It’s been 36 hours since I took my last dose of Lexapro. I can just feel myself going insane. I’ve taken to staring at the wall (involuntarily), and I just beat my head into my door because I get irrationally angry at absolutely nothing. Is this really what I’m like without a fucking pill? I get to choose between emptiness and insanity.
Well, I’m glad you’re still around.
Life can be the shittest thing ever. It can also be pretty good. Checking out early means you never get the good bits. You’re at the age where you’re almost able to take yourself out of your shitty situation at home and strike out on your own. That can make an enormous difference.
Plus, this isn’t what you’re like without Lexapro. It’s what you’re like coming off Lexapro, which is by all accounts a nasty bastard, while dealing with a bunch of crap.
Mark is right. Besides why are you off your meds anyways?
Nausea, dry mouth, trouble sleeping, constipation, tiredness, drowsiness, dizziness, and increased sweating may occur. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tell your doctor promptly.
I think I’d like to get stronger, so I have to start eating a bit more and eat more protein. I think I’m advanced enough for those things to start mattering, based on how far off my average performance is from my peak performance on any given training day. I’m not sure if I can keep up the dieting I used to be able to stomach without any issues. I remember bulking from 155 pounds to 190 pounds in 3 months after a year of lifting weights and getting nowhere…I added a good 100 pounds to my squat and 150 pounds to my deadlift, all while running Starting Strength (not even to its specifications, I got no sleep as I’m accustomed to do). I’m almost contemplating going back to that program.
On the other hand, I’m thinking I want to gear my training towards something more strongman-based and get stronger in a variety of ways (working on grip strength will probably be a big thing for me, because I permanently messed up the middle finger on my right hand by punching double-plastered walls). No powerlifting for me, haha. My grip strength isn’t too negatively affected (I can hold 545 pounds with mixed grip for 15 seconds or so), but it just hurts my hand now. I also want to be more conditioned and look better. I’ve been getting a little sloppy as of late (smaller arms, chest, and the like), but I’m still always sick. I’m starting to think my potbelly is just bloat. I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m stronger but look worse. Maybe it’s all mental. I don’t look like I can deadlift 450+, but I can. It’s weird. I’m short and simultaneously gangly. I might focus on body composition while getting stronger. I just hate working around this illness. Half the time, I don’t even feel good enough to train (I’ll pass out, not be able to lift my warm-ups, etc.). Also getting checked for cancer tomorrow morning. I don’t wanna die, but if I have cancer, it might be the last straw for me. One thing I can be thankful for is that I’m able to still love and enjoy weightlifting even when I hate the rest of my life. That is something I didn’t have for a long time.
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I understand that Brian Alsrhue has some pretty good programs that are geared towards strongman. You may want to have a look at them. Some high level strongmen also use Sebastian Oreb’s system for the strength side of things, so that could be a possibility. Pretty sure @Koestrizer is just starting on that.
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Brian alsruhe’s attitude is awesome too. He did a stint for the government (he doesn’t disclose what his job was), and he got some kind of worm thing that ate some of his brain and now he throws up 50 times a day. He’s still training. I know you’ve had a tough go of it too, so maybe you’ll be able to connect with his mindset in some way
That’s amazing man! Honestly, I’d just take the opportunity to go all out
If you don’t have cancer- celebrate with aggressive goal pursuit
If you do have cancer- YOLO, you’re going to die anyways
Counter terrorism. He discloses it frequently actually.
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You do know it isn’t a death sentence right? The survival rate for testicular cancer is over 95% and 99% if caught early.
He seemed to take it as one and I didn’t want to invalidate his view. I also know nothing about testicular cancer so thanks for the fact check
Gotcha, that’s weird that I hadn’t remembered cause I’ve watched tons of his videos
If you have cancer then maybe the treatment will kill whatever is making you sick all the time. 
#silverlining
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My husband had it in his twenties. He’s completely functional, and honestly in the superior range for his age in pretty much every arena. He’s just a strong guy in every way. No sexual side effects despite the loss of a testicle, and has not even experienced issues with aging that a lot of guys his age have.
His 32-year-old nephew and the nephew’s friends all call him a beast, and he is. Nothing stops him; nothing.
Be like him, @liftangryordie500. Be the beast nothing stops.
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While that’s totally true, that’s hardly a full description of the job. Vague enough to be anything for DOD to CIA to homeland security. Having met Brian personally, he really does make a point not to give any details about what he did.
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I always figured he was a contractor operator based off the way he discusses it. Doesn’t seem like he was directly employed by any agency.
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@Markko Yeah I am just starting out on Thor’s power program so I can’t speak for it too much. There are two programs which you can buy as a bundle right now. One is an off season program focused on static strength and muscle building and the other more of an in season program available with just gym lifts (if in a commercial gym) and strongman lifts.
If you do have cancer: Show up for the fight. I have had blood cancer and survived. I am 270 lbs and competing in strongman. So the physical aftermath is doable.
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Given his background as a construction worker and personal trainer, it’s definitely one of the more interesting changes in career path one could take haha.
Varicoceles are the diagnosis. Grade III, getting them removed soon.
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CONGRATS!!! I’m so happy you’re finally getting a piece of good news!
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