Losing Friends in Quest For a Better Body

Off Topic
41

[quote]J.Wollmann wrote:
I’m not sure if anyone past their teenage years has experienced this (or maybe early 20s) but has anyone who has been (or already has) gotten into the spirit of getting a better body lost friends through it?

After putting my feet down and eating, thinking, and shitting muscle for the last three weeks, I have lost contact with a lot of my older pals who most likely wouldn’t have supported me through getting ripped. Hell, after all was said and done, I only have one friend that I hang out with.

But my dad always told me, “Justin, you’re eighteen. Soon you’ll find out that through your social network of friends, you’ll end up middle-aged with only two, really good friends that you’ll trust more than your wife.”

So is it true? Am I just entering that phase where I find myself, and as a result, become a man and realize that some people are just burdens? I mean, it’s sad. These people I speak of I have been friends with for four years, we’ve been through a lot of shit. But thinking about it, they won’t be going anywhere except the liquor store.

Thoughts??[/quote]

Soooo, you’ve been lifting for three weeks and you lost all your friends? Something seems weird about this…

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Irish, I still have friends, I just stopped communicating (not like I just straight up told them to fuck off for being lazy rats) with a large bunch of them. Did you even read the rest of my posts?

I just don’t have that typical high school social status of 3000 friends or bust that I THOUGHT was the right way to go until recent. Trying to get in better shape helped me make this mentality, for better or for worse, but I think it applies to how I handle most everything in my day. A trusted few or no one else.

43

If your ‘friends’ dont understand what your doing and really put you down for it, there not your friends, its that simply. I hang out with my friends when i want to, i do what i have to do when i have to do it. No issues there.

Friends breaking your balls a bit is cool, in fact its funny… because ultimatley they say, wow, you really are doing a great job, fair play!!! Thats exactly what i want… have a laugh, but then respect what im doing. My friends are bang on.

44

I read your posts, but it seems like one day you woke up and said I’m gonna start lifting and you just stopped talking to your friends because of it. No matter what you say, you’ve been lifting for 3 weeks, I think your being a bit drastic in this whole situation.

It’s been three weeks, how much can honestly change in three weeks? If one of my friends just stopped talking to me because he wanted to dedicate his life to becoming a professional skateboarder–something that he just started three weeks ago–I’d think he lost his mind.

I respect your dedication but you can’t make these kind of claims after 3 weeks.

45

[quote]Professor X wrote:
FightinIrish26 wrote:
ucallthatbass wrote:
After high school friends drop left and right. After college your lucky if you still talk to 2-3 people from high school. Booze buddies suck, once the beer is gone so are they. I don’t talk to anyone from college. Tragedies bring everyone together for a week or 2, then emails and calls continue for a few weeks, then they fade away again.

That’s… kinda sad.

At 25, I still talk and hang out with a shitload of the same people I’ve known since I was 16. I thought it would go that way for us, but it turns out we’re just maturing together. I didn’t think I’d be going to all these motherfucker’s weddings and meeting their kids and shit when we were 16.

There’s a lot of us as well… still reliably 15 or more that talk most days and go out on weekends. I’ve been told repeatedly that most people don’t have that… I don’t know how they deal with life without it.

I think you are confusing “friends I hang out with” with “friends that just might donate a kidney for me”. [/quote]

Yup, huge difference. One kid I used to hang out with would literally fall off the face of the earth if you didn’t call him once every three days. Then he would say “hey you never call anymore” a phone works both ways, he thinks people go and change their phone numbers weekly. Needless to say we no longer speak

46

I think that losing many friends because you started lifting and eating better is a little weird. I’m not too old, but I’ve never lost a single friend because of training. Of course, I play sports with almost all my friends, so I’m in a completely different situation.

I’ve never had a whole lot of close friends, but it isn’t like I never wanted more. I was content with basically just a couple close friends, a few good friends, and a bunch of “friends”. The last group are the people you call a friend today, but one or two things could cause you to drop that label, and for the most part you be too worried if they moved away and you never saw them again. I’m not saying you want them too, it just wouldn’t really change your life.

The people on here seem to think that the type of thing is desirable. At least that’s what it looks like to me. I don’t think it is. From personal experience, when you’re in the situation I listed, you’re just a car accident away from looking at a really empty world. A lot of people acted like their whole life had been messed up for several days after it happened, but most of them were just being overly dramatic. For me, I didn’t have that many friends to fall back on, and it truly did mess my entire life up. Almost every single middle school memory I have has hurt since then. I know that anybody who loses a friend that is as close as the one I had is going to be extremely hurt when something like this happens, but I know that if I had more good friends that it wouldn’t have been nearly as tough.

I’m not saying that everybody needs to get more close friends. Truly close friends are always going to be a pretty small number. However, I think the more good friends you have, the better.

47

[quote]J.Wollmann wrote:
Irish, I still have friends, I just stopped communicating (not like I just straight up told them to fuck off for being lazy rats) with a large bunch of them. Did you even read the rest of my posts?
[/quote]

No asshole, I wasn’t addressing you. Hence the “quote” function where I quoted someone else.

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[quote]Irish Pride wrote:
I read your posts, but it seems like one day you woke up and said I’m gonna start lifting and you just stopped talking to your friends because of it. No matter what you say, you’ve been lifting for 3 weeks, I think your being a bit drastic in this whole situation.

It’s been three weeks, how much can honestly change in three weeks? If one of my friends just stopped talking to me because he wanted to dedicate his life to becoming a professional skateboarder–something that he just started three weeks ago–I’d think he lost his mind.

I respect your dedication but you can’t make these kind of claims after 3 weeks.

[/quote]

I agree with this. Most of my friends I currently have either knew me from the day I started getting serious in the weight room, or they have only known me as someone who lifted more than the average person. This wasn’t some activity I suddenly picked up for kicks.

If it has only been 3 weeks, then YOU are the one that really changed here and if you were completely sedentary before this, then it makes sense for people around you to question just how serious you are.

Get back to us in THREE YEARS and we’ll see if you are still so hardcore for this.

49

[quote]J.Wollmann wrote:
After putting my feet down and eating, thinking, and shitting muscle for the last three weeks, I have lost contact with a lot of my older pals who most likely wouldn’t have supported me through getting ripped. [/quote]

Three weeks? Holy shit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone lose friends this fast before, especially not in a quest to “get ripped.” What happened man?

50

[quote]Professor X wrote:

I agree with this. Most of my friends I currently have either knew me from the day I started getting serious in the weight room, or they have only known me as someone who lifted more than the average person. This wasn’t some activity I suddenly picked up for kicks.

If it has only been 3 weeks, then YOU are the one that really changed here and if you were completely sedentary before this, then it makes sense for people around you to question just how serious you are.

Get back to us in THREE YEARS and we’ll see if you are still so hardcore for this.

[/quote]

My point exactly. I started lifting last year and yes I was never the type of person who you would think to be into bodybuilding–being 5’9", 140 lbs, known as the “smart kid”–but I started lifting right around the time I graduated high school and now I’m 55 lbs heavier than last year. My life is focused around lifting and my friends get on my case about being obsessed but it’s only been one year. It’s weird for them to see me change so much in a year but it’s still just a year.

After three weeks most of my friends thought I was just being weird. If you have “cut off communication” with your friends after three weeks, you sound like an asshole more than anything else.

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[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
J.Wollmann wrote:
Irish, I still have friends, I just stopped communicating (not like I just straight up told them to fuck off for being lazy rats) with a large bunch of them. Did you even read the rest of my posts?

No asshole, I wasn’t addressing you. Hence the “quote” function where I quoted someone else.[/quote]

Wrong Irish. Look right above for the guy who DID quote him.

But shit, I don’t read user names either, anymore.

52

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
J.Wollmann wrote:
Irish, I still have friends, I just stopped communicating (not like I just straight up told them to fuck off for being lazy rats) with a large bunch of them. Did you even read the rest of my posts?

No asshole, I wasn’t addressing you. Hence the “quote” function where I quoted someone else.[/quote]

I think he was addressing Irish Pride, not you.

Edit: Someone got to it before me…

53

[quote]J.Wollmann wrote:
Irish, I still have friends, I just stopped communicating (not like I just straight up told them to fuck off for being lazy rats) with a large bunch of them. Did you even read the rest of my posts?

I just don’t have that typical high school social status of 3000 friends or bust that I THOUGHT was the right way to go until recent. Trying to get in better shape helped me make this mentality, for better or for worse, but I think it applies to how I handle most everything in my day. A trusted few or no one else.[/quote]

x2 when I decided I wanted to get serious about basketball and later on lifting I lost friends and mostly just had two good friends. I didn’t really even realize that I was that isolated until other people told me. I was just having fun getting better at basketball and lifting weights. My change was more gradual though I got serious about basketball in grade 9 and serious about lifting towards the end of grade 9 and start of grade 10. I am going into grade 11 now and realized it isn’t necessary for me to totally isolate myself anymore. I Built up the discipline to go to train gym train hard and still have fun. In the beginning it was necessary for me to pretty much afford all distractions otherwise I probably would have got caught into the partying scene that pretty much all people in high school are in.

54

I think that some people have unrealistic expectations of “friends,” and of people in general. A lot of people wonder why they don’t have more friends or feel lonely because they think that a real friend would be interested and take part in all the same things that they do… but that’s not ever going to happen. Of course now I’m using the term “friend” loosely and talking about the people you “hang out” with, and not someone who would freaking die for you (but no one really has more than a couple like that, and, like has been said before, those generally come from some shared experience that bonds you for life, even if you only hang out every few years).

I treat it like this: I’ve got lots of different groups that I hang out with when I engage in different activities. I consider them all my buddies, but I wouldn’t ever try to, for instance, take one of my football buddies to an art film. Nor would I invite some guy from a grad school reading group to the gym.

I just keep the worlds very separate, and don’t try to share a part of my life with someone who just isn’t going to be engaged by it. Since I figured this out, I’ve been able to expand my circle of friends considerably, and am a lot happier.

I guess this relates to the OP in that I don’t think I’ve ever lost a friend over lifting weights. This is because lifting has not stopped me from doing any of the other things I enjoy. And really, I don’t know why it would. Maybe if you used to be a big drinker and you’ve decided to stop for fitness reasons… personally I drink AND lift (usually not simultaneously though), so that’s really not an issue.

I guess I just don’t really see why someone with a diverse set of hobbies/activities/interests would lose friends over one or the other…

55

regardless of the reasons why I think it happens to everyone, i use to hang with a large group and when I graduated I only really kept hanging with one or two friends who I really liked being with. I spend most of my time talking to only one friend lol. I think damn I need more friends but it will come in time. I can think of alot of reasons why I stopped hanging with people whether it was because I didnt enjoy their company very much, i had different goals in mind or w\e.

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[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
J.Wollmann wrote:
Irish, I still have friends, I just stopped communicating (not like I just straight up told them to fuck off for being lazy rats) with a large bunch of them. Did you even read the rest of my posts?

No asshole, I wasn’t addressing you. Hence the “quote” function where I quoted someone else.[/quote]I was referring to Irishpub, actually.

57

What if that group was heavily involved with drinking and drugs? That’s really what I am talking about; if this groups weekends are based around throwing up in toilets and busting their head on bed frames, then where do I stand, to let myself adapt to them, or just drop them altogether?

I didn’t have much of an issue with them until I started lifting and it just changed my perspective. I’m sorry if this makes me come across as a socially awkward dweeb, really, but that’s not what I am trying to come across as. Also, I really do not think it’s fair to say that I cannot become dedicated to lifting from three weeks. I’ve been working full time for two years while doing track, this is, in all honesty, easier than running 6 days a week and doing 20 300m repeats.

58

Hey man, same thing happened to me when i started training seriously. I also started at the time I moved house so I was further away from friends. There’s nothing like moving 30 mins from your friends that will tell you who are your real mates. (I mean fuck I’m only 34 mins away instead of 4mins!)

Things that helped we was starting conversations with people at my new gym and sorta ending up with a supportive girlfriend.

Also, the ones that turn out to be good mates should come around to your new lifestyle in the end, next thing you know they will be asking you for diet and training advice.

59

[quote]J.Wollmann wrote:
JMB wrote:I guess I just don’t really see why someone with a diverse set of hobbies/activities/interests would lose friends over one or the other…

What if that group was heavily involved with drinking and drugs? That’s really what I am talking about; if this groups weekends are based around throwing up in toilets and busting their head on bed frames, then where do I stand, to let myself adapt to them, or just drop them altogether?

I didn’t have much of an issue with them until I started lifting and it just changed my perspective. I’m sorry if this makes me come across as a socially awkward dweeb, really, but that’s not what I am trying to come across as. Also, I really do not think it’s fair to say that I cannot become dedicated to lifting from three weeks. I’ve been working full time for two years while doing track, this is, in all honesty, easier than running 6 days a week and doing 20 300m repeats.
[/quote]

No, I don’t think it makes you come across as a dweeb. I don’t have a lot of experience with drug culture, but if you’ve decided that that “hobby” is a self-destructive one and turned your back on it, then naturally you will lose contact with those people who you simply hung out with during that activity.

But this only means that your circle of friends decreases temporarily, until you REPLACE the self-destructive activity with a new one. I think one thing that’s really key to having a healthy social life/network is having diverse hobbies and interests, because each one will open up doors to meet new people that you otherwise wouldn’t.

I lift weights, sure, and that’s an important part of my life. But I have MANY MORE passions that are just as important to me, and I think I’m healthier for it. It keeps everything in balance, if you will.

Does it suck to lose buddies? Sure. I mean, I used to gamble a lot, and when I quit I lost some guys that I really liked to hang with. However you’ve got to keep it in perspective… most (if not all) relationships are conditional. I’m so-and-so’s friends because they bring something to the table that I like or find useful, and vice-versa. But if that situation ends (some would call it outgrowing someone), then it’s natural that the relationship will end too. It might sound cold, but I try not to be sentimental about these things.

60

[quote]MrTile wrote:
Hey man, same thing happened to me when i started training seriously. I also started at the time I moved house so I was further away from friends. There’s nothing like moving 30 mins from your friends that will tell you who are your real mates. (I mean fuck I’m only 34 mins away instead of 4mins!)

Things that helped we was starting conversations with people at my new gym and sorta ending up with a supportive girlfriend.

Also, the ones that turn out to be good mates should come around to your new lifestyle in the end, next thing you know they will be asking you for diet and training advice.[/quote]

I get asked for diet and training advice from people all the time at work, and most of them are teenage girls wanting to know what they should eat and all I say is “stop eating so much damn bread and lift”. I sighed when she told me that she does lift. She does bicep curls with five pound DBs at the house! So I guess she’s doing it right.

JMB: I agree with you about hobbies. It makes sense that if you have just one passion, you get involved with the poison that infects it. That’s why rock stars get all drugged up because it’s all they have. If all I cared about was lifting, I would be doing steroids at eighteen (or pro hormones) and be knocking out my parents with protein shits.

But I love all things music, and I play the drums, and I also love work. I work a shit load. I love psychology and social sciences, so I like to buy books on said subjects and read about them. Even though I lost my Ayn Rand book. :frowning: I still need to buy Atlas Shrugs. I have outlets of fun and enjoyment outside of lifting, but the issue for me was that I don’t have any friends that had passion for these things besides music (but he’s related to someone in the group, and he doesn’t want to do anything his brother isn’t doing. So it’s like that eariler posters story about the twins or whatever.)

What I do enjoy is that I have been talking to people I once did not realize I would want to be around (not that they were weird), but people who live my same style. One of my best friends at the moment is a guitarist, QB and bodybuilder all in one, and has a heavy video game addiction. If I didn’t get into lifting, I wouldn’t have talked to him, since the reason I did was to ask him lifting advice.