Yes. My oldest brother is quadriplegic, paralyzed from the chest down and no use of his hands/triceps. He’s married currently for the second time and has had numerous girlfriends.
He’s actually a ridiculous example, because to look at him alone, one would thing “Obviously women love men in wheel chairs!”. He has no problem rolling up to a woman and starting a conversation, flirting a little, maybe offering her a ride. But then again, he was a stud before his accident. He met his first wife in Chile, deployed around the world in a freakin destroyer with the US Navy, and kicked ass made whoopie 4 different continents.
So maybe that isn’t a fair example, but I’m gonna go with what I know.
That humbles me and makes me feel like I am griping about nothing. Of course I am griping about something and of course that isn’t me, the below image is me.
Yes I’m not the most “masculine” looking guy out there. But it seems to me that boys get horny, girls get horny, both fall in love, there are varying degrees of preference and SOME girl will pick up what i’m putting down? The law of averages and all that? It’s like playing the lotto
I met a 21 year old guy yesterday in a relationship with a 26 year old girl. The guy looked about 12. I don’t get it. My best guess is I lack the finesse required to interact with women without creeping / weirding them out or seeming too crazy or deep / complicated, as you mentioned earlier.
Girls my own age are very insecure though and often stuck up. That’s why I dig the idea of riding it out for a few more years until I can go for just slightly older young women, definitely out of the late teens, 21+. If I play it right and make myself into an interesting enough person with a story to tell, maybe, just maybe I will have a package that will sell. I have plenty of interests besides bitching about lack of sex. I save that for the anonymous internet.
In my eyes you look perfectly fine and I look like I am from Neptune. That said, I say it’s about body language and how you carry yourself too, which comes with time, age and work.
What age did you cash in your v-card if I may ask?
I’m thinking 13. That was right about the time that all of the boys and girls started getting really curious about what goes where. A bunch of us guys would get together with a bunch of girls and steal or parents beer and mess around all of the time. Throw in a bunch of hormones, lack of supervision and a couple of beers- and viola! Promiscuity!
This is how most reasonable people behave, even if they have collective feelings on a gender or group of people. I treat every individual I come across in my days cordially unless I sense that they are difficult to deal with and thereafter stay away from them as long as I can help it. But in the work world, one has to deal with unlikeable people.
I believe many here will disagree with me, and although I am not the most manly man around, I don’t think a strictly individualistic mindset is particularly manly and believe that it is child-like, foolish, and/or naive. Although individuals exhibit unique behaviors the group to which they belong shows general behaviors. And when people are made uncomfortable, make consequential life decisions, or when a crunch time comes, they generally act as their group generally does. I will not go further on that, because anyone with half a brain knows what I am implying, but being that political incorrectness is so frowned upon, I won’t go further.
And although there are individual differences amongst women, all of them are profoundly different than men!
Judging from this post and the plight of lonely, womanless men, I don’t agree with you fully. Womanless men older than 25 years old are usually bored out of their skulls, depressed, sexually repressed, and insecure, and although finding a woman will not solve all of life’s challenges, it sure will take care of most of that! Not only that, when one has a partner, other people are met through the relationships of that partner, by going on double dates and attending events, meeting the partner’s family members, going on vacations together, meeting family members, and so on. Although that is not going to give a man an identity-and you certainly don’t want to lose your identity even in a relationship or marriage–it sure lends to one’s identity. If you get married and raise kids, that sure is going to lend to your identity.
Yes, men shouldn’t kid themselves, despite the tough-guy and individualist stance many take. You’ve likely heard about that when some people act as if being womanless is no big deal and explain how independent they are and that they’ve been fine when they are single. Yes, some men, for whatever reason can actually be single unduly without losing their mind or becoming lonely, but the vast majority of those who say they were fine when they were single had women for extended periods of time before becoming single!
And usually such men are not ever truly single! That is they’re womanless in the literal sense. They’re screwing ex-girlfriends, they have friends with benefits, someone wants them back, etc.
Yes, you still have to go about your life and do what’s necessary, but let’s not fool ourselves into believing it’s possible to be truly content with life while womanless. If that was the case then we would see far more independent tough guys without women! Few are above their physiological and emotional needs and the desires to procreate and belong to a social scene. And if some guys are above it, I’d like to know why they took on the burdens (yes, burdens indeed, though beneficial) of being married and raising kids, dealing with in-laws, paying bills, and god knows how many errands, obligations, and chores that are no fun that come along with all that. The fact is the vast majority of hunan beings don’t want to be and don’t do well when alone.
I’ll be back later, but I think you should lay off the pot too.
I read all of it, just thinking on it a bit. I’ll reply more when you come back.
As far as pot tho, I do agree. It’s a good eye and mind opener in your teens and early twenties, but, unlike getting drunk, getting high does get old. Once you get the message, hang up the phone.
I think you hit the nail on the head, people will tell you it “works” for some people but rarely do you get the big picture of their lives and how they are satisfying their own needs. There’s a difference between a partner fixing your problems and your partner helping you, especially for a guy like me who just needs to get out of his own fucking head. That is the biggest problem for me with pot - OVERTHINKING!
Please take this only in the context I say it because I think you are a harmless, nice person. Like I said before, your mind seems to race a bit, and you seem to not get the gist or general theses of statements and posts. I am not the slightest bit annoyed by it, but you seem to sway off in directions that are only slightly related to what is stated to you. There are times in which you reply, and I think to myself, “WTF is this guy talking about? Did he read what I wrote? Does he understand what I mean?” Again, this MIGHT be why you seem creepy to women and it sure can irritate other people, particularly men, on a job, which is why I suspect that, as you said in another post, other men because irritated and callous while working with you.
Perhaps that’s the case, but I highly doubt that’s because of weed. Or perhaps you specifically do not respond well to weed. There are MANY men who smoke weed and when I speak to them when they’re high, I can barely tell they smoked just a little while ago. That’s how relaxed they seem to me. In any case, a man should be able to deal with life with two feet on the ground!
There’s nothing great about being drunk either! Dude, really, as I said, I am not here to bash you, but you really do seem forgone in some ways and might be why some have suggested psychological counseling.
This does sound harsh perhaps. But let’s look at your posts. People who are dealing with life, the good and the bad, but are meeting simple life requirements with some recreation, love, and sex thrown in, do not think and speak as you do. You come across as, for lack of better words, VERY SPACY, lonely, bored, and overly introspective. Most people are not constantly questioning themselves and constantly reviewing their flaws, even if they are not particularly confident. Many men, even physically unattractive ones, do not constantly review their flaws while trying to find a mate. As I said, I see stupid and ugly people on a daily basis with women. So obviously they didn’t let these characteristics hold them back. They know they’re ugly and not particularly bright and they still got women.
When you finally meet a woman you’ll see how all this “self-development” and introspection suddenly stops.
I don’t think i’m really fucked in the head, i just think I have a lot of brainpower and you’re right, that if I was in a relationship it would be directed toward her instead of the shit pit of myself. So yeah, i’m probably one who would benefit from a relationship.
Counseling for me is a joke, i said i was depressed, they asked why, i told the shrink, and he told me to jerk off. lol
But all this banter is irrelevant. In reality, the solution is lose the self pity, to get off the computer, go forth into the world, either have sex or don’t, have sex in a relationship or outside of one, grow, gain maturity and then ultimately have a great relationship for the right reasons. This is the most logical thing I can come up with out of all this
When I came to my dad with my moral dilemmas and asked him about sex vs a relationship or them together, he said don’t aim to be promiscuous but that at this point in my life I need to stop thinking less and live more. Pops knew his stuff i think
I agree with everything in your last couple of posts, but this seems worth repeating. I’m posting from bed while the fiancé continues work on our home renovation. It’s midnight. Quitting time and showers always come earlier for me, though I consistently do much lighter work. So what’s in it for him? He doesn’t need me to live comfortably, though I’m sure he appreciates my paycheck. I add work to his life because he’s more ambitious with me around. I have to assume he enjoys the partnership, having someone to look after and someone who looks after him, a lifestyle that includes tipsy dinner parties and time outside playing. He doesn’t come home from work trips to a cold house and empty refrigerator anymore.
Life is less complicated for me without him, too. However, I feel warmer and happier and safer with him in my life. I might guess that he would agree with “warmer” and “happier” but perhaps substitute something else for “safer” if describing the difference between together and alone.
He is also a regular guy. Here he is covered with plaster dust, working on a closet for me:
I’d like to use this opportunity to say my disclaimer that I think weed " helps" nothing. I don’t think it’s really irreparably damaged my life but…it hasn’t helped. It has caused me to be less than motivated, overly anxious or think too much in certain situations, that is the price you pay for the nice open feeling it can bring.
Case in point, I just smoked some really strong weed for the third time in 24 hours and it resulted in something that was not so pleasant for once. People say you can’t trip on weed and thus get bad trips, I don’t think that is true because last night it put me through an emotional rollercoaster that nearly caused a panic attack. Ultimately it just resulted in a 4 hour nap, you wake groggy and don’t feel like doing anything. This is why I like pot but I’m also cautious about it, probably going to take a long break to be honest.
Well, as I said, hardly anyone is above his or her physiological and biological needs. That’s it! Mother Nature or God or whatever sort of creator there actually is, designed men and women to want each other… obviously! And there’s no getting around this want for nearly all people. The desire to procreate is also there too.
That’s why I don’t think I will place to much emphasis on whether I do have sex or whether I don’t from a moral standpoint, whether it is inside or outside of wedlock, whatever. I believe being raised a Catholic had a negative influence on my understanding of sexuality, far more importance being placed on sex in some ways and yet not enough at the same time. I’m not saying I will become a man-whore, just that it’s stupid to be afraid of your dick
EDIT: Anniversary of my signup? Well that’s cool I guess
I know. I was joking about it with him at the start of the thread. I chose that particular one because I’m making my slingblade face, and he kept putting up that one of himself with the forlorn slouchy look.
I’ve had a few other thoughts I’ll complete later. I have some running around to do before the sunday shopping craziness begins.
It’s probably worth mentioning I suffer from pretty severe depression. I don’t like to say I am depressed though because I don’t like to identify as the condition. The loneliness amplifies it, as does the lack of female attention / sexuality, and combine that with poverty income and intolerable work in an economy the baby boomers fucked up good, lack of friends and family and it’s a toxic brew of misery.
And believe it or not pot doesn’t help. It fools you into thinking it does, for awhile, but when you become dependent on THC to allow your brain to feel happy chemicals you are bound for greater depression. For that reason I’ve decided to go sober until I square away a lot of important matters
The sick truth is that I don’t think sex will fix it. Neither will a girlfriend. There’s a missing element that I need to find. It’s called life fulfillment and finding yourself. And to me, THAT is being a man.
A good idea is to stop externalizing blame onto others (e.g. shitty work because of the boomers) and figure out what you need to do to improve your life. That’s where your energy is best spent.
Laying off weed is a good idea. As much fun as getting stoned can be, I don’t think anyone in their right mind ever called it helpful.
Lastly, some therapists will be a good match for you, some won’t. Some are more competent, some less. Maybe 1/4 of my colleagues would be therapists I’d want to work with as a client. The rest either wouldn’t be good matches for me or are not people I feel bring enough to the table that I would especially benefit. Seems like it would be worth you looking into again.
You’re right about blaming others, blaming yourself doesn’t get you anywhere either. Pot can grant introspection but does not improve your life either, it has a tendency to do the opposite unless you are very disciplined with your own life and mind.
Honestly, it may sound cliche but I think the element I need is love, if not from others, for myself as best I can, and of my life as best I can. It’s a cruel world. I don’t want to be going it alone
