I tried for that in the mid to late aughts with online dating sites and succeeded to a degree. Obviously from my posts my view on sexuality drastically changed since then. I also cannot fathom the utter boredom, waste of time, energy, and in some cases money, that men tolerate to do this considering a stranger woman’s company would offer me nothing. I don’t even talk to stranger women unless needed or for common decency (eg, “good morning”, “thank you”) although surprisingly this sometimes winds up with them going further with conversation.
Although I hate prostitution and think it’s should be criminalized, I wonder why such men don’t seek legal prostitution as it’s available if they want to screw many women. If that’s important to a man, he can move to Las Vegas and save time and energy. Do you have input on why men don’t take this route?
Pardon my comment; I’m not sure if it’s OK to derail this thread with this but I commented considering what’s being discussed. Otherwise the dating thread can be resurrected.
I think that gets to ego factor involved with sex. Many men like attention from women, even if they aren’t in a position to pursue a woman. Generally society likes men that get a lot of attention from women. They are the cool guys. Many dudes are jealous of them, but also want to be friends with them.
A woman being open to sex or having sex with you means she thinks you are worthy at a high level. So much so that she could potentially have offspring with your genetics.
A prostitute can’t have those effects on the ego, because of the transaction involved.
I’d probably get sick of it TBH. Just have a lot of time where I haven’t been able to act on impulses. Probably a grass is greener type thing.
Likely they view you positively. I’ve noticed in general that many women are much more talkative / playful around attractive guys. Much more inviting to get to know them. It feels good to me when this happens to me, even though I can’t pursue. Do you feel that way?
Tell a bad joke to a woman who likes you. She laughs.
Have an ugly friend say the same joke to the same woman, she doesn’t laugh.
I’ve been fat; women ignore you for the most part.
I’ve also looked like I do now. They don’t really ignore me now (I’m not engaging, they just make excessive eye contact now), if anything the opposite. n=1.
I’ve played around with this. I think it works, or I am funnier than I think.
I look significantly different than I did 5 years ago. I am about 40-45 lbs lighter than I was. I look a lot manlier (TRT giving me facial hair probably helped). People are often surprised when they see photos from around that time that it’s the same person.
I just mention this to say I’ve experienced the same things as you. It’s mostly just looks from women (as you said), but some women are more bold. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like the attention. That is with women who are strangers. If I get introduced by friends to a new woman it’s a lot different experience than it used to be as well. Way more likely that they are engaged, laughing at bad jokes, asking me questions.
The changes effect the way almost everyone treats me (not just women). We went out with my wife’s family this last weekend. I was popular with the fellas that night haha. I got a drink from a guy at the bar who thought I looked like Thor (Walmart version maybe), another guy bought me a shot, and a third dude wanted to smoke a joint with me on the patio.
I try to examine my desire for this attention / validation. It isn’t a lasting effect and seems vain. I understand why I want it, or why I say things like if I found myself single I’d mess around a bunch. Related to not feeling good enough / insecurity. People say that confidence should come from within, but I struggle with that.
That’s correct. Let’s face it, a total lack of female validation infuriates men. But I’d expect after a certain age and some validation that it would no longer be needed to assure a man that he can be of some worth to a woman.
As an aside, although historically men who could attract many women likely did have resources and characteristics that would make that so, some women in the modern world have shifting tastes for what is of no practical worth; so leveling up to these tastes is futile, and not a measure of a man’s worth.
Yes, some do, even though I’m likely accurately considered only moderately attractive, not tall, and middle class, which defies the manospherian and incel standards of—wait, what is it now?—6’5” and nine figures. (“But are they tens bro?!”)
Yes, it’s that little buzz men can’t help feeling when a stranger or co-worker woman shows them attention or gives the odd cop-a-feel to the arms, delts, or back. It’s a normal feeling.
I admit I partook in the aforementioned short-lived manwhore phase in the late aughts for this reason and because having sex with different women was thrilling, though a thrill that is best left alone, I believe, for reasons I have repeated elsewhere.
I empathize with what you’ve said about confidence, though I’m surprised by it. If I recall correctly you are an engineer, own a home, and have a wife and friends. What other life requirements are there to meet?
I likely come across as confident (though I have a bad habit of speaking quickly), and that’s partly from indifference. I am caring, sensitive, and respectful, but I look up to almost no one. I’m also aware of all my flaws and limitations. So what could someone possibly disapprove of about me that I don’t already know? And should I care? No.
I have only one enormous regret in life and I keep that to myself for the most part; only my wife, two friends, uncle, and mother know about it. I will tell it to another man privately if he is interested.
I am not speaking about you here; I am speaking generally. I am certain this enormous fixation on female approval and what women want in the current day is largely, but not entirely, due to what I refer to as Matriarchy Induced Stockholm Syndrome. Even the acronym for this has a feminine flavor: MISS.
It is the result of a culmination of fatherless homes, dads that were present but air-headed, school staffs made up entirely or almost entirely of women, saturation of sexual imagery, and as Andrewgen pointed out, undue supplication to women by boomers (“happy wife, happy life”). So we are on the fourth generation, Generation Alpha, whose entire life line is run primarily through women. Hence I get a kick out of those YT videos in which men ask women what women want.
I think most people would be. I wouldn’t say it is a constant thing. Something that comes and goes, but it can be related to external validation.
Yeah, these are right.
I am able to make friends easily, and have been called popular. I haven’t always been like that though. I was pretty nerdy in high school. I mentioned a few posts up about a rejection I went though. It’s probably something that even though I am not bitter about it, it probably impacts my image of myself. Validation from women tells me that I am wrong about that image I suppose.
I suppose some is comparison to others. Only a select few men, but I think there are a lot of things that make it seem like these select few are a lot more than there actually is (realizing this helps). Lots of movies and shows make it seem like many men are able to go to the club and take home women with little effort. Or that most young men are participating in hook up culture (which is also false). Likely because media with average looking people doing average things isn’t going to get a lot of views. Sex and attractive people sell views. I try to avoid movies and shows that depict this type of stuff. I think it is harmful to a lot of guys. Because those depictions are made to seem “normal” a lot of guys feel abnormal, when they can’t seduce a woman like James Bond does.
Frankly, I’ve been getting laid like tile and I’ve been on so little sleep that training simply wasn’t going to happen. Something like 14x in the last 6 days or some ridiculous nonsense, idk i lost count.
Not unrelated, I’ve quit porn and masturbation. ADHD tends to lend itself to either hypoactive or hyperactive sexuality… I’m the latter. For me, pornography, women, sexual release or anything sexually stimulating is a strong dopamine hit. ADHD is where something doesn’t work quite right with the dopamine feedback system. This means anything with a strong dopamine response has a high likelihood of causing addiction-adjacent behavior.
Things with large dopamine responses which I’ve been ‘addicted’ to:
Social media - check
Video games - check
Porn - check
Sexual release - check
Intense exercise - check*
Achieving lofty goals - check*
All but two of these are damaging (*) and I’ve managed to quit all of them except porn/release. Now I’m working on breaking that addiction. Goal is 90 days, but i never want to go back to porn that isn’t made by me. Masturbating needs to be reduced to a point where it’s not unhealthy.
Wife made a corresponding goal of sexual intimacy everyday for that duration as well. We missed one day in the last week where we both were living on 3hrs sleep, but we’ve made up for it.
Wife is happy. Lots of cardio has ensued since discussing it with her.
Married Man Sex Life Primer - 50% complete
Went to the beach yesterday with the family. I wont lie, I’ve been waiting to go to the beach since i got lean and it was worth it.
Fireworks tomorrow, maybe catching a rodeo if timing pans out.
Training
Planning to lift after hitting some triple time today.
Diet has been okay but needs to get cleaned up. I’m considering getting back into cutting again but don’t hold me to that. Weight is still around 205lbs.
What did I miss? Isn’t this something you just dial in and stay on?
Don’t feel any need to recap and answer this, as I’m sure it’s something you’ve already laid out.
Love to see the self-reflection that actually dictates an action plan - well done, sir!
