Got in a Fight With a Flock of Ducks

Off Topic
1

So I was looking through the kitchen window and I saw a family of ducks (momma + babies) feeding on some bird food in my backyard. So, I did what any man would do and decided to capture one of the babies, either to raise him as my own or eat him depending on his attitude toward the situation.

I sneaked up on them with a strainer in one hand, a paper plate in the other as they were feeding. They spotted me and started making a run for it. I managed to capture one of the babies under the strainer, then scooped him up and used the plate to trap him. The momma and her babies fled and reconveined at another location about 50m away.

But it wasn’t over! The momma came stomping back and stared squacking at me hardcore, i mean she was going hysterical and challening me to a fight, all 5-10 and 190lbs of me, right there to my face. I respect that so I released the baby and crouched down into my fight stance, with the strainer in one hand and a paper plate in the other.

She’s standing in front of me with her wings spread, squacking bloody murder, flying a off the ground every few seconds trying to intimidate me. So I advanced and started swinging the strainer at her. She retreated like a punk and started running towards the baby, who was running toward the bushes.

So she didn’t really want to fight after all, and was just trying to distract me from the baby all along. So I’m trying to re-capture the baby, but every time I caught it under strainer, the momma would fly toward me and I had to use the strainer to swat her.

Fighting the momma and capturing the baby at the same time proved to be impossible, and the baby made it to the bushes, effectively escaping.

Then the momma flew away like a coward, just made a b-line out of there without her babies. I was scouraging around, trying to find the other babies, when suddenly I heard a flock of ducks making what sounded like a fucking war cry off in the distance.

I got the FUCK out of there and ran back in the house just moments before a flock of about a dozen fucking ducks descended on my lawn. I don’t know what would have happened but I don’t think I could have taken them all if they started pecking at my head.

I respected the momma duck’s bravery up until she got her whole fucking crew involved. Jesus christ man, ducks are fucking hardcore. If the momma and her babies are dumb enough to come back we will go for round 2 and I will bring a second strainer to fight with…

2

Why would you steal a frigging duckling from it’s parents? No “man” does this shit.

If it was orphaned, then I could understand and i’d commend you… but, I think you’re a retard for putting the parents through something like that.

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4

Lol, you got in a fight with a gangsta duck. Good work. Next time you bring your whole crew back and show those fucks who’s turf it is in your yard!

5

If you get owned by a couple of ducks you just better never go near any geese. Those avian anarchists will tear you to pieces.

Starlings too. When they are nesting they will attack anybody who comes within 50 feet. No warning either, just Bam! beaks and talons out of no where.

6

This story made me lol on a couple of occasions!

^ Very true about geese. Was at a park once when my cousin ran up to me saying a goose was attacking her. I decided to show her how dumb she was for being scared of a goose. That was one lesson I learned the hard way, “Don’t fuck with geese, unless you’re willing to take it to the death”

7

Holy fuck this thread is pure gold!

Man, i’ll never fight anymore with any ducks, when i was young i fell inside one Duck Barn(i don’t know how to say the place they keep the ducks)

They beaked the shit of me, i went home all bloodied by ducks.

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[quote]AndrewG909 wrote:
This story made me lol on a couple of occasions!

^ Very true about geese. Was at a park once when my cousin ran up to me saying a goose was attacking her. I decided to show her how dumb she was for being scared of a goose. That was one lesson I learned the hard way, “Don’t fuck with geese, unless you’re willing to take it to the death”[/quote]

^^ Very very true about geese, them fuckers are the reincarnation of the devil himself.

Walking around campus on day, saw a goose; this thing hissed at me and then flew towards my face for no reason.

So I punched it in the head.

The fucker flew past a building and came back with friends, it was like a freaking goose apocalypse.

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If you think geese are bad then piss off some swans. I’ve seen them take over one of the bridges on campus and beat the shit out of any ducks, geese or students that want to get by.

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[quote]imhungry wrote:
Why would you steal a frigging duckling from it’s parents? No “man” does this shit.
[/quote]

x10

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[quote]The other Rob wrote:
If you think geese are bad then piss off some swans. I’ve seen them take over one of the bridges on campus and beat the shit out of any ducks, geese or students that want to get by.[/quote]

If you think swans are bad, you should piss off some zombies. I’ve seen those fuckers take over the whole damn world before.

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[quote]Tex Ag wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:
Why would you steal a frigging duckling from it’s parents? No “man” does this shit.
[/quote]

x10

[/quote]

x100

Taking advantage of small animals does not make you a “man” anymore than heading to your local elementary school and taking those kids’ lunch money would.

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[quote]hungry4more wrote:

[quote]The other Rob wrote:
If you think geese are bad then piss off some swans. I’ve seen them take over one of the bridges on campus and beat the shit out of any ducks, geese or students that want to get by.[/quote]

If you think swans are bad, you should piss off some zombies. I’ve seen those fuckers take over the whole damn world before. [/quote]

especially the rabies strain zombies, those fuckers are fast.

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[quote]WormwoodTheory wrote:

[quote]hungry4more wrote:

[quote]The other Rob wrote:
If you think geese are bad then piss off some swans. I’ve seen them take over one of the bridges on campus and beat the shit out of any ducks, geese or students that want to get by.[/quote]

If you think swans are bad, you should piss off some zombies. I’ve seen those fuckers take over the whole damn world before. [/quote]

especially the rabies strain zombies, those fuckers are fast.[/quote]

Well I don’t know anything about that, however there was a rabies zombie geese outbreak a while ago, my memory is a little fuzzy, but as I recall, the entire earth was destroyed.

15

College students, our countries future. Fuck me

16

This is one of the most asinine, mind-bogglingly juvenile threads I’ve ever seen on here.

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[quote]iflyboats wrote:
So she didn’t really want to fight after all, and was just trying to distract me from the baby all along.
[/quote]
Nice, you got outsmarted by an animal with a brain the size of a peanut!

18

[quote]iflyboats wrote:
all 5-10 and 190lbs of me
[/quote]

This part made me laugh.

I’m sure nature really cares about how moderately swole you are.

19

Lmao! This thread is epic, WIN! too funny lol…

20

Fuck that, cant let them skate with that shit. Posse up and roll on them busta’s.