I’m liking who I am more by the day. This won’t be a quick process, and it’s not without aches and pains, but this was overdue. Had I known these things and made these changes at a younger age, there would be less trouble now.
As a man, I am responsible for the success of my family; both as a whole and on an individual family member level. That does not mean that the woman bears no responsibility here, but that the man (me) owns the responsibility of steering the ship that is our family. I landed in this role by default for far too long, and didn’t own it the way a man should.
Many married men find themselves in this position, and both the husbands and wives in these marriages are unhappy because of it. Most often, when the man isn’t being the captain, the wife takes over and builds resentment over it. She married me because she wants me to lead. There are too many stories of 15-20 year “happy wife = happy life” marriages (where the man is content) getting blown up because the wife is bored and just fell out of love. You know what they have in common? The man let her wear the proverbial pants in the relationship, and she harbored contempt while he was content.
I recognized this as an issue a couple months back and couldn’t ignore it. I now own that responsibility in entirety and I captain our ship both deliberately and intentionally. I told my wife what I was going to do, and she was a bit nervous about the change at first (who wouldn’t be? It’s a power dynamic shift). Fast forward 2 months: late night cardio has tripled in frequency, we’re both making progress in the ways we want to see in each other, and she told me she’s never felt so in love with me as she does right now.
To answer your question more directly:
They’re going great.
Thanks, I’ve actually been so preoccupied with educating myself on being a better man, husband, and father - that training has slacked a bit. Nothing major, still making progress, but my head isn’t as in it as it was before I went on this growth ‘journey’. Will have to learn how to balance this as this road doesn’t end.
Tagging @BrickHead as he and I discuss these things on the side.