Let's Process Our Feelings II

Off Topic
381

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
In my feelings news, there’s some mild drama at work, which may break into something interesting at my meeting in 25 minutes. I seem to have miffed a colleague with whom I share a family by offering that we should work together toward the same goal. She took offense, wrote a giant block of text, cc several people, about her willingness to collaborate under xyz conditions, told our boss that she’s decided not to work with kids anymore (I’m the one working with the teen, though, so not sure what that is) and then yesterday was seen to kick a box that got in her way when she was in the faxing area - twice! One of the office admins mentioned it, saying “whoa, [colleague] needs anger management training.”

I’m feeling bewildered by all of this, and also getting angry as I think about the family and its needs as I perceive them. I may break bad today. I’M FEELING RUFFLED.

[/quote]
sounds like she feels that you, and possibly others, don’t think she is capable of doing her job without help. have you heard anyone mention her work or if she seems excessively defensive, other than beating her box?[/quote]

Yes, seems like this is the case, and in fact I now absolutely question her competence, though that wasn’t the case when I initially spoke to her about our clients. She didn’t come off well in the meeting. There was feedback afterward about previous episodes of hostility and insecurity on her part. I’ve ignored it and her since then, aside from polite greetings and such.

The magazine club is meeting tonight for white wine and local foods. I’m sure it’ll be a topic.

382

[quote]CLINK wrote:
See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.

Okay, my work is done here.

(Exit)[/quote]

But ours is just beginning! So, do you look like your avatar? Because that will certainly impact my/our feelings about touching you.

383

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
In my feelings news, there’s some mild drama at work, which may break into something interesting at my meeting in 25 minutes. I seem to have miffed a colleague with whom I share a family by offering that we should work together toward the same goal. She took offense, wrote a giant block of text, cc several people, about her willingness to collaborate under xyz conditions, told our boss that she’s decided not to work with kids anymore (I’m the one working with the teen, though, so not sure what that is) and then yesterday was seen to kick a box that got in her way when she was in the faxing area - twice! One of the office admins mentioned it, saying “whoa, [colleague] needs anger management training.”

I’m feeling bewildered by all of this, and also getting angry as I think about the family and its needs as I perceive them. I may break bad today. I’M FEELING RUFFLED.

[/quote]
sounds like she feels that you, and possibly others, don’t think she is capable of doing her job without help. have you heard anyone mention her work or if she seems excessively defensive, other than beating her box?[/quote]

Yes, seems like this is the case, and in fact I now absolutely question her competence, though that wasn’t the case when I initially spoke to her about our clients. She didn’t come off well in the meeting. There was feedback afterward about previous episodes of hostility and insecurity on her part. I’ve ignored it and her since then, aside from polite greetings and such.

The magazine club is meeting tonight for white wine and local foods. I’m sure it’ll be a topic.[/quote]

has she verbally or physically threatened any one? I would keep an eye on her. people that you least suspect can go off.

by the way, what magazine, and do you complain about all the damn advertising?

384

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]silverblood wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
In my feelings news, there’s some mild drama at work, which may break into something interesting at my meeting in 25 minutes. I seem to have miffed a colleague with whom I share a family by offering that we should work together toward the same goal. She took offense, wrote a giant block of text, cc several people, about her willingness to collaborate under xyz conditions, told our boss that she’s decided not to work with kids anymore (I’m the one working with the teen, though, so not sure what that is) and then yesterday was seen to kick a box that got in her way when she was in the faxing area - twice! One of the office admins mentioned it, saying “whoa, [colleague] needs anger management training.”

I’m feeling bewildered by all of this, and also getting angry as I think about the family and its needs as I perceive them. I may break bad today. I’M FEELING RUFFLED.

[/quote]
sounds like she feels that you, and possibly others, don’t think she is capable of doing her job without help. have you heard anyone mention her work or if she seems excessively defensive, other than beating her box?[/quote]

Yes, seems like this is the case, and in fact I now absolutely question her competence, though that wasn’t the case when I initially spoke to her about our clients. She didn’t come off well in the meeting. There was feedback afterward about previous episodes of hostility and insecurity on her part. I’ve ignored it and her since then, aside from polite greetings and such.

The magazine club is meeting tonight for white wine and local foods. I’m sure it’ll be a topic.[/quote]

has she verbally or physically threatened any one? I would keep an eye on her. people that you least suspect can go off.

by the way, what magazine, and do you complain about all the damn advertising?[/quote]

No, no threats that I know of. She’s very milquetoast-y seeming, and in fact my boyfriend and I joke that I’m “the mean one” because a couple of clients have come to me or been referred to me because my colleague is “too nice,” or else people will say things like “she’s very nice, I just couldn’t connect with her.” Which I can understand. She’s dull seeming. Very proper with something of a buzzkill vibe.

This month’s magazines are AARP, VFW Magazine, and [Nearest Town] Regional Guide. That’s what I decided to steal from the waiting room.

386

How do you conquer yourself? I have come to realize that I literally am my own worst enemy. I can make or break myself.

387

[quote]talon2nr7588 wrote:
How do you conquer yourself? I have come to realize that I literally am my own worst enemy. I can make or break myself. [/quote]

Not sure I’m the best person to give you this advice. But, it starts with acknowledging the things you are insecure about, or bad at, and then taking steps to work on them.

I think the steps of working on them are tricky, it’s one thing to know you are weak in certain areas, another thing to make yourself better at those areas. But, sometimes those things are just facets of who you are, and you will never really be able to sort of conquer them I guess, but you deal with them. It’s like learning to speak in front of a crowd, if you are a natural at it then it’s no big deal. But, if you suffer anxiety then you just have to force yourself to do those things, and realize with practice you will get better. It’s about getting back up after you fall down, and instead of walking away, trying again.

The trying again thing can be complicated though. You want to set yourself up for success and learn from your mistakes. Sometimes having a coach, friend, parent to talk about how to go about these things, how to think about them is important.

I like positive psychology when it comes to dealing with insecurities. Take ownership of them and work on them without being at war with who you are. You may never be a pro public speaker, but you can get comfortable doing it. And sometimes that’s enough (for example).

388

You guys talking about the other psych person whose too nice… I’ve been dating this lady whose also very nice like that… She’s proper and sort of 50’s old school in her tastes. She likes things like old hand nit and hand sewn blouses, is into swing dance, and is into wine to a level that makes me feel way over my head. She’s invited me to things like gourmet dinner parties and we’ve gone wine tasting at some super nice spots. We have a good friendship, and I have a very high level of respect for her…

I have female friends but this feels different, in that I know I fit what I think she’s looking for but I’m not really all that familiar with who she is somehow… I don’t get how she works, and I think that may be what’s kept me interested in her? Also, her peer group seems to like me a lot, but because I’m very different than them. Her friends are lawyers, investment folks, there’s a bio psych person there who works with autistic kids, an engineer, and more investment folks. She is a software project manager and super into French culture…

I’m looking at the sorts of people and interests we have and I’m trying to figure out if the attraction is some sort of weird familiar novelty, or if it’s genuine I guess? I really don’t want to hurt her, but I’ve never felt this unsure about attraction itself I guess. She has great legs, but is so different from me in terms of things outside the initial attraction. I’m not into French, applied math, or swing dance.

Kinda feels like our puzzle pieces fit mechanically, there is mutual attraction and interest, but I’m trying to figure out what the hell we have in common. Should I even worry about it? It bugs me most because I don’t just want to sleep with her, I like who she is and care about not hurting her.

389

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]talon2nr7588 wrote:
How do you conquer yourself? I have come to realize that I literally am my own worst enemy. I can make or break myself. [/quote]

Not sure I’m the best person to give you this advice. But, it starts with acknowledging the things you are insecure about, or bad at, and then taking steps to work on them.

I think the steps of working on them are tricky, it’s one thing to know you are weak in certain areas, another thing to make yourself better at those areas. But, sometimes those things are just facets of who you are, and you will never really be able to sort of conquer them I guess, but you deal with them. It’s like learning to speak in front of a crowd, if you are a natural at it then it’s no big deal. But, if you suffer anxiety then you just have to force yourself to do those things, and realize with practice you will get better. It’s about getting back up after you fall down, and instead of walking away, trying again.

The trying again thing can be complicated though. You want to set yourself up for success and learn from your mistakes. Sometimes having a coach, friend, parent to talk about how to go about these things, how to think about them is important.

I like positive psychology when it comes to dealing with insecurities. Take ownership of them and work on them without being at war with who you are. You may never be a pro public speaker, but you can get comfortable doing it. And sometimes that’s enough (for example). [/quote]

I like Severiano’s response. I think it starts with honesty. Who are you and who do you want to be, and what needs to change in order to match the two. I tend to look for people who model the qualities I seek for myself and observe. Are they kind? How do they manage that if they’re also intelligent and alert? Do they skate well, lift well, manage difficult schedules? I tend to question and observe. And then I just do whatever it is. If I fuck it up, I try again without being self-critical or mired in regret.

If I am not for myself, who is for me?
And being for my own self, what am I?
If not now, when? --Hillel the Elder

390

For the record, I’m so damned crazy about Hockey I can hardly manage myself. Magazine Club is tired of listening to me gush about him and my best friend threatens to avoid me if I don’t stop being so obnoxiously happy.

391

The insecurity at work thing strikes a chord. It kind of cost me a job at the Hungarian cabinet makers place (a couple of pages back). I’ll elaborate a little more later but I have to get ready and go hit the weights. I’ve been taking my little one with me too, which is a riot and has led to some funny stuff that he does too.

I have to process some aggression. It probably won’t devolve into unbridled rage,but if it does there is always room on the bar for another plate.

392

Good lifting, Skyz. I hope it helps.

393

[quote]talon2nr7588 wrote:
How do you conquer yourself? I have come to realize that I literally am my own worst enemy. I can make or break myself. [/quote]

Unless you have deep seated issues, you are probably nothing but a bundle of bad habits.

The good news is, it takes about 3-4 weeks to tackle a bad habit and replace it with a better one.

So, if replace one every month you will do a lot better in one year without too much stress, because once a habit becomes ingrained you are basically cruising on autopilot while still doing the right things.

Also, they accumulate.

394

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Good lifting, Skyz. I hope it helps.[/quote]

Thanks. It did help a little.

Insecurity- So there was a honeymoon period at the fab shop. The owner is a great guy, 75 and still runs circles around people, but his son is a real twat. He kind of fixated on my resume and started googling stuff on it like my certs and code work I’ve done. None of them are spectacular in any way, and most are considered to be essentials that basically anybody should have. BUT the son has never worked anywhere but there for his dad. Dropped out of high school and had a place in the work force secured. So he starts into me every morning when I walk through the door. For a few days he’s calling me a bridge welder. I tell him I’ve never done a bridge in my life, the cert is general for structural etc. yadda yadda…

Then he starts laying into me about how union boiler makers are all kinds of assholes- I correct him again, never been in a union.

Anyways, the guy keeps trying to chip away at me based on things he has no idea about, and the other welder in the shop filled me in on his problems. There were a few times that were laughable, but it got ridiculous when every time I did something well or differently (better) than they were used to the guy started to blow up and completely lose his shit. The last straw was when he was in a fit of rage-literally jumping up and down screaming and wanting me to go outside and fight. So I took my jacket and hood off started packing up my stuff, shook his dads hand and thanked him for the opportunity.

The son calms down and starts following me around asking me what I’m doing, telling me that I have a job there if I want it. I stopped, told him he’s a compete fucking idiot and no amount of money is worth working with an asshole like him, let alone what I was getting paid. Then I left

What pisses me off is that all of it was so entirely unnecessary. If the son could have just kept his shit his, I would have been perfectly happy to stay there and make them tons of money for a long time. Some people have said that I’m intimidating to work with. Thats cold consolation when I’m the one looking for another job.

So, yeah, that insecurity stuff has gotten under my skin.

395

Now the funny stuff- I’ve been taking my son over to my friends house to lift. That is going to be about the only way it’s going to work in the foreseeable future. So the little bugger has started imitating me. The first time was with dead lifts when after I did a set he ran up to the bar and grabbed it (with a mixed grip) a pulled his little ass of, letting out a little battle cry as he did.

Next was with the bench press- I did a set, then Eric did a set. Then he came over and tried to climb upon the bench. It was too high for him though so he put his hands against the padding and started pushing- going GRRRR! as he did. Now that one has carried over to all kinds of stuff. He has started pushing the end tables around the living room and breaking down the baby gates. When he gets done he smiles and says DID IT! DID IT! as he walks away.

I’m sure it comes off pretty flat over the net, but it’s great to see in real life. He might end up being into strongman the way he rolls the hex head dumb bells around.

396

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Good lifting, Skyz. I hope it helps.[/quote]

Thanks. It did help a little.

Insecurity- So there was a honeymoon period at the fab shop. The owner is a great guy, 75 and still runs circles around people, but his son is a real twat. He kind of fixated on my resume and started googling stuff on it like my certs and code work I’ve done. None of them are spectacular in any way, and most are considered to be essentials that basically anybody should have. BUT the son has never worked anywhere but there for his dad. Dropped out of high school and had a place in the work force secured. So he starts into me every morning when I walk through the door. For a few days he’s calling me a bridge welder. I tell him I’ve never done a bridge in my life, the cert is general for structural etc. yadda yadda…

Then he starts laying into me about how union boiler makers are all kinds of assholes- I correct him again, never been in a union.

Anyways, the guy keeps trying to chip away at me based on things he has no idea about, and the other welder in the shop filled me in on his problems. There were a few times that were laughable, but it got ridiculous when every time I did something well or differently (better) than they were used to the guy started to blow up and completely lose his shit. The last straw was when he was in a fit of rage-literally jumping up and down screaming and wanting me to go outside and fight. So I took my jacket and hood off started packing up my stuff, shook his dads hand and thanked him for the opportunity.

The son calms down and starts following me around asking me what I’m doing, telling me that I have a job there if I want it. I stopped, told him he’s a compete fucking idiot and no amount of money is worth working with an asshole like him, let alone what I was getting paid. Then I left

What pisses me off is that all of it was so entirely unnecessary. If the son could have just kept his shit his, I would have been perfectly happy to stay there and make them tons of money for a long time. Some people have said that I’m intimidating to work with. Thats cold consolation when I’m the one looking for another job.

So, yeah, that insecurity stuff has gotten under my skin.
[/quote]

This is why I am self employed since like , 24 or so?

I would rather eat Ramen noodles than take that kind of shit…

Mebbe you want to be self employed too?

397

Soooooo…

I stumbled across the redpill reddit and I am a bit, you know…

After making a few posts on this there subbreddit and venturing to a few other subbreddits, which got me both upvoted and banned, repeatedly, I was invited to a super secret redpill underground lair.

I dont know how to process this.

I call it like I see it, yes, but I cannot be extra hardcore just to please an audience.

On the other hand, I posted something on the Askfeminists subreddit and while the post was received well, the moderators banned me not in spite but because of it.

The thing is, I dont want to be neither.

Not hated, not loved, I just want to put my ideas out there and if they are shitty, I want people to smack them down.

Apparently, I cannot expect that from either side…

400

[quote]orion wrote:
Soooooo…

I stumbled across the redpill reddit and I am a bit, you know…

After making a few posts on this there subbreddit and venturing to a few other subbreddits, which got me both upvoted and banned, repeatedly, I was invited to a super secret redpill underground lair.

I dont know how to process this.

I call it like I see it, yes, but I cannot be extra hardcore just to please an audience.

On the other hand, I posted something on the Askfeminists subreddit and while the post was received well, the moderators banned me not in spite but because of it.

The thing is, I dont want to be neither.

Not hated, not loved, I just want to put my ideas out there and if they are shitty, I want people to smack them down.

Apparently, I cannot expect that from either side…[/quote]

I’ve heard redpill is a cesspool from a wide variety of people(not just your stereotypical white knights or what have you), but I’ve never been much for browsing reddit myself to go see what the fuss is about.