[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]StevenF wrote:
I used to get girls by just being awesome. [/quote]
what happened?[/quote]
I was so awesome this one stayed with me for the past 4 years.
[quote]chillain wrote:
[quote]anonym wrote:
If she’s actually into you, you won’t get the whole “lol sorry I was with my fam the whole day lol”. She will find a way to stay in touch with you. You also won’t have ANY trouble “getting her to agree to meet up with you [again]” when you ask.
Sorry, but there is no way to rationalize those facts away. She’s just not that into you, bud. Throw a Hail Mary and if you don’t gain significant yardage, pack your shit and go home.
The whole “can you talk tonight” text, followed by a phone call, followed by a goodnight text was pretty lame, btdubs.[/quote]
And its just that simple.
Further, there’s literally nothing you can actively do to increase her desire/longing for you. (and as problem-solvers by nature, men often have a hard time with this)
Luckily there IS one surefire, foolproof method for this specific set of circumstances: on to tha next one
[/quote]
You’re right, it is that simple.
The part that confuses me is when I’m the one who doesn’t respond for a long time, she sends me a flurry of texts over that time. Basically the same over-eager behavior but in reverse.
- we talk, things are fine
- I show “too much” interest; she doesn’t respond for awhile
- I just stop completely
- she shows “too much” interest; I don’t respond for awhile
- go to 1
To me, it really seems to be a process of feeling things out. The same processes occur in person, but the feedback loop is faster; you know pretty much instantly when she starts losing interest. She wants to know I’m interested, but doesn’t want to come across as “too” interested, or too eager, or too out of control. And vice versa.
Am I misunderstanding something here?
[quote]StevenF wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]StevenF wrote:
I used to get girls by just being awesome. [/quote]
what happened?[/quote]
I was so awesome this one stayed with me for the past 4 years. [/quote]
awesome
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]chillain wrote:
[quote]anonym wrote:
If she’s actually into you, you won’t get the whole “lol sorry I was with my fam the whole day lol”. She will find a way to stay in touch with you. You also won’t have ANY trouble “getting her to agree to meet up with you [again]” when you ask.
Sorry, but there is no way to rationalize those facts away. She’s just not that into you, bud. Throw a Hail Mary and if you don’t gain significant yardage, pack your shit and go home.
The whole “can you talk tonight” text, followed by a phone call, followed by a goodnight text was pretty lame, btdubs.[/quote]
And its just that simple.
Further, there’s literally nothing you can actively do to increase her desire/longing for you. (and as problem-solvers by nature, men often have a hard time with this)
Luckily there IS one surefire, foolproof method for this specific set of circumstances: on to tha next one
[/quote]
You’re right, it is that simple.
The part that confuses me is when I’m the one who doesn’t respond for a long time, she sends me a flurry of texts over that time. Basically the same over-eager behavior but in reverse.
- we talk, things are fine
- I show “too much” interest; she doesn’t respond for awhile
- I just stop completely
- she shows “too much” interest; I don’t respond for awhile
- go to 1
To me, it really seems to be a process of feeling things out. The same processes occur in person, but the feedback loop is faster; you know pretty much instantly when she starts losing interest. She wants to know I’m interested, but doesn’t want to come across as “too” interested, or too eager, or too out of control. And vice versa.
Am I misunderstanding something here?[/quote]
Just be a bawse mayne
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Am I misunderstanding something here?[/quote]
How long has this been going on for? I can see the vacillation occurring in the first few casual encounters, when the guy wants to be seen as Alpha and the girl doesn’t want to be seen as easy, but at some point both of you should’ve sacked up and acknowledged that “it’s on”. Not that she puts out straight away at that point, but the attempts at escalating things should be mutual and the “hard to get” shtick should soften up a bit. At least, in my experience.
Have you asked her out yet? Or asked her to be alone with you in a situation where male and female “buddies” don’t usually hang? Have you tried capitalizing on her “excessive” interest by seeing if you could push things further? How did she respond? If she is genuinely interested, I very much doubt she would pass up opportunities to bring the two of you closer, particularly the ones you put yourself out there by personally initiating. She might be busy when you try to plan it, but she wouldn’t totally blow it by not making sure she schedules a makeup day/night with you. Assuming she is a normal person, of course.
If you just can’t seem to get her to commit one way or another, I’d say that it sounds like she’s got you on the hook. I’d GUESS that she likes the attention and distraction of having some dude to chat/flirt with, but isn’t actually interested in going further with it. And, when you become unresponsive, she reels you back in. I dunno… I hear some girls like to do shit like that.
<— not a PUA guru, ladies man, player, Casanova, Don Juan, etc… my interactions with the women I’ve been interested in have all been fairly straightforward (except for one time I tried “improving” my game by going against my instincts and implementing PUA nonsense – never again), but I’m really no authority.
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
Is that a trick question? The answer is obviously da vagine.[/quote]
[quote]anonym wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Am I misunderstanding something here?[/quote]
If you just can’t seem to get her to commit one way or another, I’d say that it sounds like she’s got you on the hook. I’d GUESS that she likes the attention and distraction of having some dude to chat/flirt with, but isn’t actually interested in going further with it. And, when you become unresponsive, she reels you back in. I dunno… I hear some girls like to do shit like that.
[/quote]
That is most definitely whats happening. And it’s probably more than just you.
Why would you want a girl who needs more than one guys attention at all times?
Quit being cute and flirting with her and tell her what you want and ask her what she wants.
If she starts beating around the bush give her an ultimatum or just stop talking to her.
[quote]anonym wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Am I misunderstanding something here?[/quote]
How long has this been going on for? I can see the vacillation occurring in the first few casual encounters, when the guy wants to be seen as Alpha and the girl doesn’t want to be seen as easy, but at some point both of you should’ve sacked up and acknowledged that “it’s on”. Not that she puts out straight away at that point, but the attempts at escalating things should be mutual and the “hard to get” shtick should soften up a bit. At least, in my experience.
Have you asked her out yet? Or asked her to be alone with you in a situation where male and female “buddies” don’t usually hang? Have you tried capitalizing on her “excessive” interest by seeing if you could push things further? How did she respond? If she is genuinely interested, I very much doubt she would pass up opportunities to bring the two of you closer, particularly the ones you put yourself out there by personally initiating. She might be busy when you try to plan it, but she wouldn’t totally blow it by not making sure she schedules a makeup day/night with you. Assuming she is a normal person, of course.
If you just can’t seem to get her to commit one way or another, I’d say that it sounds like she’s got you on the hook. I’d GUESS that she likes the attention and distraction of having some dude to chat/flirt with, but isn’t actually interested in going further with it. And, when you become unresponsive, she reels you back in. I dunno… I hear some girls like to do shit like that.[/quote]
Basically, I’m sitting here at a point where things should have worked themselves out, but they haven’t.
We’ve spent plenty of time together, in private emotionally intimate one-on-one scenarios. Lunch, coffee, hanging out at my place. We’re talking things like “let’s meet for coffee” lasting 9 hours. Things haven’t escalated physically, but they have otherwise. I started a thread on this last week.
This week she’s out of town with family for Thanksgiving break, and the texting has just gotten… sparse. I feel like it went from everything working, to where I feel like I’m stuck playing games again.
Until this week, it’s been easy to go from texting to a phone call. But not now. Now, I get a “can’t talk now, call you later”… without a followup call.
For the most part, I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I’m still having trouble reading it. Really, I’m just looking forward to her getting back into town so things are face-to-face again. She’s already alluded to having me over to her place sometime.
It’s just this texting thing is throwing me.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]anonym wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Am I misunderstanding something here?[/quote]
How long has this been going on for? I can see the vacillation occurring in the first few casual encounters, when the guy wants to be seen as Alpha and the girl doesn’t want to be seen as easy, but at some point both of you should’ve sacked up and acknowledged that “it’s on”. Not that she puts out straight away at that point, but the attempts at escalating things should be mutual and the “hard to get” shtick should soften up a bit. At least, in my experience.
Have you asked her out yet? Or asked her to be alone with you in a situation where male and female “buddies” don’t usually hang? Have you tried capitalizing on her “excessive” interest by seeing if you could push things further? How did she respond? If she is genuinely interested, I very much doubt she would pass up opportunities to bring the two of you closer, particularly the ones you put yourself out there by personally initiating. She might be busy when you try to plan it, but she wouldn’t totally blow it by not making sure she schedules a makeup day/night with you. Assuming she is a normal person, of course.
If you just can’t seem to get her to commit one way or another, I’d say that it sounds like she’s got you on the hook. I’d GUESS that she likes the attention and distraction of having some dude to chat/flirt with, but isn’t actually interested in going further with it. And, when you become unresponsive, she reels you back in. I dunno… I hear some girls like to do shit like that.[/quote]
Basically, I’m sitting here at a point where things should have worked themselves out, but they haven’t.
We’ve had lunch (5 hours), coffee (9 hours), lunch again (4 hours), she’s been to my place (overnight), plus plenty of time with her during her downtime at work. Several phone calls. Several days spent texting. This is over a 4 week period. She goes to college out of town, comes into town to work and spend time with family over the weekend. She’s skipped work on 3 occasions now to just hang out with me. All of it’s one-on-one, emotionally intimate stuff. It just hasn’t escalated physically. I started a thread on this last week.
This week she’s out of town with family for Thanksgiving break, and the texting has just gotten… sparse. I feel like it went from everything working, to where I feel like I’m stuck playing games again.
Until this week, it’s been easy to go from texting to a phone call, and if she’s in town, lunch/coffee/drinking/whatever. But not now. Now, I get a “can’t talk now, call you later”… without a followup call.
For the most part, I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I’m still having trouble reading it. Really, I’m just looking forward to her getting back into town so things are face-to-face again. She’s already alluded to having me over to her place sometime.
Basically, up until now, she’s been ok being with me, in private, trusting me, but just not ready for physical intimacy. And knowing some of her history, I get where she’s coming from.
It’s just this texting thing is throwing me.[/quote]
You have to make a move, a physical one. Depending on how she reacts, you’ll know what’s up. That’s just one option though.
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
You have to make a move, a physical one. Depending on how she reacts, you’ll know what’s up. That’s just one option though.[/quote]
I agree there. That will pretty much settle things. However… it’s how to navigate the next week while she’s out of town that I’m iffy on. She doesn’t seem to want to talk on the phone; text only.
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Here is my “game” in a nutshell:
If she doesn’t have anything interesting to say, I’m out.
No, I don’t care about that “bitch from work”.
It’s worked out pretty well for me overall.[/quote]
I find boobs and a nice body interesting.[/quote]
Boobs and a nice body is what gets you interested, now give me a compelling reason to stick around?[/quote]
Is that a trick question? The answer is obviously da vagine.[/quote]
This guy gets it.[/quote]
In all honesty, how old are you guys?
Yes, a banging body will give me a good reason to plant my flag, but what then? I personally have limited tolerance for vapid comments that a lot of people in general make.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
You have to make a move, a physical one. Depending on how she reacts, you’ll know what’s up. That’s just one option though.[/quote]
I agree there. That will pretty much settle things. However… it’s how to navigate the next week while she’s out of town that I’m iffy on. She doesn’t seem to want to talk on the phone; text only.[/quote]
I’m like that. Don’t care much for phone conversation. Don’t think into it. My question is do you really want this chapter to end? Do you feel you can handle what comes next? Positive or negative, there will be a shift and this will be pretty much final with respect to your current state. I’m sure you enjoy your friendship with her in spite of its shortcomings, but you want more don’t you? You don’t have to cease friendship if the relationship advances to the next level, but if she’s opposed then you’re left with two options.
Accept it and stay (put it behind you and maintain a somewhat moderate friendship[unstable]) or accept it and leave (just move on[difficult]). There is no healthy median. The latter will hurt (likely a lot) but it won’t last long and you can get on with your life. The second is very risky as you could easily relapse as you’re not abandoning those feelings completely but it’s not completely fallible. You have to man up and do something unless you’re a lucky cunt and she does the work for you (infinitesimally small likelihood but not impossible). Don’t wait for her. Be a man and accept the consequences that accompany that.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
[quote]optheta wrote:
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Here is my “game” in a nutshell:
If she doesn’t have anything interesting to say, I’m out.
No, I don’t care about that “bitch from work”.
It’s worked out pretty well for me overall.[/quote]
I find boobs and a nice body interesting.[/quote]
Boobs and a nice body is what gets you interested, now give me a compelling reason to stick around?[/quote]
Is that a trick question? The answer is obviously da vagine.[/quote]
This guy gets it.[/quote]
In all honesty, how old are you guys?
Yes, a banging body will give me a good reason to plant my flag, but what then? I personally have limited tolerance for vapid comments that a lot of people in general make.[/quote]
I’m 19. I wasn’t full on serious but that goal has merit. Serious question, what the hell do you want out of it when you talk to someone?
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
You have to make a move, a physical one. Depending on how she reacts, you’ll know what’s up. That’s just one option though.[/quote]
I agree there. That will pretty much settle things. However… it’s how to navigate the next week while she’s out of town that I’m iffy on. She doesn’t seem to want to talk on the phone; text only.[/quote]
What is there to navigate? You want to make a move, and you can’t do that with her out of town. The only navigation you have to do this week is go about your own shit and wait until she gets back.
Why can’t you just wait until she gets back? If she is actually interested in you she is not going to forget about you during the week she is out of town.
You are giving the impression that you are desperate to hold on to her and make this happen even though nothing has even happened yet. It comes across as needy and clingy. Shouldn’t you have other things to do than worry about what she’s up to all the time?
Try backing off some. Even if she texts you keep it brief (because ideally you should be doing something with your time anyway). Let her know you are looking forward to seeing her again (although I’m sure you have already- so probably don’t keep bringing that up) and move on with your day. If she likes and is looking forward to your plans then you don’t have anything to worry about except for smothering her into disinterest. Just chill out mang.
[quote]NAUn wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
You have to make a move, a physical one. Depending on how she reacts, you’ll know what’s up. That’s just one option though.[/quote]
I agree there. That will pretty much settle things. However… it’s how to navigate the next week while she’s out of town that I’m iffy on. She doesn’t seem to want to talk on the phone; text only.[/quote]
What is there to navigate? You want to make a move, and you can’t do that with her out of town. The only navigation you have to do this week is go about your own shit and wait until she gets back.
Why can’t you just wait until she gets back? If she is actually interested in you she is not going to forget about you during the week she is out of town.
You are giving the impression that you are desperate to hold on to her and make this happen even though nothing has even happened yet. It comes across as needy and clingy. Shouldn’t you have other things to do than worry about what she’s up to all the time?
Try backing off some. Even if she texts you keep it brief (because ideally you should be doing something with your time anyway). Let her know you are looking forward to seeing her again (although I’m sure you have already- so probably don’t keep bringing that up) and move on with your day. If she likes and is looking forward to your plans then you don’t have anything to worry about except for smothering her into disinterest. Just chill out mang.[/quote]
I’ve gotta agree with this. Look man, the reason she isn’t texting you is because, as the above poster stated, she’s out of town. Keeping a conversation going through text is work, as you’ve already alluded to. If she’s out of town, trying to keep a conversation going is essentially pointless, as the only reward to be gained from a conversation between the two of you (meeting up, physical progession to fucking) is unattainable at this point, which begs the question - why do the work?
You should also refrain from texting her during this time, because as the above poster mentioned, once again, you should give the illusion that you are a busy man who doesn’t have time for holding essentially pointless conversations. Never show more interest in the relationship than the other person is willing to show.
I’m not sure how old you are, but if you are at least college age (18+), assume that at this point, most women know what the game is, and how to play it just as well as any man, if not better. Assume that she knows what you are trying to do - get into her pants. If she is actively dodging your efforts to do so (either by seeming cold, distant, or refusing to “meet up” with you, or denying your advances to take things to the “next level”), then assume she is uninterested. DO NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME WITH HER. IT MAKES YOU SEEM DESPERATE, CLINGY, AND UNINTERESTING.
However, do not despair, because at this point, there is still hope: never burn your bridges,at least when it comes to certain women, because you may need to cross them again one day. She may be uninterested right now, for whatever reason: maybe she’s already banging a dude, or 10, who the fuck knows?
But one day, you may be a party when she strolls in, and boom, there’s your chance: you two are now more than casual acquaintainces - you have a partial bond, remnants of that casual relationship from the past - since you have already established your familiarity with her, this random encounter now presents itself as the best chance to make your move/fuck her. Or maybe, one day, she’ll randomly text you asking you “what are you doing tonight”: this is also a possibility, BUT ONLY IF YOU PLAY YOUR LAST MOVE RIGHT.
The moral of the story is, do not call her a cunt, and do not piss her off: simply stop texting her. If she texts you first, respond, but keep it short, cold, and seem uninterested. Let the conversation die out. That is the right way of letting this thing fizzle out, but without extinguishing the flame entirely - because you may want to relight that bitch in the future.
Edit: that last paragraph only applies if you have determined that she is uninterested. If she IS interested, than simply keep doing what you’re doing, but make your move soon, as in right when she gets back from break. The longer you keep this going, the higher the probability that you will end up in the friendzone, and once you’re in the friendzone, those random chances of you still being able to bang her that I mentioned above become even less of a possibility. Good luck.
God that was long. Hope I helped.
Fuck that
When a chick turns me down i take an ennema and fill her car with doo doo
[quote]NAUn wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
You have to make a move, a physical one. Depending on how she reacts, you’ll know what’s up. That’s just one option though.[/quote]
I agree there. That will pretty much settle things. However… it’s how to navigate the next week while she’s out of town that I’m iffy on. She doesn’t seem to want to talk on the phone; text only.[/quote]
What is there to navigate? You want to make a move, and you can’t do that with her out of town. The only navigation you have to do this week is go about your own shit and wait until she gets back.
Why can’t you just wait until she gets back? If she is actually interested in you she is not going to forget about you during the week she is out of town.
You are giving the impression that you are desperate to hold on to her and make this happen even though nothing has even happened yet. It comes across as needy and clingy. Shouldn’t you have other things to do than worry about what she’s up to all the time?
Try backing off some. Even if she texts you keep it brief (because ideally you should be doing something with your time anyway). Let her know you are looking forward to seeing her again (although I’m sure you have already- so probably don’t keep bringing that up) and move on with your day. If she likes and is looking forward to your plans then you don’t have anything to worry about except for smothering her into disinterest. Just chill out mang.[/quote]
Yep. That covers it.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]NAUn wrote:
[quote]LoRez wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
You have to make a move, a physical one. Depending on how she reacts, you’ll know what’s up. That’s just one option though.[/quote]
I agree there. That will pretty much settle things. However… it’s how to navigate the next week while she’s out of town that I’m iffy on. She doesn’t seem to want to talk on the phone; text only.[/quote]
What is there to navigate? You want to make a move, and you can’t do that with her out of town. The only navigation you have to do this week is go about your own shit and wait until she gets back.
Why can’t you just wait until she gets back? If she is actually interested in you she is not going to forget about you during the week she is out of town.
You are giving the impression that you are desperate to hold on to her and make this happen even though nothing has even happened yet. It comes across as needy and clingy. Shouldn’t you have other things to do than worry about what she’s up to all the time?
Try backing off some. Even if she texts you keep it brief (because ideally you should be doing something with your time anyway). Let her know you are looking forward to seeing her again (although I’m sure you have already- so probably don’t keep bringing that up) and move on with your day. If she likes and is looking forward to your plans then you don’t have anything to worry about except for smothering her into disinterest. Just chill out mang.[/quote]
Yep. That covers it. [/quote]
The secret to never being butthurt, is to keep a rich supply of burgers around and fresh, that way if it doesnt work out, you wont complain and feel bad about the one steak being rotten, who the hell cares about one if you know you can have others. Lesson learned. All eggs in one basket stupid move at 19 years of age. They dont have a brain, carreer, personality, or anything at that age. Focus on your own goals, pursue women later.
also, get jacked as fuck
that’ll help keep you out of the friend zone
being some bish’s beta male friendthing is horrible
-listen to her complain on the phone
-listen to her complain on gchat
-listen to her complain via text
Ok. Point taken.
I was used to frequent, many times a day, communication with my ex. A few years of doing that, and anything less frequent feels uncomfortable. It’s not like I’m sitting around desperate and alone wondering what she’s up to. I’m just used to chatting throughout the day during random bits of downtime – while doing all sorts of other stuff [I write software, ex is a doctor].
Anyway, she’s looking forward to seeing me when she gets back.
And I should stop drinking before I post on here.
Lessons learned.