Disagreement with Family Member

Off Topic
61

All I could get thru was the 1st page.

  1. Your wife shouldn’t have called your brother an asshole.

  2. Your brother is a piece of crap. Really. Who the hell is he to tell you and your wife, who are clearly caring parents and trying hard, how to raise your kids? I could see working in some suggestions into casual conversation but getting in her face and being all judgmental about it? Not to mention, he sees you and your kids for a few hours every once in a while. He knows nothing about what they are like 24/7.

He raised his voice to your wife? No one is raising their voice to my wife. That kind of shit won’t be tolerated for a second. I would have ended that in a micro second. I wouldn’t tolerate it from my wife toward my brother either. Who here would not step in that circumstance? Fortunately that circumstance would never occur between my wife and any family member.

Your brother deleted you from Facebook? Is he 17 years old? Not only is he a piece of crap, he’s a bitch. You should make no apologies and take no steps to make amends. If he does, great - he should. Otherwise live your life and if you see him at get togethers or what not, be friendly. That’s it.

62

[quote]ghost87 wrote:

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Sounds like your brother came at you two fully loaded and on his own turf.

Fuck him and his opinion. He knew what he was doing and ultimately disrespected you and your wife all while knowing that if you talked back he would just throw you out.

Do you really want to spend time with someone like that? Unfortunate fact of life- You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.

[/quote]

Again, I am the original poster. You are exactly right. I had prepped my brother before the visit, explaining the behaviors and diagnose before we visited. I explained to my brother that we were in a difficult spot. Once we arrived, it seemed that his attitudes started to worsen. My wife believes he had an agenda, and finding a chance to vent, he did.

I’m not going to argue with everyone’s opinion about ADHD in general. I’m just appreciative that everyone wants to express their input. Meds for my kids was the absolute last resort, with multiple professionals more highly trained than me weighing in.

Again, my bro had an agenda. My wife takes accountability for her part. We just do not want to grovel[/quote]

I don’t think you need to grovel, I just think you need to put it out there that you want to have a relationship with him. Also make it clear that parenting styles are not to be discussed in the future. It’s obviously an issue where you do not agree.

This is obviously bothering you, or you wouldn’t have posted about it here. I just think that you will regret it if you don’t at least try to repair the relationship. Like I said before, if he rejects your attempt, at least you can have this burden off of you.

Personally, I can’t imagine writing off my family easily without doing anything. He may have had an agenda, but your wife fell for the bait. Family pisses you off at times, but they will be there when you need them and you never know how long you or he is going to be around. I don’t think you need to beg or grovel, just make it known to him that the door is still open and let him make the next move.

63

You are absolutely right that this is bothering me. Posting here is a kind of therapy. What’s ironic that the variety of opinions reflect my variety of feelings.

I mentioned that I don’t want to grovel. Here’s why - my wife emailed, called him and texted him apologies. I could pick up the phone but deep down, I want him to now make the next move. In addition, during the time we have been waiting , my Mom and Dad have cut us off since my brother talked to them afterwards and another sibling too is angry.

I feel conflicted but deep down, I have forgiven but want him now to make an effort.

64

I’m curious as to what prompted the brother into commenting on OP’s parenting style. Surely his brother couldn’t have just said they are shitty parents out of the blue.

65

It’s too bad that your parents are so easy to take sides here. It really is none of their business, but it does reveal quite a bit about your family dynamics.

How would you feel if you found out tomorrow he were injured or worse in some sort of accident? Your wife needs to do nothing more. She has tried and he continues to be an ass. Removing from facebook? Really? How old are you all? It honestly sounds quite silly.

66

Your family is disowning you for your wife calling your brother an asshole?

Weird.

I’m confused.

Unless…Is this a spanking vs no spanking differences in parenting styles?

That one seems to get people going. lol

67

[quote]Charlie Horse wrote:
Your family is disowning you for your wife calling your brother an asshole?

Weird.

I’m confused.
[/quote]

Seriously! Sounds like asshole is the wrong word. If he’s that’s sensitive to being called an asshole, I’d call him a pussy, lol.

[quote]
Unless…Is this a spanking vs no spanking differences in parenting styles?

That one seems to get people going. lol[/quote]

That’s probably it :stuck_out_tongue:

68

How do young kids get diagnosed with depression? I’ve never heard of it

69

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
your brother has no business giving his opinion, let along getting into an argument with your wife, relative to medical decisions or how they are raised. he’s in the wrong. period. if he doesn’t want to be a grown-up and apologize, you can’t do much about it. groveling to him is empowering him and the behavior that lead to the problem. he was wrong. the next move is not yours to make. you’re married. continue with your life.
[/quote]

This. While I agree that there are undoubtedly many badly diagnosed cases of ADHD out there - your brother is not an authority on the matter nor is it his place to ‘offer’ his advice. Particularly (if the events have been recalled and given to us correctly) if he’s then going to tell you to tell your wife to leave the house BEFORE she even called him an asshole. Seriously?

“Here’s my opinion. No I’m not finished yet. Fine…leave my house, hmmmpht!”

Sounds like he was being a spoiled asshole and his continuing huff is his problem, not yours. Your wife has already apologised for name-calling. It’s now his job to offer an apology and mend the rift.

I’m curious. Is this the first argument that they’ve had? Has your brother ever spoken to YOU regarding how you raise your children?

71

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.

72

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.
[/quote]

No my point is the growing trend that everything can be fixed with diet and exercise. Yes it is a tool, however your training is narrow focused. Again if it was an 18 year old kid obese, lazy and using an excuse of ADHD for his problems in life than I would agree with you very much. However this is 6 year old children that the father has done all the right things.

Also again if you are a carpenter using a hammer to fix your toilet will probably not work.

I love how everyone loves to bash Drs, until you or a loved one has a serious illness or cancer.

73

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
Your brother is a cock, but I understand your need to try and re-estabilsh a relationship with him. He’s part of your blood, after all.

What I personally would be much more upset about is the attitude taken by your parents. Are they really that weak-minded that they would stop all contact with one child, just becuase the other child claimed that he’s fallen out with the wife of the first child?

Seriously? I can’t believe that. Have they always favoured him over you?

Maybe their lack of integrity (as I see it) has a bearing on their OWN parenting skills and why your brother seems to be such an over-entitled dickwad.

It’s your parents that I would be contacting, if only to find out the real deal. You don’t have to get into a ‘he said, she said’ argument with them over the actual facts of the incident. Just calmly assert that if they actually LOVED you, then surely they owe it to you to at least enquire after you, post-incident.

No offence but your family sounds even more fucked up than mine does. Especially your parents. I honestly cannot beileve that short of rape/murder/paedophilia, proven in a court of law, any crime commited by childeren warrants unquestioned temination of parental contact BY the parents, without even an explanation.

…Families… :confused:

BBB[/quote]

Again, I’m the original poster, and appreciate everyone’s thoughts. Just some more details:

-My wife said she was in the wrong by calling her an asshole. She stated to me several times that she wanted to respond to his opinion about our parenting, and when he cut her off and wouldn’t let him, it then escalated. Yes, my brother believes in hitting kids.

-My parents were fine afterwards and then over a period of time, no emails and phone calls. I have called them several times in the last several months and my Dad has been polite, but stand offish. After many calls to them over the last several months, I feel it’s now in their court. I will call for my Moms birthday in April and then if they bring up I haven’t called, I will broach the topic. Again, I believe my brother told his side and now thru are pissed at my wife. As my wife has told me, she says they are angry at her, not me.

-Why is my Dad probably upset? Because in the heat of the argument between my wife and brother, my wife also made a comment to my brother, stating,“now you will kill us off, just like your Dad” You know what, it’s true! My Dad does cut people off if he doesn’t agree with them. He has a long history of doing so. He is now doing it to us now

74

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.
[/quote]

No my point is the growing trend that everything can be fixed with diet and exercise. Yes it is a tool, however your training is narrow focused. Again if it was an 18 year old kid obese, lazy and using an excuse of ADHD for his problems in life than I would agree with you very much. However this is 6 year old children that the father has done all the right things.

Also again if you are a carpenter using a hammer to fix your toilet will probably not work.

I love how everyone loves to bash Drs, until you or a loved one has a serious illness or cancer. [/quote]

And that’s when they should be used, conventional doctors that is. If I want to improve my health or well-being a conventional doctor is one of the last resources I would use. For the most part, there are some.

Dr. Bryan Walsh for example is a naturopathic doctor that sadly insurance companies won’t reimburse you for, and he has a far better understanding of the human body and how nutrition effects it than your conventional doctor IMO, he’s a contributor for Precision Nutrition if you’re not familiar with him.

75

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.
[/quote]

No my point is the growing trend that everything can be fixed with diet and exercise. Yes it is a tool, however your training is narrow focused. Again if it was an 18 year old kid obese, lazy and using an excuse of ADHD for his problems in life than I would agree with you very much. However this is 6 year old children that the father has done all the right things.

Also again if you are a carpenter using a hammer to fix your toilet will probably not work.

I love how everyone loves to bash Drs, until you or a loved one has a serious illness or cancer. [/quote]

And that’s when they should be used, conventional doctors that is. If I want to improve my health or well-being a conventional doctor is one of the last resources I would use. For the most part, there are some.

Dr. Bryan Walsh for example is a naturopathic doctor that sadly insurance companies won’t reimburse you for, and he has a far better understanding of the human body and how nutrition effects it than your conventional doctor IMO, he’s a contributor for Precision Nutrition if you’re not familiar with him.
[/quote]

There are a growing trend of Drs younger in particular who are actually going further and learning more about diet and preventative medicine. I am friends with an Ortho Dr who also runs a longevity clinic and a gym.

I am not attacking you, however some times we lose focus on this site. We for the most part are into doing what is best for our bodies and we believe in what we do. When you have young people calling Dr’s pill pushers and worthless, but they are on a BB site spending money on supplements it is very concerning.

76

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

your brother has no business giving his opinion, let along getting into an argument with your wife, relative to medical decisions or how they are raised. he’s in the wrong. period.
[/quote]

Bullshit, BG. He asked the OP’s wife if she wanted it and she said “yes.” Based upon what the OP, LATER revealed, it appears that the brother was being a dick, but based upon the OP’s initial post, which you quoted; his wife opened that can of worms.

77

You’re right. My daughter was diagnosed at the age of nine with add. She took strattera for three years and it did help her. Her grades were slipping , she had problems focusing and concentrating btw .
Her twin brother never had it btw . Both received the same parenting. Both are doing great in school, they are active in school, have done sports, charity work etc. No drinking, drugs , or any trouble in school or with the law.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.
[/quote]

No my point is the growing trend that everything can be fixed with diet and exercise. Yes it is a tool, however your training is narrow focused. Again if it was an 18 year old kid obese, lazy and using an excuse of ADHD for his problems in life than I would agree with you very much. However this is 6 year old children that the father has done all the right things.

Also again if you are a carpenter using a hammer to fix your toilet will probably not work.

I love how everyone loves to bash Drs, until you or a loved one has a serious illness or cancer. [/quote]

78

[quote]tom63 wrote:
You’re right. My daughter was diagnosed at the age of nine with add. She took strattera for three years and it did help her. Her grades were slipping , she had problems focusing and concentrating btw .
Her twin brother never had it btw . Both received the same parenting. Both are doing great in school, they are active in school, have done sports, charity work etc. No drinking, drugs , or any trouble in school or with the law.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.
[/quote]

No my point is the growing trend that everything can be fixed with diet and exercise. Yes it is a tool, however your training is narrow focused. Again if it was an 18 year old kid obese, lazy and using an excuse of ADHD for his problems in life than I would agree with you very much. However this is 6 year old children that the father has done all the right things.

Also again if you are a carpenter using a hammer to fix your toilet will probably not work.

I love how everyone loves to bash Drs, until you or a loved one has a serious illness or cancer. [/quote]
[/quote]

79

[quote]tom63 wrote:
You’re right. My daughter was diagnosed at the age of nine with add. She took strattera for three years and it did help her. Her grades were slipping , she had problems focusing and concentrating btw .
Her twin brother never had it btw . Both received the same parenting. Both are doing great in school, they are active in school, have done sports, charity work etc. No drinking, drugs , or any trouble in school or with the law.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
I don’t got time for this thread right now, but nutrition/exercise plays such a huge role in health.

I would start there before any meds are used.

getting rid of overly processed foods, dyes, additives and chemicals and get them moving daily. You might be amazed.

check out the book “Crazy Makers” by Samm… can’t recall the whole last name, been a few years since I’ve read it, but very enlightening book[/quote]

I will say that unless you are truly a physician or spent years in the medical field then maybe you should not recommend this.

This is dealing with Children of age 6, not some over weight lazy 18 year old kids.

[/quote]

So, b/c I’m not a doctor just someone in the health/wellness field, it makes what I said any less true?

If one doesn’t start with a sound diet and physical activity, nor think it plays a role in just about any health issue is sadly mistaken on the power of the two.
[/quote]

No my point is the growing trend that everything can be fixed with diet and exercise. Yes it is a tool, however your training is narrow focused. Again if it was an 18 year old kid obese, lazy and using an excuse of ADHD for his problems in life than I would agree with you very much. However this is 6 year old children that the father has done all the right things.

Also again if you are a carpenter using a hammer to fix your toilet will probably not work.

I love how everyone loves to bash Drs, until you or a loved one has a serious illness or cancer. [/quote]
[/quote]

Wow post got lost or screwed up and dont remember what I wrote. Fuck.

80

IMO people are more than willing to tell you what to do but are very reluctant to listen to or take advice. When it comes to health matters most people’s what they think they know is a bit lower than what they actually know.