefly, no sex.

So my question for the board is, how is this best handled?

I don’t understand men. Except orion.
[/quote]

Well, either you are super awesome or he needs a woman in his life.

Any woman really. [/quote]

I think he just wants someone around to pick up his dirty socks, that JERK. I’m going to send him a note right now, stating very firmly that THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER FRIENDSHIP.

And P.S. I only say I understand you because you’ve spent a lot of time explaining yourself. I think you could probably say the same of me, no? So don’t be mean.
[/quote]

Why am I mean.

Either you are one in a thousand and he goes for it or he needs to latch on to a woman.

Maybe a bit of both.

I think you understand people who need, need, NEED to be in a relationship a lot better than I do.

[/quote]

Some people might want, want, WANT to be in a relationship.

I was last minimally involved with this guy a year and a half or so ago. At that time, he was coming out of what sounded like some transitional post-divorce stuff. I didn’t and don’t see him as desperate, as he has definite market value and if he only wanted a relationship, any relationship, would have one. He also chooses to live in our remote area rather than in the urban settings where most of his work is centered, which suggests that a relationship is not at the top of his priority list.

Now, one possibility is that he enjoys cat-and-mousing goofy, earnest women for the entertainment value it provides and isn’t interested in a relationship at all. If so there’s a chance that I’ll wind up being drawn in and will ultimately be spectacularly hurt. Could be. I worry it! But I don’t think that’s it.

Again I note that men are incomprehensible creatures, despite what Mr. Foxworthy says. [/quote]

Too much wanting pretty much is needing.

Your argument is the equivalent of arguing that sluts would just fuck anybody.

They dont, the fuck as high upwards as possible.

A needy man would not just “relationship” anybody too, they go as high as they can get.

Now, as for how high his SMP might be, you have already been with one paper alpha.

To realize his potential, he would have to know its there, if he does not, he could be a total beta shlub in a nice package.

Getting a bit clingy seems to indicate that he does not know that he is enough. [/quote]

But doesn’t it all depend upon what your definition of value is when you determine what is the highest you can get?

I think it does. [/quote]

That’s an interesting question… I’ve always been interested in people I consider way out of my league, like “10s” or at least solid “9s” in my mind. LOL [/quote]

You seem to be a woman.

Of course you are.[/quote]

Are you saying that we aren’t interested in dating women out of our own league? If I’m just looking to hook up I might drop my standards to a 6 but if I’m looking for something more I definitely wouldn’t be settling either. [/quote]

You cant get a woman out of your league.

You can get a woman in your league.

A woman however can bat above her league if she uses agressive sexuality, i.e. if she sluts it up.

You slut it up and see where it gets you. [/quote]

I disagree with you on this one. I’ve dated out of my league and I’ve never used aggressive sexuality to do that. Brainwashing perhaps, but “slutting it up”, never![/quote]

Did you get him into a LTR with all bells and whistles?

Because if not , what do you think he was in it for?[/quote]
I would bet she’s been over rating the guys and minimizing her own desirability therefore perceiving them as being out of her league even when they aren’t.

140

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]The Other Titan wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Really? Under what circumstances? Is this a myth, meant to confuse women further? As if your regular incomprehensible behavior isn’t enough!

Because once again I find myself doing a deer-in-the-headlights thing as someone begins pushing in that direction, i.e. exclusivity. And we’ve been seeing each other only briefly, no sex.

So my question for the board is, how is this best handled?

I don’t understand men. Except orion.
[/quote]

Well, either you are super awesome or he needs a woman in his life.

Any woman really. [/quote]

I think he just wants someone around to pick up his dirty socks, that JERK. I’m going to send him a note right now, stating very firmly that THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER FRIENDSHIP.

And P.S. I only say I understand you because you’ve spent a lot of time explaining yourself. I think you could probably say the same of me, no? So don’t be mean.
[/quote]

Why am I mean.

Either you are one in a thousand and he goes for it or he needs to latch on to a woman.

Maybe a bit of both.

I think you understand people who need, need, NEED to be in a relationship a lot better than I do.

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Some people might want, want, WANT to be in a relationship.

I was last minimally involved with this guy a year and a half or so ago. At that time, he was coming out of what sounded like some transitional post-divorce stuff. I didn’t and don’t see him as desperate, as he has definite market value and if he only wanted a relationship, any relationship, would have one. He also chooses to live in our remote area rather than in the urban settings where most of his work is centered, which suggests that a relationship is not at the top of his priority list.

Now, one possibility is that he enjoys cat-and-mousing goofy, earnest women for the entertainment value it provides and isn’t interested in a relationship at all. If so there’s a chance that I’ll wind up being drawn in and will ultimately be spectacularly hurt. Could be. I worry it! But I don’t think that’s it.

Again I note that men are incomprehensible creatures, despite what Mr. Foxworthy says. [/quote]

Too much wanting pretty much is needing.

Your argument is the equivalent of arguing that sluts would just fuck anybody.

They dont, the fuck as high upwards as possible.

A needy man would not just “relationship” anybody too, they go as high as they can get.

Now, as for how high his SMP might be, you have already been with one paper alpha.

To realize his potential, he would have to know its there, if he does not, he could be a total beta shlub in a nice package.

Getting a bit clingy seems to indicate that he does not know that he is enough. [/quote]

But doesn’t it all depend upon what your definition of value is when you determine what is the highest you can get?

I think it does. [/quote]

That’s an interesting question… I’ve always been interested in people I consider way out of my league, like “10s” or at least solid “9s” in my mind. LOL [/quote]

based on what criteria? [/quote]

My criteria has evolved over the years. When I was younger, I really only cared about looks. The guy could be dumb as a brick with a personality to match but as long as he was gorgeous, he’d be perfect! That’s sad to admit but that was my mindset in high school and college. What can I say, I was young and immature. :stuck_out_tongue:

Then for a long time, I was only interested in going out with physicians. I got it in my mind that someone in the medical field would possess all of the character traits I was looking for. Okay, I’m not going to lie, the whole white coat, over scrubs, with stethoscope draped around the neck, was a look that was working for me!
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Very interesting. Traits like having superiority complex?

Is your husband a doc?