[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
You 2 could have your own TV show!
But then Orion would visit Japan, and his whole routine would fall apart.[/quote]
Yeah, because I probably would not need it.
Japan has made you soft…
[/quote]
Indeed.
That’s the goal: as hard as need be, as soft as is possible.[/quote]
I agree.
But around these here parts, you know…[/quote]
Ok.
But maybe at least consider a visit to Japan or some other Asian country. It might be good for your perspective and mental health.[/quote]
Did you see my post, wherein I suggested that men with issues carry those issues, even to Asia?
Pasted:
So, I keep meaning to talk about this and not getting to it (I think?), but the ex-husband spent from January of this year until late August in Taiwan. He met a Taiwanese woman at a trade show. They saw each other a couple of times and were skyping I guess, and then he went over to work for the company she was with. I guess he went right as I was starting the most recent new job and I didn’t have much time for online.
It was a disaster. He reported to me at about the three month mark that it had been weeks since he’d touched her and by the end he was desperate to get away.
This after telling a family member, who said “you didn’t hear this from me, but” that she was the perfect woman. “She’ll do anything I want her to.” I don’t know what that means, but the lines I drew were things like other men. ANYWAY. Wherever you go, there you are. So I was here having joyous, uninhibited sex and happy stir-fry while he was there being angry and unhappy.
A cautionary tale for you, orion.
[/quote]
Thanks for the heads up – I had missed it.
First, I agree with your point. You can’t escape your own issues by moving to another country / culture. But I wanted to give O the benefit of the doubt and assume that the problem is not mainly him.
Also, as the beater of the “come to Japan” drum, I should probably be clear about something. As wonderful as Japanese women can be, crossing cultural and language barriers brings on a whole different set of issues.
Over and over again, I have seen Western men and Japanese women become enthralled with how wonderful each other are, and how they offer one what is so hard to find in one’s own country and culture. This is not an illusion; it really can be great.
But over time, the cultural and linguistic differences, which are easier to ignore – and even enjoy – early on, often lead to serious problems later. It might be hard to truly understand just how difficult this can be without experiencing it.
In my opinion, those of us who make “international marriages” “work” do so because of a genuine interest in and respect for our partner’s culture and language. In my case, my wife’s field of expertise is American literature, and mine is Japanese studies. It allows us to bridge the “gap” in a way that was impossible with my last long-term relationship (with an Iranian woman).
I’m thinking that maybe this is all relevant to your ex’s experience.
Meh, I seem unable to express myself with any sort of eloquence today. Hopefully my point is clear. [/quote]
There are many differences between orion and the ex, and orion may well find it the Promised Land. My ex-husband had previously spent time all over Asia for work. Granted, two week trips are a whole different thing, but he didn’t go in blind. He’s good with languages, very open to odd foods, and a good traveler generally. It really seemed as if it might be an excellent match for him. But what I noticed was that he seemed to carry the same problems to that intimate relationship that he had with me, but externalized the problems to her, and then eventually to the place.
When I look at those of you who’ve found it a joyous place I see similarities in personalities that suggest to me that you would find happiness here, there, or anywhere ultimately, and that you would love the woman you love wholly and well regardless of upbringing and race.
I think mine is also an easily satisfied nature. I like my work with what are objectively difficult people, once I’m attached to someone I love them almost abjectly, I like all the seasons and get excited about every single meal, am chuffed about bedtime every night, and so on.
Optimistic and enthusiastic people who experience gratitude easily tend to be happy. Pessimistic externalizers, not so much.
