Ok, I’ll qualify that answer a bit better @anon96032531
BTW, this ended up being long. Sorry.
Being lean was cool because I never even remotely imagined I could get there. Getting there wasn’t even that hard, if I’m honest. I got used to being hungry and feeling drained, and it was kind of intoxicating to see what I looked like. That wore off once I realised I was actually lean and not just dreaming, and what I got sick of was being weak.
Once I reached a 440 lbs squat, high 200s bench and 550 lbs deadlift I realised that I was just starting out and I could do much, much more if I kept at it without being an idiot. Arrogant? Probably. Unrealistic? No. By the time I started leaning out I’d hit a close to 550 lbs squat, 300 lbs bench and close to 600 lbs pull. By the time I finished leaning out, I was sitting at a 500 lbs squat, mid 200s bench and 550 lbs pull. For what? Abs. I wasn’t muscular, I wasn’t thick, I wasn’t wide and to add insult to injury I was weak compared not only to what I believed I could achieve but compared to what I had actually achieved before. Plus, I still felt like garbage. I was hungry all the time and felt drained.
After realising maintaining that level of leanness required a degree of effort and consequences I wasn’t prepared to make it accept, I decided I needed to add muscle. Back then, I figured I’d need to get back to around 210 lbs, which was when I’d been strongest. I also figured that would take a year or so. That was around the time I pulled out of the October meet on 2017, and started training more like a bodybuilder. Arguably the best training decision I’d made in a while, coupled with eating more but knowing how to spend my macros.
By the end of 2017 I was back around 198 lbs, and didn’t look like a slob. I was also a ton stronger, I felt I was probably quite close to my previous best. Plus, I felt good. Except, I was still fucking small. My back, chest, arms and shoulders were puny. I still had some abs, but that wasn’t much of a comfort. I also wanted to compete again, and started planning out my prep, and realised I was going down a path I’d gone before. I was writing a program months in advance when being honest with myself, I wasn’t confident it was going to work. I’d been following Greg for a while and decided to take the plunge and sign on.
Around that time I also figured I’d need to go past 210 lbs and probably hit 242 lbs to get where I wanted. So I jettisoned the idea of a slow increase in calories and went to what I figured was the highest safe limit, because I’d basically been eating that regularly anyway. Not long after signing up with Greg I realised that I would be seeing that limit as a minimum; and that 242 lbs wasn’t going to cut it, and decides to shoot for 265 lbs. I decided to approach that the same way as I did leaning out: stay the course and deal with where I ended up when I got there. If I got to 265 and needed to cut back to 220 or so and build back up, so be. I know how to do that now, and what to expect. Extra muscle mass would just make it easier.
It just feels more normal for me to focus on getting stronger and bigger and not worry about looking pretty. Yes, I’m fat again. Except I look different fat. I think I look strong and fat now, instead of just fat. I’m OK with that. Bar my gut, a lot of my size is now more muscular looking. My back is finally starting to get a bit bigger, and my arms, chest and shoulders are slowly starting to follow suit. My legs I’ve never really worried about.
By the time I reach 265 lbs, I think it’ll be more of the same and my lifts will be big enough to justify the chub. At a guess, my squat will be around 600 lbs, bench mid 300s and deadlift mid 600s. Nothing special, but nothing shameful. If I need to drop down to 220ish or so, I will, and my lifts will probably be something like mid-high 500s squat, low 300s bench and low 600s pull. Then I’ll just go back up to 265, and I’ll probably be around my coveted 700/400/700.
the before pic I was around 225. The pic I posted yesterday 233-4…
I’m pretty much back to normal, energy is back.
