Love Life Troubles

Off Topic
41

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Doc - @ personality fades, I saw that Pat said “chemistry fades.” Is that what you meant?

Still thinking about this -

I have known a couple of people who seemed to completely reinvent themselves. Like conservative, religious, Republican guy with family decides to do a complete 180 on all the big issues, becomes a liberal vegan, decides he’s gay and bails on the wife and kids to head to India to live in a commune. I just made that one up, but I know of one that’s almost that weird.

Beyond the teenage to maybe 23-year-old phase where people are “trying on” who they want to be, this kind of thing really freaks me out. I wonder if that person is a chameleon who just takes on the ideologies of people around them, or someone who has no real concept of who they are inside to they don’t have a value system that’s real, or if they’ve been lying to themselves and everybody else for a long time about everything important. Regardless, I’d avoid that kind of crazy like the plague. [/quote]

I am not talking about people changing. I am talking about that electric shock that initially draws you to a person, if the relationship lasts any amount of time and is any amount of serious does not last. Something else has to be there or it just goes away.
The corner of the smile, twinkle of the eye, the wrinkle of the nose, the laugh, etc. All that draws you in is not sufficient to hold you. That is what I meant.[/quote]

I think I knew what you were saying about chemistry. Agree. I was just wondering if Doc meant chemistry instead of personality. Sorry to be confusing, Pat.

42

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:
… presumably trying to buy my heart.

[/quote]

It’s always interesting to turn this around. I wonder how many men here are the financial heavyweight in the relationship, and would describe spending money on the woman as “trying to buy her heart.” That’s pretty distasteful right?

For most men, if they think about their ideal world, they’d probably prefer to shoulder more of the financial weight. It’s often a practical thing, especially if there are young kids.

When money is not an issue in a relationship, it’s usually more like -
This is just the way we are accustomed to living, so it’s not something we think about a lot.

Or, I enjoy doing nice things for my significant other because it makes me happy to give them things if I can, and there’s a feeling of equality in that the other person brings something besides money to the table. If you’re married, there’s a sense of shared assets and shared responsibilities, particularly if you acquired things together as a couple.

In my experience, we tend to be most comfortable with people who are “from our tribe.” That’s maybe a combination of things, including socioeconomic status and other cultural factors, that make us feel at home because they are similar or familiar.

Just thinking about money and class differences here.

43

^ Apoklyps - None of this stuff really matters if you don’t see yourself settling down and getting married to one of these women. It sounds like it’s been more serious and exclusive, than casual. From a female perspective, physical and emotional intimacy tends to create bonding. I think it’s one of the reasons people get all emotionally attached to people they may not be all that compatible with in other areas.

edited

44

[quote]pat wrote:
Let’s say I made love to her, well, best she ever had. You good with that? If so, take your chances with #2, because I am an excellent lover. I’d take the Pepsi challenge against anyone and win. I don’t think, I know. You cool if she’s clingy with me? You cool if I treat her right? If your answer is yes to any of those questions, you don’t care about her. Chase the “chemistry” you may or may not ever find.[/quote]

To be perfectly honest, I can’t say I would care. It was kind of a relationship of convenience and I just kind of went along with it at the time and didn’t really think it through, which might have been a bad move.

Regardless of what happens with #2, I’ve thought about it and I’m planning on breaking it off with #1 at some point in the near future. I don’t see any possibility of a future together, and spending more time together is just wasting time for both of us. Even if there are some perks to it.

On my computer so don’t have pics, will probably throw a couple onto my hub later tonight for all you pervs.

45

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
^ Apoklyps - None of this stuff really matters if you don’t see yourself settling down and getting married to one of these women. It sounds like it’s been more serious and exclusive, than casual. From a female perspective, physical and emotional intimacy tends to create bonding. I think it’s one of the reasons people get all emotionally attached to people they may not be all that compatible with in other areas.

edited[/quote]

All I know is that the one I am with now is not someone I can see myself settling down with. She’s a nice person and has a lot of things going for her, but the more I think about it, the more anxious and dissatisfied at the thought of settling down with her I feel. Gut feeling says it’s not a right match. I trust my instincts. There will be others. I don’t mind being single again.

Puff, thanks for your genuine advice. I made this thread kind of spur of the moment from a position of real uncertainty, but now I know what I need to do.

46

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Doc - @ personality fades, I saw that Pat said “chemistry fades.” Is that what you meant?

Still thinking about this -

I have known a couple of people who seemed to completely reinvent themselves. Like conservative, religious, Republican guy with family decides to do a complete 180 on all the big issues, becomes a liberal vegan, decides he’s gay and bails on the wife and kids to head to India to live in a commune. I just made that one up, but I know of one that’s almost that weird.

Beyond the teenage to maybe 23-year-old phase where people are “trying on” who they want to be, this kind of thing really freaks me out. I wonder if that person is a chameleon who just takes on the ideologies of people around them, or someone who has no real concept of who they are inside to they don’t have a value system that’s real, or if they’ve been lying to themselves and everybody else for a long time about everything important. Regardless, I’d avoid that kind of crazy like the plague. [/quote]

I am not talking about people changing. I am talking about that electric shock that initially draws you to a person, if the relationship lasts any amount of time and is any amount of serious does not last. Something else has to be there or it just goes away.
The corner of the smile, twinkle of the eye, the wrinkle of the nose, the laugh, etc. All that draws you in is not sufficient to hold you. That is what I meant.[/quote]

I think I knew what you were saying about chemistry. Agree. I was just wondering if Doc meant chemistry instead of personality. Sorry to be confusing, Pat.
[/quote]
Gotcha :wink:

47

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:
Let’s say I made love to her, well, best she ever had. You good with that? If so, take your chances with #2, because I am an excellent lover. I’d take the Pepsi challenge against anyone and win. I don’t think, I know. You cool if she’s clingy with me? You cool if I treat her right? If your answer is yes to any of those questions, you don’t care about her. Chase the “chemistry” you may or may not ever find.[/quote]

To be perfectly honest, I can’t say I would care. It was kind of a relationship of convenience and I just kind of went along with it at the time and didn’t really think it through, which might have been a bad move.

Regardless of what happens with #2, I’ve thought about it and I’m planning on breaking it off with #1 at some point in the near future. I don’t see any possibility of a future together, and spending more time together is just wasting time for both of us. Even if there are some perks to it.

On my computer so don’t have pics, will probably throw a couple onto my hub later tonight for all you pervs.[/quote]

Your first sentence was enough. You don’t care about girl #1. Let her go so she can move on and maybe find someone she has something with, soon. The longer you wait the more painful it will be. Especially if you are taking advantage of the ‘perks’. Most girls interpret the perks as a sign of love and commitment. Do the right thing and cut the cord asap. Just know you will never get her back.

Sounds like you never really had a dilemma, you knew all along.

48

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:
She said, not without a hint of sadness, that I should choose what’s best for me and that she’d wait for me. Horribly bittersweet moment.
[/quote]

You’re getting played.

The truth is, personality fades. Those nights you spend staying up until 4 AM talking about shit you have in common (“Oh my god, you love Siddhartha? I love Siddhartha too!”) end and before you know it you’re 80 years old sitting in Denny’s across from your wife of 55 years wondering whatever happened to that little minx who loved ATM.

Like my friend Billy says, it’s just as easy to marry a rich woman as it is to marry a poor one.
[/quote]

Siddhartha is an excellent book… Some parallels between the journey of Siddhartha and OP’s dilemma. OP - perhaps you should read Siddhartha for guidance.

49

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
^ Apoklyps - None of this stuff really matters if you don’t see yourself settling down and getting married to one of these women. It sounds like it’s been more serious and exclusive, than casual. From a female perspective, physical and emotional intimacy tends to create bonding. I think it’s one of the reasons people get all emotionally attached to people they may not be all that compatible with in other areas.

edited[/quote]

All I know is that the one I am with now is not someone I can see myself settling down with. She’s a nice person and has a lot of things going for her, but the more I think about it, the more anxious and dissatisfied at the thought of settling down with her I feel. Gut feeling says it’s not a right match. I trust my instincts. There will be others. I don’t mind being single again.

Puff, thanks for your genuine advice. I made this thread kind of spur of the moment from a position of real uncertainty, but now I know what I need to do.[/quote]

Well, I learned something today. I used to think that these types of ‘love advice’ posts were kinda dumb but I don’t think so any more. Somewhere between the ‘fuck her in the ass’ posts there is some genuinely good info and the poster is able to get a clearer picture of their own situation.
I could have used you guys back in the day.

50

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

Regardless of what happens with #2, I’ve thought about it and I’m planning on breaking it off with #1 at some point in the near future. I don’t see any possibility of a future together, and spending more time together is just wasting time for both of us. Even if there are some perks to it.

[/quote]

That’s like saying I’ll start a 401k sometime in the next 5 years. Why wait? Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Your decision is made, no point in wasting any more time with #1.

51


Maybe I’m an asshole but…

You’re tossing away a relationship in which you have fun, are happy, SHE’S HAPPY with you, wonderful sex and money isn’t a concern; for… Some fucking hippy you just met.

My prediction, and I hope for your sake I’m wrong: a whole lot of regret and kicking yourself in the future.

But you’ve already focused your feels on the new chase, so it’s likely too late anyway.

52

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Maybe I’m an asshole but…

You’re tossing away a relationship in which you have fun, are happy, SHE’S HAPPY with you, wonderful sex and money isn’t a concern; for… Some fucking hippy you just met.

My prediction, and I hope for your sake I’m wrong: a whole lot of regret and kicking yourself in the future.

But you’ve already focused your feels on the new chase, so it’s likely too late anyway. [/quote]

He’s not into her. Sounds crazy to me too, but it is what it is. If you are even modestly in to a woman, the thought of her riding another man is inconceivable. If you really don’t care and that vision does not bother you at all, you ain’t into her, at all.
I think he’s going to regret it too. But by the time he does it will be to late. That’s how these things always go, but you cannot make someone feel a way they do not feel so it’s best he set her free to find somebody she is simpatico with.

53

I guess that the part of this doesn’t pass the smell test to me is that there are these two attractive and wealthy women who are both super-into a tatted-up, gym-rat student. That, and that the type of person in this situation isn’t the type to post on an anonymous forum to get advice.

The only explanation I can think of is that both are rebelling from their parents? I sorta wonder how the OP gets along with Momma and Poppa RichGirl1.

54

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Maybe I’m an asshole but…

You’re tossing away a relationship in which you have fun, are happy, SHE’S HAPPY with you, wonderful sex and money isn’t a concern; for… Some fucking hippy you just met.

My prediction, and I hope for your sake I’m wrong: a whole lot of regret and kicking yourself in the future.

But you’ve already focused your feels on the new chase, so it’s likely too late anyway. [/quote]

He’s not into her. Sounds crazy to me too, but it is what it is. If you are even modestly in to a woman, the thought of her riding another man is inconceivable. If you really don’t care and that vision does not bother you at all, you ain’t into her, at all.
I think he’s going to regret it too. But by the time he does it will be to late. That’s how these things always go, but you cannot make someone feel a way they do not feel so it’s best he set her free to find somebody she is simpatico with.[/quote]

I get the the feeling the only reason OP isn’t “into” Girl 1 is because Girl 2 enjoys the chase as much as he does.

As in, if Girl 2 didn’t come calling and woo him like she has, he’d still be just as into Girl 1 as he ever was, which I imagine was decently.

Basically I think Op is getting played, and played real fucking hard by Girl 2 and is eating it up playing right into her hand. This is going to end up a shit show and him standing around alone holding his cock in the not too distant future. But I’m not an expert and very likely could be wrong.

56

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Maybe I’m an asshole but…

You’re tossing away a relationship in which you have fun, are happy, SHE’S HAPPY with you, wonderful sex and money isn’t a concern; for… Some fucking hippy you just met.

My prediction, and I hope for your sake I’m wrong: a whole lot of regret and kicking yourself in the future.

But you’ve already focused your feels on the new chase, so it’s likely too late anyway. [/quote]

He’s not into her. Sounds crazy to me too, but it is what it is. If you are even modestly in to a woman, the thought of her riding another man is inconceivable. If you really don’t care and that vision does not bother you at all, you ain’t into her, at all.
I think he’s going to regret it too. But by the time he does it will be to late. That’s how these things always go, but you cannot make someone feel a way they do not feel so it’s best he set her free to find somebody she is simpatico with.[/quote]

I get the the feeling the only reason OP isn’t “into” Girl 1 is because Girl 2 enjoys the chase as much as he does.

As in, if Girl 2 didn’t come calling and woo him like she has, he’d still be just as into Girl 1 as he ever was, which I imagine was decently.

Basically I think Op is getting played, and played real fucking hard by Girl 2 and is eating it up playing right into her hand. This is going to end up a shit show and him standing around alone holding his cock in the not too distant future. But I’m not an expert and very likely could be wrong. [/quote]

I just hope he cuts her loose so she can move on. Based on description she sounds like she deserves better than to be with somebody who doesn’t give a shit about her. It would be awfully mean to hang on to her just in case #2 doesn’t work out.
It’s different if you actually have feelings for both girls, but by his own description he has zero for girl #1. So there is no dilemma.

57

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Ahhhh “chemistry.” We could have long, expansive threads on that term and how it has tricked many a man throughout history. It simply cannot be a reliable footing under the building of your relationship. A footing, yes, just not a reliable one.

The only reliable chemistry is the one developed over years and years. Even that one, however, can fail. But alas, it’s better to have loved and lost than…[/quote]

Oh yeah, I have had the ol’ ‘chemistry’. I have had the kind where there was actually something more to it. And I have had the kind where the more they spoke the less interested I got. The spark is the same, the fuse may be different.

Of course your right, though. The real deal is the one you nurture and grow over years. Which includes high high’s and lowest of lows. It’s the perseverance that makes it.

58

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Maybe I’m an asshole but…

You’re tossing away a relationship in which you have fun, are happy, SHE’S HAPPY with you, wonderful sex and money isn’t a concern; for… Some fucking hippy you just met.

My prediction, and I hope for your sake I’m wrong: a whole lot of regret and kicking yourself in the future.

But you’ve already focused your feels on the new chase, so it’s likely too late anyway. [/quote]

He’s not into her. Sounds crazy to me too, but it is what it is. If you are even modestly in to a woman, the thought of her riding another man is inconceivable. If you really don’t care and that vision does not bother you at all, you ain’t into her, at all.
I think he’s going to regret it too. But by the time he does it will be to late. That’s how these things always go, but you cannot make someone feel a way they do not feel so it’s best he set her free to find somebody she is simpatico with.[/quote]

I get the the feeling the only reason OP isn’t “into” Girl 1 is because Girl 2 enjoys the chase as much as he does.

As in, if Girl 2 didn’t come calling and woo him like she has, he’d still be just as into Girl 1 as he ever was, which I imagine was decently.

Basically I think Op is getting played, and played real fucking hard by Girl 2 and is eating it up playing right into her hand. This is going to end up a shit show and him standing around alone holding his cock in the not too distant future. But I’m not an expert and very likely could be wrong. [/quote]

I think she’s playing him, too. I know my post was long, but a large portion of it was about that.

59

[quote]MinusTheColon wrote:
I guess that the part of this doesn’t pass the smell test to me is that there are these two attractive and wealthy women who are both super-into a tatted-up, gym-rat student. That, and that the type of person in this situation isn’t the type to post on an anonymous forum to get advice.

The only explanation I can think of is that both are rebelling from their parents? I sorta wonder how the OP gets along with Momma and Poppa RichGirl1.[/quote]

If you don’t believe it, that’s fine. TBH, I probably wouldn’t have believed it a couple of years ago. This kind of situation is the type that’s a more recent development for me, so it’s not one I’m all that used to having yet.

As for all the guys who think I might be getting played by #2:

I wouldn’t necessarily disagree. Maybe she is and maybe she isn’t. But that’s not the reason why I came to the decision I made. I don’t think it’s right to waste the time of an awesome gal when I’m just not feeling it (and haven’t really ever). Perhaps based on your experiences, it’s a stupid decision. That’s not an unreasonable conclusion. If I come to regret it, I see it as a learning opportunity for next time. I’m not afraid to be single again, as I know there will be plenty more opportunities in the future to do things right. Thanks for your insight.

60

[quote]Apoklyps wrote:

[quote]MinusTheColon wrote:
I guess that the part of this doesn’t pass the smell test to me is that there are these two attractive and wealthy women who are both super-into a tatted-up, gym-rat student. That, and that the type of person in this situation isn’t the type to post on an anonymous forum to get advice.

The only explanation I can think of is that both are rebelling from their parents? I sorta wonder how the OP gets along with Momma and Poppa RichGirl1.[/quote]

If you don’t believe it, that’s fine. TBH, I probably wouldn’t have believed it a couple of years ago. This kind of situation is the type that’s a more recent development for me, so it’s not one I’m all that used to having yet.

As for all the guys who think I might be getting played by #2:

I wouldn’t necessarily disagree. Maybe she is and maybe she isn’t. But that’s not the reason why I came to the decision I made. I don’t think it’s right to waste the time of an awesome gal when I’m just not feeling it (and haven’t really ever). Perhaps based on your experiences, it’s a stupid decision. That’s not an unreasonable conclusion. If I come to regret it, I see it as a learning opportunity for next time. I’m not afraid to be single again, as I know there will be plenty more opportunities in the future to do things right. Thanks for your insight.[/quote]
I believe it. My brother married a girl like no. 1. There will be much benefits for your family if any of them has the resources to capitalize on your union(if it happens).