Any of you younger members contemplating marriage should definitely read the following books before making your commitment:
- The Female Brain, by Dr. Louann Brizendine, M.D.
- The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, by Dr. Paul Dobransky, M.D.
- Man Magnet, by Romy Miller
If you read these books before you get hitched, you will know how to evaluate a potential mate, and know how she’s evaluating you. You will also know if your relationship has the required number of “legs” to survive the trials and travails of marriage. (When men are younger, we tend to think with our penises, rather than our heads. Not a good idea.)
Now let’s say that you don’t read these books before you get married. There is a great likelihood that at some point in your marriage your wife is going to ask you to read these, or similar tomes, due to “relationship issues.”
And if you’re like most guys, you’re going to ignore her and toss the books aside, “cuz there’s nothing wrong with our relationship or marriage.”
That being the case, the next opportunity you will have to read these books is after you’ve been served divorce papers, have finalized property settlements and other matters, and are now divorced and on your own.
At this point, you will realize how stupid you were to have gotten married without knowing anything about women to begin with. Sort of like joining the army and being thrown into the pitched battle of war without any basic or advanced infantry training, with no squad or platoon leaders, maps or even weapons for that matter. You get the idea. Same thing with marriage.
The good part is that after gaining this kind of knowledge, you will be better prepared to make a better decision the next time around, and you will be able to provide some marital wisdom and instruction to your kids, if you had any.
Now I’m sure that a number of guys on this forum that have been married and divorced can attest to the fact that their wives accused them of saying things—verbatim and 12 years prior to service of papers—that the guys didn’t even remember saying. How can this be? Well, in your reading, you will discover that women have four times the brain communication channels that men have.
So they will remember everything that you will have ever said to them that they found insulting, condescending or patronizing at the time. You will think that they had a stenographer present, but that is not the case. Because of all these communication channels, women need to be in constant communication with other women; it’s an evolutionarily hard-wired thing.(Think cell phones in the gym and everywhere else; or why they must always go to the ladies room in caravans.)
You will also discover why your woman will tend to “stray” during that time of the month when she’s ovulating; this means, quite frankly, that she looking for a discreet quickie with a guy who may be more androgenic looking than you are. (See The Female Brain, Chapter 4. Yes, I know, how awful. But don’t shoot the messenger.)
But I digress. In addition to strong common physical attraction, look for common values about morals, money and children; common interests, someone who challenges you spiritually and is your intellectual match.
You also need to learn how to talk to a woman’s emotional brain, rather than her logical brain, because she’s operating on emotion 70% of time anyway. Conversely, make sure she can talk to your logical and analytical brain at least 85% of the time, because that’s where your operating.
It’s been my experience that it’s also wise to do mutual credit checks on each other, and to check for any family history of mental disorders before tying the knot. And has been said above, it’s highly advisable not to be unequally yoked.
If you’re college educated, she should be too. She should have earning capacity equal to or greater than yours. (Better yet, she should insist that YOU sign a pre-nup! This way, you’ll never have to worry about alimony or poor house property settlements.)
Parting Advice? Beautiful women are a dime a dozen—it’s their shopping sprees and divorce attorneys that are expensive.
P.S. I LOVE women, and would get married again in a heartbeat…but this time I would do it right.
(Oh, okay just some women.)