Girlfriend Wants to Get Married, Dilemma

Off Topic
101

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

An engagement is not a marriage. All she’s asking at this point is a promise to get married later. She probably wants to show her friends/sister she’s not a fool. And she needs to convince herself. Until marriage actually occurs, nothing is final. It’s tantamount to the negotiations that lead up to contractual obligations. Until a contract is signed, you’ve really got nothing but an idea of what the other party intends to commit to.[/quote]

What contract?

Marriage in such a climate basically means signing over your life.

What does the man get out of this?

I call such terms “unconditional surrender”. [/quote]

My point is that if OP gets engaged, and subsequently does his research, along with plenty of soul searching, and decides marriage is not for him, then no harm done. He takes the ring back, they split their assets up as they see fit, yell at each other a bunch, and move on. My point relates to what action he should take now. I’m actually not suggesting that marriage is the right move. I’m saying he should offer a ring in the VERY near future, or let her go, given what he has said about her feelings on the issue.[/quote]

Small point of consideration here…

In California, engagement rings are considered conditional gifts given in contemplation of marriage. If there is a dispute over the ring the court takes into consideration the circumstances of the breakup. This means if he calls off the wedding she will likely be able to keep the ring.

Just food for thought OP before you go out and purchase a few-thousand-dollar rock thinking it will buy you some more time.
[/quote]

You could offer the ring on a contractual basis where she agrees to return it if things don’t work out. Provided the contract wasn’t signed under duress, I’m pretty sure that would hold up pretty solidly in court.

EDIT: I’m still amused at the idea of proposing at gunpoint.

102

Do not cater to pressure, marry her when you’re ready.

Keep in mind, if shit goes south, she gets half the money and keeps all the pussy.

103

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

An engagement is not a marriage. All she’s asking at this point is a promise to get married later. She probably wants to show her friends/sister she’s not a fool. And she needs to convince herself. Until marriage actually occurs, nothing is final. It’s tantamount to the negotiations that lead up to contractual obligations. Until a contract is signed, you’ve really got nothing but an idea of what the other party intends to commit to.[/quote]

What contract?

Marriage in such a climate basically means signing over your life.

What does the man get out of this?

I call such terms “unconditional surrender”. [/quote]

He gets “unconditional sex”.

I have always thought that women willing to have sex outside marriage should always charge.
Because there is no such a thing as surrendering yourself to a man sexually without wanting something in return.

Men should know this by now.

104

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

An engagement is not a marriage. All she’s asking at this point is a promise to get married later. She probably wants to show her friends/sister she’s not a fool. And she needs to convince herself. Until marriage actually occurs, nothing is final. It’s tantamount to the negotiations that lead up to contractual obligations. Until a contract is signed, you’ve really got nothing but an idea of what the other party intends to commit to.[/quote]

What contract?

Marriage in such a climate basically means signing over your life.

What does the man get out of this?

I call such terms “unconditional surrender”. [/quote]

My point is that if OP gets engaged, and subsequently does his research, along with plenty of soul searching, and decides marriage is not for him, then no harm done. He takes the ring back, they split their assets up as they see fit, yell at each other a bunch, and move on. My point relates to what action he should take now. I’m actually not suggesting that marriage is the right move. I’m saying he should offer a ring in the VERY near future, or let her go, given what he has said about her feelings on the issue.[/quote]

Small point of consideration here…

In California, engagement rings are considered conditional gifts given in contemplation of marriage. If there is a dispute over the ring the court takes into consideration the circumstances of the breakup. This means if he calls off the wedding she will likely be able to keep the ring.

Just food for thought OP before you go out and purchase a few-thousand-dollar rock thinking it will buy you some more time.
[/quote]

You could offer the ring on a contractual basis where she agrees to return it if things don’t work out. Provided the contract wasn’t signed under duress, I’m pretty sure that would hold up pretty solidly in court.

EDIT: I’m still amused at the idea of proposing at gunpoint.[/quote]

How romantic.

105

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

An engagement is not a marriage. All she’s asking at this point is a promise to get married later. She probably wants to show her friends/sister she’s not a fool. And she needs to convince herself. Until marriage actually occurs, nothing is final. It’s tantamount to the negotiations that lead up to contractual obligations. Until a contract is signed, you’ve really got nothing but an idea of what the other party intends to commit to.[/quote]

What contract?

Marriage in such a climate basically means signing over your life.

What does the man get out of this?

I call such terms “unconditional surrender”. [/quote]

My point is that if OP gets engaged, and subsequently does his research, along with plenty of soul searching, and decides marriage is not for him, then no harm done. He takes the ring back, they split their assets up as they see fit, yell at each other a bunch, and move on. My point relates to what action he should take now. I’m actually not suggesting that marriage is the right move. I’m saying he should offer a ring in the VERY near future, or let her go, given what he has said about her feelings on the issue.[/quote]

Small point of consideration here…

In California, engagement rings are considered conditional gifts given in contemplation of marriage. If there is a dispute over the ring the court takes into consideration the circumstances of the breakup. This means if he calls off the wedding she will likely be able to keep the ring.

Just food for thought OP before you go out and purchase a few-thousand-dollar rock thinking it will buy you some more time.
[/quote]

Wasn’t aware. Regardless, that’s a relatively small loss compared to a ‘losing half’ scenario. My guess would be that most of the time this type of thing wouldn’t make it to court in the first place. Unless she’s super vindictive/greedy, she’d give the ring back.

106

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

An engagement is not a marriage. All she’s asking at this point is a promise to get married later. She probably wants to show her friends/sister she’s not a fool. And she needs to convince herself. Until marriage actually occurs, nothing is final. It’s tantamount to the negotiations that lead up to contractual obligations. Until a contract is signed, you’ve really got nothing but an idea of what the other party intends to commit to.[/quote]

What contract?

Marriage in such a climate basically means signing over your life.

What does the man get out of this?

I call such terms “unconditional surrender”. [/quote]

My point is that if OP gets engaged, and subsequently does his research, along with plenty of soul searching, and decides marriage is not for him, then no harm done. He takes the ring back, they split their assets up as they see fit, yell at each other a bunch, and move on. My point relates to what action he should take now. I’m actually not suggesting that marriage is the right move. I’m saying he should offer a ring in the VERY near future, or let her go, given what he has said about her feelings on the issue.[/quote]

Small point of consideration here…

In California, engagement rings are considered conditional gifts given in contemplation of marriage. If there is a dispute over the ring the court takes into consideration the circumstances of the breakup. This means if he calls off the wedding she will likely be able to keep the ring.

Just food for thought OP before you go out and purchase a few-thousand-dollar rock thinking it will buy you some more time.
[/quote]

You could offer the ring on a contractual basis where she agrees to return it if things don’t work out. Provided the contract wasn’t signed under duress, I’m pretty sure that would hold up pretty solidly in court.

EDIT: I’m still amused at the idea of proposing at gunpoint.[/quote]

How romantic.[/quote]

Meh. No less romantic than the laws that say you give it up if things don’t work out.

107

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Run.

If you submit to her ultimatum THIS time, it will set a precedent. She may WANT you to say, “OK, let’s get married”. But in reality, she will lose respect for you and will subconsciously see you for the pushover you would be (for letting a woman brow-beat you into making a life changing decision before YOU are ready). IMHO, you will spend the rest of your miserable life compromising what’s important to you for what’s important to HER. AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Even if you WANT to marry her now, tell her “no” right now and propose to her in a few months. Just so she knows that she isn’t running the show or driving YOUR decisions. You are the fucking MAN. Act like one. YOUR life is YOUR path. She is welcome to walk YOUR path with you. If she successfully takes you off YOUR path, she has effectively castrated you - you may as well cut your own nuts off, put them in a mason jar for her to display on the mantle. Make no mistake about it, this is a shit test and she’s playing for keeps. If you play, you lose. ULTIMATUM = DEAL BREAKER TO MEN WITH SELF ESTEEM AND MATURE BOUNDARIES. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

RUN. [/quote]

What a great post.

108

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

Just food for thought OP before you go out and purchase a few-thousand-dollar rock thinking it will buy you some more time.
[/quote]

There is no need to spend so much on a diamond.
One can buy a man made diamond for $150 instead of $18000

In fact, OP, you can get her a sign of your commitment for less then a play-station:

http://www.diamondnexus.com/tiffany-style-solitaire.html

109

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
You’re in luck, I’m going to drop some genius-King Soloman cutting babies in-half kind of shit on you.

But first, I’m going to take you at your word that you see yourself being with this girl for the rest of your life, and that your problem here is with her dropping an ultimatum on you, and that you’re concerned that she wants a wedding more than she wants a marriage. If this is really your problem, then I have the solution, but you have to committ 100%.

Trust me, I’m one of the first ones to say that the institution of marriage is legally a terrible deal for men in this country. However, there are still successful marriages out there, good wives and good husbands (who never get assraped by the legal system). I would never rule out marriage for myself (though I do see it as highly unlikely), and I think it would be a mistake for you to do so.

So here’s the choice you give her, if she wants to marry you, you’ll take her to the justice of the peace tommorrow, tie the knot, and buy the gold bands that makes her your property (and vice versa), but no fancy wedding, and no diamond, ever. Or, you’ll give her the diamond and the bridezilla wedding, but she has to wait two years. If she ops for the diamond and the bridezilla wedding, I’d bail. But if she ops for the J O P, you’d be a fool not to keep her.[/quote]
stands up and claps
Hit the nail right on the head

110

Actually, I prefer this one:

http://www.diamondnexus.com/first-love.html

Even cheaper at $509

And probably cheaper than the dog.

111

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Run.

If you submit to her ultimatum THIS time, it will set a precedent. She may WANT you to say, “OK, let’s get married”. But in reality, she will lose respect for you and will subconsciously see you for the pushover you would be (for letting a woman brow-beat you into making a life changing decision before YOU are ready). IMHO, you will spend the rest of your miserable life compromising what’s important to you for what’s important to HER. AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Even if you WANT to marry her now, tell her “no” right now and propose to her in a few months. Just so she knows that she isn’t running the show or driving YOUR decisions. You are the fucking MAN. Act like one. YOUR life is YOUR path. She is welcome to walk YOUR path with you. If she successfully takes you off YOUR path, she has effectively castrated you - you may as well cut your own nuts off, put them in a mason jar for her to display on the mantle. Make no mistake about it, this is a shit test and she’s playing for keeps. If you play, you lose. ULTIMATUM = DEAL BREAKER TO MEN WITH SELF ESTEEM AND MATURE BOUNDARIES. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

RUN. [/quote]

What a great post.[/quote]

Yep.

Lady Games are lose-lose for dudes.

112

[quote]Alpha F wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]flipcollar wrote:

An engagement is not a marriage. All she’s asking at this point is a promise to get married later. She probably wants to show her friends/sister she’s not a fool. And she needs to convince herself. Until marriage actually occurs, nothing is final. It’s tantamount to the negotiations that lead up to contractual obligations. Until a contract is signed, you’ve really got nothing but an idea of what the other party intends to commit to.[/quote]

What contract?

Marriage in such a climate basically means signing over your life.

What does the man get out of this?

I call such terms “unconditional surrender”. [/quote]

He gets “unconditional sex”.

I have always thought that women willing to have sex outside marriage should always charge.
Because there is no such a thing as surrendering yourself to a man sexually without wanting something in return.

Men should know this by now.
[/quote]

Hookers are cheaper.

113

Hey Max!! How the fuck you been?

2 scenarios.

  1. She wants to get married and live that ideal white picket fence, 2.2 kids thing. The guy is less important than the vision in this scenario.

  2. She is just growing into her own skin. She is meeting different types of men, perhaps some more affluent than yourself, and wondering “what-if”. Given the age, I assume she has had limited sexual partners and is worried about that. All in all, she is having doubts about the relationship and rather than actually face what is going on with herself she is looking to you to put a ring on her finger so she can avoid the issue all together.

disclaimer: This is not ALL women. I’ve known men who have pulled the same bullshit. If you have to force it, something doesn’t fit right. Either work on finding out why it doesn’t fit or find something that does. (And by fit, I totally mean butt seks.)

114

[quote]orion wrote:
Hookers are cheaper.[/quote]

Are they legal in Austria?

It’s not really a viable option in most of this country.

115

[quote]BradTGIF wrote:

Yep.

Lady Games are lose-lose for dudes.[/quote]

Or from another perspective: she is the one who has lost 5 years of “free pussy” on him.

I agree with the lady with the kid on the avatar.

This girl is reaping what she has sown.

116

[quote]orion wrote:

Hookers are cheaper.[/quote]

Absolutely.
I agree completely.

117

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
Hookers are cheaper.[/quote]

Are they legal in Austria?

It’s not really a viable option in most of this country.[/quote]

Yup

120

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]Alpha F wrote:

I have always thought that women willing to have sex outside marriage should always charge.
Because there is no such a thing as surrendering yourself to a man sexually without wanting something in return.

Men should know this by now.
[/quote]

See…I was right.[/quote]

Absolutely.

:slight_smile: