Fear Holding Me Back in Sparring

Bigger Stronger Leaner
1

Hi Everybody,

I’ve been a longtime lurker in this forum. There seems to be a lot of great and knowledgable people posting here. Hopefully I can learn from you all.

I’m 24 years old, and started boxing about 6 weeks ago now. I’m 6’1, about 75-80kgs. Although I’ve only been going to the boxing gym 6 weeks, my family have all been good boxers, so I went with reasonable fundamentals. Because of that, I was allowed to start sparring within a few sessions. I’ve probably sparred 12-15 times now, a couple of rounds each time.

I’m definitely making progress, I’m managing to land a variety of shots, and starting to get the hang of defending myself a bit too. It is a good gym, I think. The coaches are good (and accomplished boxers in their own rights), and are good people. They don’t force you to take a beating or anything like that. The other fighters are also good guys.

They’ve also been extremely complementary about my talents for the sport. I’ve always been a decent athlete, and they are making good noises about my potential if I maintain my discipline and keep attending. I am committed to making a success of this, and I really want to be an excellent boxer.

The problem I’ve got at the moment is that I am afraid during sparring, and it is really holding me back. I feel like I could improve dramatically overnight, and perform much more effectively if I could manage the fear. For example, last night I sparred the top fighter in the gym (who obviously didn’t just steam roller me), and although he was very responsible, I was still incapacitated with nerves. After two rounds, I was done, and I left the ring feeling really embarrassed at how little I’d managed to execute the things I know I can do. I had the attitude all along of ‘if I don’t whack him, he won’t whack me’, and that was humiliating. It is eating me up that I can’t get the better of my nerves, and perform to my current potential. I’m lying awake at night, frustrated at being a wimp, an it’s the first thing on my mind in the morning. A big part of the problem is that I’m not really a street kid, so although I am pretty confident I have it in me to fight, I’ve never really had to learn how.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

2

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
Hi Everybody,

I’ve been a longtime lurker in this forum. There seems to be a lot of great and knowledgable people posting here. Hopefully I can learn from you all.
[/quote]
Really nice to meet you. Welcome to the forum.
I look forward to reading your future contributions here.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
I’m 24 years old, and started boxing about 6 weeks ago now. I’m 6’1, about 75-80kgs. Although I’ve only been going to the boxing gym 6 weeks, my family have all been good boxers, so I went with reasonable fundamentals. Because of that, I was allowed to start sparring within a few sessions. I’ve probably sparred 12-15 times now, a couple of rounds each time.
[/quote]
Congratulations on biting the bullet and pursuing this sport. Some might say this was the bravest decision of all.
Additionally, I perceive your age to be the most difficult stage to adopt this sport at. You are entering the gym when other guys at your age are battle hardened machines.
I think you deserve credit for having the couraghe of your convictions and getting in there.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
They’ve also been extremely complementary about my talents for the sport. I’ve always been a decent athlete, and they are making good noises about my potential if I maintain my discipline and keep attending. I am committed to making a success of this, and I really want to be an excellent boxer. [/quote]
Ok, keep this in mind.
You say you are committed. There is no sport that will test this more.
Being committed; to me inspires the notion of a relationship; something symbiotic and nurturing. Boxing isn’t nurturing. It breaks more people than it makes. I thing you need conviction.
No clever argument, no persuasive fact or theory should make a dent in your conviction in the rightness of your position.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
The problem I’ve got at the moment is that I am afraid during sparring, and it is really holding me back. I feel like I could improve dramatically overnight, and perform much more effectively if I could manage the fear. For example, last night I sparred the top fighter in the gym (who obviously didn’t just steam roller me), and although he was very responsible, I was still incapacitated with nerves. After two rounds, I was done, and I left the ring feeling really embarrassed at how little I’d managed to execute the things I know I can do. I had the attitude all along of ‘if I don’t whack him, he won’t whack me’, and that was humiliating. It is eating me up that I can’t get the better of my nerves, and perform to my current potential. I’m lying awake at night, frustrated at being a wimp, an it’s the first thing on my mind in the morning. A big part of the problem is that I’m not really a street kid, so although I am pretty confident I have it in me to fight, I’ve never really had to learn how.

Any advice would be much appreciated.
[/quote]
Ok; lets just be rational.

You will not get knocked out in sparring. You could get a black eye, bruised knuckles, a bump on your nose or dropped by a body shot- but you’re not going to get knocked out.
If your coaches are guys you can trust they will take care of you.
The only thing you’re really afraid of is getting humiliated.
the only way to get humiliated is to hold back from giving your best.

I must also explain; I’m an asshole…
Like in the gym, I’m just not a friendly, nice guy. I’m in there to build my own future and take care of No.1. I love helping people. Just not on my time. I love this; its MY thing. When I’m in the gym its MY time.

You must be the same. Every time you go in to spar, I don’t “partake.”
Theyre my rounds and i need to make them pay for me.
Go in to “tick the boxes” in your mind.

  • Land the jab “Bam, eat that”
  • Slip his right and come back “Whack, there you go”
  • Move when he comes on strong “Move move move… try catch me”

Each time you spar have your goals; as broad or as specific as you wish. But you will go after these targets with conviction.

Nerves are an emotion, fear is an emotion, frustration, anger… all emotions.
Commitment is an emotion. Commitment is like getting married.
I’ve never been married, but I have been in love; I’ve been committed.
And sadly those relationships can break.

But in boxing I have conviction.

I had an awful spar. “Ok, on to the next one.”
I trained poorly, “Have to do better, I’m better than that.”
I’ve had such a bad day “F**k it, I’ll make tomorrow better.”
Take the emotions out of it.
Its like school, work, tax returns- just identify the boxes that need ticking and check them off as you complete them.

I imagine when I meet the person I’ll get married to, commitment will be a given; difference being I’ll have the conviction to work night and day to keep her, but right now, I just have that for boxing lol.

So in summary;

  • conviction > commitment.
  • sports > girls
  • Donny’s Boxing > Donny’s Philosophy
3

You are no different than anyone else who’s ever walked into the gym, ever. We all feel frustrated and humiliated and weak, especially the first time sparring. It’s part of the deal! But it goes away with time and experience.

You have to remember that regardless of all the news headlines, America is generally not a violent country. So for most folks, especially those who start boxing later in life, getting into the sparring ring is probably the first time they’ll feel what it’s like to get punched in the face, and that can be particularly sobering.

I wasn’t one of those guys - I’ve been getting beat up since I was a little kid - but what helped me in boxing was really learning to embrace that “Thud” of getting hit. It sounds weird, but I found that looking forward to it, really letting it happen got me over that “scared” feeling that you get when you first start. I tell guys when doing padwork - if you’re throwing a punch that I’m supposed to be blocking, throw it fucking hard. Aim for my face, don’t aim away. Let it roll. We all have to get used to it.

It’s strange, I know, but it’s the psychological trick that helped me move past that concern. I mean, it doesn’t really “hurt” per se to get hit with headgear on - there’s no sting, it’s just that dull thud. Sure, sometimes it’s a hard fucking thud, but there’s no sharp pain or intolerable sheering pain going on. Again, once you catch on to that, you’ll be fine. You’re not a wimp, you’re not a pussy. Just a guy who hasn’t boxed before.

And the next time you’re in the ring, don’t be so fearful. That dude isn’t going to kill you, but you’re not helping him by shelling up and hiding. What I would say is first, get it in your head that you’re not in there to survive, you’re in there to learn. So learn. Start working one or two basic things you want to do, like getting in good position and throwing a good, solid jab. Concentrate on that. Then work something else- maybe a double jab and a pivot around. Work on not getting hit, and managing your ring presence. Basic shit. Remember - sparring is the classroom. It ain’t a firing squad.

4

First, what you are feeling is completely normal. All fighters experience fear before and when they step into the ring/cage; it is a natural survival mechanism which is designed to keep us alive and give us the best chance of living through a potentially dangerous situation. The only difference between someone who “chokes” (which is not meant as a negative term, only a familiar one) from fear and one who is able to perform effectively is that the second one is better able to harness and utilize his fear to his advantage and has “done his homework” so that he is able to have confidence in his ability.

You are only 6 weeks into boxing and no matter how gifted of an athlete you are, you have not trained enough or had enough out of the ring experience to have put adequate time into developing your skills (and therefore confidence) in your abilities is the ring. That’s not your fault, just the reality of the situation.

As for solutions…

  1. Read up on fear and fear management as it pertains to combat. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin de Becker is an excellent read on the topic of fear in combat.

  2. I may be in the minority, but my head Kickboxing/boxing mentor was very big into really following a specific progression in terms of developing striking skills where in free sparring was the last step into the process and should not be something that someone engages in immediately, regardless of how good of an athlete they are. Your tentativeness IMO/IME suggests that you did not in fact properly develop the necessary skills and confidence in those skills to get into the ring (at least not in full on free sparring; isolated sparring maybe).

  3. If by chance you usually do well, but were just overwhelmed by something that this individual was doing to you (for instance maybe he is a pressure fighter and was constantly backing you into corners and overwhelming you on the inside while the majority of fighters you’ve worked with have been runners or sharp shooters), then you may just need to ask your coach for some drills to help you develop some effective strategies for dealing with such an opponent.

Either way what you need is more quality practice designed to help you build your skills and subsequently confidence in the ring.

5

[quote]Sentoguy wrote:
First, what you are feeling is completely normal. All fighters experience fear before and when they step into the ring/cage; it is a natural survival mechanism which is designed to keep us alive and give us the best chance of living through a potentially dangerous situation. The only difference between someone who “chokes” (which is not meant as a negative term, only a familiar one) from fear and one who is able to perform effectively is that the second one is better able to harness and utilize his fear to his advantage and has “done his homework” so that he is able to have confidence in his ability.

You are only 6 weeks into boxing and no matter how gifted of an athlete you are, you have not trained enough or had enough out of the ring experience to have put adequate time into developing your skills (and therefore confidence) in your abilities is the ring. That’s not your fault, just the reality of the situation.

As for solutions…

  1. Read up on fear and fear management as it pertains to combat. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin de Becker is an excellent read on the topic of fear in combat.

  2. I may be in the minority, but my head Kickboxing/boxing mentor was very big into really following a specific progression in terms of developing striking skills where in free sparring was the last step into the process and should not be something that someone engages in immediately, regardless of how good of an athlete they are. Your tentativeness IMO/IME suggests that you did not in fact properly develop the necessary skills and confidence in those skills to get into the ring (at least not in full on free sparring; isolated sparring maybe).

  3. If by chance you usually do well, but were just overwhelmed by something that this individual was doing to you (for instance maybe he is a pressure fighter and was constantly backing you into corners and overwhelming you on the inside while the majority of fighters you’ve worked with have been runners or sharp shooters), then you may just need to ask your coach for some drills to help you develop some effective strategies for dealing with such an opponent.

Either way what you need is more quality practice designed to help you build your skills and subsequently confidence in the ring.[/quote]
This and the post by Irish are exactly the reason that I frequent this site.

6

Great, Great posts by all, OP read them twice. OP, anyone who tells you they have never faced fear, are lying. period. Hell, I have been scared more times than I can count, but, you just say to yourself, “Fuck, I am scared” and then go do you job anyway. You will find after a certain amount of time, to be able to channel that fear into productive thinking and action. Welcome to the forum.

7

[quote]idaho wrote:
Great, Great posts by all, OP read them twice. OP, anyone who tells you they have never faced fear, are lying. period. Hell, I have been scared more times than I can count, but, you just say to yourself, “Fuck, I am scared” and then go do you job anyway. You will find after a certain amount of time, to be able to channel that fear into productive thinking and action. Welcome to the forum. [/quote]
You’re a man who knows real fear.
Nerves are nothing in comparison to what you’ve to deal with.

8

Great posts by Donny and Irish as well.

That philosophy of “enjoying/looking forwards to getting hit” is definitely a bag advantage if you can get there. My instructor’s father (who was sparring with HW World champion boxers when he was 16) used to image that he was like King Kong getting struck by lightning every time he got punched (if you don’t know the reference in King Kong vs Godzilla Kong becomes stronger the more he gets struck by lightning) and that it would actually make him stronger and more ferocious. You could actually see the look of panic come over his sparring partners as their best punches only served to seemingly supercharge him.

Of course you still want to learn to defend effectively and not get hit, but having the mentality that if you do get hit it’s no big deal or it is actually going to make you stronger is a big mental advantage and will definitely make learning boxing/or striking in general much easier.

9

[quote]idaho wrote:
Great, Great posts by all, OP read them twice. OP, anyone who tells you they have never faced fear, are lying. period. Hell, I have been scared more times than I can count, but, you just say to yourself, “Fuck, I am scared” and then go do you job anyway. You will find after a certain amount of time, to be able to channel that fear into productive thinking and action. Welcome to the forum. [/quote]

Truth.

If you’ve never felt fear then you are mentally ill.

10

[quote]donnydarkoirl wrote:

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
Hi Everybody,

I’ve been a longtime lurker in this forum. There seems to be a lot of great and knowledgable people posting here. Hopefully I can learn from you all.
[/quote]
Really nice to meet you. Welcome to the forum.
I look forward to reading your future contributions here.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
I’m 24 years old, and started boxing about 6 weeks ago now. I’m 6’1, about 75-80kgs. Although I’ve only been going to the boxing gym 6 weeks, my family have all been good boxers, so I went with reasonable fundamentals. Because of that, I was allowed to start sparring within a few sessions. I’ve probably sparred 12-15 times now, a couple of rounds each time.
[/quote]
Congratulations on biting the bullet and pursuing this sport. Some might say this was the bravest decision of all.
Additionally, I perceive your age to be the most difficult stage to adopt this sport at. You are entering the gym when other guys at your age are battle hardened machines.
I think you deserve credit for having the couraghe of your convictions and getting in there.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
They’ve also been extremely complementary about my talents for the sport. I’ve always been a decent athlete, and they are making good noises about my potential if I maintain my discipline and keep attending. I am committed to making a success of this, and I really want to be an excellent boxer. [/quote]
Ok, keep this in mind.
You say you are committed. There is no sport that will test this more.
Being committed; to me inspires the notion of a relationship; something symbiotic and nurturing. Boxing isn’t nurturing. It breaks more people than it makes. I thing you need conviction.
No clever argument, no persuasive fact or theory should make a dent in your conviction in the rightness of your position.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
The problem I’ve got at the moment is that I am afraid during sparring, and it is really holding me back. I feel like I could improve dramatically overnight, and perform much more effectively if I could manage the fear. For example, last night I sparred the top fighter in the gym (who obviously didn’t just steam roller me), and although he was very responsible, I was still incapacitated with nerves. After two rounds, I was done, and I left the ring feeling really embarrassed at how little I’d managed to execute the things I know I can do. I had the attitude all along of ‘if I don’t whack him, he won’t whack me’, and that was humiliating. It is eating me up that I can’t get the better of my nerves, and perform to my current potential. I’m lying awake at night, frustrated at being a wimp, an it’s the first thing on my mind in the morning. A big part of the problem is that I’m not really a street kid, so although I am pretty confident I have it in me to fight, I’ve never really had to learn how.

Any advice would be much appreciated.
[/quote]
Ok; lets just be rational.

You will not get knocked out in sparring. You could get a black eye, bruised knuckles, a bump on your nose or dropped by a body shot- but you’re not going to get knocked out.
If your coaches are guys you can trust they will take care of you.
The only thing you’re really afraid of is getting humiliated.
the only way to get humiliated is to hold back from giving your best.

I must also explain; I’m an asshole…
Like in the gym, I’m just not a friendly, nice guy. I’m in there to build my own future and take care of No.1. I love helping people. Just not on my time. I love this; its MY thing. When I’m in the gym its MY time.

You must be the same. Every time you go in to spar, I don’t “partake.”
Theyre my rounds and i need to make them pay for me.
Go in to “tick the boxes” in your mind.

  • Land the jab “Bam, eat that”
  • Slip his right and come back “Whack, there you go”
  • Move when he comes on strong “Move move move… try catch me”

Each time you spar have your goals; as broad or as specific as you wish. But you will go after these targets with conviction.

Nerves are an emotion, fear is an emotion, frustration, anger… all emotions.
Commitment is an emotion. Commitment is like getting married.
I’ve never been married, but I have been in love; I’ve been committed.
And sadly those relationships can break.

But in boxing I have conviction.

I had an awful spar. “Ok, on to the next one.”
I trained poorly, “Have to do better, I’m better than that.”
I’ve had such a bad day “F**k it, I’ll make tomorrow better.”
Take the emotions out of it.
Its like school, work, tax returns- just identify the boxes that need ticking and check them off as you complete them.

I imagine when I meet the person I’ll get married to, commitment will be a given; difference being I’ll have the conviction to work night and day to keep her, but right now, I just have that for boxing lol.

So in summary;

  • conviction > commitment.
  • sports > girls
  • Donny’s Boxing > Donny’s Philosophy[/quote]

Firstly, thank you for your kind words, and for taking the time and trouble to reply.

Second, I learned a lot from what you said. Particularly with regards to conviction, and the attitude you have in the gym. At what point did you have conviction rather than commitment? By its nature, conviction relies on a degree of experience that validates the strength of belief. Do you think there was anything you did to arrive at it, or that I could do to achieve that state sooner through deliberate effort?

I also think that attitude you talk about in the gym, that focus and intensity, is something I am hoping to develop, and was part of the reason I took up boxing. I don’t think I’m soft, or idle, but I do recognise that I could do with developing my intensity, and single minded focus. For what it is worth, I have achieved a national ranking in an individual sport once before, and did so in a fraction of the time it took most of the people at the same level. I did it because I lived and breathed the sport. I have a similar feeling about boxing, and believe I will be well worth the effort my coaches and the community members here put into me. I will make it count.

Thank you again for your input, I’m sure I will learn a great deal from you.

11

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
You are no different than anyone else who’s ever walked into the gym, ever. We all feel frustrated and humiliated and weak, especially the first time sparring. It’s part of the deal! But it goes away with time and experience.

You have to remember that regardless of all the news headlines, America is generally not a violent country. So for most folks, especially those who start boxing later in life, getting into the sparring ring is probably the first time they’ll feel what it’s like to get punched in the face, and that can be particularly sobering.

I wasn’t one of those guys - I’ve been getting beat up since I was a little kid - but what helped me in boxing was really learning to embrace that “Thud” of getting hit. It sounds weird, but I found that looking forward to it, really letting it happen got me over that “scared” feeling that you get when you first start. I tell guys when doing padwork - if you’re throwing a punch that I’m supposed to be blocking, throw it fucking hard. Aim for my face, don’t aim away. Let it roll. We all have to get used to it.

It’s strange, I know, but it’s the psychological trick that helped me move past that concern. I mean, it doesn’t really “hurt” per se to get hit with headgear on - there’s no sting, it’s just that dull thud. Sure, sometimes it’s a hard fucking thud, but there’s no sharp pain or intolerable sheering pain going on. Again, once you catch on to that, you’ll be fine. You’re not a wimp, you’re not a pussy. Just a guy who hasn’t boxed before.

And the next time you’re in the ring, don’t be so fearful. That dude isn’t going to kill you, but you’re not helping him by shelling up and hiding. What I would say is first, get it in your head that you’re not in there to survive, you’re in there to learn. So learn. Start working one or two basic things you want to do, like getting in good position and throwing a good, solid jab. Concentrate on that. Then work something else- maybe a double jab and a pivot around. Work on not getting hit, and managing your ring presence. Basic shit. Remember - sparring is the classroom. It ain’t a firing squad.[/quote]

Thank you for the thoughtful response. It’s reassuring to know that everyone goes through it. I think as Donny suggested, I’m not so much afraid of getting hurt, as not being able to fight back or execute the punches I’ve learned outside the ring. I will try your trick of looking forward to getting hit.

12

[quote]Sentoguy wrote:
First, what you are feeling is completely normal. All fighters experience fear before and when they step into the ring/cage; it is a natural survival mechanism which is designed to keep us alive and give us the best chance of living through a potentially dangerous situation. The only difference between someone who “chokes” (which is not meant as a negative term, only a familiar one) from fear and one who is able to perform effectively is that the second one is better able to harness and utilize his fear to his advantage and has “done his homework” so that he is able to have confidence in his ability.

You are only 6 weeks into boxing and no matter how gifted of an athlete you are, you have not trained enough or had enough out of the ring experience to have put adequate time into developing your skills (and therefore confidence) in your abilities is the ring. That’s not your fault, just the reality of the situation.

As for solutions…

  1. Read up on fear and fear management as it pertains to combat. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin de Becker is an excellent read on the topic of fear in combat.

  2. I may be in the minority, but my head Kickboxing/boxing mentor was very big into really following a specific progression in terms of developing striking skills where in free sparring was the last step into the process and should not be something that someone engages in immediately, regardless of how good of an athlete they are. Your tentativeness IMO/IME suggests that you did not in fact properly develop the necessary skills and confidence in those skills to get into the ring (at least not in full on free sparring; isolated sparring maybe).

  3. If by chance you usually do well, but were just overwhelmed by something that this individual was doing to you (for instance maybe he is a pressure fighter and was constantly backing you into corners and overwhelming you on the inside while the majority of fighters you’ve worked with have been runners or sharp shooters), then you may just need to ask your coach for some drills to help you develop some effective strategies for dealing with such an opponent.

Either way what you need is more quality practice designed to help you build your skills and subsequently confidence in the ring.[/quote]

Thank you for your post. I will check out the book you recommend.

I think, to be fair to my trainers, that generally they are very good at structuring sparring to ensure everyone is brought on at their own rate. There is never any pressure on me to do it, I am always offered the opportunity, and the guys I spar are always reminded that I am a beginner. I always accept the opportunity, partly because it scares me, and partly because I know that it’s where I’ll do most of my learning. It’s not one particular guy that scares me, or on particular scenario, sadly. It’s more a general feeling when someone starts throwing combos at me of ‘how the fuck did I end up here?!’.

13

[quote]idaho wrote:
Great, Great posts by all, OP read them twice. OP, anyone who tells you they have never faced fear, are lying. period. Hell, I have been scared more times than I can count, but, you just say to yourself, “Fuck, I am scared” and then go do you job anyway. You will find after a certain amount of time, to be able to channel that fear into productive thinking and action. Welcome to the forum. [/quote]

Thank you for replying to my post. It’s very reassuring to know that even guys like you who have really been in some frightening situations experienced the same fear when you started out.

14

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
Firstly, thank you for your kind words, and for taking the time and trouble to reply.

Second, I learned a lot from what you said. Particularly with regards to conviction, and the attitude you have in the gym. At what point did you have conviction rather than commitment? By its nature, conviction relies on a degree of experience that validates the strength of belief. Do you think there was anything you did to arrive at it, or that I could do to achieve that state sooner through deliberate effort? [/quote]
This is pretty astute by you.
I’ve trained and competed since childhood. But it was only at 18 I decided I wanted to apply myself. I loved the sport when I was younger, but at 18 I realised what I was too immature to understand previously. Success is relative to sacrifice.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
I also think that attitude you talk about in the gym, that focus and intensity, is something I am hoping to develop, and was part of the reason I took up boxing. I don’t think I’m soft, or idle, but I do recognise that I could do with developing my intensity, and single minded focus. For what it is worth, I have achieved a national ranking in an individual sport once before, and did so in a fraction of the time it took most of the people at the same level. I did it because I lived and breathed the sport. I have a similar feeling about boxing, and believe I will be well worth the effort my coaches and the community members here put into me. I will make it count.
[/quote]
Truth be told the reason I replied to your thread (and in my tongue in cheek fashion)was because I gebuinely identify with you.
I drew parallels instantly; because you seem to be an analytical thinker. Like you I also come from a good background. I have a great family who supported and cared for me always. I have a good education and the right type of friends.
I just have a hunger for testing myself physically - and i decided to feed it.
I know you will too.

There are no strangers in combat sports. We all feel the same things.

15

[quote]donnydarkoirl wrote:

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
Firstly, thank you for your kind words, and for taking the time and trouble to reply.

Second, I learned a lot from what you said. Particularly with regards to conviction, and the attitude you have in the gym. At what point did you have conviction rather than commitment? By its nature, conviction relies on a degree of experience that validates the strength of belief. Do you think there was anything you did to arrive at it, or that I could do to achieve that state sooner through deliberate effort? [/quote]
This is pretty astute by you.
I’ve trained and competed since childhood. But it was only at 18 I decided I wanted to apply myself. I loved the sport when I was younger, but at 18 I realised what I was too immature to understand previously. Success is relative to sacrifice.

[quote]Newboxer wrote:
I also think that attitude you talk about in the gym, that focus and intensity, is something I am hoping to develop, and was part of the reason I took up boxing. I don’t think I’m soft, or idle, but I do recognise that I could do with developing my intensity, and single minded focus. For what it is worth, I have achieved a national ranking in an individual sport once before, and did so in a fraction of the time it took most of the people at the same level. I did it because I lived and breathed the sport. I have a similar feeling about boxing, and believe I will be well worth the effort my coaches and the community members here put into me. I will make it count.
[/quote]
Truth be told the reason I replied to your thread (and in my tongue in cheek fashion)was because I gebuinely identify with you.
I drew parallels instantly; because you seem to be an analytical thinker. Like you I also come from a good background. I have a great family who supported and cared for me always. I have a good education and the right type of friends.
I just have a hunger for testing myself physically - and i decided to feed it.
I know you will too.

There are no strangers in combat sports. We all feel the same things.[/quote]

Thank you again. That’s a frighteningly accurate evaluation to have made from one or two posts!

‘There are no strangers in combat sports. We all feel the same things’ is a great line. I will steal that!

16

Perhaps then, if I could impose on everyone’s generosity a bit further, you could help me identify some goals for the next year or so of training. I think if I have definite targets to aim for I will be better able to find the conviction Donny talks about. I would like the targets to be ambitious, but realisable for someone with perfect training and genuine standout talent.

I’m not suggesting I have either, but those are the standards I would like to be measured against, and to aim for. If I were possessed of an unusual aptitude for boxing, and attacked my training with conviction and intelligence, where should I be in 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and a year? I do accept that it isn’t a straightforward question to answer, and there are many variables.

I obviously don’t expect to be winning the ABAs in the next twelve months, but other than that, I don’t really know what to expect, or what I could be pushing myself for, other than the abstract concept of being the best I can be. I want ultimately to be the best boxer who has only been training a year in the country, but I also want to know what that might look like!

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You’re just 6 weeks into it bro, give it time. Everyone gets a bit overwhelmed the first time they start sparring. The more you train and spar, the more confident you will get. I used to tell guys I trained with that if they started getting amped up and nervous to back up, take a deep exhalation, and relax. It’s just sparring! You’re there to help each other better yourselves, it’s not a real fight.

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[quote]Newboxer wrote:

[quote]Sentoguy wrote:
First, what you are feeling is completely normal. All fighters experience fear before and when they step into the ring/cage; it is a natural survival mechanism which is designed to keep us alive and give us the best chance of living through a potentially dangerous situation. The only difference between someone who “chokes” (which is not meant as a negative term, only a familiar one) from fear and one who is able to perform effectively is that the second one is better able to harness and utilize his fear to his advantage and has “done his homework” so that he is able to have confidence in his ability.

You are only 6 weeks into boxing and no matter how gifted of an athlete you are, you have not trained enough or had enough out of the ring experience to have put adequate time into developing your skills (and therefore confidence) in your abilities is the ring. That’s not your fault, just the reality of the situation.

As for solutions…

  1. Read up on fear and fear management as it pertains to combat. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin de Becker is an excellent read on the topic of fear in combat.

  2. I may be in the minority, but my head Kickboxing/boxing mentor was very big into really following a specific progression in terms of developing striking skills where in free sparring was the last step into the process and should not be something that someone engages in immediately, regardless of how good of an athlete they are. Your tentativeness IMO/IME suggests that you did not in fact properly develop the necessary skills and confidence in those skills to get into the ring (at least not in full on free sparring; isolated sparring maybe).

  3. If by chance you usually do well, but were just overwhelmed by something that this individual was doing to you (for instance maybe he is a pressure fighter and was constantly backing you into corners and overwhelming you on the inside while the majority of fighters you’ve worked with have been runners or sharp shooters), then you may just need to ask your coach for some drills to help you develop some effective strategies for dealing with such an opponent.

Either way what you need is more quality practice designed to help you build your skills and subsequently confidence in the ring.[/quote]

Thank you for your post. I will check out the book you recommend.

I think, to be fair to my trainers, that generally they are very good at structuring sparring to ensure everyone is brought on at their own rate. There is never any pressure on me to do it, I am always offered the opportunity, and the guys I spar are always reminded that I am a beginner. I always accept the opportunity, partly because it scares me, and partly because I know that it’s where I’ll do most of my learning. It’s not one particular guy that scares me, or on particular scenario, sadly. It’s more a general feeling when someone starts throwing combos at me of ‘how the fuck did I end up here?!’. [/quote]

My comment was not necessarily meant as a dig to your coaches, but moreso an attempt to cause a paradigm shift in you away from the thought process that “sparring is where you will do most of your learning” as you put it. Sparring is not where you should spend the majority of your time (especially not as a beginner).

I like the analogy that sparring is like test driving a car that you have built; it’s important to do occasionally as you need to see whether the work you have put into building your car is in fact producing the results you desire or what you need to continue to tweak, but racing a car before you’ve actually built a functioning vehicle is putting the cart before the horse. Most of your time should be spent building your car at this point, or in your case shadow boxing, hitting the mitts and bags, drilling defensive skills, defensive sparring, and countering drills; those are the things that will allow you to actually build a functioning “car” to take into the ring and test drive to see what areas still need more work (and fixing/improving them should again not be done actually sparring).

Your feelings of “how the hell did I get here” is precisely because you tried to test drive a car that wasn’t even functional yet.

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[quote]Sentoguy wrote:
I like the analogy that sparring is like test driving a car that you have built;
Your feelings of “how the hell did I get here” is precisely because you tried to test drive a car that wasn’t even functional yet.[/quote]
For me this is an excellent simile.

When you learn by getting hit you develop some bad habits.

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[quote]Sentoguy wrote:
Great posts by Donny and Irish as well.

That philosophy of “enjoying/looking forwards to getting hit” is definitely a bag advantage if you can get there. My instructor’s father (who was sparring with HW World champion boxers when he was 16) used to image that he was like King Kong getting struck by lightning every time he got punched (if you don’t know the reference in King Kong vs Godzilla Kong becomes stronger the more he gets struck by lightning) and that it would actually make him stronger and more ferocious. You could actually see the look of panic come over his sparring partners as their best punches only served to seemingly supercharge him.

Of course you still want to learn to defend effectively and not get hit, but having the mentality that if you do get hit it’s no big deal or it is actually going to make you stronger is a big mental advantage and will definitely make learning boxing/or striking in general much easier.[/quote]

Haha I like that man! Definitely!

There’s something about that - getting hit and being able to say, “Fuck you, come get it motherfucker” and coming right back - that can give you a fuckload of advantage when fighting haha.