Happy birthday 
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Happy birthday!
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Thanks guys
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LOG # 98
Speed bench
60% of max
~145lbs
10x3
Secondary work
Front chest press: 185lbs 3x8
Dips machine: 145lbs 3x6
Elevated rows: 3x10
Triceps pushdown: 50lbs 3x8
Lat pulldowns: 100lbs 3x9
Hack squats: 4x10 225lbs
BB hip thrusters: 100lbs 4x10
Hanging leg raises: 6x8
- Min walk
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LOG # 99
Took a week off from lifting for two reasons:
- my grandmother passed away two days ago
- I had finals all this week
My grandma dying was one of the weirdest and surreal things I think ive ever experienced. As a Christian, it just hit me really hard how, tomorrow just isn’t promised. None of us were expecting her to go this early. But she was old, and she wasn’t taking retirement easily, and she broke her hip, and needed dialysis tri-weekly, and had diabetes. Mix all that together, and there was no way she was going to recover from that. Not to mention the doctors tried to put her under and she flatlined the first two times, and the third time her blood pressure dropped too low. When I went to visit her when she was initially checked in she seemed to be doing fine. I think the transfer from one hospital to the SNF, was just too much for her. I wouldn’t say she gave up, but she just let go, and I don’t blame her.
She isn’t suffering anymore, she no longer needs eye injections, she doesn’t have to go to dialysis, and she doesn’t have to feel as though she burdens us (which she didn’t, even though she could be difficult sometimes)
She told my mother she wished she was closer to me during her life, and for that I feel semi guilty. My husband and my mother waited until my last final to tell me so that I would focus, because if they told me at that moment I probably would’ve got up and left class to rush over there
my mother was yelling at the EMS people to stop trying to resuscitate her because my grandma mentioned she didn’t want to be. They were doing CPR so hard on her that they ruptured an aortic aneurism she had, which is what killed her. When my mom managed to scream everyone away, she just kept whispering to my grandma that it was okay to let go, and told her that my mom loved her, and gave her kiss until she passed.
Atop of all this what made me break down truthfully was the fact that I didn’t cry initially. Me not crying made me cry because I felt like some sort of sociopath for not shedding a tear. I wasn’t as close to my grandma as I could’ve been, but I unconditionally helped her when she needed me, and I did love her as a granddaughter the best I knew how.
My mom is doing okay, and she had a good bond with her mother, and they talked often despite some issues they had. She keeps having dreams about my grandma, and she never sleeps for long. Although she can still crack jokes, and smiles often. I do catch her crying but its completely normal, and I’m just glad I can be there for my mom.
For the first 30 mins after my mom told me she passed, my intial self-destructive behavior tried to burst through the surface, and I immediately had to fight the toxic coping skills I once had. And I must say it was difficult. More so than any other instances ive had in the past. I felt very guilty and angry with myself because there were a plethora of things I could’ve done to either help her, or at least just be there with her. Regardless of how out of control I am to many things that life throws at me and generally the rest of the human population, I realize there are always things I could’ve done better or differently, it doesn’t make me a bad person, just human.
I still feel sad, but its a sadness ive never dealt with before and I have no idea how to explain it, but some things don’t have to be explained so ill leave it at that.
So this training session was just to release whatever emotion I dont express with anyone or talk about.
On the subject of finals which happened before all of this, to summarize everything, I rarely ate, and drank enough red bull to dope up a horse, but passed all of classes in the process. However next time I’m going to have to figure out a different way to study without becoming a lifeless zombie.
LOG # 100 (yay! 100 logs!)
max effort deadlift
surprisingly after a week off my strength is still going up. slower but going up nonetheless espeacially after switching my pulling variation.
sumo deads
warm-up: pin lockouts ~1 foot off the ground, 135x 5-6 (cant remember which number I stopped at)
work up: Took the bars off and had about 1in. off the ground to pull. 135x3, 225x3, 275x1, 285x1, 295 miss.
secondary work:
seal rows: 135 3x6
compound rows: 130 4x6
pin lockouts (deads) various heights: 135x1, 225x4, 315x3
hypers (holding 25lbs plate, supersetted with hanging leg raises: 8x5 (did a back and forth type of thing)
Smith squat, wide stance, low bar: 135lbs 5x5, quick tempo, 15 second rests.
felt good the entire time. Back pain has eased up and rarely hurts now. Knees and ankles have been irritated but not by much. walking really helps so ill be walking in the mornings again daily.
update on general things concerning training.
The increase in cardio/conditioning work has allowed me to recomp, albeit rather painfully slowly but I am still able to do it. Ive noticed the muscle comes a tad bit slower than the fat leaves, but ill have to be patient.
current weight: 205lbs upon waking this morning.
Haven’t decided if I truly need to just switch to cutting down, I dont look bad, but I’m still after that lean look, because, well…who doesn’t like looking that way? lol
I have been using creatine regularly for almost a month now, and while some people dont like it, or they say it does nothing for them, I can say it does help quite a bit. I’ve noticed when lifting my energy stores are a lot more than usual, and I can also do my cardio or conditioning work smoothly, more so than usual.
No muscle cramps, and it staffs off hunger a bit too even by itself.
now that this semester has ended I’m going to rack on more training days in the week. Cardio can be done up to three times a day, in 20-25 min bouts, with some days being LISS, and other being HIIT types. Ill see how intensity fairs at 3 times a week, and a bit higher volume the other four days. Considering all I do is sleep and read, or watch tv, recovery shouldn’t be that much of an issue or diet since I have all damn day to make and eat food, and considering I’m young.
So ill see how I fair and adjust accordingly, progress pics coming soon ( dont know exactly when though lol)
My condolences. Hope you’re doing OK.
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I’ll be okay. Time fixes pretty much anything
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Sorry to hear about your grandmother, try to stay strong
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LOG # 101
Morning walk
3 miles
Tried get up to a slow trot/run but I couldn’t focus.
More stuff just keeps hitting me. My husband and I finally wanted our mothers to get together. Hell, just our families because we never actually threw a wedding for us, we just got married at the courthouse and had our marriage liscense. Hubby comes home yesterday and told me his father doesn’t want him with me because of the color of my skin. As much as I can keep my composure for many uncomfortable life situations, this made me cry last night because I really love his family. I really do, and when I come to visit I put 100% effort into making sure they like me, and making sure I can do anything they need me for because they are my family too. My father had an issue with Kelbys skin color and I already told him that if his skin color is an issue that I will gladly remove myself from his life (my dad), because Kelby is apart of our family from now until we die. As much as I try to deny it, I like people approval, even though I keep trekking through my life journey without it, it’s a basic human need many have and it’s normal. But my damn feelings are hurt. The few I still have left. My mom, brother, grandma )when she was still around), my uncle, and aunt have NO problems with Kelbys skin color. They absolutely love him, and hug him, and kiss him, and call him their son/bother in law, and adore him. What the flying fuck is wrong with me, that his family doesn’t like me? I do anything I can for them.
Goodness this is just…a lot of stuff happening too close together. I’ll be okay, but dammit. I’ve got therapy books spread out all over the damn place, and Kelby is hovering over me like a hawk to make sure I’m okay, but I hate adding on to any stress he may already have. Then I feel selfish for even feeling bad when my mom has lost her mother and probably feels worse than I do. Ugh.
That’s rough. Not sure I can give you useful advice here. If anyone said I shouldn’t be with my fiancee because she’s African I think that’d be the last interaction I had with that person.
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What fucking year is this?
And nothing is wrong with you
Most of my immediate family is out of my life because that is what I needed to be a happier better person. Your situation is a bit different but I can say that some people dont deserve to be in your life regardless of past roles they have played in your life.
Life is too short.
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So absolutely true.
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My mom said the exact same thing. Surprisingly the one person who is more upset than any of us is Kelby.
He feels rather embarrassed by all of this, and I can understand why. And he felt guilty on behalf but I told him not to beat himself up about this. I talked to my mom not even an hour ago and we’ve still decided to go or to eat for Mother’s Day. He can see his mom and then come with us to go out to eat with my mom. But the remainder of the time, im no longer going over there. As much as it bothers me, which it will for a bit, I can’t be upset because situations like this exist all over the globe every day. I still talk to my dad, but anything involving Kelby I protect, and just deal with him by myself.
But thank you for understanding. I just really really really, wasn’t expecting this.
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ugh…cant wait to get there. Need to work on my explosiveness like this. I wonder what it is she does to get her numbers this high.
Well, her technique is really rather good. She struggles slightly locking out and driving her hips through is all I noticed.
I doubt she ventures much above 350 lbs in training often, but trains to be very technically efficient and very fast. Chances are she also trains both main styles as and when she needs to, and has a very good understanding of what supplemental and assistance work she needs to do and when.
I also suspect she’s been doing this for a while.
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I agree, I also wonder how her other lifts fair. I can’t find any other video with her in it. I know of this one YouTube person named megsquats who has a 400 sumo pull, but her squat and bench aren’t that high at all.
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planetcybertron, I have not read through your full log cause it’s too much for my little brain right now lol. I just want to say for as young as you are in your lifting career you are strong as hell not only physically but mentally. You are exceptionally strong (I aspire to be as physically strong as you) and you are humble. I have enjoyed reading through part of your journey and will be following your progress. Don’t ever lose that optimistic side, stay strong, God bless. 
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Probably Anavar? /s
Serious answer is she probably has really high testosterone levels. Look up Lydia Valentin, as far as I am aware she is natural (or at the very least really good at beating drug tests, because she got olympic bronze and silver, and probably soon gold for others getting popped while she doesn’t). I know Klinefelter’s syndrome is a thing, with women having a less active copy of the Y chromosome, and guys having a less active second X, causing weird stuff with secondary sexual traits.
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