Tons of (tragic) laughs here.
This one was awesome: “Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name ?Mom? is right next to ?Mike? in my contacts list.”
haha great find IronDwarf
Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i’m gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying “You definitely take after your mom”
There are so many bad ways to take that. Was her mom sending naked pics to her boyfriend? ha
Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn’t move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn’t breathing. FML
“Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML”
somehow, I feel like this guy posts in SAMA.
Haha, I heard Danny Bonnaduce reading through some of these a week ago, had callers calling in too.
Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, “Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?”
This one actually made me choke.
Thanks Iron Dwarf for making me substantially less productive this morning 
[quote]hardgnr wrote:
haha great find IronDwarf
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
[/quote]
hahahhahhahhahahahhaha
Today, I asked my boyfriend to have sex. He told me he would rather play ps3. FML
Too close…
[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
Today, I asked my boyfriend to have sex. He told me he would rather play ps3. FML
Too close…[/quote]
Ooooof. That rock band, she’s a dangerous mistress to allow into the house, tell you what.
Damn. There’s that many virgins there?
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
I laughed hard.
This site is great.
Today, my 4 year old niece ask me why I didn’t have a job or wife. FML
Great … Thanks ID … another bermuda triangle of a time suck … fuck me I’m never getting ahead in life …
Today, though I’m normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy.
This one belongs on some of the threads in SAMA … hahaha
My husband, about three minutes ago:
“If you want sex tonight, you’re going to have to get me drunk first.”
FML.
[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
My husband, about three minutes ago:
“If you want sex tonight, you’re going to have to get me drunk first.”
FML.[/quote]
YOUR husband, or was that on the site?
Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, “Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away.” FML
Haha!
[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
pushmepullme wrote:
My husband, about three minutes ago:
“If you want sex tonight, you’re going to have to get me drunk first.”
FML.
YOUR husband, or was that on the site?
:)[/quote]
My real, honest to goodness husband. He says he is too distracted by FML to tend to my needs.