How about you focus on the next minute, then hour? Make short term goals. Hang in there til 1100. Then 1105, and so on. Sometimes we have to break things down into smaller steps to make it to the end. If you only look long term or at the end result then it’s easy to get overwhelmed.
2 Likes
There is no more hanging on. Don’t you understand? I’m done. This is it. I’m finally smiling. All I wanted to do was thank you guys for being there for me as long as you were, and I’m being barraged with all of this pro-life rhetoric. I don’t want any part of it.
18002738255 this is a number for someone who can help. Think about it. What could one call hurt. Or you can text “WORDS” to 741741
Please reach out to someone. Call 1-800-273-8255.
You are.
I just sent you an e-mail. I actually just called the National Hotline (1-800-273-8255) myself and talked to someone. In under two minutes, I was talking to a guy. He said the National Hotline phone number automatically directs the call to a 24/7 response center in your area. Mine was routed to Suffolk County, and he said you could call there directly if you want to: 631-751-7500.
This isn’t about rhetoric or getting through another week or whatever. It’s about the people who care not giving up on you.
6 Likes
Is anyone else here worried? @liftangryordie500 hasn’t responded.
Not sure what the time is there. But yes we are all worried for him.
I lost a classmate to suicide last year… I hope I don’t lose a member of one of my tightest communities…
Then again, I’m in no position of judge in this situation
Hey, I’m still alive. I’m just not gonna be posting much here for a while. Didn’t log onto T-Nation last night.
4 Likes
Good to hear man
Boss, I literally don’t think we have ever said a word to one another, but I’ve seen your struggles on here. It sucks, it’s horrible, you’re going through shit that can bring the strongest of men to their knees.
Do. Not. Give. In.
Nothing is over so long are you are still above ground. Being a teenager can suck, and I have a background very similar to yours. I’m telling you, wait. You may have another shitty year, you may have another 5 shitty years. But one day, your going to be sitting on the couch surrounded by people you truly love, and holy shit will it be worth it. The lowest of lows honestly can not compare to the highest of highs, and you will never know those if you don’t push through this now. The time will come when you can take complete control of your life, this is your trial to push through until then.
I’m a little closer to your age than some others here, and have a lot of experience with this. You ever need to talk, let me know. I’ll drop you my email and we can connect. Stay strong brother.
3 Likes
Haven’t been training much because I can’t really force myself to eat anymore. It’s alright. I’ll train again when I feel ready, I guess.
@atlas13 thanks for the offer, I appreciate it and I’ll take you up on it.
2 Likes
The one thing you can always rely on, is that the iron will be there waiting for you. Stay well.
Nah; I’m gonna go ahead and lose another 30 pounds. I can’t really eat anymore. I don’t feel hunger, and I just puke whenever I take more than 3 bites of food. It’s all mental, too. So, I’m giving up on training for a while. It’s just unsustainable. Can’t do it anymore.
Go to the emergency room, tell them that you are not currently actively suicidal, assuming that’s true, and ask help getting the services put in place that you need. You need a psychiatrist; you need a good therapist. You need help finding these things and managing insurance and your parents’ opposition, assuming that’s still an issue.
Get help so you can feel better. Feeling good feels really good - you know that because sometimes you’re on top of the world, but then when you’re down you forget how good good is.
Go to the ER. Try that avenue again even though it wasn’t helpful before; it’ll matter that you’re a repeat customer.
1 Like
“Repeat customer”. Doesn’t that just mean whatever the fuck they did didn’t work the first time? Why would I even bother? I should be happy, I’m doing everything required to make me happy, and I just don’t feel okay. It’s not like I gave up. I didn’t, my mind gave up on me. I still drag my ass to get to work, school, and extracurriculars. I just don’t feel enjoyment from anything, I can’t eat, I can’t use the bathroom, and I can’t go a half-hour without a cigarette (because — guess what — nicotine normalizes my stomach for about a half hour, until I feel like I have to shit myself and puke again).
I’m losing the battle here, haha. I said it before, and I’ll say it again. I have both a psychiatrist and a therapist. My psych just gave me a fucking ketamine script. So, that just means I have to do some experimentation and figure out what drugs are going to change my perception of myself (because, obviously, psychedelics that have been essential for my psychiatrist in his own healing should work for me too, right?)
I don’t know what to do anymore. I really don’t want to fight. I don’t have anything left to fight for except myself, and I don’t care about myself.
Logical explanation - why not give up? T-Nation? Is that my incentive? Getting married and having kids? I don’t want to do that. Getting a career and having money? I’ll just blow it on drugs and hookers anyway, because that’s what I do right now. If I could pay someone to cuddle with me, I would, because I’m currently nursing a gigantic emotional void, but I don’t think I can. There’s nothing here that will ever incentivize me to stay and put in whatever work I have to in order to get better. It’s too painful. I’ve been through a lot, but the last thing I want to do is relive it in order to have a shot at healing.
I got the idea somewhere along the way that your parents were blocking things. Okay, so do you like your psychiatrist and therapist? It’s less important with the prescriber - for that you just need competence - but for the therapist it matters very much. I’ve probably said this before, but I’ll repeat that I think of us as being like different kinds of music. We’re more or less intense, nurturing, intelligent (more is not always a positive after a certain point), accepting, validating, humorous, etc. Find the spirit and tempo that are right for you.
I don’t ask people to relive trauma in my office, FYI. I ask them to understand their triggers and vulnerabilities. People generally feel BETTER after coming in, not worse. This takes a minute to be the case, too, though, because trust and familiarity have to be established. I’ve experienced a therapist’s office as a safe haven from a confusing and battering world, and I know many (most, maybe) of my clients feel the same way.
Would it be surprising that people working in this business have their own mental health and/or trauma histories? They do what they do because they (we) believe in it.
So yes, it could very well be that psychedelics that have been essential for your psychiatrist in his own healing should work for you too.
Why you wait and slog on is because you’ve felt how good it feels to succeed and love and you want an opportunity to have a lifetime of good feelings like these.
If you’re still playing with drugs recreationally, stop. Give yourself a fighting chance.
what about music? do you listen to something? heard of the beatles? actually, there are some psychedelic music out there, try that instead of psychedelic drugs. i can recommend the doors.
I’m well out of my depth here offering you advice or support man. All I can do is let you know there are people here who care and want to help.
Are you still on an SSRI like Zoloft? If I remember right, your mom/parents threw away your pills at some point, correct? Were you able to get a replacement?