I tend to get angry at myself at times. I used to do so more often than I have been doing it recently. Most of the times, I was angry at myself because in the back of my mind I knew I was wasting my time. I have partly fixed this by making sure I just work harder. I need to know I’m studying, being productive, learning, training, eating well, walking for a little while every day. You mention not having continued your studies.
What were you studying? How long ago did you stop? Is it feasible to resume your studies now, while you’re also working?
You’re way too young to be giving up on life. You don’t have ambitions? Fix that. Not enough education? Fix that.
Living with your mother? I see no issue, but only as long as you’re doing your best so that one day you can move out.
One tip that has changed the way I see life: never describe yourself as if your current traits were static, set in stone. There is virtually nothing about yourself you can’t change, given enough discipline, hard work, and time.
That’s what I said about most of the girls I had. Every girl I had was my dream girl at the time. Most of them, eventually, turned out to be nothing special. Yet I still had something to say about them that’d make me go like, “I will never find a relationship that fulfills me the same way,” when in reality maybe that relationship wasn’t fulfilling me at all!
You’re speaking from grief now, you can’t be objective by definition. And it’s okay. But think about it this way: in a little while, you’ll look back and you’ll be abe to appreciate the good things that this relationship left for you, the changes for the better you made because of it. That, I can promise.
Who said it? Don’t like your path? change it!
I feel like I have spoken these exact words so many times. In fact, if I went back and searched for texts with my old friends, I’d probably find an exact match for that sentence.
Pay attention to this: re-read the things you have listed. Are any of those specific to that one girl? Those are normal things in a relationship. They’re not about that girl. Another girl that loves you and you love will be able to eventually give you all of that and some more.
Now you have lots of time to ponder and decide whether all of that was worth it. In general, ask yourself this question, “would that person do the same for me?”
It’s hardly ever a good thing to put yourself in the second spot in favor of someone else. You’re the person who’s the most likely to value yourself enough in life (the only notable exception being parents): that’s true for everyone. So at the end of the day, you need to look at yourself in the mirror and know you didn’t leave yourself behind for someone else.
This is a recipe for disaster. Think a lot about this. This is a mistake I made too many times and it led me to lots of unnecessary suffering.
Do it anyway. When something is hard: do it anyway. If you just start, even going through the motions, you’ll gain momentum. That’s key.
I know this feeling very well. Repeat to yourself: whatever you’re looking for in a conversation with her, find it within yourself. You’re not looking for a conversation; you’re looking for sensations, feelings. You need to find those within yourself. That’s the only way to not depend on someone else for life. You don’t want that, do you?
If you read anything from my post, this should be it. GET. RID. OF. THAT. MINDSET.
I see my mother doing this all the time. Her side of my family hasn’t had much luck throghout the years, but my mother really has a negative mindset. She feels like everything bad that happens is “fate” that hates us.
Never complain. Try to complain the least you can, and be grateful of the things you have. Fake it till you make it, if you struggle. But never ask yourself, complaining, “why is my life this way?”
You could always wake up one day regretting the life you currently hate. Love what you have, even if it’s not much or you think it’s not much. Then work on making it more. And love life harder every day. I know this sounds cliché, but I really made an effort to practice what I preach, and I did notice a really big impact on my happiness overall.
