Girlfriend Wants to Get Married, Dilemma

[harrypotter]

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

How to keep your man happy 101:

Make him a sammich and give him a blowjob and 95% of the time he is happy again if he was not before.

[/quote]

again, a universal truth spoken by our Messiah, the mighty O~

you are now my #1 internet philosopher~[/quote]

That is apparently what girls are taught in Brazil, feed him, fuck him, see what happens.

Since men really are not any more complicated than that for the most part I am a bit at a loss why so many women cannot handle this.

[/quote]

Because they have been taught not to do this in western society?

[orion]

[quote]harrypotter wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

How to keep your man happy 101:

Make him a sammich and give him a blowjob and 95% of the time he is happy again if he was not before.

[/quote]

again, a universal truth spoken by our Messiah, the mighty O~

you are now my #1 internet philosopher~[/quote]

That is apparently what girls are taught in Brazil, feed him, fuck him, see what happens.

Since men really are not any more complicated than that for the most part I am a bit at a loss why so many women cannot handle this.

[/quote]

Because they have been taught not to do this in western society?[/quote]

Maybe, but could they not at least give it a try for one week and see what happens?

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

How to keep your man happy 101:

Make him a sammich and give him a blowjob and 95% of the time he is happy again if he was not before.

[/quote]

again, a universal truth spoken by our Messiah, the mighty O~

you are now my #1 internet philosopher~[/quote]

There have been a number of studies in Israel in what-causes-a-man-to-leave a relationship/marriage.

The number one underlying factor is the woman did not respect the man.

Being respectful results in a number of behaviors, from not harping to not sleeping around to not wasting the resources (i.e., money) brought into the marriage by the man, to more physical things mentioned.

Conversely, the number one underlying factor for women leaving a relationship was the man not acting in a loving manner, which includes: being respectable (making her job easy), being kind, hugging her, etc.

Not sure how this applies to the world-at-large, but that’s how to keep a Jewish husband and wife happy.[/quote]

This would make me happy, too, and I am more than willing to do my piece despite considering myself a feminist.

[imhungry]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

How to keep your man happy 101:

Make him a sammich and give him a blowjob and 95% of the time he is happy again if he was not before.

[/quote]

again, a universal truth spoken by our Messiah, the mighty O~

you are now my #1 internet philosopher~[/quote]

There have been a number of studies in Israel in what-causes-a-man-to-leave a relationship/marriage.

The number one underlying factor is the woman did not respect the man.

Being respectful results in a number of behaviors, from not harping to not sleeping around to not wasting the resources (i.e., money) brought into the marriage by the man, to more physical things mentioned.

Conversely, the number one underlying factor for women leaving a relationship was the man not acting in a loving manner, which includes: being respectable (making her job easy), being kind, hugging her, etc.

Not sure how this applies to the world-at-large, but that’s how to keep a Jewish husband and wife happy.[/quote]

This would make me happy, too, and I am more than willing to do my piece despite considering myself a feminist. [/quote]

Em, while I know there’s a number of variations of Feminism, how would the above go against it?

It looks like both want equal footing in the relationship, right?

[Alpha_F]

[quote]harrypotter wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

How to keep your man happy 101:

Make him a sammich and give him a blowjob and 95% of the time he is happy again if he was not before.

[/quote]

again, a universal truth spoken by our Messiah, the mighty O~

you are now my #1 internet philosopher~[/quote]

That is apparently what girls are taught in Brazil, feed him, fuck him, see what happens.

Since men really are not any more complicated than that for the most part I am a bit at a loss why so many women cannot handle this.

[/quote]

Because they have been taught not to do this in western society?[/quote]

When I worked as a beach lifeguard, I had one male colleague who would say about his wife: “I got denied again.”

My impression is that in America, women withhold sex purposefully as part of the power play and/or spend his money on shopping when angry with their husbands.
( Funny, Brazilian women will in fact use a great sex session to manipulate and get what they want, ha! I forgot about that.)

Sometimes you do feel naturally turned off sexually and/or are inclined to compensate with shopping if some of the reasons Jewbacca mentioned in his last post are ongoing in the relationship.

But my understanding was, from working with predominantly American males who talked to me openly, that the American female will use the sex withholding on purpose, usually to make the man pay for bad behavior and also as a manipulator of behavior she did not approve.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

How to keep your man happy 101:

Make him a sammich and give him a blowjob and 95% of the time he is happy again if he was not before.

[/quote]

again, a universal truth spoken by our Messiah, the mighty O~

you are now my #1 internet philosopher~[/quote]

There have been a number of studies in Israel in what-causes-a-man-to-leave a relationship/marriage.

The number one underlying factor is the woman did not respect the man.

Being respectful results in a number of behaviors, from not harping to not sleeping around to not wasting the resources (i.e., money) brought into the marriage by the man, to more physical things mentioned.

Conversely, the number one underlying factor for women leaving a relationship was the man not acting in a loving manner, which includes: being respectable (making her job easy), being kind, hugging her, etc.

Not sure how this applies to the world-at-large, but that’s how to keep a Jewish husband and wife happy.[/quote]

This would make me happy, too, and I am more than willing to do my piece despite considering myself a feminist. [/quote]

Em, while I know there’s a number of variations of Feminism, how would the above go against it?

It looks like both want equal footing in the relationship, right?[/quote]

That’s what I’m saying. To me, happy at home is happy at home and the entire goal of life. Feminism isn’t agains that, at least as I understand and practice it.

[imhungry]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]Edgy wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

How to keep your man happy 101:

Make him a sammich and give him a blowjob and 95% of the time he is happy again if he was not before.

[/quote]

again, a universal truth spoken by our Messiah, the mighty O~

you are now my #1 internet philosopher~[/quote]

There have been a number of studies in Israel in what-causes-a-man-to-leave a relationship/marriage.

The number one underlying factor is the woman did not respect the man.

Being respectful results in a number of behaviors, from not harping to not sleeping around to not wasting the resources (i.e., money) brought into the marriage by the man, to more physical things mentioned.

Conversely, the number one underlying factor for women leaving a relationship was the man not acting in a loving manner, which includes: being respectable (making her job easy), being kind, hugging her, etc.

Not sure how this applies to the world-at-large, but that’s how to keep a Jewish husband and wife happy.[/quote]

This would make me happy, too, and I am more than willing to do my piece despite considering myself a feminist. [/quote]

Em, while I know there’s a number of variations of Feminism, how would the above go against it?

It looks like both want equal footing in the relationship, right?[/quote]

That’s what I’m saying. To me, happy at home is happy at home and the entire goal of life. Feminism isn’t agains that, at least as I understand and practice it.

[/quote]
Ok.

The word “despite” threw me off.

[EmilyQ]

Well, “American women” and “feminists” are not well loved in these types of threads. If there is one single reasonable woman in the entirety of North America, why, that would come as some surprise!

[imhungry]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Well, “American women” and “feminists” are not well loved in these types of threads. If there is one single reasonable woman in the entirety of North America, why, that would come as some surprise![/quote]

Fwiw, I agree with the vast majority of your posts and applaud you for fighting the good fight. Unfortunately, it’s falling on deaf ears.

[Alpha_F]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Well, “American women” and “feminists” are not well loved in these types of threads. If there is one single reasonable woman in the entirety of North America, why, that would come as some surprise![/quote]

I think it takes two to tango.
It would be interesting to investigate the other side of the story; “American males”.
As I have already expressed I felt the OP was weak in his actions and is reaping what he has sown.

I am under the impression it was the feminist movement that upset the dynamics and created a war of the sexes in this culture - and the whole pet love as a substitute for, or a weakened, a profound emotional connection between the couple.
But I could be wrong.

I also think God is missing from your culture in a very substantial way and it has been replaced by other things - this weakens the head of the family: The man. Subsequently, this makes the women erratic, clingy, needy, lost and insecure: like a pet without its owner.

Perhaps you, in your uniqueness, could just simply stand on your own two feet as a woman in your own right;
Refraining from identifications such as “I am” a feminist or “I am” an American woman.

[LoRez]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Well, “American women” and “feminists” are not well loved in these types of threads. If there is one single reasonable woman in the entirety of North America, why, that would come as some surprise![/quote]

I’ve met three so far. Maybe 4, but I didn’t get a chance to know her very well.

By no means are even the majority of women [that I’ve met] as “bad” as the “American women” and “feminists” described… considering those are archetype/stereotype/model examples which are necessarily more extreme than reality. A very rare few fit those descriptions perfectly.

But there are several aspects from those archtypal models that seem to show up in many women, at least per the common american male experience ™. And especially when the shit hits the fan and a girl is pushed outside her comfort zone.

Which is where I think things get a little fuzzy, because a lot of things that are said as absolute facts in these threads, are really better seen as highly accurate rules of thumb, and thus there are certain other rules of thumb that generally work for males to navigate those aspects of women.

It’s kind of like saying “you can’t be friends with your exes”. For the majority of people, that’s a pretty good rule to live by, and I expect that for most of them, they simply couldn’t pull it off. But for those who have done it (especially after both parties moved on to serious LTRs), it can be done, it’s just very very tricky. The degree of trust, self-control and communication involved is just more than most people seem to want to handle.

Some women are above and beyond the statistical behavioral traits, at least in some degree. But those women are few and far between. And I would say that most guys simply aren’t seeking out those women, and would rather figure out how to deal with the majority… which is where a lot of this discussion is actually kinda useful.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Alpha F wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Well, “American women” and “feminists” are not well loved in these types of threads. If there is one single reasonable woman in the entirety of North America, why, that would come as some surprise![/quote]

I think it takes two to tango.
It would be interesting to investigate the other side of the story; “American males”.
As I have already expressed I felt the OP was weak in his actions and is reaping what he has sown.

I am under the impression it was the feminist movement that upset the dynamics and created a war of the sexes in this culture - and the whole pet love as a substitute for, or a weakened, a profound emotional connection between the couple.
But I could be wrong.

I also think God is missing from your culture in a very substantial way and it has been replaced by other things - this weakens the head of the family: The man. Subsequently, this makes the women erratic, clingy, needy, lost and insecure: like a pet without its owner.

Perhaps you, in your uniqueness, could just simply stand on your own two feet as a woman in your own right;
Refraining from identifications such as “I am” a feminist or “I am” an American woman.

[/quote]

Well, I hardly lead with these things in my personal life. I stand on my own and lead with a friendly smile and, if appropriate, a handshake. Others brought these identifiers into the conversation, I am merely stating mine. You said:

[quote]My impression is that in America, women withhold sex purposefully as part of the power play and/or spend his money on shopping when angry with their husbands.
( Funny, Brazilian women will in fact use a great sex session to manipulate and get what they want, ha! I forgot about that.)

Sometimes you do feel naturally turned off sexually and/or are inclined to compensate with shopping if some of the reasons Jewbacca mentioned in his last post are ongoing in the relationship.

But my understanding was, from working with predominantly American males who talked to me openly, that the American female will use the sex withholding on purpose, usually to make the man pay for bad behavior and also as a manipulator of behavior she did not approve.[/quote]

I’m simply noting that I operate in certain ways as a person who identifies as I do. I suppose that by extension I am disputing your quoted claims. It’s very easy to generalize about groups. But that does not constitute reason or logic.

[Alpha_F]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Well, I hardly lead with these things in my personal life. I stand on my own and lead with a friendly smile and, if appropriate, a handshake.
[/quote]

Well, it is nice to meet you!

I’m just curious: have you ever dated a foreign male?

[on_edge]

Alpha F, did you used to post as Alpha Female?

Question not related to anything in this thread. Just curious.

[Cortes]

[quote]Alpha F wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Well, “American women” and “feminists” are not well loved in these types of threads. If there is one single reasonable woman in the entirety of North America, why, that would come as some surprise![/quote]

I think it takes two to tango.
It would be interesting to investigate the other side of the story; “American males”.
As I have already expressed I felt the OP was weak in his actions and is reaping what he has sown.

I am under the impression it was the feminist movement that upset the dynamics and created a war of the sexes in this culture - and the whole pet love as a substitute for, or a weakened, a profound emotional connection between the couple.
But I could be wrong.

I also think God is missing from your culture in a very substantial way and it has been replaced by other things - this weakens the head of the family: The man. Subsequently, this makes the women erratic, clingy, needy, lost and insecure: like a pet without its owner.

Perhaps you, in your uniqueness, could just simply stand on your own two feet as a woman in your own right;
Refraining from identifications such as “I am” a feminist or “I am” an American woman.

[/quote]

I have missed reading your posts, AF. It’s been a profound pleasure, as always, to get to hear your opinion throughout this thread. I got here late so I’ve been holding my tongue until now. You are welcome to read my thoughts regarding this issue in the Pussywhipped, Game or Way of Men threads, though there’ve been a few before those. This has been a hot topic of late. I don’t think you and I disagree about too much.

Hope you’ll be sticking around. Be nice if that husband of yours ever decided to grace us with his presence again, too. I miss his pure, salty genius, as well. (^_^)

[LoRez]

[quote]Cortes wrote:
I have missed reading your posts, AF. It’s been a profound pleasure, as always, to get to hear your opinion throughout this thread. I got here late so I’ve been holding my tongue until now. You are welcome to read my thoughts regarding this issue in the Pussywhipped, Game or Way of Men threads, though there’ve been a few before those. This has been a hot topic of late. I don’t think you and I disagree about too much. [/quote]

Women’s right to vote thread is good too.

[Cortes]

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]Cortes wrote:
I have missed reading your posts, AF. It’s been a profound pleasure, as always, to get to hear your opinion throughout this thread. I got here late so I’ve been holding my tongue until now. You are welcome to read my thoughts regarding this issue in the Pussywhipped, Game or Way of Men threads, though there’ve been a few before those. This has been a hot topic of late. I don’t think you and I disagree about too much. [/quote]

Women’s right to vote thread is good too.[/quote]

I was trying to remember what the other one was, and that was it, thanks LoRez.

Another obliquely related one was the massive discussion about letting your male child go to school dressed as a princess. I can’t remember the thread title, though.

[njrusmc]

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Run.

If you submit to her ultimatum THIS time, it will set a precedent. She may WANT you to say, “OK, let’s get married”. But in reality, she will lose respect for you and will subconsciously see you for the pushover you would be (for letting a woman brow-beat you into making a life changing decision before YOU are ready). IMHO, you will spend the rest of your miserable life compromising what’s important to you for what’s important to HER. AGAIN AND AGAIN.

Even if you WANT to marry her now, tell her “no” right now and propose to her in a few months. Just so she knows that she isn’t running the show or driving YOUR decisions. You are the fucking MAN. Act like one. YOUR life is YOUR path. She is welcome to walk YOUR path with you. If she successfully takes you off YOUR path, she has effectively castrated you - you may as well cut your own nuts off, put them in a mason jar for her to display on the mantle. Make no mistake about it, this is a shit test and she’s playing for keeps. If you play, you lose. ULTIMATUM = DEAL BREAKER TO MEN WITH SELF ESTEEM AND MATURE BOUNDARIES. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

RUN. [/quote]

What a great post.[/quote]

This is such excellent advice I’m surprised it hasn’t gotten more praise. I caved to the pressure myself after one year of dating, 8 months of which I spent in combat. Needless to say, the engagement fell apart soon after as my balls grew back and I realized how miserable I ALREADY WAS, 10 months before the wedding date.

Stay in control of your life and if she is not mature enough to accept that you don’t want to get married right now, then you should consider other options.

[kpsnap]

[quote]Jackie_Jacked wrote:
Just a random thought after reading this thread – It seems that an abundance of modern women are not familiar with the phrase Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. They rush into playing house to show their love interest what a great catch they are and, in turn, take away the man’s incentive to make a commitment. [/quote]

Really?

I think people should get married because they want to spend the rest of their lives together and want to formalize the commitment to do so. That’s it. All of this other stuff is game playing. I believe it makes tremendous sense to live together before marriage. Put all the cards on the table and decide whether it’s appealing. Because marriage takes a lot of work and compromise and willingness to wade through periods of shit. And if the courtship never gets beyond the game (which, of course, there is game playing on both sides to some degree), there will be some sore disappointments.

BTW, I’ve been married 24+ years. Lived with my husband before marriage. And the idea to get married was 100% his idea.

[Swolegasm]

You guys make american women seem awful. In my experience they are very friendly and very accommodating. But then thats only the ones that come to my university.