First, you get some big nasty sewer rats, and let them loose in the walls to eat Colonel Wigglesworth’s corpse.
Then you get a large snake to eat the rats.
Then you go steal a silver back Gorilla from the zoo, let him go in your house, and he’ll eat the snake.
Finally, when you let the Gorilla out in the yard to spend the night, he’ll freeze to death in the snow.
Problem solved.
Oh yeah, after Magilla Gorilla freezes to death in your back yard, cut off his balls, and sell them to some chinese business men. They dry them out, grind them into powder and snort them as an aphrodisiac. You’ll make a killing!
[quote]MsM wrote:
Oh god. I think Ernie has died somewhere within the walls of my son’s room. I went in there just now to get his laundry and there is something not right with that room and it’s not gym socks.
Now what the hell do I do?[/quote]
Oh shit, what have I done?
Well, the way I see it you have 2 options:
Wait it out, I know mice & rats take a week or so for the smell to wear out, but Ernie may take longer because he is larger. 
Or you could get to the root of the smell, cut out a hole and remove him. It’ll take some patching up or replacement of a panel though. Do you have drywall walls?
No rsg, it’s actually god awful panelling. Maybe this is a good time to get rid of it and put up drywall. I hate that stuff, painted or not. I don’t think I could live for at least a week with that smell. Thing is, I’ve tried to figure out exactly where it’s coming from and the best I can do is figure out generally what area it’s coming from. I doubt that me ripping walls out is a good idea. I’m not exactly inclined that way:(
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
Oh yeah, after Magilla Gorilla freezes to death in your back yard, cut off his balls, and sell them to some chinese business men. They dry them out, grind them into powder and snort them as an aphrodisiac. You’ll make a killing![/quote]
Just off the top of your head, huh? lol
Hey Renton? I’m thinking we have a new fund-raiser:)
[quote]MsM wrote:
Uncle Gabby wrote:
Oh yeah, after Magilla Gorilla freezes to death in your back yard, cut off his balls, and sell them to some chinese business men. They dry them out, grind them into powder and snort them as an aphrodisiac. You’ll make a killing!
Just off the top of your head, huh? lol
Hey Renton? I’m thinking we have a new fund-raiser:)[/quote]
Sounds good to me. Uncle Gabby has proven himself as a pure lateral thinker time and again and this advice looks good to me. I wonder though if we could make more money by drying the balls out ourselves and selling the resulting powders?
Btw - If you need a hand with the dry walling I’m actually very good at DIY.
[quote]Renton wrote:
I’m actually very good at DIY.[/quote]
Hmmmm Should I or shouldn’t I? 
I was kidding up there ^
I’d love the help. How long do you figure it’d take you?
The other thing, I don’t know if I could tell someone that I dry out monkey balls for a living…just me.
[quote]MsM wrote:
I was kidding up there ^
I’d love the help. How long do you figure it’d take you?
The other thing, I don’t know if I could tell someone that I dry out monkey balls for a living…just me. [/quote]
You could drain mine.
I wouldn’t recommend you dry out the gorilla testicles yourself. Those impotent chinese businessmen are a particular breed, and prefer to have their own people do the testicle processing.
[quote]MsM wrote:
I was kidding up there ^
I’d love the help. How long do you figure it’d take you?
The other thing, I don’t know if I could tell someone that I dry out monkey balls for a living…just me. [/quote]
How big is the room? What’s the sub frame like?
I assume it’s wood therefore pre-battoned which means I should be able to put the dry wall up and tape the joints in an average room in a day.
Day 2 I’ll do a plaster skim to really smooth things out. I’d leave that to dry for a few days (even though it’ll only be 2mm thick) before more decorating.
Do you want it painting or papering?
Finally I think about 3 months will be needed for you to show your appreciation… 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ernie might be dead??? SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t recommend you dry out the gorilla testicles yourself. Those impotent chinese businessmen are a particular breed, and prefer to have their own people do the testicle processing. [/quote]
Even if I make my eyes slanty? I could put some sort of light shade hat on too?* Anything to make more dollars per ounce of testicle.
*For anyone taking offence at this post - first off, it was meant as a joke, second - fuck off.
[quote]Damici wrote:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Ernie might be dead??? SAY IT AIN’T SO!!![/quote]
Damici my friend - calm yourself. Something may be dead in the walls of MsM’s house but I strongly suspect that this will not be the last we see of Ernie.
I think it’s too early to declare him dead. If you read up on Ermine’s they tend to go on killing sprees, and stockpile their kills for later consumption. MsM said she noticed the squirrels were gone. Maybe the Colonel left a squirrel corpse in the wall for later and let it get a little too ripe.
[quote]Renton wrote:
How big is the room? What’s the sub frame like?[/quote]
I dunno?
[quote] I assume it’s wood therefore pre-battoned which means I should be able to put the dry wall up and tape the joints in an average room in a day.
Day 2 I’ll do a plaster skim to really smooth things out. I’d leave that to dry for a few days (even though it’ll only be 2mm thick) before more decorating.
Do you want it painting or papering?[/quote]
I prefer paint to be honest.
Really? lol
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I think it’s too early to declare him dead. If you read up on Ermine’s they tend to go on killing sprees, and stockpile their kills for later consumption. MsM said she noticed the squirrels were gone. Maybe the Colonel left a squirrel corpse in the wall for later and let it get a little too ripe. [/quote]
Are you kidding me? So, you think my house may be the scene of a crime now? Nothing would surprise me at this point.
[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
MsM wrote:
I was kidding up there ^
I’d love the help. How long do you figure it’d take you?
The other thing, I don’t know if I could tell someone that I dry out monkey balls for a living…just me.
You could drain mine.[/quote]
Depends. Would you still wear a cheerleader skirt for me:)
[quote]MsM wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
MsM wrote:
I was kidding up there ^
I’d love the help. How long do you figure it’d take you?
The other thing, I don’t know if I could tell someone that I dry out monkey balls for a living…just me.
You could drain mine.
Depends. Would you still wear a cheerleader skirt for me:)[/quote]
Happily.
[quote]MsM wrote:
Are you kidding me? So, you think my house may be the scene of a crime now? Nothing would surprise me at this point. [/quote]
Not the scene of a crime. Think of the space between the walls as an extension of your refrigerator, except without the refrigeration. Hence the stench.
By the way, did you ever find out how he got in to begin with?