My GI tract has officially shut down. My bowels and bladder are no longer working at all due to Lexapro withdrawals, it’s been four days since I’ve been able to use the bathroom in any capacity, and my urine flow is severely reduced. But, if I take Lexapro (or any other SSRI, for that matter), my GI tract also shuts down, and I puke up every ounce of food I eat. There really is no winning, anywhere. No matter what, I’m going to be in severe pain. Lol. But, I did say that I would kill myself before I took another pill, and I’m sticking to that. If I need to die, I need to die. Everyone has a time, and I think I’ve accepted mine. For God’s sakes, I’m skinner than I ever was and my Blood Pressure is 147 / 87 or something like that. I do think I’m going to commit suicide so I can die with some dignity left. I’m not even depressed, I just refuse to deal with another bout of chronic pain and bathroom humiliation to the point where I will gladly kill myself if it means I don’t have to go through it anymore.
People like me don’t get to lead normal or even worthwhile lives, because we’re always in severe and mind-altering pain that makes lasting productivity or happiness impossible. There hasn’t been a day where I’ve escaped terrible physical pain in 4 years. But, do you know what the goddamned, motherfucking kicker is? There is no end in sight. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Most importantly, there is no reason to continue on when there is no doctor or medical professional who can help you, and who instead dismisses your GI symptoms as “psycho-somatic” and entirely self-induced. Because, you know, if I just fucking BREATHED a little bit deeper, I’d feel all better. 
Another woman recently committed suicide over the symptoms I’ve been experiencing for years.
Pelvic floor dyssynergia - An example of anorectal dysfunction that can contribute to constipation is a condition called Pelvic Floor Dyssynergia (also referred to as anismus). It is marked by the failure of pelvic floor muscles to relax, or a paradoxical contraction of the pelvic floor muscles, with defecation.
The pelvic floor is composed of a group of muscles that span the underlying surface of the bony pelvis, which function to allow voluntary urination and defecation. “Paradoxical contraction” refers to an abnormal increase of pelvic floor muscle activity with defecation, rather than the normal decrease in muscle activity that is necessary in order to have a normal bowel movement. This condition can contribute to some forms of constipation, complaints of incomplete evacuation, and straining with stool.
On December 8, 2017, the media reported the suicide of a young woman who developed pelvic floor dyssynergia after using amitriptyline. The drug was prescribed for migraines, but it’s also an antidepressant which acts primarily as a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor.
"In this case, there appears to have been medical recognition of the fact that the problem was a legacy effect of the medication, with the woman’s GP quoted as saying “This was a recognised but not common side effect of Amitriptyline” and “The problems were normally a reversible side effect but it can take some time, sometimes even months or years to calm down.” This is contrary to the experiences of many people with PSSD and other legacy effects who are commonly told that their problem must be psychological.
It’s unlikely that amitriptyline is the only antidepressant to cause pelvic floor dyssynergia. As with many adverse effects, there are likely to be varying degrees of the problem, meaning that for some people it may be relatively mild but nevertheless still cause discomfort and inconvenience."
Bye fucking bye, motherfuckers! I’ll be glad to get gone. Oh, yeah. One more thing - @EmilyQ, please refrain from jacking that antidepressants are a good thing, at least in my log. Thanks.
