Diary Of A Wannabe Steroid User
Day 1
Joined a Gym today. I figure it’s about time I got my ass into shape and started doing something with this lump of flesh. Met a guy named Ron during signup who’s in the same boat I am.
Day 2
Decided to try all my max lifts today to set a benchmark for myself.
Bench: 200
Curls: 55
Leg Press: 185
Was checking out what Ron was doing during his workout. He only put up 170 on the bench! Wow looks like I’m ahead of someone after all. It’s not much but it’s something.
Day 7
Man, one whole week down and I don’t see ANY difference yet! All this work for nothing. Geez. Oh well, quitters never win. I’ll just have to keep at it.
Day 9
Ah Ha! Broke 200 on the Leg Press today! Getting stronger! Ron must be training really hard, you can already tell he’s lost some weight. I saw him squatting 215 today! I was going to tell him to watch his knees and back. Those squats just aren’t good for you.
Day 14
Well, I’ve lost 7lbs and I feel alot better. I think I need a more intense workout though cause I was watching my usual benchmark (Ron) today and he’s looking a hell of alot better than I am and he’s getting really strong! I must be doing something wrong.
Day 18
So I found out why Ron is doing so much better. Those steroids. I was walking past him in the locker room and saw needles and ampules in his bag. Cheating motherfucker. I should do a cycle and get bigger than him and then laugh at him. But those things are so dangerous and illegal. I can’t afford to go to jail. That’s ok though, that cheating bastard will pay for it in time when those bad drugs make his balls disappear and he’s bald and mean and no one likes him.
Day 20
Fucking Ron. It was leg day for me today and I was talking to the girl on the stair stepper next to me. Just when I was going to ask for her number Ron walked by and she stopped mid-sentence and watched him until he walked by with that flirty grin on her face. Well fuck her. If she wants to be with a juiced up small balled asshole like that then fine. She doesn’t deserve me. Man if those things were legal I’d show Ron how big I could get.
Day 22
That asshole. I was doing my curls today and I had moved up to the 10’s on each side. I was SO happy. Then Ron came over and asked me if I could do curls elsewhere cause he wanted to use the rack for his moronic squats. I can’t wait till his knees and back give out from those squats. I told him no I couldn’t and that he could wait. He said “Whoa man no need to be hostile, I was just askin, I can wait till your done. Didn’t mean to interrupt your workout.” Yeah well fuck him. And your sure as shit he will wait. Tryin to be all nice and polite. I know he’s just actin cause the roids are for sure making him think he’s all cool and the big man. Well I didn’t move. That’ll teach’em.
Day 30
I was benching today and I got 210 up but I really bruised my chest when I bounced it. Anyway, I was feeling really strong though and tried to go for 220. I got it 1/2 way up and started struggling. Ron came over and helped me. When I racked it I jumped up and told him “Don’t fucking touch my bar when I’m benching you asshole! I had that!” He so embarrassed he whispered to me “Dude, the weight was on your chest for a full second before I got over there to lift it off you. I was just tryin to help.” I guess he’s dating that girl from the stairmaster now cause she came over, grabbed him by the arm and said “Leave the weight on the assholes chest next time Ron”. They walked away together. Good, that slut and that meathead deserve each other. I swear I’d just love to do a cycle and get all huge. I could leg press like 300 then. I’d get 225 for like 2 reps and shit. If they ever make that legal I’ll show some people who’s boss. Screw that slut and her balding, roid raging, no nuts asshole of a boyfriend.
Day 40
I’m done. This is my last entry. It’s not worth going to the gym anymore. You can’t lift alot unless your taking steroids, no girls want to talk to you unless your doing steroids, and after all this work I’ve only lost 5lbs and don’t look any different from what I did in the beginning. I’m not going to jail so I won’t do the roids. So screw the gym. It’s back to jogging in the park.
DISCLAMER:
I’m natural myself (for now) and this was supposed to be a fun look at what alot of these people that attack steroids are like. It wasn’t an insult to those of us that are natural or that don’t/won’t use. I threw this together in about 20 minutes so yes I realize that the timeline isn’t exactly accurate either.
