Iran: In Trump's Crosshairs

Check your email. I just received a rare offer for a very lucrative arrangement with Nigerian royalty. I’d rather be working with the Saudis, but you take what you get.

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Actually, not eating pork is the only thing they will adhere to, as is not as much fun as booze, hookers and blow.

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LOL!

Thanks for the correction, @loppar!

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I too would like to know this, for wholly academic reasons, of course.

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I think it involves dancing around with a scimitar.

There’s a lamp you have to find. Then you’ve got 3 shots.

Just don’t speak down to some street rat only to fall into a trap my 4 year old saw coming.

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Just keeps getting better and better.

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And a ceremony with some wierd orb.

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Saruman, Worm Tongue and the President?

Or just 3 dudes playing some Okama Game Sphere?

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Nobody uses a Palantir like I do. My arcanists, who are the very best, tell me that the dark lord is no match for my tremendous willpower. Haters and fake news disagree.

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As someone who has attended a Saudi “party”, this is how it usually goes:

First, you meet up for some “sports” - falconry or camel racing. That means you sit in an air conditioned tent and watch either camels racing (obviously) or falcons swooping on a small rodent somewhere far off while gorging yourself on simple carbs.

Then it’s “party” time. There’s a dedicated room for that purpose in a Saudi mansion - rich Saudis have a room for every possible occasion. The houses themselves are gender segregated, so it means that somewhere in another wing the women of the house are slowly losing their minds and physically and mentally abusing their Philippine maids to vent their frustrations.

So in the “party” room there are more carbs. Most of the older guys are wheezing diabetics and the food although plentiful seems a bit strange - it’s hard to make their dirt poor traditional cuisine opulent and luxurious. During dinner you show off your bling to other dudes and exchange compliments (“hey dude, nice watch”), and then comes the dancing part.

Don’t forget it’s gender segregated so we’re talking about a bunch of men in a “party” room.

Afterwards you hit the town in one of your gigantic black SUVs - you cruise at 20 mph around town with rolled down windows, your keffiyeh fluttering in the wind and you compliment other dudes driving next to you - “hey man, nice car”. Then it’s time for more carbs (mostly gallons of soda) and you then call it a night.

Of course, this is the sanitized version presented to an infidel such as myself, when they go to Dubai they practice every depravity known to man and afterwards pay a hefty sum to a Salafi charity to secure a place in paradise.

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No gold flaked hummus?

WTF Arabs? W. T. F.?

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There’s more than hummus, obviously, but even adding extravagant ingredients it cannot hide its humble origins. Honestly, I much more prefer Persian cuisine.

Another thing worth noting is that Muslims in general have mastered the art of the legal high. It may sound ridiculous, but it’s true. Typically you break your Ramadan fast with coffee and dates.

Imagine drinking the equivalent of four or five espresso shots on an empty stomach after a whole day of fasting, followed by some high glycemic carbs.

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That would be one hell of a jolt. Gotta hand it to them for that one.

Isn’t hashish okay? I remember reading that alcohol and cigarettes were a no no but hookah pipes loaded with bud were allowed.

BEHOLD THE MAJESTIC ORB!

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Today the orb, tomorrow the orgasmatron.

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They weren’t the ones doing a lot of that fighting. For example, Arab troops did not conquer Spain, it was a Berber army.

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Now that the dems have started the impeachment inquiry, I’m willing to bet Iran gets pretty bold soon.

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In other news, US regional ally just got invaded by barefoot Houthis (ok, some were wearing sandals) and defeated in a conventional set piece battle.

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