If I’ve been flirting with a woman for a little while and then I ask them out and get turned down or if I can tell the woman is avoiding situations where I could ask them out I stop flirting. I remain civil and polite and if there was anything else other than the flirting like talking about mutual interests, hobbies, etc I’ll keep that up.
But all too often, the woman will not stop the flirting even after I tacitly make it very clear I don’t want to anymore. At this point, all I know to do is just completely ignore and avoid the woman since she won’t respect my boundaries.
Don’t tell me to try talking to the woman about this because they’ll act like they don’t know what I’m talking about even if it’s very overt and obvious flirting/teasing.
Occasionally after I start avoiding a woman for this reason they’ll even get extremely angry/upset with me and go beyond just annoying and just start going out of there way to harass me like following me around, staring me down in a very hostile way, or even try to manipulate people against me.
What’s the best way that ya’ll handle a situation like this?
Hmmmm, where are you talking about, gym, work, school etc? There are different approaches but you don’t want to shit where you eat so need a little more info. Edit…this sounds really interesting too…how many times have you been in this situation…most women aren’t that pathetic…or are they and I’ve got blinders on since I can’t ever remember doing that
Interesting question…A buddy of mine just recently had to deal with this from his female coworkers. He tried the ignoring part and they just decided to screw him over and make up lies about him. Ended up quitting his job just to get away from their nonsense.
If you’re not willing to deal with women giving you mixed signals, you’d best throw on a pair of robes and live in the mountains for a while, because your dating life is gonna be full of disappointments. Lots of women are used to being screwed over, so it’s worth it to them to see if you’ll stick around when things aren’t peachy. You might be coming off as a bit of a sore loser, whereas you could just play it cool, and wait til an opportunity comes without jumping at it like a hungry dog.
For some women flirting is not a goal oriented behaviour. They like the attention and banter and have no intention of dating who they’re flirting with.
Don’t be so salty and move on. If you ask a woman out and she says no you still have about 3.5 billion other options.
Don’t ask women out that you’ll have to see regularly if it doesn’t work out: work, school, church etc…
Sure, I understand that. But as the next post states, some women don’t view flirting/teasing as goal directed and do it just for fun and that isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I’ll still talk to them and be friendly… until after a period of time they show that they won’t respect my boundaries.
As far as number 2 there goes, I do move on pretty quick but I don’t want to play games with someone that’s not interested. Exactly because I want to just move on. It’s very hard and difficult for me to move on when I’m still flirting hard with that someone. This is partially why I set that boundary.
soooo youve answered your own question since you also said this:
talking to her and not talking to her are the only options. you can do one or the other. you’ve already chose not talking to her. what, exactly, can we provide you?
Okay… I’m wondering if there actually is something I can say or do that will get a woman to respect my boundaries. Maybe there is something I can say and a way I can say it that will help. So I am willing to be open to talking if I see a way to do it that leads to mutual respect.
@SkyzykS
Way back in December I asked a girl in my BJJ class out after we’d been flirting pretty hard and talking a lot and not only did she turn me down but acted offended and turned me down unnecessarily loudly in front of a lot of people.
I normally will still talk to women and be friendly if they turn me down but I wasn’t okay with that so I decided that I wasn’t going to have anything to do with her. So I avoid and ignore her. Then she starts following me around everywhere getting right next to me like within a couple feet when we lined up and circle around when there’s more than enough room to find another spot.
I would even walk away, but sure enough when I got back in line she’d follow me. She would even wait for me to get in line in front of her so she could start crowding me since I would give several to many feet of distance between her and I if I had to get behind her in line.
She would also give me the stink eye constantly. I actually overheard her talking to some people about me claiming that I was just acting afraid of her to make her look bad. No! I was actually becoming afraid of her because of this textbook harassment.
I saw she was in the beginning stages of spreading rumors so I decided I needed to nip this in bud before it got really scary. So I talked to the head of the gym about what was going on. It helped that I saw that the next in line coach saw what was happening. I don’t know what he said or did but she did finally start leaving me alone for the most part. At least enough to where it got from scary to just annoying.
FWIW, I didn’t lose respect with either men or women in the gym coaches and student alike.
@Basement_Gainz Based on what friends say, I’m usually the type to not see flirting when it’s there rather than vice versa. I know better than to think that just making conversation, smiling, and touching my arm or shoulder, and being friendly and all is flirting.
What you’re basically saying is you can’t stand being around nice women who aren’t into you… because it makes you uncomfortable. That’s your problem not theirs. You’re probably misinterpreting “flirting” in the first place.
