Oh boy …
Hope you saved some for me … Ima bit late to the show
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Since you didn’t mention this in the original post, I’d be inclined to forgive well-meaning people that you asked for advice for not knowing that. It’s relevant background information. But…
LOL.
Asks strangers for help on Internet
Strangers answer based on limited information (original post: three sentences long)
Lectures strangers to keep their pie-hole shut if they don’t understand dynamics of his relationship
BRILLIANT
Anyways…
No one can answer “how do I get my girl to gym with me?” without knowledge of the dynamics of your relationship, how she feels about your training, how she feels about training herself, and most importantly, why someone who has trained before and loved her results no longer seems interested in going to the gym. I have no idea how you expect strangers on the internet to solve this problem for you.
My wife was a longtime runner and yoga enthusiast. When we started dating, I was doing a lot of kettlebell workouts, and she liked those. Then I started doing heavy barbell work, and after a while, she showed interest in that too. I lift every day; she’s more like 1-2 times per week with a barbell plus 1-2 kettlebell workouts, to fit in her other interests of running and yoga, and recently has squatted 185 and deadlifted 220.
The key here is this: I didn’t tell her to do it, or figure out some sort of Jedi mind trick to get her to lift. She saw how much I enjoyed lifting, thought it would be cool to do some herself, and made her own decision to start lifting barbells. She usually works out on the weekends when I’m also at home and we can train together (we have a garage gym), but she’ll work out on her own if I’m not there.
If your girlfriend wants to train, she’ll make that decision on her own. In your shoes, at most, I’d offer a very gentle invitation asking whether she wants to go to the gym with you on a specific day (not talking her ear off about starting a routine or anything; just “Hey, I’m going to the gym at 9AM on Saturday, want to come with me? We can go get brunch afterwards” or something like that). Any further discussion of deeper issues like how much happier she’d be with herself, or how much she used to love training, or how much hotter she’d be, is unproductive and most likely destructive.
Start small. Ask her if she wants to come with you on one day. If she does, and she enjoys it or realizes that she misses it, she’ll decide on her own that she wants to start going more often. If she declines, let it go. And if you can’t get past the fact that your SO doesn’t really like working out, eventually you’ll have to make a decision whether that’s a dealbreaker for you, or if you are sufficiently happy with other parts of the relationship that you can live with her not going to the gym.
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This was pretty much going to be my only suggestion as well. So x 2
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I don’t normally bring threads back from the dead but I’m curious how are you two doing now?
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