I wanna get more into the idea of ‘if I put pictures of me playing a game I enjoy playing on a dating site, it would be a bad idea’. This is really interesting to me. You’re suggesting that this is a thing you like, and presumably, you would want to date a girl with shared interests. So I wonder, why would it be bad to post pictures that demonstrate your interests on your profile? Wouldn’t that attract someone with similar interests? I don’t see a downside here, unless you’re really not dating with the intention of connecting with someone.
Wanna_be’s post above is what made me give this a second thought. Every picture he mentioned involves doing something, being involved socially or individually in a fun thing. Hiking, wakeboarding, enjoying a wedding with friends/family/whatever. All of these are meaningful interactions with the world, as opposed to staged ‘model’ photos. It makes sense that these photos would ‘work’ on a dating site. It gives insight into who he is, not just what he looks like.
You can have a single posed, flattering photo on your profile, and that will be informative enough on your appearance. You don’t need 4-5 of the same. If the rest of your photos are of you actually DOING something, you’ll probably have more success.
Your pictures are great (outside of the dating app) @aldebaran but you’ve painted yourself into a stereotypical box that you don’t wanna be in while trying to find a partner.
Do girls play roleplaying games like that? I never met one, either IRL, online on YouTube or something and I would be flabergasted to find one on Tinder
I am alone most of the time and don’t have family gathering. 90% of my friends are male and yeah, you figured it, we play stuff like Horror of Arkham: they don’t even have social media so yeah taking pics really isn’t a thing we do ahahah
I see your point guys. I guess I looked at some tutorials about dating apps and they said to use this kind of pictures, but I guess I was wrong. It’s more about conveying who you really are, not some perfect avatar.
I’ll try to delve more I certainly must have some
They are not that f’d up but yead I’m taking the steps.
What about "it happens when you least expect it? "
I had the goofiest thing happen once. A guy I hung out with took a pic of me in the rain, hunting fall mushrooms and posted it on Facebook. It got over 35k hits and like 10k shares before my dude got mad and took it down.
The whole point of meeting girls through tinder is to meet girls you wouldn’t otherwise meet in real life… right? Otherwise, why use it? Maybe there are girls on tinder who will find that appealing, maybe there aren’t. Only one way to find out for sure.
Man, I know this sounds cliche, but be yourself, not some person you think other people want to see. You’ve already said yourself that what you’re doing now isn’t yielding the results you want. Is it really going to hurt to try something different?
These guys seem to have lost their minds. If I were single I would pick up some basic pointers from them (most or all if which can be come up with by observation) but I think men should avoid these guys’ content past that. Lately, Rollo seems to derive much joy in other men’s ’ folly and misfortune. And all three go on one-to three-hour tangents whining about women, which to me, is incongruent. One might think after listening to these men go on and on about how horrible and misery-inducing women are, men should steer clear of them, while at the same time giving advice about how to get them.
That I agree with, especially for women dating a highly attractive guy. Ive heard this from hundreds of women at this point:
“I want a guy who’s fit… but not more fit than me.”
“I want a good looking guy… but not better looking than me.”
Dating is an investment and attractive men who have their shit together are seen as high yield, but also incredibly high risk. They’ll be getting alot of attention from other women, and could stray at any time (that’s the fear at least.) While guys who don’t really get all the attention are perceived as safer and will treat any above average looking woman like she’s the best he can get. It’s complete bullshit, but it’s the perception when our society is so rampant with insecurity.
Okay, a lot of this has been covered already since I posted last, but I would keep photo #2, the one at the track, and ditch the rest. Your fantastic abs can be a nice surprise. That you’re very fit and live the lifestyle comes through with #2. #'s1 ,3, and 4 are intimidating and chilly. As someone looking at your profile, I would expect to have to offer similar photos, and let’s face it, even if I could, I’d feel odd doing it. Also, I’m looking for someone who wants ME, not posed versions of Best Me, with my clothes on point and hair done perfectly.
Funnily enough, given my above statement, I’m all FOR posing for pics. When I was doing online dating I was looking for something very specific (someone I could like, respect, and ultimately love). So I was very deliberate in my choice of pics. For example, where I could have chosen a really hot progress photo (I would post it, but it’s not loading) I opted instead to set my camera on timer and have it catch me coming in the door in a t-shirt and running shorts, implying that I was returning from a run. Not at ALL sexy, unless you like athletic girls with nice legs and a flat stomach, in which case…I think very. See?
All of my photos either showed something I wanted seen, or offered an opportunity to caption something, such as “Hugging a cardboard man at the end of a long workday.” No makeup, hair a mess, but it’s fun and it shows the very real-est me. And I happen to have a particularly broad, nice smile in it. It’s a flattering pic.
In looking at men’s profiles, I was looking for same. What do you love? Who are you? One smoldering pic in a group of 4-5 is great. 4-5 smoldering pics shows vanity. And you’re not at all that way! Most of your posts end with ahaha. You’re very light and easy to like. Show it, even if you have to ask someone to take a pic of you doing something goofy.
Are you perhaps self-sabotaging? I have known attractive men who have more than enough chances with women, say they want to find a girlfriend or eventually a wife, who I believe self sabotage because although they want the goodies of a relationship, specifically female validation, sex, affection, and companionship, they instinctively know life will drastically change after commitment (expectation of marriage down the line, less freedom, less “me time”, needing to be there for someone else, stress, or even a kid down the line).
They go on dates but do not go for it. After some time I’d question why these guys continued meeting women.
Ah that’s funny this is the one I kept for it looked the more natural (we had just ran for 1h30 lol)
That’s interesting, I never thought of using a timer or something.
Thanks for the advices, these are very sound.
Not that I am aware of. I am aware of these relationship disadvantages, hence why I don’t want to settle with the first that comes by and am fine by my own (perhaps too used to it!).
But no, when I really like a girl, I’m not trying to find excuses, not expecting her to be perfect (for nobody is), honestly I don’t ask for much (appart perhaps from the physique, for it must be said, a toned athletic body is quite rare, yet I am not asking for a model by far).
I had one itis for a girl for almost a year. Then well I don’t know, mixture of Covid, of not meeting many women, and not being courageous enough to ask them out IRL or specifically at the gym.
Also, I guess I am finding excuses for not acting, or not enough. I know some confidence.Girls aren’t my main priority either. But well, it’s been quite some time alone
Why would I lie? Nobody gets away with lying. It’s that I don’t advertise this side of me. I’m 31, and things like roleplaying games or my taste in music, I keep for myself or the rare close friends who enjoy them as well. Truth is, the vast majority of the population don’t care or like these, I’m just used to it and I don’t advertise it. But if someone asks, I’ll tell them about. I won’t hide my DnD books and such in my room when I invite a girl ahahah
Also I don’t consider these as a deal breaker, for they are not such a BIG part of my life.
You don’t like nerdy things or my music? Whatever no big deal, no girl of mine ever did.
You don’t like sports? It’s gonna be a problem lol for the majority of my time is spent training, coaching, or writing (+ the eating and sleeping…)
Exactly. And again, the other things can be a nice surprise. It’s been something of a joke on these boards that I wear minimizing bras (and did when I was dating). “Why???” has been the question. And the answer is that this is not how I want to lead, whether at work or in finding a mate. I’ve never been interested in giving off “sexy!” vibes, because I believe “sexy” for me is a combination of my body, my interest in athletic sex, and my quirky and unpredictable mind. Not that I would have understood all of that in my late teens and early 20’s, only that I didn’t want the kind of attention sexualizing myself brought me.
I know several people who play D&D, ranging from middle age with grown kids (have encountered two of these through work), one a 40-something, and one around your age. It’s not as weird as it used to be, haha. So yes, lead with it if you’d like. One of the D&D people I work with has recently made a move on a woman in his group. We’re waiting to see how that plays out. (Wish him luck!)
I think he’s suggesting that the non-advertising is a deception. Regardless of whether it is or not, there is only advantage to “I’m a huge dork!” Particularly for a male.
I mean, isn’t this who you’re looking for? A rare close friend with whom you have sex and build a life?
It occurs to me as I read this log, and your training log. Do you have “space” in your life for a partner? Do you have time in your life to be doing the things that most people do early in a relationship?
