My mother. She is perhaps the laziest person on the planet. Here’s why.
-She doesn’t have a job
-She doesn’t drive
-She is obsessed with FarmVille (Plays all day)
-When she isn’t playing FarmVille she is watching T.V.
-It’s MY T.V. and Computer
-She has lost all of her friends
-Only way I can eat is to work. (A 16-year-old shouldn’t have to worry about feeding his life sucker of a mom)
-She eats everything
-She is always “sick”. It’s her excuse for everything
-She criticizes EVERYTHING I do (Which I do because it’s generally for the benefit of me or someone else)
-She won’t help herself
-She is trying to make my little sister go down the same road(My own little sister hates me because of how she manipulates my little sister)
I got in a lot of trouble last year and now am on probation. I have taken my head out of my ass. It’s her turn. I do sports again. I get straight A’s. I work. I want to do something with my life but she won’t let me. She is just trying to suck me down. She literally tried to get me sent to JDC for canceling my anger management appointments that I had to make because she wouldn’t be responsible enough to do it. NOT LYING. I almost went back to JDC yesterday because she did that. I can’t leave my little sister with her.
This isn’t even the half of it.
What do I do about my mother And my little sister ? ? ?
IMHO, the first step is to be more respectful of your mom. Maybe she is actually dragging you down, but she is still your mother. Now I’m not attacking you, as I see your sixteen and still figuring it all out. But from reading this post I’d say you should be more respectful when talking about her.
Now, if you’re really serious, and you feel you need to get away from her, you have three options:
Do whatever it takes to get a job making enough money that you can move out on your 18th birthday. No excuses. From there you’ll be in a better place to help your sister.
You can try to get a judge to declare you an emancipated minor, meaning you’d be legally be independent of your parents before your 18th birthday. But you’d need a good job to pay for your living expenses.
If the above two options seem too drastic, then you need to make peace with the fact that you’ll be living with your mother for the forseeable future and deal with it. Do whatever it takes to make a future for yourself with or without her help, NO EXCUSES. And try your best to get along with her
Honestly, just keep working hard and wait it out until you’re 18. Get good grades, save up your money, get into a good college, move out. Life it too short.
I don’t know what to tell you about your sister though.
Go ROTC for the military branch that fits your goals. Get all your schooling payed for, go get career experience and than you’ll be doing just “you” by all means and living pretty damn good for your age, with out any real debts to worry about later on.
Shitty situation man. First of all, yes you should respect your mother no matter what. But, she is not holding up her end by fulfilling her obligations to care and provide for you. It sounds like her way of life is not sustainable without you. You should make every effort to get on your own as soon as possible.
Your sister will be a different person in a few years anyway. If you have not directly wronged her than she will understand when she gets older and she will come to realize the culprit isn’t you, but your mom.
[quote]Carlitosway wrote:
Go ROTC for the military branch that fits your goals. Get all your schooling payed for, go get career experience and than you’ll be doing just “you” by all means and living pretty damn good for your age, with out any real debts to worry about later on.[/quote]
Actually, I changed my mind. This^^^is a better idea.
If I wasn’t an asthmatic it’s what I would have done…
No job, doesn’t go anywhere, doesn’t hang out with other people, sits in front of the TV/computer all day, always too “sick” to do anything, won’t help herself…
Sounds like she could be suffering from depression, brosky.
Maybe you should sit down and have an honest, legitimate conversation with her about why the hell she is acting the way she is. My guess is she probably needs some help.
As for what an evil, manipulative twat she is… you will have to excuse me for taking the word of a 16-year old with a grain of salt, ya know?
This is an awful situation, and it makes me feel privileged to have the parents I do. I can’t imagine what this must be like, but I hope you find a way through this, you sound like a good kid.
One thing I’d like to know is what caused your mother to get into this state? Why did she lose her job, her friends, and her motivation? Is there any reason for all of this, because if there is she’s still your mother and perhaps there is a way to help her out of this.
sounds like a shitty deal…I grew up with a less than interested Mother myself…was always in trouble, but a good kid at heart…got kicked out at 16 and got sent to live my estranged ‘Father.’ Hated life, but sucked it up, worked hard to graduate, then I joined the military…
Have you told her how you felt? If you can’t say it respectfully to her face, then maybe in a letter? I’ve done that before…
whatever happens, stay strong for yourself and your Sister!
It sounds like she has a form of “empty nest syndrome”. My gf’s mom has went through the same thing off and on. The cause? her losing you. Yeah, you’re still there but you don’t depend on her for everything like you did as a child. Possibly she valued motherhood above all and now she has no son to nurture, she is empty. This is the reason she is turning your sister against you…she has one last chance to be “mommy hero” and if manipulating your sister bonds them, then that’s what she will do.
what might work for you is to show her you are still her kid
if you have to “pretend to need her” just for her sak
Is your mom a liberal? Im JW cause your description of her sounds like the stereotypical Obama supporter, but like anonym said, she may be depressed.
Anyway you have to look out for 1.yourself and 2.your sister. If it seems like your mom isnt in it for you guys for whatever reason (jealousy/empty nest) then watch out, and distance yourself from her to protect yourself. How did she act towards you when you were getting in trouble? Was she ‘there’ for you? If she is a nasty parent then she may enjoy seeing you ‘fail’, this is possible, it does happen.
Either way you sounds like you will be the reciprocal parent to your kids someday. (Un)fortunately I dont have that great of perspective cause my parents are the opposite, but my moms dad sounds kinda like your mom which is what im basing my advice off of. Seems like there is a lot of good realistic solutions for you provided by the others here on the forum. GOOD LUCK!
Asking her for advice to fulfill her need to feel needed may help (if she has such a need). And the talk re depression. Also, google search for vampirism, some people are like vampires, sucking good energy from people. It’s emotionally draining to be around them. This doesn’t mean she’s not your mother, just that she has issues relating to people. this may help you in dealing wiht her.
maybe try spending time with your sister on interests she has. build up a relationship. it takes time, that way she may stop hating on u. but remember, their hates/likes/dislikes are not your responsibility. you can only control your own actions.
also, learn meditation, it seriously helps in dealing with stress. google naam japna meditation or something.
Being 16 in Kansas you don’t really have many options, Emancipation was mentioned and is an option- but it can be costly as it involved legal work and a judge who is sympathetic to your issue. Just moving out is another option, but are you worried about what is going to happen to your sister?- if so maybe try to bring her along (I understand this might not be a great option).
Once you hit 17 the military is a good option if you really need to get away from a bad situation. ROTC at college can give scholarship in a variety of amounts- the KS National Guard will give you 10k a year if you are willing to go guard after school. Once you reach your contracting year, usually the third year, you receive a small stipend to help you get by.
IF-{big if there}, things are really in the toilet and start getting out of hand Child Services can be called- but you WILL go to foster care and so will your sister, even if it is only for a week.
Sorry to hear about your predicament, I can empathize with you.
thought about it and some of these are a bit on the extreme side.
I left home at 16 after my mother’s third husband was beating the shit out of her and I stood up and stopped him. She then pressed charges against me cuz she was afraid of him… I left home and never looked back. Of course, I ended up in prison two years later. So I feel you with the whole fucked up family thing.
As for all of these people telling you to “just respect your mother cuz she’s your mother”, that’s just bullshit. All she did was lie on her back and push your ass out into this world with out a plan nine months later. Animals do that. She is doing a horrible job with you and your sister and you’d be better off somewhere else.
Do what you have to do to get out. Or stay as long as you can tolerate it, but stop that rebellious bullshit - it won’t change anything and will only complicate your life.
Just remember one thing that took me VERY long time to figure out: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
You’re gonna have a tough life for the next few years. Learn from it and do your best. Let it make you stronger and don’t fall into the trap of self-pity or being a victim. That shit is weak.
The one thing no one can ever take from you is your integrity - don’t give it away.
Your having to grow up a little too fast but it will make a man out of you if you can do it. You are already the adult in the house so now you are going to have to make your own choices about your own life.
You can stay or you can go. But your not obliged to do either. It’s a choice that bares consequences. And men accept the consequences of their actions, no matter the hardship it brings.
