alright; i’m back off my suicidal ideations bender and i’ve realized that i need to leave the house as soon as possible. so, that’s what i’m doing. heading to maritime trade school next year. also taking steps to improve myself. thanks @flappinit. looks like i live to fight another day. i picked up a few packs of cigarettes a few weeks ago when i was seriously considering suicide for the millionth time so fuck
my mom might also kick me out before then so i am damned lucky i’m smart enough to support myself and that i have a decent, long-standing job.
i’m gonna go back to regular college in a few years when i’m more established and i need a degree. until then, i need to get all of my fucking licenses.
thanks for the support everyone. it’s helped me more than you all realize. i’m not giving up.
Happy to read that! And your post actually didn’t sound as bad as some of your previous ones. Either you held back or you weren’t in as dark of a place as you have been in the past.
No, i’m still there. i just can’t get out. i don’t think i’ll make it through the year, to be honest. i don’t mind that, it’s just the truth. there’s nothing for me here, dude.
my mother is psychotic, my brother is a monster, and my dad just enables both of them. there’s nowhere to reach out, at all. i don’t like myself, i don’t have friends because i’m trapped in the house, and my mother ends all of my relationships by embarrassing me in front of my girlfriends. or, she just won’t let me see them. her choice.
i’m not even lifting weights anymore, man. i don’t want to do anything. so i won’t do anything. shit just keeps getting worse at home. more fights, more blowouts, more insults, more threats, more hatred. fuck it. it doesn’t matter. it seems like all i do lately is cry. i can’t even control it, so i don’t try to. i know this isn’t the place for all of what i’ve just said, but i had to get it off my chest.
@Chris_Colucci you wanna do me a favor and disable my account? i’m not gonna be on here.
Poppy cock. You’re not going anywhere. Keep grinding. Keep posting. Keep smoking. One step at a time. You’ll be legally independent before you know it.
I know you’ve spoken to a therapist type person. Have you ever spoken to a social services case worker? Anytime we take kids into police protective custody, they get a case worker assigned to work with the family. If you can get in touch with someone like that, then you might be able to get some help getting out of the house. It’s going to be a battle, but what do you have to lose?
I have no smart words to offer you. Those above are far better at that than me. But I sincerely hope you’re feeling better, more proactive and in a place where you can beat this.
The amount of responses on your wall and in flame free should tell you something.
Well, I’m moving out in a few months. Mom is just getting more vile to be around, and it’s best for both of us if I leave. Already ran the idea by my dad, he’s on board with it. I’ll stay with my godparents on his side of the family until I get my own place. I have a job already too, so that’s nice. Also, I’m going to college part-time and finishing up my last year of high school/freshman year of college this year.
All I have to do is get my driver’s license and stay clean. Freedom is mine, I’m just taking it. The situation at home has gotten too horrible to be in. I’ve dealt with it for years, but I have to take care of me now.
Mom has already made clear that I’m an ungrateful little fuck and that I can expect zero support from her from here on out. Looks like it’s time to break all contact between us! Yay. Now I can finally have a girlfriend, a social life, and be in a good mental space.
