[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I spoke to my 80-something-year-old friend last night, the one who gave me a “sex talk” when I started dating after divorce, which included advice to carry not just one condom on hand, but rather two or three. She’s bewildered by my behavior because were she in my shoes she would NEVER seek a relationship. She wanted to know if I realize that I can just go get laid if I want to, as much as I want to - I don’t HAVE to be stuck with a man. So I said that I want someone I can, you know, love, and she made a scoffing noise. [/quote]
When I read your friends comments, I didn’t get the impression that she was telling you to sleep with everyone under the sun. Instead, I got the feeling that this was a woman who felt that the toll a relationship takes on a woman - especially a decades long relationship - is too much. And to quote Gloria Steinham, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
I may just be reading too much into her comments, though, because I recently had a similar conversation with my 71 year old mom. She said that as much as she loved my dad (married 29 years before he died 11 years ago) if she had to do it over, she wouldn’t have gotten married. She felt the trade-offs of raising a family during the 70’s and 80’s was at too great a cost to her personal growth and development.
Maybe that’s what your friend meant, that if sex were important to you, you could always sleep around, but that you didn’t need the baggage that goes along with a relationship. Because as much as we talk on TN about how much relationships suck for men, there’s a whole slew of women who feel that relationships aren’t working for them either.[/quote]
My friend had a marriage she didn’t like to a man neither of us particularly liked before his death a couple of years ago. He was a womanizer when he was younger, but then I don’t think she was faithful, either. She’s sort of a force of nature. Published author, masters in education and taught high school for a while, was in TV commercials back in the day, but she was also married initially to an alcoholic and wound up raising three boys on her own, then at some point met number two, the womanizer (an attorney). So more bitter toward men than feeling stifled, I would say. She thinks I’m naive in believing I can find a nice man. I think she’s so brusque and domineering that the men who would tolerate her would have to be weak, and thus disappointing to someone like her. She’s in her 80s and I swear to god, if she wanted to she could probably kick my ass. I’m guessing she’s 5’8" or so. What sort of old lady is that tall?? She’s terrifying, but also fascinating.
Your mom was raising kids in a different time, and I think my mom would have said the same. Well, in fact, my mom ditched the whole thing and went to do her own thing. I’ve grown up in different times, and don’t need anyone now.
But having someone would be nice. 
