Strong work!
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Thanks man!
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LOG # 416
DE squat (albeit rather heavy)
Warm up:
5 min jump rope
Work up (big jumps):
135 x5
225 x5
275 x 3
295 x 2
Working set:
320 4 x 2
315 4 x 2
Secondary:
Leg press: 225 AMRAP (I go by time for this specific movement. Did 2 whole minutes no stopping)
Hamstring curls: 40lbs 2x10
Hypers: 45lb plate 2x 15
10 min walk
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LOG # 417
2 mile walk
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Figured I could put this here. I trust y’all.
Been having severe issues with people concerning my marriage. It’s like it’s getting worse since the last I logged about a similar situation, in my general area, and with my family, so my husband and I have decided to move. Again. We have no idea where we would even go. I haven’t been mentioning it, mostly because I was hoping it would just go away, as we kept on with our lives. But the only way I can see this stopping is to move.
My mom has done the absolute best she could, as well as a few other close family members, but the problem is still persisting.
I had a few social media accounts where I posted my wedding pictures, and the SLEW of racially charged comments made at my husband and I was enough for me to delete them. I don’t check them often, so I saw MONTHS worth of just negativity. I saw words that I would hope I’d never have to see. “Coon”, “Uncle Tom”, “Traitor”, “She must hate herself, ashamed to be black so she married someone white.” I have a Facebook account, but it’s mostly just highschool friends and I rarely have anything interesting running through that feed. Nonetheless I’m probably going to delete that as well.
I can ignore the staring when we go out in public. Or the weird questions I get asked by strangers. However uncalled for they are.
But I’ve absolutely had it with certain sides of my family. I feel extremely guilty when I bring my husband around them because they’re so focused (negatively) on him, that it makes him nervous, and in turn he does nothing but apologize to me. I always mention he doesn’t have to come, but he insists, since it comes from him just trying to try. But what does he Apologize for? He’s done nothing wrong. This last visit last week for a family reunion was enough for me. A cousin of mine decided to show me this video:
I don’t know what kind of reaction he wanted, but I just excused myself as we left.
I realize shit like fetishes exist. And I realize there are folks who good and well do shit like what the video explained. But my marriage isn’t the product of a fetish. It was the product of an online friendship that blossomed into something better, and that video doesn’t fucking concern me. For the sole reason that my husband doesn’t look at me as some sort of fetish, he just looks at me like his wife.
His side of the family tends to be rather quiet on subjects like this. They will often just turn a blind eye to it, which equally pisses me off just as much as my side of the family being blatant dumbasses. His mom and his brother are the only two who like me.
I’ve been getting questions like: “Why would you put your future kids through that. They didn’t ask to be mixed.” Having parents of two different ethnicities isn’t a social deathwish. I can’t bring myself to view a child that way. It’s not like they will have some disease or some unnamed curse. Their skin will be a fair shade. That’s it. They can marry whoever they decide to fall in love with. I’m not gonna drown my future kids In decisions about how they wish to represent themselves in society. That is their choice, and that’s part of how they will mature on their own.
I don’t know what else I can do. My husband feels very guilty. He mentioned earlier today that if it really came down to it, he would understand if I left. I’d be just like the folks causing all of these issues around us if I did that. And I found myself furious because my husband thinks he is now the problem. I hate that these are things people have to deal with. I mean…if this is about slavery, what the fuck else does society want people to do? Suffer? What is that going to fix? The past is permanent, it isn’t going anywhere. I’ve always kind of looked at my marriage as a giant “fuck you”, to any construct or reasoning that’s made off the basis of how someone looks.
And I feel like he’s okay now, but I told him the only way I’d leave him is if I died. So there’s that.
I have one close coworker who tried her best to understand. She offered a spare room at her place for us to sort out stuff until we move, but I just can’t bring myself to accept her offer. And I have no idea why.
I know most of the folks on here would just say, “fuck them. Love your lives together. Ignore it.” Which is like the only logical thing to do, but I’d be lying if i said it doesn’t effect us. It most certainly does, and it’s very real for us.
On one hand my husband is looked at as a the bad guy, on the other hand I’m looked at as some brainwashed, socially oppressed traitor. I don’t understand how demonizing someone white in return is supposed to uplift someone black.
I know it’ll be alright eventually, but right now…I’m just not okay right now. And I feel God aweful about not being able to make it go away for my husband, and I feel like this is somehow my fault.
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Holy crap Cyber.
I had to check my calendar it is 2019.
This made me so angry, so confused, so sad.
I don’t know what to say, first thought was off course you should move. Second thought was the same.
I saw a report on tv yesterday about a woman, age about 40 something who left this religious sect, because she started believing that what they said was untrue. She left her husband and had to leave her kids as well. Haven’t seen them in several years by now.
She don’t regret leaving, despite not seeing her kids anymore, that is a very tough choice to make.
She lives a good life by now. So what I’m trying to say is, don’t stay at a place or community that you don’t agree with and who don’t agree with you, who tries to tell you how to live your life and what’s right or wrong.
However it is family and shit so I know it’s hard to do. I wish you somehow could overturn them and show them who’s right.
Whatever happens Cyber I’ll be right behind you.
Shit like that is so wrong.
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Well fuck.
Moving is a good choice. Hard, but a good choice. If you can’t change the situation, it is best to remove yourselves from it.
I’m really, really sorry to hear this.
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So sad to hear this still happens and agree with the guys. Best thing may be to just seperate yourself from those people and start anew. (Easier said than done of course). I really feel for you and send calm and good vibes from across the sea. Hope it all works out.
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Fuckin’ people, man. Take care of you and your husband, first and foremost. Have some conversations with the family members who aren’t assholes about the rest of the family not being assholes, get them to be your allies, if you have the energy. But, you don’t owe them anything at this point. I’d say move to somewhere like Southern California where the average is more tolerant than Texas, but I think the concept of civility has sort of gone out the window wherever you go, these days…
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Holy Cow , that is awful!
Moving is really hard, but location and distance from questionable family members makes a big difference. I am so sorry you are dealing with this !!!
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I feel for you and your husband. Completely insane that “family” would be so intolerant. My heart breaks for you.
You all will be fine. Aren’t you in school? Finish school if you can before moving. Or move to a place where you can finish school. Being financially independent is the key to unlocking the ability to cut cancerous people out of your life.
Start looking for jobs in the new place, hire a head hunter to find a job and move!
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Thanks guys. I really appreciate the support
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Yeah for the most part I’ll be down south until I finish school. Might be another year or two. My husband wants to move to like Oregon, or Cali. I don’t really mind. Home is wherever he is.
After that I’ll be looking for a job wherever we’re going. We do have a bit of money saved up for the cost of moving, and all that.
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What state do you live in? IIRC I think you said Georgia.
Is that kind of attitude commonplace? I’m honestly surprised by it. I know inter-racial marriages are still treated as curiosities by many people at best, and anathema by others at worst, but I didn’t know that there would be such overt and clear hostility to it from some black people.
Terrible stuff Cyber. You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family. That comes with all sorts of stupid shit.
This type of stuff will make your relationship with your husband stronger which is a good thing.Then later in life when you go through the usual relationship stuff and consider splitting up this is the type of thing that only you two shared that will give you both the strength to carry on fighting for your marriage. I’ve had a great marriage for nearly 30 years now so although I don’t understand what you are going through I understand the strength at times it takes to stay married.
Oh and deleting the social media is a good start. I like my family much better since I deleted my facebook account. Absence makes the dickheads more tolerable 
I wish you well and am rooting for you. Good luck, God bless.
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The more different the ethnicity of the parents, the less likely the children are to have genetic diseases. So mixed race children have the best chance at being healthy. Why would you do that to your children!?
Do you even need to bring up the Rock, Hines Ward, Tiger Woods, Obama etc… as examples of incredibly successful mixed race people?
One thing I just learned is to pity haters rather than get angry at them, or engage. They have some awful insecurities and anger issues that they’re throwing up on you as a defense mechanism. Their hatred is just an expression of their weakness.
You got this.
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Texas
It’s in certain parts, granted it’s generally everywhere.
It’s mostly being looked at as some sort of “willingness” to stay “oppressed”. Generally by those in the black community. I don’t really expect it to be something the vast majority knows, as I myself try to keep away from it. I realize familiarity plays a giant role in the questions I get asked. “You’re black, why not date someone black?” Which is understandable, but again, familiarity doesn’t guarantee a healthy relationship. Concerning ethnicity, and at least for me personally, it’s one of the last things I consider(ed).
That really sucks.
I think stuff like this needs to be brought up to the public eye more. Intolerance and discrimination is intolerance and discrimination; it doesn’t matter if they’re the same ethnicity or not.
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