Very impressive man. That’s a wonderful way to look at it. I’ve been reminding myself of that. At 29, my body is already starting to change, and it’s easy to feel depressed about that — but wisdom is the crown of the aged! I hope to mimic your example and accomplish new achievements as I get older.
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Any specific ways you were able to reciprocate? I’m grateful to have an excellent relationship with my wife, and we talk a lot about training so I know she’ll be understanding, but I’m determined to be the best husband/dad possible during this trying season of life.
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The crazy thing is that you’re actually fucking serious 
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I think trying to “find the energy” is going to be a losing battle. Instead, I just train WITHOUT the energy. Not every workout has to be awesome: they just need to happen. Depending on what time I got up, I’d get back to sleep or just start up my day. It’s worth noting that I never touched an energy drink until I had a kid, and now I’m an addict, haha.
@ChongLordUno 100%. It’s what got me into morning training in the first place.
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Did you modify your programming at all? For example, I’ve been doing 531. Those workouts take ~60 minutes. I’ve been contemplating switching to Peloton strength training workouts for the newborn season. They aren’t as good, obviously, but you can filter to do anything from 5-45 minute workouts, which might be more conducive to the hustle of this time of life.
531 can also be flexible, if you allow it to be. In this case something like WaLRUS training from 531 Forever (and various blog posts) could easily fit the bill, either as assistance or just as a standalone.
Apologies I missed this:
Yes, but they wouldn’t necessarily apply to your wife. In broad brush strokes, I’d say just make sure you’re putting at least as much effort into letting her do what she wants to do as you do into what you want to do.
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I read about half of this thread so forgive me if I’m repeating someone.
Life helps with the transition. As you get older, you’ll have more responsibilities. If you’re like me then you’ll find yourself stressing out about your training because of schedule restrictions. I’m just now making the transition to putting my training second, third, or fourth on my priority list. It used to be number one. Training and my physique brought unnecessary stress to my life. I tell people training is good for treating depression and anxiety and I managed to induce those things with training and my physique.
You can continue to look like a physique competitor if you want. If it fits your life then do it. The trick with kids is to show them healthy aspects of training. If they see you weighing your food or hear you talking about yourself negatively because you gained a few pounds then they’ll think those things are important. That can be dangerous and teach them some bad things about body image.
Your transition will be gradual and natural (if you let it). Also, it sucks being hungry. Life at 15-20% body fat is much more enjoyable than having a six pack because, guess what - no one cares.
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This is so great to read! Compliments!
Have you been blessed with no injuries(or at least not limitating)?
Good stuff, brother. One thing I was thinking of: budget (and make time) for her to go for a massage once a month. We’ve been doing that through the pregnancy and she’s absolutely loved it. Massages do almost nothing for me but it’s like a spiritual experience for her lol.
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This is gold. Can totally relate, man!
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This is the harsh realization we all must come to
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Great post @Frank_C mate. There’s not really much to add to that to be honest. You’ve laid it out so well.
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No recent injuries due to lifting, which I think is more about learning how to train for the long term. (Over the last 10 years, my two worst injuries were a really bad ankle sprain playing soccer and a nerve injury due to a cyst). I think it’s all about learning the difference between training vs testing, realizing the importance of mobility and warm up, and dedicating appropriate time to all aspects of fitness without over-specializing (strength, conditioning, and mobility).
Social scientist Arthur Brooks says (I’m sure he’s quoting someone else from history) the four typical idols of humans are:
- Pleasure
- Power
- Fame
- Money
Into which category do you think appearance preoccupation for lifters would mainly fall? I suppose it could be any, but my guess is Power. It’s a desire for control and to be seen as in command.
For me, I started changing my focus from appearance to overall health, strength, and performance once I realized, if you take care of that stuff, your appearance will take care of itself. What I mean is, if I focus on just “getting stronger”, my appearance will improve by default.
I’m not training for a bodybuilding contest again even though it was a great experience. My goals no longer align with looking pretty. Further, once I got past my teenage and young adult days, I could care less if the girlies don’t see a full six pack of abs on me. I don’t train for external validation anymore. With that being said, it is nice to get a complement now and again. I just don’t fish for them.
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I’ll let you know when I get there -
That’s awesome. Exactly the point I’m starting to arrive at, brother. It’s so much healthier to focus on performance (I think).
For me, not tracking food has been big. Obviously, others need the opposite approach – but surrendering some control has been big for my personal growth and reducing orthorexia.
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I’m just catching up to this.
How’s fatherhood going?
Just ask your wife how she needs you to support her. She may feel she has certain responsibilities you don’t mind taking on, but she doesn’t feel like she should ask you.
I think we all get out of our own head on things when we’re ready to and, unfortunately, not a second before.
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Thanks for asking, man. It’s been awesome – much better than I expected.
My wife is a champ. She has handled overnight duties, which is the biggest thing, and is crucial because I’m in quite a busy season at work until the end of April. At that point, sleep deprivation won’t matter as much for me, but our little guy (7 weeks) will probably be more settled into a routine anyway.
My wife rarely asks for help but I’m doing everything I can to support her (making our meals, setting up treats like massages and giving little gifts, doing the housework, listening deeply, etc). She isn’t her normal self, which I think is to be expected. She doesn’t have the same joie de vivre, which I attribute to her lack of sleep and general exhaustion. It’s tough.
I’d love any advice on other ways to support her.
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I think it sounds like you’re doing the right things. I’m still a fan of asking what she needs… a lot of times.
With my own wife, she got stressed because she felt like that was just her new normal. It’s important to remind her this is a phase and babies grow.