What you should do depends on what kind of people they really are.
I thought my mother in law was the nicest, sweetest woman but she ended up being a demon bitch birthed from the bowels of hell. She would do little things at the beginning, like tell us what time we would be at her house, lol. It got much worse over the years because she mistook my kindness for weakness.
If I could go back, I wouldn’t be rude but I would make more of an attempt to assert myself. I would stay in hotels during visits, and tell her “No, I’m sorry we won’t be there until ----” and then stand firm on it.
[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
looking for some opinions here.
Me and the fiance live in MD, her parents in DE about 1.5 hrs away. They’ve been wanting us to come visit for the weekend for a while now, but I usually work on the weekends (really good pay for only 1 hr each day).
I finally got a weekend off about a month ago, but her parents had plans to go away.
Now her mom is bugging her again that we NEED to come visit and here’s part of the email “You and Mark will DEFINITELY be at our house the morning of 12/21 and at Grandma’s on the 24th, right? I need to know ? like today- you’ve got that commitment from Mark.”
Pushy much? at this point, we’re trying to save for a wedding and have Christmas coming up.
Not to mention, I have a dog and they don’t let dogs in their house. This means that I have to drive an hr in the opposite direction one way (2 hrs total x 2 to pick the dog back up) to drop my dog off at my family’s house.
A 1.5 hr trip one way becomes a 3.5 hr trip all because they don’t want a dog in the house.
this is the 1st time I’ve had to deal with a significant other’s parents living more than 10 mins away, so it makes things a bit difficult.[/quote]
Honestly? You sound whiny as hell to me. It’s not like you spend tons of time with them, so why do you seem to feel burdened by incessant demand? As for the 21st and the 24th it sounds like your future MIL and your fiance are in the middle of a conversation, in which your fiance tentatively committed you and your future MIL just wants to know for sure. COMING?? Or NOT?? What’s the problem? People make plans. You seem oddly concerned about your dog’s convenience relative to the concern you’re showing your future family members.
So be reasonable. Can you make both the 21st and the 24th? If so, do. If not, say which one you can do. And they’re an hour and a half away? WTF is the issue? I drive an hour to work every day. And my dog manages to survive very nicely. I do a 4-hour-each-way trip in one day several times a year because I have a family I love enough to occasionally discomfit myself on its behalf.
And I agree with the others. If you don’t like the drive to take dog home to your parents, do what everyone else does and find a place to board him.
I can leave the dog alone for a long time, but in the past she’s wanted us to come for the whole weekend which obviously isn’t smart to leave a dog in a house for the whole weekend alone, lol.
[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:
If I could go back, I wouldn’t be rude but I would make more of an attempt to assert myself. I would stay in hotels during visits, and tell her “No, I’m sorry we won’t be there until ----” and then stand firm on it.
[/quote]
I support staying in hotels. She Say and I always stay in hotels and if the relatives don’t like it…oh well.
We get a place to escape to and usually an indoor pool. Fuck 'em if they demand you stay with them. They’ll get over it.
But I don’t get the issue of fighting over what time you’re going to arrive at their house. If I’m having a party, I tell my friends, “Be here at 3:00”. If someone were to tell me for no good reason except they want to assert themselves, “No, I’m sorry we won’t be there until ----” I’d be like, okay…are you out of your mind?
It’s tough being married. She Say and I have been working on Thanksgiving plans for like 2 months now. Not constant work, but we brought the issue up 2 months ago to make sure all family member’s needs were met while maintaining our sanity and happiness as best we can for one day. It’s one day. Christmas celebrations may be 1 week…tops…I’m not proposing anyone ‘back down’ from unreasonable circumstances, but having to argue against visiting your wive’s parents because gas cost you 30 bucks is pretty low…what if you wanted to drive to Delaware to attend a bodybuilding seminar and your fiacne was like…honey…gas is too expensive…would you agree with her, or ‘take a stand’…
It’s funny, my brother’s wife has the opposite issue. His wife is psychotic and controlling, but her parents are really cool. Guess they just spoiled her a bit too much growing up (she was adopted).
Thankfully, I can just pretty much be a bystander and laugh at the whole situation. My last gf’s parents were pretty chill also…shame that didn’t work out.
[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I can leave the dog alone for a long time, but in the past she’s wanted us to come for the whole weekend which obviously isn’t smart to leave a dog in a house for the whole weekend alone, lol.[/quote]
Okay, well, that isn’t the case this time, so what’s with all the whining? What’s with the gas thing? That’s for the DOG, not for your finance’s parents. Have you no friends who’d like to hang out with a well-trained sweetie of a dane for a couple of days?
Also, where is your girl in all this? I get the feeling you’re steamrolling her, because again, the email you quoted suggested that her part of the exchange was “I know! I want to come! I just need to check with Mark!”
And THAT being the case, why is she so hesitant to talk to you about it?
Is it time for me to get my period? I feel irritated by this way out of proportion to my actual interest in your life.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Is it time for me to get my period? [/quote]
I don’t know…sorry…I only track She Say’s ever since you told me you don’t want to be told you’re a raving banshee, but it’s okay because soon you’ll bleed for a week, but not die.
[quote]sen say wrote:
EmilyQ wrote:
Is it time for me to get my period?
I don’t know…sorry…I only track She Say’s ever since you told me you don’t want to be told you’re a raving banshee, but it’s okay because soon you’ll bleed for a week, but not die.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
jehovasfitness wrote:
I can leave the dog alone for a long time, but in the past she’s wanted us to come for the whole weekend which obviously isn’t smart to leave a dog in a house for the whole weekend alone, lol.
Okay, well, that isn’t the case this time, so what’s with all the whining? What’s with the gas thing? That’s for the DOG, not for your finance’s parents. Have you no friends who’d like to hang out with a well-trained sweetie of a dane for a couple of days?
Also, where is your girl in all this? I get the feeling you’re steamrolling her, because again, the email you quoted suggested that her part of the exchange was “I know! I want to come! I just need to check with Mark!”
And THAT being the case, why is she so hesitant to talk to you about it?
Is it time for me to get my period? I feel irritated by this way out of proportion to my actual interest in your life.[/quote]
she doesn’t want to go either. Go and get out "her exact words>.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
sen say wrote:
EmilyQ wrote:
Is it time for me to get my period?
I don’t know…sorry…I only track She Say’s ever since you told me you don’t want to be told you’re a raving banshee, but it’s okay because soon you’ll bleed for a week, but not die.
People with dogs - they are not human fucking children. You can leave them at home alone. Just pay a teenage neighbor or a friend to come over twice a day to feed them and let them out. Holy fucking Christ I hate people that treat their pets like children.
People that are scared of or don’t like dogs - you’re a DOUCHEBAG. I can see if you have an allergy, because then for you all a dog means is watery eyes and lots of sneezing. But for fuck’s sake, they have medicine for that shit now. Stop being such a fucking pussy. And being afraid of dogs is like being afraid of retarded people. It makes no goddamned sense. Grow a pair.
[quote]hungry4more wrote:
It’s funny, my brother’s wife has the opposite issue. His wife is psychotic and controlling, but her parents are really cool. Guess they just spoiled her a bit too much growing up (she was adopted).
[/quote]
I generally see men with “psychotic and controlling wives” when they lack backbone and stand for it. I have a hard time believing wives would act this way if men wouldn’t tolerate it.
[quote]PRCalDude wrote:
hungry4more wrote:
It’s funny, my brother’s wife has the opposite issue. His wife is psychotic and controlling, but her parents are really cool. Guess they just spoiled her a bit too much growing up (she was adopted).
I generally see men with “psychotic and controlling wives” when they lack backbone and stand for it. I have a hard time believing wives would act this way if men wouldn’t tolerate it. [/quote]
I agree. I’m inclined to think the same is true of women who are treated badly. Bullies require the cooperation of their victims except in the most extreme cases.
JF, be glad you’ve got a fiance whose parents love her and want to spend time with her and who want to care about you. She should be glad, too. Appreciate your blessings. OR ELSE.
[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
People that don’t like dogs - you’re a DOUCHEBAG. [/quote]
It’s not that I don’t like dogs…it’s that I don’t like YOUR dog. My dog is fine. My friend’s dog, that I know, is fine. Your random-ass dog walking down the street, I don’t like.
Same for 'tards. I like some retards that I’ve met. If some random retard were to walk up to me, I probably wouldn’t greet him/her with open arms.
I can see being at someone’s house at a certain time if there’s a party or meal involved, but when it’s just to satisfy the whim of a woman who hasn’t worked in over 20 years and is a shitty mother… well, I’ll get there when I get there.
As I think about it, I shouldn’t be giving advice about inlaws, I hate my MIL too much. Probably has something to do with my adopting her youngest child 5 years ago after she miraculously recovered from cancer and decided life was too short to be wasted raising a teenager.
Disregard what I’ve said, I honestly can’t be objective about this topic. I’m not being sarcastic or anything, I really can’t.
[quote]sen say wrote:
Steel Nation wrote:
People that don’t like dogs - you’re a DOUCHEBAG.
It’s not that I don’t like dogs…it’s that I don’t like YOUR dog. My dog is fine. My friend’s dog, that I know, is fine. Your random-ass dog walking down the street, I don’t like.
Same for 'tards. I like some retards that I’ve met. If some random retard were to walk up to me, I probably wouldn’t greet him/her with open arms.[/quote]
I don’t understand at all but I’ll take back the douchebag comment. I pushed that button a little prematurely.
[quote]sen say wrote: How is it unreasonable to not want an animal in your house? Forcing a dog on someone is like saying,
[/quote]
It’s not force.
It’s negotiation.
I don’t have to go anywhere. If someone wants me there, then they can let me get what I want. If they won’t let me bring my dog, then they don’t get me.
[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Christine wrote: No, you are doing a favor to you wife or girlfriend by showing up. You only matter to them by proxy. They want to see their daughter, and tolerate you.
Bull. Shit. Let him say, “Oh, go alone.” His future in-laws would be tripping. They want him there, too. I guarantee it.[/quote]
yeah, since it’s basically a dinner to get to know me better, etc