[quote]Sarev0k wrote:
[quote]boatguy wrote:
So I know the Nation is not the be-all, end-all of knowledge, but I was hoping that maybe some other parents have experienced something similar, and could share their strategies, since my wife and I are at a loss.
My son is apparently a bully at school. I say that sarcastically, since he is five and it’s not like he’s beating kids up for their lunch money. Apparently, he plays too rough for the other kids, he won’t listen to the teacher since he knows she won’t do anything other than talk to him in a high-pitched whiney voice about his ‘feelings’ and ‘what he was thinking when he did _______’, and he also won’t listen to the bus driver, and has now been kicked off the bus twice. He’s not even halfway through the school year!
He has been poking and bothering other kids, doesn’t want to sit down and listen, basically wants to do whatever he wants, not what the class is doing. The teacher has been sending notes about the poking and whatnot, but now all of a sudden they talk about how he’s been ‘hurting so many kids’, as if we were supposed to equate poking with violence or something, and now other parents are supposedly sending notes to the teacher about him hurting their kids.
I am not trying to make light of this situation. I know bullies exist, I was bullied quite a bit as a child since I was smaller and weaker than most of the other kids. But it is mind-boggling to us, since he sits through sunday school every week for two hours without hurting anyone, and he can get dropped off at a friends house for hours on end without us present, and no one gets hurt. But suddenly he gets to school and he’s kicking ass like it’s his job.
I don’t know if we are overlooking something, or if the other kids just need to quit being little pansies(my wife’s suggestion), but he not only doesn’t care about the negative attention, he seems to thrive on it. He is a bright kid, sometimes I think he’s too smart for his own good. He can determine very quickly who is going to make him mind and who won’t. A friend of ours used to babysit him on occasion, until he started walking all over her because she wouldn’t discipline. We gave her very explicit permission to spank him if need be, but she refused because she felt uncomfortable spanking someone else’s child(which I can understand). So he doesn’t stay at her house anymore.
I am not placing all the blame on the teacher, since I know they are really hamstrung on what they can do for discipline these days. It’s not like when I was in school, and they took care of business as needed(I got paddled at least once in every grade through 7th, and I was far from being a troublemaker). The first meeting we had was useless, as I sat there watching a grown woman talk to a five year old as if he could intelligently explain the motive behind his bad behavior, and what he was thinking as he did certain things, and then asked him to sign the notes from the meeting(he’s in kindergarten!). Granted, I was a little disgruntled to begin with, having been up since 6:00 the day before and then having to sit and listen to her drivel. I tried to keep an open mind, hoping it would work, but it did absolutely nothing.
So anyway. If anyone can give me some ideas on how to handle this, I’m all ears. I can spank him when he gets home, but he’ll still do what he wants when he’s at school(already tried that approach).[/quote]
Sounds to me like your kid is very smart, and VERY BORED IN SCHOOL. Your kid’s in kindergarten, which is a new thing to him, and it’s probably boring as hell for the little guy.
Solution = Not a guarantee, but challenge him more academically at home and physically(Tire Him Out).
Don’t be too mad at his behavior, he sounds like a smart kid. But for some reason, boredom in school = I want to punch other kids to pass the time.[/quote]
x2
Having worked in a nursery school before, this is usually the problem. I was the same way, as well as my son. We didn’t necessarily pick with the other kids, but at that age, when you get bored; you look for something to occupy you. Also, despite what some of the Casper Milquetoasts on here have said, the other kids very well may be pansies. Teaching kids to handle conflicts on their own and constructively are NOT on the priority list in most schools these days. The first thing they tell a kid to do is run and tell the teacher when 90% of the time, the kid being antagonized simply saying “Stop” gets the other kid to leave him alone. I remember that there was one kid in my son’s daycare class who went around biting other kids. I told my son pointblank, and in these exact words “If the little bastard ever bites you again, ball your fist up and punch him dead in the face, as hard as you can. Mommy and I will deal with the consequences later.” The next time he tried to bite, my son knocked his ass head over heels into the fence. That was the last time the little bastard bit anyone.
Another thing is, you said the teacher whines and pleads. As a man, you know we instinctively tune out someone whining and yelling, especially when that is their first resort. The teacher needs a better strategy and to gain some presence with her students. Your son can sense her inherent weakness and ignores her. It doesn’t sound like your son is a bully; just that he is smart, so he gets bored easily and can sense his teacher’s inherent weakness and lack of confidence.