This isn’t to knock anyone, it’s out of serious concern for someone close to me and my entire family. They spend a great deal of time browsing this site and its forums, so I thought it would be appropriate to ask for your advice. Maybe some of you have had or know someone who has had some of the same issues, and if not, I’m sure you know the dangers of over-training. I’m not blaming them, or you, or society, or anyone. I could really just use some constructive help here.
This person is my immediate family, and I don’t know who the hell they are anymore. This person is also not an athlete and doesn’t compete in any sports, professional or otherwise.
This person was slightly overweight as a child. Their parents didn’t tell them a thing about carbs or calories and their mother compulsively over-fed them. They were picked on at home and at school for their weight. As they reached their later teens, they began to take their health, diet, workout routines and the like very seriously, practically treating them as religious sacraments. Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for that. But it’s no longer a choice for them. I can’t respect this person’s decision to take it to a level that is obviously destroying their mind, body, soul, our family and everything else.
They intentionally have a lower caloric and nutritional intake than is required for the intensity of their routines. Exercise is no longer a choice for this person, they can’t not work out, it’s compulsory. They’re worried about losing weight through diet and exercise, not maintaining a healthy weight, even though they’re 150 something pounds on a 200 pound frame and appear physically emaciated, not lean. They become anxious, depressive, enraged, and feel guilty if they can’t get the high exercise and starvation gives them. Their self worth is entirely defined by this. This high isn’t even a high anymore, there’s no joy in it for them, it’s just to keep them from feeling low. It’s fun for them anymore, it’s just a coping mechanism.
They exercise on a daily basis for several hours a day and won’t skip a day of exercise or dieting, not even to recover, not even if sick, tired, or injured. If they do skip a day, they try make up for it the next by doing twice as much. Their regiment is usually the same every day, and all cross training they had done in the past has all but disappeared. They feel worthless and weak for allowing any deviation. Afterwards, they are completely lethargic and do nothing for the rest of the day outside of eating, reading about food and exercise, and playing video games. Every facet of their life is scheduled around and controlled directly by eating and working out. This person is increasingly alone and lonely and has cut off all social ties (and is currently trying to cut off all family ties as well, particularly by renouncing any relation to us, claiming we’re dead to them) in favor of this. Exercise isn’t even social. They go to the gym in the wee hours of the morning to avoid running into anyone or having their routine interrupted. They no longer have a life outside of this, it is their priority above all else. Above family, above friends, above work, above sex, above EVERYTHING. It’s textbook addictive behavior and it’s far beyond detrimental to their physical, mental, and emotional health at this point.
This person knowingly starves themselves. Their activity level increases while their nutritional intake decreases, and then they wonder why they’re exercise is bringing them to the point of failure on a daily basis. They drink tremendous amounts of coffee every morning because they know they don’t have the energy to get through their routine, let alone the rest of the day. Their physical performance is rapidly deteriorating as a result, and that’s been the cause of a lot of tension and violent release of tension lately. They compulsively weigh and measure everything they eat, down to a tenth or a hundredth of a gram and keep meticulous records of everything they consume and do. They fast from mid afternoon until early morning on a daily basis and irregularly for days at a time, usually after loss of control and a subsequent binge. They carefully monitor how much water they drink throughout the day because they’re afraid of appearing bloated. The other day, they ‘made the mistake’ of drinking a soda with sugar in it, something they haven’t done in years. After realizing it, they then tried to force themselves to throw it up. When they couldn’t, they spiraled into a fit of rage, crying while sitting on the punching bag (on the ground) and beating it relentlessly until their hands were too raw and bloody to keep going. This person doesn’t even eat fruit anymore because they’re terrified of what natural sugars will do them. They’ve punched a half dozen holes in our walls, dented vehicles, and destroyed personal property over the past few months for such things.
So I guess my question is, what the hell can I do to help? They realize they have a problem, but they incapable of seeing it objectively. They sought professional help but are no longer willing. They say they won’t talk to anyone that they don’t know intimately about it. The problem is they won’t talk to those people much about it either. What can I do to show them that their worth isn’t solely defined by how much and what they eat and how much and how hard they exercise? What do they need in order to realize that they’re ultra healthy lifestyle has been twisted and contorted into something extremely unhealthy, downright self-destructive? My family and I are being verbally and physically battered by this person because their exercise is no longer an effective vent for their negativity. I cannot and will not watch them do this to themselves any longer, and I cannot and will not subject myself or my family to the personal hell this person is trying to create in our home. Help me help them and my family both, please. Maybe they’ll respect what you have to say. They certainly don’t have any respect for us anymore and I can’t help but wonder if they even respect themselves.