Health Tips from My Friendly Chinese Doctor

Off Topic
1

A friend of mine posted this on their blog and I thought people might get a kick out of it.

…and no I’m not handing this out as real advice…even though I’m a fucking '09er.

----Original Article----

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it–don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain—.good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-RO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me…

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

2

Great. Racial stereo typing that isn’t funny and isn’t even close to the truth. Hint, good comedy requires at least a hint of the truth or it’s just stupid.

3

This is mostly offensive because it’s not actually funny.

4

This is racial stereo typing, but nevertheless I wouldn’t be too surprised to discover that some Chinese people (primarily older folks with their weird superstitions) believe many of these things.

For example I have met several Chinese people who believed the following or something similar:

[quote]postholedigger wrote:
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it–don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.[/quote]

5

Some of the asian chicks I’ve dated actually DO believe some of this shit.

Example A:

I had a cold, so she convinced me to go to see her acupuncturist, who took one look at me and said I exercise too much and it is weakening my body. The girl asked if I could be treated for the cold, so the doctor stuck two needles in my nose to “make me sneeze” and get out all of the “bad stuff”. So I sneezed and went on my way. I still had a cold.

It is funny how people actually believe that shit.

6

I actually really like the first 3 points.

7

Part Chinese and not offended at all.
I’ve never met any one of any race who actually think this way, but it’s kinda hilarious simply because it’s so ridiculous.

8

HAHAHA this is hilarious, mainly because I read it in a stereotypically asian voice in my head. My step mom is Chinese and her and my dad buy into the whole “Chinese medicine” thing. I shit you not my dad tells me I shouldn’t drink glasses of ice water in the summer to cool off because apparently the “character” of ice water is hot, thus it’s unhealthy. So yeah I guarantee there are some people out there who actually think like this.

9

Stupidity is not defined by race.

10

I liked the whale one. others are just bad.

11

[quote]cct wrote:
Part Chinese and not offended at all.
I’ve never met any one of any race who actually think this way, but it’s kinda hilarious simply because it’s so ridiculous.[/quote]

I’m a mandarin speaker, after over a decade living among chinese I never met one chinese who actually believe this crap. This being said chinese people do have some stupid beliefs but this is not worse than what we can encounter in today’s America…

wanna take a look at some ignorant stupid people? Watched Jamie Oliver’s food revolution.

12

[quote]JLu wrote:
HAHAHA this is hilarious, mainly because I read it in a stereotypically asian voice in my head. My step mom is Chinese and her and my dad buy into the whole “Chinese medicine” thing.

I shit you not my dad tells me I shouldn’t drink glasses of ice water in the summer to cool off because apparently the “character” of ice water is hot, thus it’s unhealthy. So yeah I guarantee there are some people out there who actually think like this.[/quote]

Tell me about it! I live in Taiwan.
I’ve the cold water one before too.

You’ll see people in the park using hula hoops and they say it’s good for trimming the waist…now…you may be thinking that these people have misguided themselves into thinking about spot-reducing. NO…it’s worse. They think the hula hoop pushes the fat away from the waist as it goes around and around!

At some fitness stores here they still sell those funny machines with a big canvas belt that shakes your fat off…like something you’d see in an old 3 Stooges movie! (there’s a pic of one at the top)

13

allright, I’m a racist bastard, I laughed at all of it.

14

Its not racist its funny. Sit ups are only good if you wanna make your stomach bigger though

15

When I was a Hospital Corpsman I treated burns on a Philipino guy because he tried to melt the wax out of his ear.

But I also scraped Icy Hot off the chest of a dude from Wisconsin who had congestion, but no Vicks Vapor rub.

A lot of this craziness is cultural, sure, but not exclusive to race. If that makes any sense.