I’ve had to stop reacting and start responding. My reaction is usually an impulse that leads to more problems.
My response is usually a well thought action that leads to a solution.
ex. Guy behind me driving like he wants to run up my ass with a speculum-
Reaction= Stop the car and block the lane. Reach through window before he knows what is happening, tear him out and beat him senseless as he is bent backwards over the door.
Response= Find a place to turn off and let him pass.
I don’t have Tony Soprano like mental problems and shit but when I’m angry I pound the shit out of a heavy bag.
Maybe seek some help? 300lbs lifter with anger issues and night terrors = possible danger to others.
[quote]DJHT wrote:
[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
Legitimate question… so please no flaming besides any normal initiation hazing :). I am 6’4" - 300 lbs - and I have anger issues. My lifts are very modest compared to T-Nation… I don’t take steroids… I only mention my size because I’m just relating it to some of the big boys on the site who may have faced my issues. I rarely sleep through the night due to night terrors. I also think I am showing signs of panic attacks like Tony Soprano did The Sopranos. In short, I suck…
I have the typical issues that lots of people have… marriage (not so great but love my kids very much), laid off (now commuting one hour both ways to much lesser job), kids coaches are idiots, etc. etc. Nothing special to legitimize being angry.
I read on this site every day. I see how people I admire act, talk, and treat people. That’s what I want and wish to be around. I don’t see that in my everyday life.
I recognize that I have issues. My Dad has had several heart issues so I know that being pissed off all the time may not be in my best interest.
I honestly start each thing (work day, commute, ball tournament) with the thoughts of “just do your job”, “they are not worth going to jail or getting shot over”, “relax and let the kids play”. Then I see 1) whiny, pencil neck geeks at work crap on people (because they “can”) 2) drivers that very dangerously cut people off, slam on breaks on interstate in front of drivers, give fingers, tailgate, swerve, etc. and 3) umpires or abusive parents that abuse their “authority” or act like fools around children without consequence.
I take the job stuff as much as I can because… heck, the girls have got to eat. The road rage and idiots at ball games… I could show improvement.
I always get very good information on this site on a variety of topics. Many on here are as big as I am … most are definitely stronger… do you guys honestly just ignore or brush off these people??? Did you feel the way I do but developed a “system” to deal with realities of the modern world outside your control? I want to… but I just find it difficult to believe that “real men and women”, like yourselves, can just let these people float in and out of your life… crapping on what they may.
I am seriously asking for ideas and help… thanks![/quote]
How old are you?
Just because you are a large man what does that have to do with anything?
How is your marriage?
You dont have to answer any of these questions. But as a divorced/remarried father of 5 who put himself through 14 years of college and now manage a state I know a little about stress management. PM if you want. Good luck. [/quote]
I’m serious when I say that I’d listen carefully to anything DJHT would have to say on something important like this.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Find Jesus.
Then beat him up. That’ll relieve stress.[/quote]
No, just beat up those who misrepresent Him. That means almost ALL evangelists.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I’ve had to stop reacting and start responding. My reaction is usually an impulse that leads to more problems.
My response is usually a well thought action that leads to a solution.
ex. Guy behind me driving like he wants to run up my ass with a speculum-
Reaction= Stop the car and block the lane. Reach through window before he knows what is happening, tear him out and beat him senseless as he is bent backwards over the door.
Response= Find a place to turn off and let him pass.
[/quote]
This.
This is good advice.
Thank you all for your thoughts… I’m really glad you all took it the way it was intended and I got some great advice. Some of the questions for me:
My daughters (and their softball) make me happy besides lifting. My youngest is the best friend I ever had. She is all the good in me and none of the bad.
I absolutely agree that there are much more major issues in life than the 3 I listed and that there are much less fortunate people than myself. Knowing about the unfortunate makes me hate the jerks even more. Volunteering in something like a children’s hospital does sound like a great idea and I will explore it.
The night terrors started, in my opinion, as adrenaline dumps after football games in high school. They have gotten progressively worse. Many nights I don’t want to go to sleep out of dread… but I go through stretches of weeks when I don’t have them. I have gone to the “vet” for them (just a normal doctor though). They have given me some ambien/anxiety pills etc. They help me “get to sleep” but, it appears to me, if the episode makes it through the “medicinal haze” - the terrors start on LEVEL 5 and are much worse. I’m not a big fan of doctors but I might be running out of options since I can’t lick it myself.
I HONESTLY start each day, drive, work day, etc. saying “I’m going to let it go, be a man, they aren’t worth it”. Sometimes I make it lol. It’s like little things just build up when I see people do things that are so disrespectful to their surroundings I eventually blow up. If people I respect, like yourselves, say you can handle it with mindfulness techniques, relaxations, giving your time to less fortunate, etc. then I will try them all.
I’m pretty sure I get 19 1/2 neck size for shirts… but they are a little loose.
I like the zoo and being mentally strong reference. I think some of it comes from hating bullies (whether they are boss, umpire, driver, or other bullies) and wanting to help those being “picked on” that can’t help themselves. It is very interesting to me that those stronger than myself seem to have concluded the reality is that we can’t really help others without making things worse for ourselves. I know you all must be as frustrated and angry as I am. It does me good to hear it even though it is saddening. When I read what I write it becomes clear to me that I should have become a cop or some similar field than the business field I spent my career in… too old now I guess. Probably would have faced some of the same anger issues… but could have done more good and felt better about my contribution.
41 year old whitey. Marriage is not good… but kids are great. Explored options but concluded I should be there for my kids and that staying would make them the “happiest” of the options. Not an ideal situation I know and I struggle with it. Only mention being a bigger guy because I feel like I can do more to help people being “picked on” and feel angry and helpless that I really can’t… and that I come to a forum of REAL men and women who face similar issues.
I’ll check out that Carnegie book
I like the stop reacting - start responding… idea lol. I really try… hearing that you all do these kind of things out of necessity or choice really helps.
Tony Soprano - not that I’m him… but when I checked in this morning and saw this many responses. I could feel what I “think” was a form of anxiety/panic attack. I felt a numbing / tingly sensation that I have experienced before. I’m sure alot of it was I was concerned I was going to get flamed. Reading all this great information remedied it quickly.
Thank you all… I appreciate it, appreciate you, and appreciate this forum of ideas, brother/sisterhood, lifting bibles, and occasional boobies / jokes!!!
[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
Marriage is not good
[/quote]
Maybe it comes down to just this.
Speaking as someone who has had surprising blood work results from investigating a personal health/wellness issue… get some bloodwork done, you may (or may not) have a serious hormonal issue. It would in fact surprise me if your cortisol (stress hormone) levels were anywhere near healthy. Doesn’t hurt to check, even if you’re fine.
On a more personal note, you KNOW these things are going to happen, you have to enter your day expecting to be cut off in traffic, plan that shit into your day, etc. If it is a part of your daily plan, you are in control. You have a better chance avoiding raindrops in a thunderstorm than you have avoiding idiots on a freeway.
[quote]scj119 wrote:
Speaking as someone who has had surprising blood work results from investigating a personal health/wellness issue… get some bloodwork done, you may (or may not) have a serious hormonal issue. It would in fact surprise me if your cortisol (stress hormone) levels were anywhere near healthy. Doesn’t hurt to check, even if you’re fine.
On a more personal note, you KNOW these things are going to happen, you have to enter your day expecting to be cut off in traffic, plan that shit into your day, etc. If it is a part of your daily plan, you are in control. You have a better chance avoiding raindrops in a thunderstorm than you have avoiding idiots on a freeway.[/quote]
Ditto OP. I would bet good money you have low thyroid and/or high estrogen/low test issues going on. Get over to the Over 35 and T Replacement forums just to give yourself an idea of the symptoms and what to ask for re: bloodwork.
As for what you can do in the meantime, try this -
-Cut out all caffeine / stimulants
-Lower calorie intake, especially your carbs
-Get some ZMA
-Start doing some exercise if you’re not in the habit right now. Lift weights, walk, hike, bike, whatever. It’ll burn off some of the stress.
I know the list is vague, but there’s way too much to cover in just a post or two, but I guarantee it will help.
I don’t post much but because this rang true (especially the anxiety/anger issues) to how I used to feel like, I had to respond. All because I had thyroid/low test issues. Now they’re pretty much resolved, i’m a totally a different person. For the better.
Good luck man.
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
Marriage is not good
[/quote]
Maybe it comes down to just this.
[/quote]
Only speaking from my own experience, but, I doubt it.
I wouldn’t promise anybody a rose garden, but often times when a person addresses some of the fundamental flaws in coping with life, a lot that it encompasses improves.
One of the axiomatic principals which has helped me to find a lot of peace in life has been- When I am in conflict with my surroundings, It is I who is in conflict, not my surroundings.
My wife watches this one soap opera every night at 10:00. I can’t stand those things, but she loves them. So I went on a tirade about everything that I find completely wrong with those shows. Then she explained that this is her one and only little escape after a long and difficult day of work, and continued to watch them.
Now, we could fight about this every night until we get divorced if I want to. Hell, I could probably use it to rationalize how she is a self centered what ever the fuck I want her to be- in my own head. But that is not reality.
A better solution is to acknowledge and accept the situation as it stands, and do something different. I’m going fishing on saturday and need to tie some flies. So I buzz on down to the tying desk and whip up some buggy little creations for my fishin trip.
She’s happy, I’m happy, disaster is averted, and not even by a narrow margin.
See how that works?
Anger and fear are very closely tied together. Especially when our fears are things we feel powerless to change.
I agree that you should also get yourself checked out, not just for what could be causing you to be overly emotional but also, the stress is probably doing damage to your body.
One of the smart T-Vixens and I were chatting about me feeling blue and the advice was to “own your emotions”. If you don’t take responsibility for them you can’t change them.
I feel angry, when I’m driving and I get cut off! <This has a solution
The douchbags on the road make me angry! <This does not have a solution
I feel___________ <maybe start a journal and make some of these statements.
Just some thoughts. Good luck
Oh and I almost forgot, the cure for whatever ails you. Orgasms!
At least 2 a day for you. Can be administered either solo or with a partner. 
It is time for a checkup… so I will get that blood work done and also try ZMA.
Just hearing that you folks have some of the same issues - and have found ways to resolve them that you can live with - is bringing me a sense of calm.
P.S. Charlie Horse is borderline genius.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
Marriage is not good
[/quote]
Maybe it comes down to just this.
[/quote]
Only speaking from my own experience, but, I doubt it.
I wouldn’t promise anybody a rose garden, but often times when a person addresses some of the fundamental flaws in coping with life, a lot that it encompasses improves.
One of the axiomatic principals which has helped me to find a lot of peace in life has been- When I am in conflict with my surroundings, It is I who is in conflict, not my surroundings.
My wife watches this one soap opera every night at 10:00. I can’t stand those things, but she loves them. So I went on a tirade about everything that I find completely wrong with those shows. Then she explained that this is her one and only little escape after a long and difficult day of work, and continued to watch them.
Now, we could fight about this every night until we get divorced if I want to. Hell, I could probably use it to rationalize how she is a self centered what ever the fuck I want her to be- in my own head. But that is not reality.
A better solution is to acknowledge and accept the situation as it stands, and do something different. I’m going fishing on saturday and need to tie some flies. So I buzz on down to the tying desk and whip up some buggy little creations for my fishin trip.
She’s happy, I’m happy, disaster is averted, and not even by a narrow margin.
See how that works?
[/quote]
I’ve grown up surrounded by people whose problems started and ended at home. Working until late so they could avoid spending time with the wife, etc. so for me it’s one of the main sources of problems of this kind, excluding physical issues.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
I’ve had to stop reacting and start responding. My reaction is usually an impulse that leads to more problems.
My response is usually a well thought action that leads to a solution.
ex. Guy behind me driving like he wants to run up my ass with a speculum-
Reaction= Stop the car and block the lane. Reach through window before he knows what is happening, tear him out and beat him senseless as he is bent backwards over the door.
Response= Find a place to turn off and let him pass.
[/quote]
Good stuff.
I find a lot of the time it helps to remind yourself that it’s not personal. You are not the only one that guy tailgates.
Also, whoever said about setting the example for your kids was spot on. Do things because you think it is the right thing to do, not because you will get something out of it.
Last, don’t be so hard on yourself, it takes failures to succeed.
As far as night terrors, I have no experience with this. Do you take sleep aids like Melatonin or ZMA?
[quote]Edevus wrote:
I’ve grown up surrounded by people whose problems started and ended at home. Working until late so they could avoid spending time with the wife, etc. so for me it’s one of the main sources of problems of this kind, excluding physical issues.[/quote]
Sure. I understand, and sorry to hear that. One of my brothers has resorted to that type of coping.
Instead of implementing internal change which yield external results, he has a big box with aluminum siding where he keeps his stuff.
I’m a big advocate for internal change because I used to use a lot of booze and drugs to escape a fucked up world. Then they stopped working. A few people introduced me to the idea that it is not the world that is fucked up, it was me.
Now, same person, same world, different outlook and different results. But it had to start between the ears before that same world was experienced differently.
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]TyDaddyKK wrote:
Marriage is not good
[/quote]
Maybe it comes down to just this.
[/quote]
I’d agree - i cant imagine anything worse than staying with a partner when you from the sounds of it you really don’t want to, but are doing it out of sacrifice for your children. I admire you but i feel this is probably the underlying issue. The only thing i can suggest would be to get some relationship counsiling for you and the mrs. That’s if you think it’d help. If not, i would just try some of the suggestion made by other ppl on this forum.
good luck either way mate
I’m just a young buck, but I’m pretty sure staying in a doomed marriage just for the kids is a bad idea.
Your kids will appreciate it much more if you and your wife are not together, rather then having to endure the tense atmosphere your marital problems are causing
[quote]Waylander wrote:
I’m just a young buck, but I’m pretty sure staying in a doomed marriage just for the kids is a bad idea.
Your kids will appreciate it much more if you and your wife are not together, rather then having to endure the tense atmosphere your marital problems are causing[/quote]
I stayed 2 and half years longer with my X wife than I should have for my kids.
I will say to make a clean and productive break in a marriage, both party’s have to make every effort to make it work. Couples therapy, self therapy, whatever.
Like what has been said already in this discussion, there are always three sides to a story, yours, hers and the truth. Fix yourself and fix your marriage first.
I will say that no matter what your kids are already affected. You cannot hide from your kids your feelings and relationship with your wife. They know.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
I’ve grown up surrounded by people whose problems started and ended at home. Working until late so they could avoid spending time with the wife, etc. so for me it’s one of the main sources of problems of this kind, excluding physical issues.[/quote]
Sure. I understand, and sorry to hear that. One of my brothers has resorted to that type of coping.
Instead of implementing internal change which yield external results, he has a big box with aluminum siding where he keeps his stuff.
I’m a big advocate for internal change because I used to use a lot of booze and drugs to escape a fucked up world. Then they stopped working. A few people introduced me to the idea that it is not the world that is fucked up, it was me.
Now, same person, same world, different outlook and different results. But it had to start between the ears before that same world was experienced differently.
[/quote]
Ah, no need to be sorry. Actually I edited in that my parents didn’t have this (but it didn’t save)…as far I know and it didn’t affect me in a negative way (I have nothing against marriage), but I have seen many people who just become walking corpses due to poor marriage.
We’re talking about a constant stream of unhappiness for the OP.
I went through a pretty bad spell a while back and found a therapist who uses EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
I know this is a touchy feely subject, but it made a world of difference for me. It reduced my stress and anger problems and even helped me get out of a very bad relationship. Basically it is a mixture of talk therapy and tapping methods on accupressure points.
http://www.eftuniverse.com/ I know nothing about this site and stumbled upon my therapist as a referral while going through couples therapy. No drugs or anything like that. Just using tapping to rewire your body’s responses to certain stimuli.
For example, if bad drivers stress you out, when you see one and start to get upset you start tapping. The theory is that this releases various chemicals to calm your brain down. Eventually your body starts to not get so stressed because it has been reprogrammed for a different response. I’m not saying it makes you calm, but when the tension starts to build, your body is prepared to let it go.
It might be worth checking out.