[quote]Tex Ag wrote:
We keep talking about kids and it has been interesting. I think the topic deserves its own thread. Will this title work? Special snowflake sh*t storm.[/quote]
Lol, we have one of those every week? This is just this weeks version.
Not to mention some doctors receive free pens if they prescribe certain medication. Just reconcile with your brother, at least you don’t have to look forward to driving on highways and interstates with millions of small enabled addied-out little fuckers. Professor X are you an employee in the mental health field?
[quote]Thomasm122 wrote:
Not to mention some doctors receive free pens if they prescribe certain medication. Just reconcile with your brother, at least you don’t have to look forward to driving on highways and interstates with millions of small enabled addied-out little fuckers. Professor X are you an employee in the mental health field? [/quote]
No. I’m a very large guy who happens to be a dentist. The level of psychology involved in what I do should have books written on it. No one is letting you near them with a needle if they don’t trust you…kids especially.
Oh…and I often find many of these kids function way better when the parent is removed from the room. It is like two different people.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Oh…and I often find many of these kids function way better when the parent is removed from the room. It is like two different people.[/quote]
I think that is pretty common.
People would always comment on how well behaved my brother and I were. We were little shitheads at home though.
I’m the original poster, and I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.
Here are more details:
Here’s how the argument unfolded: my brother asked my wife if she liked to hear his opinion. She said yes, and h started to critique our parenting style. When my wife then asked if she could respond, he broke her off and continued on. It was then when he told me, tell your wife to leave the house. I sided with my wife. The argument continued and it escalated when my wife called him an asshole and he responded with expletives back. I told my wife she was wrong and she apologized to him after we left the house.
Our parenting style is strict but not strict enough, according to my brother.
I can’t post the 20+ pages of testing and diagnosis reports. I know my kids have ADHD, being around kids that don’t. There’s no question. I’m not getting defensive since there is no point doing so.
Again, my wife has profusely apologized but no avail. The question is whether I intervene but in my heart, I want my brother to also make some steps.
[quote]ghost87 wrote:
I’m the original poster, and I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.
Here are more details:
Here’s how the argument unfolded: my brother asked my wife if she liked to hear his opinion. She said yes, and h started to critique our parenting style. When my wife then asked if she could respond, he broke her off and continued on. It was then when he told me, tell your wife to leave the house. I sided with my wife. The argument continued and it escalated when my wife called him an asshole and he responded with expletives back. I told my wife she was wrong and she apologized to him after we left the house.
Our parenting style is strict but not strict enough, according to my brother.
I can’t post the 20+ pages of testing and diagnosis reports. I know my kids have ADHD, being around kids that don’t. There’s no question. I’m not getting defensive since there is no point doing so.
Again, my wife has profusely apologized but no avail. The question is whether I intervene but in my heart, I want my brother to also make some steps. [/quote]
My advice since I have been there is time. Sometimes you just have to let things settle and spend time away. Always tell him you love him even though you dont agree. That you want him in your life but his opinion on your children is not in the discussion. When he is able to understand that then you can be in his life again.
Good luck, take care of those kids and all will be okay.
Yes, you should make an attempt at reconciliation.
You will regret it if you don’t.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
OK…so kids in the 70’s and 80’s got by…how?[/quote]
I don’t know how things were in America, but in the Soviet Union/Russia if we misbehaved we got paddled (or backhanded if we were out somewhere and there were no paddles around). After about the age of 5, if my parents told me to sit down and study, stop doing something, or to do something I damn well did what they said. The same thing goes for my friends.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]ghost87 wrote:
I’m the original poster, and I appreciate everyone’s thoughts.
Here are more details:
Here’s how the argument unfolded: my brother asked my wife if she liked to hear his opinion. She said yes, and h started to critique our parenting style. When my wife then asked if she could respond, he broke her off and continued on. It was then when he told me, tell your wife to leave the house. I sided with my wife. The argument continued and it escalated when my wife called him an asshole and he responded with expletives back. I told my wife she was wrong and she apologized to him after we left the house.
Our parenting style is strict but not strict enough, according to my brother.
I can’t post the 20+ pages of testing and diagnosis reports. I know my kids have ADHD, being around kids that don’t. There’s no question. I’m not getting defensive since there is no point doing so.
Again, my wife has profusely apologized but no avail. The question is whether I intervene but in my heart, I want my brother to also make some steps. [/quote]
My advice since I have been there is time. Sometimes you just have to let things settle and spend time away. Always tell him you love him even though you dont agree. That you want him in your life but his opinion on your children is not in the discussion. When he is able to understand that then you can be in his life again.
Good luck, take care of those kids and all will be okay. [/quote]
x2
[quote]Professor X wrote:
My opinion on ADHD is this; you would have to believe there is an EPIDEMIC of ADHD going on given the stats of kids on these drugs. How many here truly think there is suddenly just a whole country filled with kids who can’t pay attention and the reason is NOT related to how that kid was raised?[/quote]
Same here.
As ADHD has ‘gone up’ along with the pussification of society, parenting skills have gone down and so kids tend to get away with a lot more today.
From that perspective, perhaps the brother is right in his opinion.
Still, he should really keep it to himself or find a way to bring it up in a respectable manner.
There is no way I could see that I or my other half would ever get into arguments like that with family, where you end up cussing each-other out or in a screaming match. No way in hell would I speak to her parents like that and vice-versa, unless the circumstances were extreme and we were planning to break contact.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]Tex Ag wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Is it possible that it IS a discipline issue?
Look, I see many kids like this (just treated one), and I swear in many of those cases, I am thinking there is no way in hell my mother would have allowed me to act like that…and she wouldn’t have.
If I hit a doctor as a kid while he was just talking to me, my mom would have put an end to that right then and right there…often with nothing more than a word because they had already set the rules years ago…but apparently a lot parents do not think the same.[/quote]
A kid hit you? Well, sounds like they have a little honey badger in them.[/quote]
It is the level of discipline that many of these kids lack today…and the parents DO NOT DISCIPLINE THEIR KIDS. The kid will do something that would have ended with me getting a spanking as a kid but the parent will just stand there and say, “oh, stop that now” calmly about 300 times…while the kid keeps doing it.
I wouldn’t call that ADHD. I would call that not disciplining your kid and letting them do what they want.
[/quote]
my grand-daughter gets meds for this . but before she started meds , one evening I was over there helping out after my daughter had surgery , and the little one (8 years old g-kid) starts in on my daughter…next thing you know the kid’s yelling , and then crying and carrying on . so I pick the little one up and carry her up to her bedroom . I sat her ass down on her bed and told her she can come out when she quits crying , and then I went back downstairs . not 1 fuckin’ minute passes and my daughter yells up , while the kid is still screamin’ away , for the kid to come down for supper . couldnt fuckin’ believe it .
ADHD my ass .
Sounds like your brother came at you two fully loaded and on his own turf.
Fuck him and his opinion. He knew what he was doing and ultimately disrespected you and your wife all while knowing that if you talked back he would just throw you out.
Do you really want to spend time with someone like that? Unfortunate fact of life- You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
[quote]ghost87 wrote:
Last summer, visiting my brother with my wife and two children, that are 6. My brother, whom I’m close with, had a huge agrument with my wife about the raising of my two kids. My kids were diagnosed with significant ADHD with depression (confirmed by mutiple physicians). My brother and my wife were screaming at each other, and he feels that my children don’t have ADHD, its a discipline issue due to my wife. He doesn’t believe in medication or psychiatry.
We were visiting from out of town, and my brother doesn’t see my kids that often. I stuck up for my wife, defending her to my family and my brother. My wife then sent emails and texts apologizing for her role. All communication were not responded to by my brother (including being cut off on Facebook and phone calls being blocked). Now most of my family doesn’t contact us, since I believe he’s tainted us behind our back.
My wife feels that I should reach out to my brother. I feel I shouldn’t since my wife apologized profusely. I feel it’s my brother’s next step. We have done our part and I don’t want to be the middleman between my wife and brother. Again, it’s his next move. The sad part is my kids suffer due to this but we don’t need negativity like this in our lives. I’d like to get your thoughts. [/quote]
your brother has no business giving his opinion, let along getting into an argument with your wife, relative to medical decisions or how they are raised. he’s in the wrong. period. if he doesn’t want to be a grown-up and apologize, you can’t do much about it. groveling to him is empowering him and the behavior that lead to the problem. he was wrong. the next move is not yours to make. you’re married. continue with your life.
ADHD is the biggest load of bullshit ever concocted. That along with the other ten thousand differentiable cases of bullshit in the DSM should be removed from existence and replaced with you kid is a little fucker.
[quote]ghost87 wrote:
Couple points to my original thread:
-regarding discipline, It’s a difference in how we discipline vs how my brother disciplines. He doesn’t like the approach that we are implementing and getting good results from thus far. If my brother was on this blog, he would likely say “I don’t agree with your parenting approach.”
My brother also disagrees with the diagnoses from the health care providers. My brother would likely say “all that psychiatric stuff is bull shit. It’s you who are the issue”
Regarding my wifes apology, she has taken accountability for her role in the disagreement. It was heart felt.
[/quote]
my brother is a professor/scientist of psychology for an ivy league school; he would concur that these medications are grossly over-prescribed. however, your brother has no standing to argue with your wife about how your children are raised or your medical decisions. he just doesn’t. THAT’s the issue here. Not who is “right” and who is “wrong” - he’s crossed a line.
[quote]ghost87 wrote:
[quote]ghost87 wrote:
Couple points to my original thread:
-regarding discipline, It’s a difference in how we discipline vs how my brother disciplines. He doesn’t like the approach that we are implementing and getting good results from thus far. If my brother was on this blog, he would likely say “I don’t agree with your parenting approach.”
My brother also disagrees with the diagnoses from the health care providers. My brother would likely say “all that psychiatric stuff is bull shit. It’s you who are the issue”
Regarding my wifes apology, she has taken accountability for her role in the disagreement. It was heart felt.
[/quote]
By the way, my wife called him an asshole, which caused the disagreement to escalate. In addition, as mentioned above, we are getting good results from our discipline approach, huge improvements in my kids behavior, as well as the meds. My kids have ADHD, there’s no over medicating. It was the last option. If you read the reports from teachers and multiple providers, and spent a week alone my kids, you’d be a believer.
Again, should I reach out to my brother? I feel we did our part.
[/quote]
if he was actually arguing with her about YOUR collective decision about YOUR chosen child rearing and medical decisions, he IS an asshole.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]Parents report that approximately 9.5% or 5.4 million children 4-17 years of age have ever been diagnosed with ADHD, as of 2007.
The percentage of children with a parent-reported ADHD diagnosis increased by 22% between 2003 and 2007.
Rates of ADHD diagnosis increased an average of 3% per year from 1997 to 2006 [Read article ] and an average of 5.5% per year from 2003 to 2007.
Boys (13.2%) were more likely than girls (5.6%) to have ever been diagnosed with ADHD.
[/quote]
A 22% increase from 2003 to 2007?
We either need to cut off tv’s nationwide immediately…or some parents need parenting classes.[/quote]
The problem is not the statistics. It’s the stupid doctors diagnosing the children, and the parents truly believing there is something wrong with their child because they’re a “doctor.”
The modern doctoral mentality that “you’re sick and you need medication” is absolutely ruining this country.
Doctors can single handedly brainwash society with the letters M.D. alone, and it is literally as powerful as the bible right now.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Sounds like your brother came at you two fully loaded and on his own turf.
Fuck him and his opinion. He knew what he was doing and ultimately disrespected you and your wife all while knowing that if you talked back he would just throw you out.
Do you really want to spend time with someone like that? Unfortunate fact of life- You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
[/quote]
Again, I am the original poster. You are exactly right. I had prepped my brother before the visit, explaining the behaviors and diagnose before we visited. I explained to my brother that we were in a difficult spot. Once we arrived, it seemed that his attitudes started to worsen. My wife believes he had an agenda, and finding a chance to vent, he did.
I’m not going to argue with everyone’s opinion about ADHD in general. I’m just appreciative that everyone wants to express their input. Meds for my kids was the absolute last resort, with multiple professionals more highly trained than me weighing in.
Again, my bro had an agenda. My wife takes accountability for her part. We just do not want to grovel