In response to ru12nvme’s comments, I would have to agree. There is always SOME emotional effect, of some kind, with physical intimacy. You always walk away from it changed somehow. The movie “Y Tu Mama Tambien” looked at a situation in which 3 people tried to get outside the confines of these interpersonal limitations, to live in the world of the ideal–including the ideal of pleasure–and it was not really possible. The real world waits for all. I just think we have to accept this. This doesn’t mean no premarital sex. It just means–if responsibility and self-knowledge aren’t important to us–we have to weigh the force of our erotic drives against the potential for emotional damage.
It can work that way in the real world. I’m friends with a couple of women I had sex with in the past. My wife is also friends with these women even knowing our history. It does require a bit of maturity but it can be done. It’s really not all that difficult.
Typo: I meant “if responsibility and self-knowledge ARE important to us”
SteelyEyes, I meant that it always affects the people involved, and the relationship between them. Of course, a friendship can still occur afterwards.
There’s not much in life that’s significant that doesn’t effect you. That’s how we learn and mature as human beings.
I guess it’s different for each of us. One person can have an experience, say break their leg skiing, and not ever want to do it again because the pain and memories are too much to handle. I broke my leg pretty severely on a ski slope once. While I woke up in the middle of the night to the memory of the bones snapping for a few months I just considered it a learning experience and went forward.
I suppose it also depends on why you stopped having sex too. If it was a drifing apart, finding another person and being honest about it type thing it would be different than if your lover cheated on you or caused some other traumatic breakup scenario.
I agree with Steely Eyes. Yes, people can be friends in a mature way. In fact my wife is and still is friends with my ex. How did this come to be? Well, they were best friends. Long story. However we go and visit her and her family in Vegas when my wife and I go there. The reason I made the statement I did here is because of the fact of the way things were being said back and forth to each other. It was pretty clear that feelings were hurt and then you are going to say “Just Friends” and nobody got hurt. I say bullshit. I think they both hurt each other.