Masculine Excellence Requires Discipline

I found that this largely depends on what or how specific the goals are. I agree that performance goals tend to be easier for people to get behind and hold you to the course. If your goal is to go from 15 to 12% body fat, it is hard for us to know how you are going unless you keep holding that shoe up.

Even with the performance goals it is not so much other people telling me to keep going or calling me out, it is more in my own head. I find if I have told people the goal on here publicly that In my own head I feel like they will be watching and waiting for updates and hopefully celebrating my achievement. This perceived pressure is often enough for 1 or 2 more reps when the last set gets really sucky.

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I did pull yesterday, its logged in my Hevy profile.

Leg Day (Modified)
Tuesday, Oct 15, 2024 at 1:47pm

Single Leg Romanian Deadlift (Barbell)
“Trap Bar, rehab
3010”
Set 1: 45 lbs x 10
Set 2: 95 lbs x 10
Set 3: 115 lbs x 10

Leg Press (Machine)
Set 1: 685 lbs x 13 [Failure]

Hip Abduction (Machine)
“Superset”
Set 1: 100 lbs x 20
Set 2: 100 lbs x 10

Hip Adduction (Machine)
“Superset”
Set 1: 100 lbs x 20
Set 2: 100 lbs x 10

Leg Extension (Machine)
Set 1: 205 lbs x 17
Set 2: 125 lbs x 16 [Failure]
Set 3: 125 lbs x 8 [Failure]
Set 4: 125 lbs x 5 [Failure]

Seated Leg Curl (Machine)
“Rehab”
Set 1: 60 lbs x 15
Set 2: 60 lbs x 18

@hevyapp

+30mins LISS

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New log title.

I’m not angry anymore.
I’m not hateful anymore.
I don’t have anyone to prove wrong.
Except the thoughts of my former self.

I can’t find my center so I need to forge it.

So begins my log of Masculine Excellence.
Of being Unapologetically Toxic.
And if you don’t like it - get fucked.

Accountability
Tenacity
Discipline

Let’s fuckin do this.

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image

Lets get our red pill on.

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I like this. I used to use anger as a motivator to get in the gym and move heavy weights. That stopped working for me, personally.

And you know what, my performance in the gym is better than ever without that. I think anger and false motivation can be a limiting factor.

When I was younger I was always guilty of trying to prove people wrong. I would constantly compare myself to others and it made me feel good and temporarily helped in the gym. But nobody else was competing with me, nor did anyone else really care at all. Competing with yourself is the only thing that matters.

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It stopped working for me because I’ve got nothing left to be angry at. All the people who’ve wronged me or doubted me are forgiven, proved wrong, or are so far in my dust trail I can’t see them anymore.

It would be a lot easier if I still had someone to be angry at - someone to prove wrong. I don’t.

I used to do this a lot more when I was fat. It was a coping mechanism that I knowingly participated in.


Batman was lucky. He never really got to find the guy who wronged him, so he was enabled to turn an irrevocably corrupt city into his bad guy.
His mission, his enemies, his purpose - got to stay consistent.
What would have become of Bruce Wayne if he actually cleaned up Gotham? That’s what I’m trying to find out.

I now need to learn how to live for myself and my own standards. Standards that need to be higher.
I’ve been too permissive with my own failures.

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Push
Wednesday, Oct 16, 2024 at 1:58pm

Incline Chest Press (Machine)
“Top set, backdown rest pause
3010
+30s extreme stretch”
Set 1: 295 lbs x 12
Set 2: 225 lbs x 12 [Failure]
Set 3: 225 lbs x 5 [Failure]
Set 4: 185 lbs x 5 [Failure]

Butterfly (Pec Deck)
“Top set, backdown rest pause
3010
+30s extreme stretch”
Set 1: 190 lbs x 13
Set 2: 130 lbs x 17 [Failure]
Set 3: 130 lbs x 8 [Failure]
Set 4: 130 lbs x 6 [Failure]

Rear Delt Reverse Fly (Machine)
“Partials, rest pause
3010”
Set 1: 160 lbs x 22 [Failure]
Set 2: 160 lbs x 12 [Failure]
Set 3: 160 lbs x 6 [Failure]

Lateral Raise (Machine)
“Full ROM, Rest pause
3010”
Set 1: 175 lbs x 12 [Failure]
Set 2: 175 lbs x 5 [Failure]
Set 3: 175 lbs x 2 [Failure]

Triceps Rope Pushdown
“Top set, backdown rest pause
3010”
Set 1: 110 lbs x 9
Set 2: 80 lbs x 14 [Failure]
Set 3: 80 lbs x 6 [Failure]
Set 4: 80 lbs x 4 [Failure]

Triceps Dip (Weighted)
Set 1: 0 lbs x 22 [Failure]
Set 2: 0 lbs x 7 [Failure]
Set 3: 0 lbs x 4 [Failure]

+15mins LISS


Locker Room
For some years now, I’ve felt a calling to help men figure their shit out. I wasn’t ready to do this until recently.
I’ve decided to name this section the “Locker Room”.

Locker Room: A place where men are free to talk about Men’s topics and lives, without judgement.

Ladies, you’re welcome to read and comment here, but a locker room is a GENDERED space. Meaning, dont be offended if you take a peak at what’s inside and see someone’s bare ass (not literally, you get my meaning).

I will discuss some Red Pill adjacent topics, but I’m not going to go full Red Pill. At least, not here where I’ll get cancelled or put on a watch list (both of these are real and happening).

This is intended for discussion.

Topic: Masculine vs Feminine

I fundamentally believe these to be polar opposites on the same axis. Neither are inherently good nor bad. “Toxic masculinity” or “toxic femininity” do not exist, but toxic people do (they’re usually the ones who have “toxic” in their daily lexicon).

A hammer can be used to build a house or break bones, that doesn’t mean a hammer is inherently good or bad. Yes, that means that gender norms are just that - a tool - and a fuckin effective one too.

In the shortest description i can think of:

  • Masculine is your outward effect on the world.

  • Feminine is the effect the world has on you.

  • Masculine is to become. It must be earned.

  • Feminine is to preserve. It must be saved.

  • Masculine is to build the house.

  • Feminine is to make the house into a home.

The more opposite these can be nourished in a relationship, the better the relationship can be.
Examples of this are riddled throughout BDSM, where the typical dynamic is the man doing unto the woman.

Further examples of this are in everyday situations.
Go check into a hotel. Men build and maintain it, women make it warm and pleasant.
At a hospital, men are usually the doctors (doing unto others), women are usually the nurses (making the experience more pleasant).

I’ve never met a feminine man I enjoy tolerating.
I’ve never met a masculine woman that turns me on.

So my question to you is:

  • What Masculine traits do you think your partner(s) would like you to have, or what traits do they appreciate in you?
  • What Feminine traits does your partner(s) have that you appreciate in her?

*can be past, present, or even ideal traits in a future partner.

Welcome to the locker room boys Men.

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I think for me or for my partner it can be narrowed down to a few simple things.
1.Provider - she wants to be comfortable and likes to know that I am capable of providing that lifestyle for our family. That is not so say that she doesn’t also provide or do her bit, but more that she would not want a man that was not willing to get out there and do what is necessary to provide. No oxygen thief’s here please.
2. Protect - We live on a pretty safe place but my partner likes that if push came to shove I am strong and capable.
3. Capable and willing to help others - This is a pretty broad category but being able to turn your hand to any thing needed to solve a problem. Fix the car, remove a tree, change a light bulb, build a flat pack. My partner is very quick to offer my services to friends or family when they need help and I think feels a sense of pride that her man can be the one who people call on.
4. Emotional stability - This is something that for me is a bit of a work in progress. I feel that my partner likes me to be strong and calm emotionally and in turn be there to support her through hard times. Now being calm emotionally is not something I am always good at, but I see the effect it has on the family when I am not calm and it is definitely not a positive.

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I agree with all points.

I’m really glad you picked up on this one, though. A lot of guys don’t.

I think when women ask for stuff like “wanting their man to be more emotional or vulnerable”, they really don’t want what they’re asking for.
I think what they really want, is their man to be able to feel his emotions, process them, and still act rationally.
In other words, being emotionally stable.

She can’t trust you if you aren’t emotionally stable.
But if you’re exceptionally emotionally stable, you can even help regulate her emotions as she pushes them onto you.

I think if I were to order the 4 points you put up there, it would be

  1. Protection
  2. Provision
  3. Emotional Stability
  4. Cabability/competence/abundance (enought to help others)

I’m still working on emotional regulation and stability myself. I’m making lots of progress, but this is the hardest step by far.
Something that’s helped me is to step back anytime I feel an intense emotion.
What am I feeling?
Why am I feeling this way?
(sometimes this one is much harder than it sounds… may require a few “why’s”)
Am I assuming bad intent when it isn’t warranted?
If I was watching this unfold between 2 people I didn’t know, what reaction could he have that would look attractive?

Then act.

No, I’m not so skilled that I really think of all this in the moment. But these are the questions I ask myself when I think back on these moments.

The short answer: just be stoic bro.
React to that which you can change, do not react to that which you cannot.

This is a great point and something I never do. Just you typing this opened my eyes and this is something I am going to try. In the past I had a very long fuse but over the years it has shortened considerably and my reaction to seemingly small things is largely disproportionate. If I was to see myself from the outside I would definitely question my own behavior or sanity.

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This is usually a boundaries issue.

If someone oversteps your boundaries - you’re justifiably going to be mad.
The problem is when they don’t know if they’ve overstepped a boundary.

This is otherwise known as a “covert contract”… because you’re expecting a certain treatment that you aren’t getting and no one knows you’re expecting this response.

If any of this shoe sounds like it fits, then I’d recommend the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover.
If it doesn’t sound applicable to you, then that’s awesome and I’m glad that the suggestion sparked an interest either way!

Shoutout to @BrickHead for giving me the book recommendation early on in this journey.

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In my case at the moment it is usually a conformance issue. Having kids is hard.

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So thoughts on this:

Why do you log?
I started logging to get help and run a Meadows programme with @TrainForPain i got loads of amazing advice and motivation from that

I continued after that as it is a way feeling accomplished for me (actually recording what I’ve done) and to be honest its a great community to vent personal thoughts and get help when needed.

What value does it bring you?
I think for me its a space to ask for support but also a space to vent my personal life where i’m not judged etc.

Accountability?
Personally don’t really need this too much as i’m quite disciplined once i’ve made my mind up on something.

Feeling of achievement?
Yes, its great to write down my workout after i’ve done it, feels great.

External validation?
Sometimes it feels great to have other people on here praise my work or lift or change in body etc.

Historical data points?
I find this useful as well. Great to go back and read my log at certain points.

How does reading the logs of others help you?
Gives me a more realistic view on weights lifted and performance. Also being able to see other people go through struggles etc. and be human helps ground me as i always expect a lot of myself.

Interesting questions.

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You got it. :+1: And thanks for the recommendation for When I Say No I Feel Guilty. I think these two books, along with Dr. Stephen Baskerville’s A Gentleman’s Guide to Manners, Sex, and Ruling the World: How to Survive as a Man in the Age of Misandry–and Do It With Grace are staples in a male library. All three benefited me greatly.

I can relate to this, and I’ve experienced something similar. I think this often happens to good, normal men (yes, I said normal, and perhaps the term pro-social can be used synonymously). I don’t want to speak for other men as individuals, but my take is that such men generally want to give others the benefit of the doubt and cannot relate to people who are not like them. I mean, if we are inherently good people, shouldn’t others respond in kind?

As I’ve grown older, my patience for people who are actually helpless (eg, old people, the disabled, children) has become almost limitless, but my patient for immature, anti-social, coarse, and annoying men (and I’ve realized there is no age limit for these characteristics) has near disappeared. I actually walked out of a Christmas dinner two years ago because of such a person (obviously not a good thing to do). I’m usually capable of remaining calm around such people while wanting nothing unnecessary to do with them; as-needed communication will do.

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I am good with people who are fun or interesting but This is something I feel so strongly about I think I might end up a hermit.

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Very True

I don’t think my patience has increased for the actually helpless, except maybe children.
I’ll soon be evicting my leech of a brother in law because he cant afford to rent from me (i make no money off the rent i charge).

My patience has greatly decreased for the incompetent, unwilling, or lazy people that clog up this world. Value leaches, oxygen thieves and their ilk get no sympathy from me.

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He lives in your house? If so, how long?

He lives in my first house with my mother in law.

MIL is having health issues and can’t live there anymore. Together, they could barely afford the amount i was charging. She’s leaving, so he’s getting the boot.

Neither of them work.
He retired at 26 after an illustrious career at Circuit City. When i say “retired”, i mean “malingered himself into a welfare baby”. He’s 45 or something now.
She retired on my unwitting dime during a 3 month stint I offered her to stay with us about 7 years ago.

They both crashed my honeymoon phase with my wife, and i let them. I just didnt know theyd be like a drug resistant parasite.

I’ve spoken about boundary issues before.
These two fuckers were the first to take advantage of me when i didnt know how to hold my boundaries.

TL;DR: yeah, scumbag lives in my other house and i’m soon to sell it. Dude can learn to work like the rest of us.

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I kinda wish this blog was called “Masculine Excellence Requires Disciplined Effort”.

It’s a decent blog and interesting since I have similar size and skills. You’ve made great progress. So I mean it good-naturedly when I point out the above name shortens to MERDE. So close! :grin:

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