Yes, I’m a little behind.
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Oh it’s okay lol.
They come out every summer. The park where I took those does a lot of animal protection wildlife stuff. They have a lot of rabbit, geese, turtle, beaver, duck, swan, and reptile sanctuaries. They have stuff for wolves, bears, wild cats, and other fluffy creatures of nature, but they’re off somewhere else in the park and it’s a huge park which I couldn’t try to walk the entirety of without being there for some days lol.
I don’t particularly like the geese one because they’ve gotten used to people feeding them, and if you happen to have nothing on hand they get irritated and chase after you.
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Hi Cyber. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been thinking about your anxiety, feeling like you’re not enough, or that your torn between conflicting goals.
Just an idea here. Maybe think about how your progress is going in other parts of your life? I know you’ve been trying to finish school, be in a position to start a career that is fulfilling to you. Those are big things. I know for me, sometimes if I’m stressed about something that is not in my control, I can put that negative emotion onto something else. I’ll find tasks to fret over instead of fretting over the really hard stuff. Maybe, maybe you’re putting emotion on lifting and body image stuff when it’s related to other things in your life. Maybe.
Also, I like what others said about staying away from instagram, or even looking at video of talented PLers. Take a step away from that and see if you begin to feel better, have more perspective. I would not make any major decisions until you feel more like yourself. Some people have issues with pride, which is about comparison where we put ourselves above others. Putting ourselves down, is the other side of that coin. Putting ourselves below others is still about comparisons. It’s looking sideways. And it’s discouraging.
Really, this is just a hobby for most of us. You may decide to see if you like competing in PLing. If train for a few meets, see if you enjoy it, before you decide to mess with your hormones. Honestly, I think the tendency toward control or perfectionism related to our bodies can go into either appearance or demands related to performance. Neither of those things are likely to pay any dividends in terms of you being a better wife and partner, quality friend, daughter of God trying to be kind to other people, studies and career and financial independence.
That doesn’t mean that you couldn’t work on either aesthetic or strength goals while you do other things and have FUN doing it. But, if it’s not bringing you joy, enriching your life, then maybe the balance of lifting to other things in your life needs adjusting first.
This is maybe easy for me to say. Lifting is just a hobby for me. I have no hope of being one of the best. And even as a hobby, it can be pretty selfish. Many have lost relationships or even a marriage over their lifting hobby. I can get my priorities out of balance. With PLing, maybe, maybe I could achieve some minor master’s level glory that nobody would care about but myself. I don’t have an instagram and am bored after about 5 minutes of looking at the selfies of strangers posing in their yoga pants. They have no impact on our real life. There is no imaginary competition going on between you and strangers on the web. You’re WAY stronger, and more curvy than the average muscle chick on instagram anyway, and That’s COOL!! Own that. I know you know this, but it’s good to be reminded. How other women on the internet look has nothing to do with you and your marriage, life, friendships, or successes in anything else. It’s been quoted here recently, but “Comparison if the thief of joy.” T. Roosevelt.
Best to you!
Puff
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Just mentioning, I don’t want you guys to think that just because I didn’t reply to all of the advice, that I didn’t take it. I very much did. I just view words of wisdom as things that don’t need an echo, or rationale. They’re words of wisdom for a reason.
To update, I’ve pretty much just been open to my family. By that I mean just not straight up isolating myself. Usually I’ll stay out all day or lock myself in my room. I’m more than certain they all wish for me to come out and relax and talk to them like I usually do. My mom and my husband don’t understand to the degree that you guys do, but they’ve at least told me to give it some time. Which is obvious.
This passed weekend my brother also showed up. He’s apologized for everything, and for Father’s Day It was me, him, my dad, and we saw Incredibles 2. Which took my mind off of everything so I could focus on them. My husband has been rather touchy feely a lot lately. I mean he’s always been like that, but it’s a lot more lately. Between the two of us, he’s way more affectionate than I am, but it’s for a good reason, since I’m rather rough around the edges. So I just let him smother me in affection. Which is like my personal prescription of feely good stuff lol. I’m glad he’s rather understanding of all of this.
As minuscule as it seems, idk what’s with having pets, but they help a lot too. My dogs have been noticing my behavior too and all they do is stare at me. So I’ve been taking them out for runs with me. And watching them run back and forth is way more fun than sulking. Lol. Plus seeing happy dogs brings out my happiness so it’s a win-win.
At the moment it’s been a solid month since starting this cut. I’m glad I’m just moving forward. My lifts aren’t complete trash, but I don’t expect anything to be where it typically is. Which is okay. I haven’t weighed myself, but I don’t mind. I’m just noticing subtle changes. I’m still able to reach decent weights, and complete the rep assignments from BOTSLAYER’s layout. I took out that initial heavy squat and medium deadlift day, just because I burn out quickly, which is expected. They get their own days.
I can now focus on more tissue work and sorting out some small imbalances. My hips aren’t particularly happy with me, and neither are my knees. My back hasn’t been giving me issues, but those two have. So I’d much rather work on rehab stuff.
Other than that I’m feeling a lot better, and thanks to you guys for helping as well.
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This is good news.
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Great update 
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Update:
To date it’s been roughly an entire month into this “cut”.
You know, I don’t even like using that word…
I’ll just say, leaning out phase.
This is actually the longest I’ve committed to leaning out, and it’s actually the first time I’ve correctly approached it.
For anyone who is curious this is what I’m running:
https://www.t-nation.com/workouts/28-days-of-gains-a-realistic-case-study
Right when I was planning out BOYTSLAYERs layout I figured I needed to take this to the next level.
Obviously I’ve ran this for a longer duration than what the title suggests, but I’ve coupled it with the layout from BOTs. I do realize that’s an insane amount of volume, but I’ve completely set aside the poundages that I’ve used in previous programming because it’s blatantly obvious I would not be seeing any progress or even managing to progress. Of the six days that have been prescribed, I carry on like normal, but the 7th day is when I add in FREAQ version, and it’s only to allow me to hang on to the majority of the neural adaptations I have. I tweaked the Max 12s, 10s, and 8s, with singles, doubles, and triples, but I kept the rest of the layout the same, and calculated lower percentages with the same guideline. This is an extremely quick day. 30-35 mins tops. Just work the groove, don’t push too hard, maintain.
Sorry BOTS, for jacking up the program, but I like the layout so much.
I know the 28 days of gains program is technically meant to recomp in some sort of way, but I’ve been using this program to figure out, without a doubt, how to properly lean out for me specifically, even if I don’t add any more muscle during that time, because it’s rather obvious in past instances in my log that I still suck at this whole thing. There’s no set end date to this either. I’m just making myself learn whatever it is I need to.
Of the few things I’ve noticed right off the bat since maybe the 2nd or 3rd, at the beginning of this month, is that I’m no longer making huge jumps in weight. Either losing or gaining. Previously I’d lose 10-15 pounds extremely quickly, or gain 10-15 pounds extremely quickly. I’ve been seeing a steady decrease in weight. That initial dump of water weight was maybe 5-6. From 210 to 205-204, earlier two weeks was 201-202, last two weeks was 199-200, and my most recent check was today at 196-197. So now I have a curve I can actually follow.
I’m not going to ponder on the progression I see in the mirror at least, because a month still isn’t enough time although I do see progress.
My knees are feeling a lot better since I’ve been loosing some more weight to take the pressure off of them. And I’m not feeling so lightheaded either, and my periods are getting easier to deal with. I’m being embarrassingly truthful and straight up, but me pussyfooting around actually leaning out probably gave me a lot of unecessary problems for at least the passed 6 months, or however long you guys have been noticing me complaining.
The main objective is to not freak out. I’ll get my strength back. So far I’m leveling with myself, and being rational. This has given me time to enjoy other things outside of training as well.
I’ve also picked back up intuitive eating just because it was what I was taught during my recovery, and it allows me to not become obsessive over food, and I’d rather neutralize potential issues before I even get the chance to think twice about considering something that could lead to another issues I don’t wanna deal with. I know it’s a general rule to dial in your macros, and I do for a general estimate, but from meal to meal, I give myself as much leeway as possible because food and I haven’t been the best of friends for quite a while. Because I’ve had a long time of experiencing either eating too much, or practically denying myself anything. And I’d much rather to just eat when I’m legit hungry, and focus on food choices and carb cycling.
So there’s that. And…well… yea lol.
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This is exactly what it is for!!! JACK IT UP!!! hahaha
And great to hear about the leaning out progress!!!
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Update:
Here I is folks!
Apologies for the disappearance.
For whatever reason I received a big splash of confidence and decided to take up more hours of work.
Don’t mind the bigger paycheck, but I get straight tunnel vision during the day. Focus on work, leaving work, drive home, gym, shower sleep. With eating somewhere in there throughout the day.
Still holding steady with the high frequency/volume routine. It’s just long lol.
It’ll be close to two months during this lean out phase. I’ll put up comparison pictures either by tonight or in the morning when I’m off work.
I’m gonna have to echo what folks say when they make the comment about not worrying over muscle loss when cutting. I’ve been down to the bare minimum of like 1-1,200 calories and sometimes I fall short of that to be honest. Haven’t lost any noticble size, albeit I’m just less fluffy. Think I’m down to 188-187ish. coming from nearly 210. I’m just glad I’m not fiddling around with water weight anymore. THAT was irritating me.
Lift wise my squat doesn’t see the likes of anything over 300. Which is fine. Deadlift has sank to 250-275 on bad days, so not bad. My bench press seems indestructible. Still holding at 165-175 on days where I throw in a 2-3rm test. Not bad, not bad.
Think I’ll go two more months and see where I’m at. By then I’d like to be in the mid-high 170s.
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Glad you’re back and doing well.
Got to hang out with one of Australia’s top female lifters at the meet (on IG Della Powerlifter Doublethick or something). Anyway, she’s cool, also really pretty short. You also outbench her, and at a lower bodyweight. Just FYI. I can definitely see you around her level once you’ve recomped and packed a bit more muscle on. She went 539/200ish/500 on the day.
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Aww thanks!
Glad to be back. Once my semester starts again, I’ll have to either put my job on hold or go to weekend shifts, whichever. My mom has been an emotional wreck, and lately my husband has been my living diary. He’s been making life’s stressors a hell of a lot easier to deal with by just being there.
She’s definitely a talented lifter! Awesome!
The cool thing about the new University I’m at is that they have a cool training facility and they have their own powerlifting team. It’s either single or multiply I can’t remember. But I’m thinking about joining. I’m not too fond of multiply, but single ply would be something I don’t mind doing.
I can keep my raw totals as something personal/hobby-ish. But I’ll cross that bridge once I get to it.
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LOG # 333? I think?
Block #6 (I’ll just refer to them as blocks instead of days, because I’ve switched up some days or repeated others)
Think I finished in 2 solid hours.
Oly complex finisher:
•Cleans
•Push press
•Snatch
5 rounds AMRAP, using 100lbs
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On a side note, I’ve jam packed next year with classes, broken up into 3 semesters, half online, heavy BIO and CHEM classes for full 16 week semester.
By Christmas of next year, I should have my Bachelor’s in Biology after that I’ll take a specialized course for Data Tech and have my masters degree for medical technology.
Then it’s off to Med School/Residency
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Hey Cyber
Glad to hear things are going your way both lifting and studying wise. And great that your hubby is there to support you.
It sounds cool to join the Uni power lifting team.
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I’m still on the fence about the team, but I think it’ll be nice to meet new people
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You’re quite strong for a young lady. I haven’t met many women as strong as you IRL but there are only a few friends I have that lift that are girls. One of them just set a muscle up PR of 3 reps, I was impressed, I can do pullups but even I can’t do a muscle up yet. Emphasis on yet.
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Hey I find any lady that can muscle up or pull up to be impressive.
I’m strong, yes, but ive also got a lot of catching up to do concerning relative strength and my ability to support my own body weight.
Trying to pull up 185-190lbs of body weight on myself is difficult, lol. But it lets me know I always have room to improve some aspect of my training. My absolute strength is good, but my relative strength is…well it doesn’t really add up
But thanks 
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LOG #334
DB complex
Snatch: EMOM 12-15 reps ~5 mins
Push press: EMOM AMRAP 5 mins
Cleans: AMRAP 5 min cool down inbetween
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LOG # 335 (this was either Monday or Tuesday. Can’t fully remember)
Considering I’m not very fast, and I don’t typically train with speed work except under a barbell, I figured I should start implementing speed training of some sort other than weighted speed training.
•Sprint take off’s. Focusing on where my arms are going and generating movement from my feet, through my legs, and butt. Did this for like 10 mins. Just practice no reps or sets.
•Box jumps. Less than 12 inches. Not done for conditioning. Did clusters of 5.
• Suicides. Focus was on stopping and turning quickly and ramping up to an all out sprint. ~10 mins. Ample rest.
Goodness I’m so insanely slow lol
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LOG # 336
Work up to at least 3 heavy singles on the big 3, or movements that mimic them.
All done beltless
Squat:
135x10
225x6
275x3
315 +5 singles
Rack pulls (my legs were pretty fried from squatting)
135x10
225x5
315x5
365x2
405 + 5 singles (took well over a min break between each single)
Bench press
Empty bar x10
100 x 3
135x 3
155x 3
175 + 4 singles (last rep was a serious grind, so I tossed that attempt).
Assist:
•Back extensions (Run the rack up to 300)
•hamstring curls ( AMRAP)
•Machine Rows (run the rack up to 150.
•hanging leg raises (AMRAP)
15 mins walk
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