I’m not against it. I’m just saying comparing stats is pointless.
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I understand some of the benefits that can be had from arranged marriages, and they’re real and legit. At the same time, most of the cultures (not all) who do it are very patriarchal in nature and women are often the junior partner in these marriages. Any marriage can work if both parties are committed to making it work, and the religious and social pressures in these communities provide a strong motivation to make it work.
On the flip side, I’ve seen some horror stories come out of some groups, such as the more fringe LDS organizations and some of the Amish/Mennonite communities where abuse is hidden or brushed under the rug and the few who do make it out are ever after shunned by their communities, and that’s a huge thing to have to live with. How common is it? How bad is it? Those of us outside the communities have no way to know, but when all agency is taken away from women and they have no way out without losing everything they grew up with, I have a serious problem with that.
I agree that there are some truly crazy cult like behaviors among some fringe or highly insulated groups, but throwing out the whole concept of marriage from within a group is like saying “Charles Manson was left handed, so being left handed is bad.”.
Its what people do with it that matters. Within the community being referred to I’d say if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it’s some guy in the mountains of Washington state that thinks he’s Jesus and runs a social security scheme off of his members while he has them living in tents like my sister joined one time, I say fire bomb the asshole.
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I have a friend that did the arranged marriage thing. But his family was a very liberal muslim leaning people and it was more like setting two people up on supervised blind dates based on what they believed was compatible and desirable traits.
It probably beats swiping on a bunch of filtered profile pics based on lies and deception.
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Vetting and brokering is often done.
I don’t doubt it. I don’t think that makes the statistic anymore relevant though.
This right here! People act as if in arranged marriages that parents and family members don’t do their homework!
In such practices, although some abusive people will rear their heads, badboys, “hawt guys” chads, and alphas, as we know them, don’t exist!
I just realized something.
Group 1- lives and works in major metropolitan area. Great and productive members of a larger community, well balanced, good results.
Group 2- somewhat insulated, little pockets scattered about, 1 or 2 steps removed from the greater surrounding society- mixed results, some bad, some good, but generally respectable.
Group 3- end of the logging road and keep walking for another hour, total isolation from and rejection of society at large- Very bad. Very Very Bad!
It seems like when people are congruent with their surrounding communities and society as a whole, this arranged marriage thing goes better.
Wonder how that pans out on an individual scale?
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Serious question: Is this privilege bad? Who else but their ancestors, mostly from actual work and forecasting and planning, gave them such privilege?
I only ask because I think privilege is a term used in derogatory manner these days and that the privileged should feel ashamed.
Out of all the people I’ve met, and I’ve met a lot, across god knows how many ethnicities, and of all three races, the most privileged were non-white. No Bootstrappers.
I’m actually privileged to a degree. And I’m not white.
The enormous difference in the stats doesn’t provide anything?
Exactly. Do people think such setups are done with no thought of what makes both prospects suitable to one another? Or even the two families compatible?!
In the context that society has moved away from arranged marriages and using it as a fix is a fairy tale with no basis in reality, it’s not a super meaningful statistic.
What’d you want to do is compare well thought out deliberated marriage success rates against prearranged marriage.
But even then it wouldn’t really matter.
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OK, anyone have any thoughts on why the divorce rate is so high?
And can anyone, besides Skyzyks actually think of the benefits of arranged marriage?
It proves that divorce rates are much lower in arranged marriages than non-arranged. That’s only a useful stat if you believe that not divorcing is the only criteria in making a marriage successful.
I’m not dismissing the benefits of arranged marriage by the way, I don’t have enough data to make that call. I just question your logic in this particular post.
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The normalization of leaving a relationship you’re unhappy in is probably the biggest driver in my mind.
My mom endured a literal 10-12 years of being beaten after my dad got off work. She took it so me and my sisters got less of it. We spent 5-10 years trying to convince her to leave him.
Despite a couple ER visits and full support from her 3 children, “that’s just not what people do.”
Edit:
I can think of plenty of benefits. But I can also think of tons of benefits of never eating fast food. Neither one really matters without societal buyin.
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Because falling in love is easy but being roommates is tough.
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Are you married?
(Not sure if meant for me).
Yup. With 2 kiddos. First and only marriage, fwiw.
Yup. Approaching 12 years soon.
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How old are your kids?