This morning I tried to pet a gnat, but I ended up squashing him.
.
[quote]Hallowed wrote:
Yeah totally! Just last night I was making out with this dude and before I remembered my own strength I accidentally SUCKED OUT HIS SOUL![/quote]
I think I love you, you dirty succubus.
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
Anyone else forget they are stronger than the average person and engage in play with them like usual?
Today I patted my profs shoulder and noticed his knee buckle.
Saturday night I had a pillow fight with this girl I used to party with back in 08…that ended with a nose bleed for her lol
I fuck up on handshakes too. I always go for purposefully firm…can’t limp wrist that shit. But every now and then I see water building in the recpiants eye
I also break things…computer mice…glasses…door handles
Oh and bags of chips and cereal…can’t do it. Bag explodes
Anyone else?
Waits for hilarious responses[/quote]
Ct. That is funny because last year I was in California and I farted. Well I am sure you saw the news of the Japan earthquakes. Yea that was me…Beat That Bitches!
I’m still waiting for a permit from the government to allow me to flex whilst indoors.
The other day I tried to kill a little spider and I had to hit it three times before it finally died.
HELL YEAH!
And on Saturday I went to the gym and the counter staff called their boss over and he told me they were cancelling my membership.
I asked why and the boss looked at me a little surprised and said “Look at you…you’re done. Complete. Perfect. We all felt we were just wasting your time and money sir.”
Funny thing, I was picking up my daughter this morning and then…new skylight.
She’s okay. Caught a bird in each hand and one in her teeth. She shared them with the cats.
I shook Chuck Norris’ hand. His arm fell off.
[quote]postholedigger wrote:
I shook Chuck Norris’ hand. His arm fell off.[/quote]
I had no idea that good old Chuck Norris was leperous.
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]postholedigger wrote:
I shook Chuck Norris’ hand. His arm fell off.[/quote]
I had no idea that good old Chuck Norris was leperous.[/quote]
That’s the thing. I was so strong that I didn’t even catch leprosy off of him.
[quote]postholedigger wrote:
[quote]Edevus wrote:
[quote]postholedigger wrote:
I shook Chuck Norris’ hand. His arm fell off.[/quote]
I had no idea that good old Chuck Norris was leperous.[/quote]
That’s the thing. I was so strong that I didn’t even catch leprosy off of him.[/quote]
That’s a good thing because you play the guitar…and when a leper plays the guitar, the family eats grounded meat for dinner.
I belched today and it blew out my 2 front teeth,
[quote]Marzouk wrote:
I belched today and it blew out my 2 front teeth,[/quote]
Hey! You told me they got knocked out when you tried to suck yourself.
lol
In other news, I played beach volleyball with some friends over the weekend. I served the ball and it’s now orbiting the sun.
My cell phone is made of steel
[quote]Ct. Rockula wrote:
My cell phone is made of steel[/quote]
So was mine…
…it’s now made of diamond
I forgot my strength once. Walked by a Hooters, Bam, all the waitresses were pregnant.
I was making castles with daughter, now we have a stone turret in the backyard.
I had a Grand Mal seizure once, and I forgot how strong I am so when a paramedic put his hand in my mouth to keep me from choking on my tongue, I forgot I have the jaw strength of an American Staffordshire terrier and I bit down so hard I bit his hand off.
When I finished eating his hand, I forgot how strong I am a few hours later so that when I shit his hand out, I pushed with such force that my shit blew a hole in my toilet, ruptured the sewer line and spilled shit all over my bathroom. I was so repulsed by this unfortunate turn of events that I started puking, except that I forgot my strength again and I puked so hard I broke my foot when some of my vomit hit it.