And why in the absolute fuck would I post that on a public forum? What I say is just words, they may be true or untrue, and therefore I can speak my mind without fear of repercussion here. Pictures are irrefutable evidence.
why would you be afraid of that
Because if I spoke my real thoughts and perspectives to anybody who could possibly help me (outside of the internet) they’d commit me to the nearest psychiatric hospital in a heartbeat, and then I’d be another mentally ill prisoner of the state surrounded by incompetent doctors who don’t give a fuck and force-feed their patients medications in order to keep them sedated and malleable.
Shit, on a second visit? You forget, I spent time there. They’d keep me for at least six months to a year, just like they did to other people on their second visit while I was there for my first. All everyone ever talked about was how the ward was akin to prison, and I couldn’t agree more. You have no rights while you’re in there, and security is just waiting to take your ass down with an IM if you so much as speak out of turn to somebody else. Anger isn’t allowed there. Fear and sadness aren’t allowed there. Pain isn’t allowed there, and neither is social withdrawal or isolation. No, in the ward, you’re FORCED to interact with your peers in order to have ANY chance of escaping that motherfucker. My roommate tried kicking my ass, I just smiled and took it because I knew the nurses were watching the entire thing unfold.
this is the best i found in your log
350 x 11 (RPE 9) thats about 159 kg for 9 which should be about 217 kg 1RM
would be awesome if you can turn that series into such an 1 RM.
are you able to do that or have you laready done it?
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I pulled 465 on the trap bar the other day for an easy single. I’m planning on working with the axle for a few months before I try out my conventional deadlift again.
awesome! trapbar isn’t exactly the same but it will do.
I pulled 188.2 kgs x 12 on the trap bar the other day after my 210 kgs single.
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That’s outstanding, makes my back ache just thinking about it but outstanding nonetheless.
Ah, thank you. It’s not that great, I’m gonna hit 188 kgs for 15 next week sometime, I think. When I get it for 20, I’ll be impressed.
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i wish i could race with you, but i don’t have a chance
You definitely do, it’s just a matter of how much suck you’re willing to endure.
lol, not much of suck enduring anymore, i have come to the age that when i endure suck in training i have to endure suck also between trainings at a complete other level than when i was in your age. crackling joints, eye twitching and blurry vision, elevated pulse and nausea for days, just not worth it imo.
well, maybe yes, but thats a good thing too. gives you some freedom, get a family and things will turn the other way around and then you will miss this.
i have not seen many comments like this in your tnation log.
lol, you are not taking a big risk here from what i understand
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That’s not being strong. That’s being weak. Being strong means working on bettering yourself.
That only happened recently. Look back at your own log to notice how quickly you change directions.
If you don’t want any input, that is fine. I will respect that from here on forward.
I wish all the best to you man! Hope to see a lot more insane deadlift sets.
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Nah. But it’s a big risk TO ME. 
@kd13 no, you’re totally right.
@Koestrizer yeah, I flip-flop all over the place. I should genuinely install a site blocker on my laptop that kicks in as soon as I step into my house so my anxiety attacks aren’t immediately followed by me putting my foot in my mouth on this log. They warp my entire perception of everything.
If it’s any consolation, I’ve been up all night because every time I try to sleep I end up with a slow crushing of my lungs and heart that snaps me back up with a thumping gasp. It seems that I’ve developed a bit of pulmonary edema.
I probably have to check in through the ER in a little while. We’ll see. Gotta get the kiddo off to school right now though.
Hey, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I hope you feel better soon.
@kd13 I guess it all does improve with time. PTSD is my trigger, and because I’m still living in the environment where all of that occurred, I’m more prone to it all. But, I do have two jobs and am currently making around $1,200 per week, so by the time May rolls around I’ll have enough money to say bye bye.
Thanks.
This was in response to @bonoboschimp post on experiencing physical pain after training. I said that I like being strong, so I deal with what the weights do to my body.
i’m innocent i swear
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