Lack of Social Stamina

Off Topic
61

[quote]texasguy wrote:
CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Airtruth wrote:
On a Side note 6 hours is a long ass time to be socializing, damn take a break or something.

I look at introversion like this: We have anaerobic energy for social activities. We have great strength in short bursts, but we need lots of rest periods. Extroverts are marathon runners. They can keep blabbing on about nothing forever.

It’s not an issue of changing yourself. It’s an issue of recognizing where you are strong - and capitalizing on that. You must also recognize where you are weak - and mitigate those weaknesses.

After a long day, some port and a cigar does the trick for me. Others have different ways to refresh themselves.

What’s important is, as with training, finding what works for you.

not to single claw out, but his post is easy to expand on.

i think retreating in to your fear of social situations is the worst thing you can do.

as with any situations, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

if viewing socializing as weight lifting helps, do that. but instead of working hard and quitting, look at it from another angle.

pick that one exercise that you really hate to do but know you must work on because it is your weak link. concentrate on that exercise often until you strengthen it.

put yourself in social situations, see that people are people, all have their own personalities, faults, positives etc.

realize not everyone will like you, and you will not like everyone for a variety of reasons.

if you need a spotter, bring a good friend you can tag along with if need be, but try to squeeze the lift out yourself.

you can teach yourself to be social. everyone does, whether it is a process picked up as a child or one a late bloomer experiences, and all people adapt as they age and develop to new peer groups, new likes and dislikes etc.

all people are nervous in some situations too. i would wager even the people in the public eye get nervous around their peers be it brad pitt or george bush.

basically, just quit being a wuss. [/quote]

I agree with you that he needs to accept the fact sometimes people don’t like you for no good reason.

But you make it sound like he is hiding in his moms basement and won’t come out. The guy functions fine, for an extended period of time. If he’s at a wedding or beer fest or whatever, and he’s been there for five and a half fucking hours, and everything was great, he can leave before he starts to slip. This isn’t running away, it’s just leaving on a high note.

I think his mistake is trying to be super charismatic in the first place. There is nothing wrong with being quiet and having nothing to say. Yeah, no one should be scared to speak, but he shouldn’t try to be someone he’s not either. He needs to just relax.

62

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
texasguy wrote:
CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Airtruth wrote:
On a Side note 6 hours is a long ass time to be socializing, damn take a break or something.

I look at introversion like this: We have anaerobic energy for social activities. We have great strength in short bursts, but we need lots of rest periods. Extroverts are marathon runners. They can keep blabbing on about nothing forever.

It’s not an issue of changing yourself. It’s an issue of recognizing where you are strong - and capitalizing on that. You must also recognize where you are weak - and mitigate those weaknesses.

After a long day, some port and a cigar does the trick for me. Others have different ways to refresh themselves.

What’s important is, as with training, finding what works for you.

not to single claw out, but his post is easy to expand on.

i think retreating in to your fear of social situations is the worst thing you can do.

as with any situations, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

if viewing socializing as weight lifting helps, do that. but instead of working hard and quitting, look at it from another angle.

pick that one exercise that you really hate to do but know you must work on because it is your weak link. concentrate on that exercise often until you strengthen it.

put yourself in social situations, see that people are people, all have their own personalities, faults, positives etc.

realize not everyone will like you, and you will not like everyone for a variety of reasons.

if you need a spotter, bring a good friend you can tag along with if need be, but try to squeeze the lift out yourself.

you can teach yourself to be social. everyone does, whether it is a process picked up as a child or one a late bloomer experiences, and all people adapt as they age and develop to new peer groups, new likes and dislikes etc.

all people are nervous in some situations too. i would wager even the people in the public eye get nervous around their peers be it brad pitt or george bush.

basically, just quit being a wuss.

I agree with you that he needs to accept the fact sometimes people don’t like you for no good reason.

But you make it sound like he is hiding in his moms basement and won’t come out. The guy functions fine, for an extended period of time. If he’s at a wedding or beer fest or whatever, and he’s been there for five and a half fucking hours, and everything was great, he can leave before he starts to slip. This isn’t running away, it’s just leaving on a high note.

I think his mistake is trying to be super charismatic in the first place. There is nothing wrong with being quiet and having nothing to say. Yeah, no one should be scared to speak, but he shouldn’t try to be someone he’s not either. He needs to just relax. [/quote]

after six hours at a beer fest, who won’t say stupid shit? if that is the post it is a ridiculous one. but for c law and those responding to him, the response is very valid.

63

[quote]texasguy wrote:
if viewing socializing as weight lifting helps, do that.

pick that one exercise that you really hate to do but know you must work on because it is your weak link. concentrate on that exercise often until you strengthen it.

put yourself in social situations, see that people are people, all have their own personalities, faults, positives etc.

realize not everyone will like you, and you will not like everyone for a variety of reasons.

if you need a spotter, bring a good friend you can tag along with if need be, but try to squeeze the lift out yourself.

you can teach yourself to be social. everyone does, whether it is a process picked up as a child or one a late bloomer experiences, and all people adapt as they age and develop to new peer groups, new likes and dislikes etc.

[/quote]

I really like this post, but I don’t know how useful it is for the OP. How is he going to consistently put himself in social situations that last for more than 6 hours to work on his week spot?

64

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
It is no wonder he diagnosed DW so quickly.

DW? Arthur’s little sister?

Not Dorothy Winifred, Diesel Weasel!

Zap, I think you need to pay better attention. It’s Dora Winifred.

I thought it was Dora the Explorer.[/quote]

I’m pretty sure DW’s first name is Dora also.

I just had an idea, the OP needs to have kids. He will then learn all about children’s shows and that will give him at least 2 more hours of material to chat about.

65

[quote]on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
It is no wonder he diagnosed DW so quickly.

DW? Arthur’s little sister?

Not Dorothy Winifred, Diesel Weasel!

Zap, I think you need to pay better attention. It’s Dora Winifred.

I thought it was Dora the Explorer.

I’m pretty sure DW’s first name is Dora also.

I just had an idea, the OP needs to have kids. He will then learn all about children’s shows and that will give him at least 2 more hours of material to chat about.
[/quote]

What do you think about Buster Baxter’s new show?

I liked him much better as Arthur’s sidekick.

66

If you dismiss what I say as simply faking it till you make it, then you are missing my point. I am not a pyschiatrist therefore I can not diagnose your problem, which means I can’t give you a solution to fix it.

But when it comes to life Jobs are neccessary and I’m recommending you to do something to get around it. Theres a job, theres faking, and theres actually liking what you do.

When you fix your face to smile you can do it because your fake smiling, or you can do it because you are flexing your face muscles as you would flex your wrist while typing.

When you are in your mind thinking “Fuck, What can I say to entertain this bastard!” you are faking it. But when you have a catch phrase already planned and say that or planned to stay silent in a certain situation with a blank look on your face, you are simply doing your job.

I agree you have issues you need to learn how to handle, but until then you need to be able to keep your jobs.

Somebody had a suggestion earlier of a possible form of a panic attack. You might want to look into that.

67

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
It is no wonder he diagnosed DW so quickly.

DW? Arthur’s little sister?

Not Dorothy Winifred, Diesel Weasel!

Zap, I think you need to pay better attention. It’s Dora Winifred.

I thought it was Dora the Explorer.

I’m pretty sure DW’s first name is Dora also.

I just had an idea, the OP needs to have kids. He will then learn all about children’s shows and that will give him at least 2 more hours of material to chat about.

What do you think about Buster Baxter’s new show?

I liked him much better as Arthur’s sidekick.[/quote]

I’m a big Buster fan, so I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t know he had his own show.

68

I am a little like this, maybe we all are.

I am terribly misanthropic, however my job determines that i am sociable and pleasant.

I am just happy to be what i am. People now know what i am like, that i can be very ejoyable company, or that i can be a bit of a pain. I am willing to argue with people, but they understand that this is just me.

Placing yourself against how “others” are is always going to end in tears. Other people may appear to be better together, and maybe maybe they are, but that is exactly it, it is how they are.

Drugs etc can be a substitute, but ultimately exacerbate the problem, affecting your behaviour and emotional status.

I have been where you are now. If your friends dont take you as you are, well, that says more about them than you.

And praying will definately not help. You are only responsible for the small part of the world you inhabit, so just make the most of what you have got.

EG, i am a very undiplomatic discussor. I probably should have been a lawyer. however, i am not, ad in many ways that prevents me from being as successful as i could be. Answer to that…working to be self employed, where my problem becomes an advantage. work with what you have got.

You sound pretty normal to me. You have some issues, but aside from that, you seem relatively ok.

69

The symptoms you describe sound very much like Asperger’s syndrome. Aspergers is considered a mild form of autism. People with it usually lack personal social skills.

What you are saying makes sense. When you first meet someone, it is generally very formal. But as time wears on, the need for personal social skills becomes more apparent.

It could be another issue altogether, but your symptoms do sound familiar.

70

Adam C - Best Avatar Ever in T-Nation history.

As for the social introvert - Listen to CaliLaw if you feel it a necessity to socialize. I’m the same way, but I make no excuses and don’t try to make or practice the art of small talk - I can’t do it.

That would however,explain why I don’t ever have more than 2 people to hang out with on a night off :slight_smile:

If those 2 people were the girls in the best avatar in T-Nation history ever though, I think I’d be one fucking happy introvert.

Amir

71

You know the other side of I don’t find people very interesting is that they might find you boring.

this stuff isn’t very hard, try to think of others above yourself. How do they feel, what do they think and so on.

In my office I try to relate to people . some aren’t to bright, some are very bright. But as a smart guy I can talk about a variety of topics and try to target it for that person.

I go hunting, so I can talk to that rich big game hunter type or that poor guy who goes on the local state game lands.

They like cooking, talk about food. Everyone eats. Exerrcise might be okay if you remain open minded and don’t lecture.

It involves an effort on your part. And it’s not like I can’t relate here. I’ve been diagnosed with ADD. Small talk can be painful at times, and mundane. But I try and people seem to like me. I get my stimulation from reading books as opposed to most conversations.

But you can genuinely try to like people by seeing the good. Yes, some smoke, don’t work out are dumb, vote democratic or republican and so on. but everyone has something to offer and something you can learn from. You have to ask yourself if you have anything to offer anyone else.

72

My advice would be to increase your strength and endurance (through exercise), take good care of your overall health (eat well especially when in stressful situations like travelling, get enough sleep, drink plenty of water…) and learn to relax(study yoga, meditation, martial arts…).

Prob a doctor for sure, but I think Traditional Martial arts/Yoga would actually be pretty good for you too, it will interact you with different people and would be very good for you mind and body,