Disagreement with Family Member

Off Topic
81

Its funny, it seems every kid nowadays has ADHD. I find that amusing. Is that a way just for the big pharma orgs. to make more money? Giving kids drugs, is that such a good idea? people don’t realize, the medical community is to blame. They lower what the normal blood pressure or what the normal cholesteral levels should be. Why did they do this, so more people will fit in the hypertension or high cholesteral category. Now dr’s get to prescribe more drugs.

personally, I feel adhd is a bunch of crap, used soley to get more drugs into more kids and people in order to make more money.

82

My son is either going to be 1 or 2 in their class. He has applied to some great schools to major in bioengineering . He’s pretty confident of two private schools and is accepted at psu already , one of the best schools for this major. My daughter is attending psu .
She is a great student, but not where he is.

Without the meds she could have slipped behind in school and maybe could not have pulled back up. She was feeling bad about herself and doubting herself because she tried very hard, but the results were lagging. Then she sees her brother just do things so easily and she’d get more discouraged .
After three years she was off the meds. She handles school just fine. She’s in the national honor society and top 10% of her class.

She was never out of control or disrespectful in public . I didn’t tolerate that crap. My ex didn’t either. In fact a lady I knew that managed a local restaurant said they were the best behaved kids she ever saw their. This was in the 2-5 year range.
It’s not an either or thing. It’s like your health . It’s multi factorial . People are over medicated. Parents needs to step up as doctors need to also. You need to watch what you eat. You need to exercise. And you might also need some meds even after doing that.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]tom63 wrote:
You’re right. My daughter was diagnosed at the age of nine with add. She took strattera for three years and it did help her. Her grades were slipping , she had problems focusing and concentrating btw .
Her twin brother never had it btw . Both received the same parenting. Both are doing great in school, they are active in school, have done sports, charity work etc. No drinking, drugs , or any trouble in school or with the law.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.
[/quote]

No my point is the growing trend that everything can be fixed with diet and exercise. Yes it is a tool, however your training is narrow focused. Again if it was an 18 year old kid obese, lazy and using an excuse of ADHD for his problems in life than I would agree with you very much. However this is 6 year old children that the father has done all the right things.

Also again if you are a carpenter using a hammer to fix your toilet will probably not work.

I love how everyone loves to bash Drs, until you or a loved one has a serious illness or cancer. [/quote]
[/quote]

Wow post got lost or screwed up and dont remember what I wrote. Fuck.

[/quote]

83

[quote]ghost87 wrote:

[quote]ghost87 wrote:
Couple points to my original thread:

-regarding discipline, It’s a difference in how we discipline vs how my brother disciplines. He doesn’t like the approach that we are implementing and getting good results from thus far. If my brother was on this blog, he would likely say “I don’t agree with your parenting approach.”

My brother also disagrees with the diagnoses from the health care providers. My brother would likely say “all that psychiatric stuff is bull shit. It’s you who are the issue”

Regarding my wifes apology, she has taken accountability for her role in the disagreement. It was heart felt.

[/quote]

By the way, my wife called him an asshole, which caused the disagreement to escalate. In addition, as mentioned above, we are getting good results from our discipline approach, huge improvements in my kids behavior, as well as the meds. My kids have ADHD, there’s no over medicating. It was the last option. If you read the reports from teachers and multiple providers, and spent a week alone my kids, you’d be a believer.

Again, should I reach out to my brother? I feel we did our part.
[/quote]

These two posts have the pertinent information that was NOT mentioned in your original post. This is the type of stuff I have said in the past that you guys leave out when you ask for advice. Don’t half-ass the story. You need to give background and not just “this happened”. We don’t know you from Adam, nor do we know your background story, so all we can go on is what you tell us.

As for reaching out to your brother, I still feel, that even though your wife apologized; it is still incumbent upon you as the head of the household and the relative to reach out and apologize, not your wife. If you want to write them off, that’s on you, but it’s obvious that you don’t. I say, try one more time. If he doesn’t want to listen and act like an adult, let it be. If he does, you need to set the ground rules for what is and is not discussed as far as your kids is concerned.

84

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]lewhitehurst wrote:
Truthfully, there are WAY too many issues going on here for any of us to give any type of constructive answer. I may be way off base, because I wasn’t there, but there are a few things you need to think about:

  1. We are only getting your side and only part of it at that. None of us know the specifics of the argument other than your wife calling your brother an asshole and quite frankly, when you are in someone else’s house the best thing to do is to just shut up and suck it up. regardless of what the initial cause was, would you want someone to come into your house and call YOU or your wife an “asshole”?

  2. In my opinion, way too many kids are diagnosed as having ADHD and we are an overmedicated society, so beyond what the physicians said, you need to educate, yourself. Doctors DO benefit from prescribing certain meds.

  3. In my opinion, way too many parents ARE soft on parenting and instead of looking at things objectively, they want to put the blame on something else, other than what they might be doing wrong.

  4. If you value the relationship with your brother and your family, sometimes you have to suck it up and eat humble pie. It sounds like you two are in a pissing contest and what you are really upset about is that the family has sided with him against you in this situation. Were any of them there? I see where you said you defended your wife to your family and your brother. Maybe THAT’S why they are being standoffish. Your family saw what really happened as opposed to what you, in your mind, remember. I’m quite sure if he was the one being isolated, you wouldn’t be as concerned and I am not sure if you would be making efforts to make amends if he were in your shoes.

  5. Let’s be honest. As a man and the supposed head of your household, it is YOUR responsibility to “keep your wife in check” and to also make amends, not her. I wasn’t there, but I am quite sure what really happened was you sat there while you let your wife rip into him. That’s on you, period. Some of you may call me a Neanderthal or chauvinist, but if my SO is starting to get a bit out of line all I have to do is tell her and she slows it down. Right or wrong, I can literally tell her, “Be quiet, please” and she’ll stop talking dead in her tracks. [/quote]

The Force is strong with this post.[/quote]

I agree with every single thing in this post. adhd wasn’t even around 50 years ago. so why is it, now that adhd is beleived to be an actual disorder, that we are now having all these problems. Much more so now than 50 years ago.

Like ive said many times, women today have big mouths and need to be put in place. they aren’t men, they need to remember that. You don’t ever disrespect a man. A woman should never be subject to abuse of any kind, but when a man tells you something, you stop and listen.

85

[quote]lewhitehurst wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

your brother has no business giving his opinion, let along getting into an argument with your wife, relative to medical decisions or how they are raised. he’s in the wrong. period.
[/quote]

Bullshit, BG. He asked the OP’s wife if she wanted it and she said “yes.” Based upon what the OP, LATER revealed, it appears that the brother was being a dick, but based upon the OP’s initial post, which you quoted; his wife opened that can of worms.[/quote]

She can open a can of worms fine. But his brother has no place yelling her down and what not. None. I’m all for being the head of the house and all that, but the ONLY person yelling at my woman is ME - not some other man and not my fucking brother. He crossed a line and I don’t care who’s house he was in. No one is a “dick” to my woman.

Wouldn’t you agree with that?

And do ya really think the wife sauntered into the house one day and said, “hey brother-in-law, what do ya think about our parenting and medical decisions?” C’mon Lew, I’m sure sure BIL was making comments, itching to have the discussion.

You know how passive/aggressive motherfuckers are, we have some right here.

86

http://www.yorkblog.com/varsity/2012/02/18/swimming-a-contact-sport/

This was my daughter’s last swim meet of the year. Unfortunately she suffered a mid level concussion here. She’s off from school until Monday at least.
For those who don’t know it , I’m a chiropractor . I’m not a fan of the drugs and surgery in many cases. But they are necessary. She was a good example. But there was a downside . Headaches . Sluggishness . So when free doctor thought she improved enough, she was off the meds. If you read about add/ADHD the experts advise a good diet , regular exercise , trying to not being a nit wit for lack of a better term. Maybe you’d say coping schools or study skills .
I’ll give Katie credit. She does a lot of homework probably two or more hours a day . She learned good work habits and has them for life now. The meds are like knee wraps or powerlifting briefs . They can help when you just can’t do it entirely on your own.

87

[quote]ghost87 wrote:
Once we arrived, it seemed that his attitudes started to worsen. My wife believes he had an agenda, and finding a chance to vent, he did.

Again, my bro had an agenda. [/quote]

Understand my position now Lew?

No one T’s off on my woman, except me. Not my brother, mother, no one. And I’m not implying that I think “T’ing” off is appropriate, but if there is going to be any voice raising and arguing, it’s not going to come from ANOTHER man.

88

[quote]roguevampire wrote:
Its funny, it seems every kid nowadays has ADHD. I find that amusing. Is that a way just for the big pharma orgs. to make more money? Giving kids drugs, is that such a good idea? people don’t realize, the medical community is to blame. They lower what the normal blood pressure or what the normal cholesteral levels should be. Why did they do this, so more people will fit in the hypertension or high cholesteral category. Now dr’s get to prescribe more drugs.

personally, I feel adhd is a bunch of crap, used soley to get more drugs into more kids and people in order to make more money. [/quote]

It’s the fault of patients, not doctors. Most want the easy way out and refuse to make changes. Eventually they need them and it’s beyond the realm of diet and exercises. I doubt 1/50 of my patients regularly exercise.

89

[quote]ghost87 wrote: stating,“now you will kill us off, just like your Dad” You know what, it’s true! My Dad does cut people off if he doesn’t agree with them. He has a long history of doing so. He is now doing it to us now

[/quote]

miserable and emotional terrorism.

frankly, you don’t negotiate with terrorists.

90

[quote]lewhitehurst wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

your brother has no business giving his opinion, let along getting into an argument with your wife, relative to medical decisions or how they are raised. he’s in the wrong. period.
[/quote]

Bullshit, BG. He asked the OP’s wife if she wanted it and she said “yes.” Based upon what the OP, LATER revealed, it appears that the brother was being a dick, but based upon the OP’s initial post, which you quoted; his wife opened that can of worms.[/quote]

however, to the extent she “asked” fine…but there is a way to give it, and a way not…and clearly, he had an agenda and was trying to browbeat his wife. no one is going to bully my woman. it’s inappropriate.

you agree, he was “being a dick”. when is it appropriate for ANY other man to be a dick to your woman?

91

[quote]roguevampire wrote:
Its funny, it seems every kid nowadays has ADHD. I find that amusing. Is that a way just for the big pharma orgs. to make more money? Giving kids drugs, is that such a good idea? people don’t realize, the medical community is to blame. They lower what the normal blood pressure or what the normal cholesteral levels should be. Why did they do this, so more people will fit in the hypertension or high cholesteral category. Now dr’s get to prescribe more drugs.

personally, I feel adhd is a bunch of crap, used soley to get more drugs into more kids and people in order to make more money. [/quote]

Lol. Did your parents have any children that lived?

When you have a stroke from your high blood pressure or a heart attack from your high cholesterol, please avoid seeking medical help. It will do the world a huge favor.

92

[quote]roguevampire wrote:
Its funny, it seems every kid nowadays has ADHD. I find that amusing. Is that a way just for the big pharma orgs. to make more money? Giving kids drugs, is that such a good idea? people don’t realize, the medical community is to blame. They lower what the normal blood pressure or what the normal cholesteral levels should be. Why did they do this, so more people will fit in the hypertension or high cholesteral category. Now dr’s get to prescribe more drugs.

personally, I feel adhd is a bunch of crap, used soley to get more drugs into more kids and people in order to make more money. [/quote]

sounds to me your blood pressure and cholesterol are off (big surprise). lose some weight ya manatee and come off the anabolics.

they may not have the entire puzzle figured out yet, but cholesterol and high blood pressure are both markers of potential ill health.

everyone is bitching about doctors prescribing statins but guess what? my doctor takes a fucking statin. it’s not the conspiracy everyone thinks it is.

do they have it figured out? no, not by a long shot. but there are correlations between those markers and disease.

93

[quote]lewhitehurst wrote:

[quote]ghost87 wrote:

[quote]ghost87 wrote:
Couple points to my original thread:

-regarding discipline, It’s a difference in how we discipline vs how my brother disciplines. He doesn’t like the approach that we are implementing and getting good results from thus far. If my brother was on this blog, he would likely say “I don’t agree with your parenting approach.”

My brother also disagrees with the diagnoses from the health care providers. My brother would likely say “all that psychiatric stuff is bull shit. It’s you who are the issue”

Regarding my wifes apology, she has taken accountability for her role in the disagreement. It was heart felt.

[/quote]

By the way, my wife called him an asshole, which caused the disagreement to escalate. In addition, as mentioned above, we are getting good results from our discipline approach, huge improvements in my kids behavior, as well as the meds. My kids have ADHD, there’s no over medicating. It was the last option. If you read the reports from teachers and multiple providers, and spent a week alone my kids, you’d be a believer.

Again, should I reach out to my brother? I feel we did our part.
[/quote]

These two posts have the pertinent information that was NOT mentioned in your original post. This is the type of stuff I have said in the past that you guys leave out when you ask for advice. Don’t half-ass the story. You need to give background and not just “this happened”. We don’t know you from Adam, nor do we know your background story, so all we can go on is what you tell us.

As for reaching out to your brother, I still feel, that even though your wife apologized; it is still incumbent upon you as the head of the household and the relative to reach out and apologize, not your wife. If you want to write them off, that’s on you, but it’s obvious that you don’t. I say, try one more time. If he doesn’t want to listen and act like an adult, let it be. If he does, you need to set the ground rules for what is and is not discussed as far as your kids is concerned. [/quote]

good advice.

although personally I’m not reaching out more than once. and i’m doing nothing to empower him. given the father’s history for cutting people off and that the brother may so be inclined to behave this way as well, i’m not groveling for someone to be my brother.

94

OP, please tell us WHY your wife asked for his opinion; I want that cleared up here. Because my gut says he was itching to give his opinion, and making remarks…knocking on the door in essence. Fill us in.

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[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]roguevampire wrote:
Its funny, it seems every kid nowadays has ADHD. I find that amusing. Is that a way just for the big pharma orgs. to make more money? Giving kids drugs, is that such a good idea? people don’t realize, the medical community is to blame. They lower what the normal blood pressure or what the normal cholesteral levels should be. Why did they do this, so more people will fit in the hypertension or high cholesteral category. Now dr’s get to prescribe more drugs.

personally, I feel adhd is a bunch of crap, used soley to get more drugs into more kids and people in order to make more money. [/quote]

sounds to me your blood pressure and cholesterol are off (big surprise). lose some weight ya manatee and come off the anabolics.

they may not have the entire puzzle figured out yet, but cholesterol and high blood pressure are both markers of potential ill health.

everyone is bitching about doctors prescribing statins but guess what? my doctor takes a fucking statin. it’s not the conspiracy everyone thinks it is.

do they have it figured out? no, not by a long shot. but there are correlations between those markers and disease. [/quote]

96

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]lewhitehurst wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

your brother has no business giving his opinion, let along getting into an argument with your wife, relative to medical decisions or how they are raised. he’s in the wrong. period.
[/quote]

Bullshit, BG. He asked the OP’s wife if she wanted it and she said “yes.” Based upon what the OP, LATER revealed, it appears that the brother was being a dick, but based upon the OP’s initial post, which you quoted; his wife opened that can of worms.[/quote]

She can open a can of worms fine. But his brother has no place yelling her down and what not. None. I’m all for being the head of the house and all that, but the ONLY person yelling at my woman is ME - not some other man and not my fucking brother. He crossed a line and I don’t care who’s house he was in. No one is a “dick” to my woman.

Wouldn’t you agree with that?

And do ya really think the wife sauntered into the house one day and said, “hey brother-in-law, what do ya think about our parenting and medical decisions?” C’mon Lew, I’m sure sure BIL was making comments, itching to have the discussion.

You know how passive/aggressive motherfuckers are, we have some right here. [/quote]

Yeah, but shouldn’t she be aware enough of him and how he is to know what was coming? We live in the real world and if both the OP and his wife are so unaware as to what was coming, maybe I can convince them to buy this nice used bridge in Brooklyn I heard about.

And like I said, you quoted what he said at first, not the additional info where he referenced his brother’s behavior and personality. The original post is what people were making suggestions on, NOT the additional info.

97

You’re right, IMO he was looking for an opening for his agenda.

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]lewhitehurst wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

your brother has no business giving his opinion, let along getting into an argument with your wife, relative to medical decisions or how they are raised. he’s in the wrong. period.
[/quote]

Bullshit, BG. He asked the OP’s wife if she wanted it and she said “yes.” Based upon what the OP, LATER revealed, it appears that the brother was being a dick, but based upon the OP’s initial post, which you quoted; his wife opened that can of worms.[/quote]

however, to the extent she “asked” fine…but there is a way to give it, and a way not…and clearly, he had an agenda and was trying to browbeat his wife. no one is going to bully my woman. it’s inappropriate.

you agree, he was “being a dick”. when is it appropriate for ANY other man to be a dick to your woman? [/quote]

98

I like how the only people in defense of the medical system are those whose children/themselves have been prescribed drugs to deal with attention disorders. High blood pressure and cholesterol are legitimate disorders and I don’t see how the entire field of pharmaceutical production/practical medicine would be a conspiracy in that regard/regards to other health issues.

Of course people are going to benefit from consuming amphetamines; in regards to work output (i.e. dealing with two hours of homework). If I had kids I assume I’d much rather see them in lower level classes/university settings performing at a level specific to their abilities, rather than give them a prescription for amphetamine salts, smile, and say “A-OK”, Doc.

That’s like a mediocre high school athlete cycling test at 16 and taking halotestin before games to compensate for lack of natural skill/aggression. Don’t mean to sound confrontational

99

I apologize for thread derail, also. The best thing you can do is just forget the issues, when you’re dead, this issue will seem minute

100

[quote]Thomasm122 wrote:

Of course people are going to benefit from consuming amphetamines; in regards to work output [/quote]

True ADHD actually slows the child/persons thought processes down so they can increase work output. If you do not have ADHD it affects the person just like speed/caffeine or illicit Meth.

Tom’s daughter was not on an amphetamine, Strattera is a non-narcotic/amphetamine based medication. Asking pertinent questions is not confrontational, however making statements based on misinformation can be.