haha so true:
Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital sex - “90% of teen virgins aren’t saving it for marriage, they just can’t get any.” Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML
ROFL another awesome one:
Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major, he promptly said NEXT and moved on to the girl beside me. FML
This site is quality!
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words “But six”; however, because of my accent it sounded like “Butt sex”. For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about “Butt sex”. FML
Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML
Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML
Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML
I’m not going to get much done at work today.
Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML
LOL. That fuckin’ bites.
Today, we wrote valentine’s day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn’t answer. She did about two hours later and it said “sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?” FML
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy assholes’. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy. FML
Today, I finally got the chance to hook up with the girl I really like. She was naked, and as she was taking my pants off, she looked at my penis and said, “oh, I just remembered I have to babysit my little sister today.” FML
Definitely SAMA.
Today, I realized that I know more about the Transformers history than I do about talking to women. FML
When I was in my 20’s I met a girl who was a “sure thing”. When I had to leave the bar where we met, she followed me to see if I’d come back. I stopped at Store 24 for stuff, and my friends talked me into buying condoms. I did, and didn’t see the girl standing behind me. That was the end of the sure thing.
danjo
I weent to get gas with a hot girl i was trying to sleep with right after dinner, and at the gas station i walked it, and thought it would be a good idea to buy condoms. Little did i know she saw me buy them.
when i got back into the car she asked if i got the mint tingle. i still fucked her.
Today, I received a random packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML
sounds like a bunch of fuckin crybabies to me.
[quote]StevenF wrote:
sounds like a bunch of fuckin crybabies to me. [/quote]
Especially all the fatasses who complain about being called fat, and then do nothing about it.
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
The other day I asked a woman when she was due? She wasn’t pregnant! FML!
[quote]thismeanswar wrote:
The other day I asked a woman when she was due? She wasn’t pregnant! FML![/quote]
Did you get that off the website?
Cause its not funny.
[quote]danjo228 wrote:
When I was in my 20’s I met a girl who was a “sure thing”. When I had to leave the bar where we met, she followed me to see if I’d come back. I stopped at Store 24 for stuff, and my friends talked me into buying condoms. I did, and didn’t see the girl standing behind me. That was the end of the sure thing.[/quote]
Chicks like that are stupid. They have no problem getting into bed but they sure as hell don’t want anyone to talk about it or point out their behavior to them.
Ok!