So after much trepidations that took their toll on my mind and sanity, I decided to end things for good.
And obviously she said I was toxic.
Gonna resume here, enjoy freedom, and time to work and focus on myself…
7 Likes
Funny I’d read your comments and have done since you started posting back, I generally try to stay out of peoples personal lives unless invited, but was just about to post that there are way too many red flags and you sound like you’re miserable, and then you posted your update, sorry I know it’s hard, but well done for doing the right thing even when it’s hard.
4 Likes
Thanks mate. I’m fine, really. More than any of my previous breakups. I have so many things to smile for! Here’s current-ish shape (last week, phone is broken)
I’m on the right path! ATM way more watery. These last 2-3 weeks I’ve been eating quite a lot of shit, most likely eating my feelings.
Hard to get back on track but 15 000 steps and training are OK.
But I really have to do better. It’s my job now!
8 Likes
Sounds like a solid plan.
1 Like
08/04 - Pull
A/ Meadows Row
1 x 12 + double drop with 5 plates
B/ Supinated Pulldown
2 x 8 + double drop with 85 kgs
C/ Pullover
2 x 12 with 38 kgs
D/ Barbell Shrugs
2 x 10 + double drop with 140 kgs
E/ Incline Sit-up
4 x 10 with 20 kgs
F/ Biceps 21
2 x 21 with 30 kgs
G/ Hammer Curl
1 x 8 + double drop with 16 kgs
H/ EZ Bar Curl
1 x 8 + double drop with 30 kgs
'Twas a good session. This is the last week of Colossus. I’m planning on doing one more in the same style, because i’m not as lean as I want to be, or maybe start a bit Creeping Death (I want to look as good as possible before starting my Crossfit prep… this is super exciting but I’ll start only when I have deserved it… meaning looked as good as I want to !)
3 Likes
09/04 - Push Pump
A/ Chest Press
1 x 8 with 90 kgs
1 x 8 + double drop + 10 partials with 100 kgs
B/ Pause Incline DB Bench
2 x 8 with 34 kgs
C/ Stretch Push-up
2 x max
D/ Lateral Raise
2 x 10 + 10 partials with 12 kgs
E/ Rear Delt Destroyer Set
F/ Rope Pushdown
2 x 15
G/ OVH Rope Pushdown
2 x 15
Nice session ! Switched the heavy for the pump day as I trained with two friends, which was fun.
A new phone, with a proper camera, is on the way lol
3 Likes
10/04 - Legs Heavy
A/ Seated Leg Curl
1 x 8 with 55kgs
1 x 8 + double drop + 10 partials
B/ Leg Press
1 x 8 with 160kgs
1 x 8 + triple drop
C/ Leg Extension
1 x 10 with 75kgs
1 x 10 + double drop + 10 partials
D/ Walking Lunges
to failure with 14 kgs
E/ Banded RDL
1 x 12 with 60kgs
1 x 12 then dropped the band and 4 more
F/ Calf on Leg Press
3 x 10 + 10 partials
Tough, tough session… drops on all sets… this was draining and I was walking very slowly lol. But very happy with me, my form on the lifts, the sensations, and also I’ve never put that weight on that specific BS leg press
5 Likes
11/04 - Pull Pump
A/ Chest Supported Row
1 x 8 with 30 kgs
1 x 8 + double drop
B/ DB Row
2 x 8 with 50 kgs, flexing at top
Dont know why but hated these. Probably too heavy.
C/ DB Shrugs
2 x 25 with 40 kgs
Great!
D/ DB Pullover
3 x 12 with 36 kgs
E/ EZ Bar Curl
3 x 6-8 with 40 kgs
F/ Concentration-curl
2 x 15 with 10
Arnold-style
G/ V-ups
3 x max
Okay, nothing special here, good sessions, not my favourites exercises though (the rows)
3 Likes
Looking good.
1 Like
13/04 - Legs Pump
A/ Seated Leg Curl
3 x 15 with 50 kgs
B/ Squat
1 x 10 + 8 + 8 + 8 with 100, 80, 60, 40 kgs
Today I really did not want to do my squat. My brain was begging me to do some leg press instead. Very tired. But I decided to do it. And it was almost “easy” — well not easy but it was more RPE 9 instead of 10 and the 40 kgs really didn’t felt that bad even though muscles and lungs were burning. The fact that I had zero knee pain that day helped probably.
C/ Goblet Squat 1.5 reps
2 x 10
Was supposed to be hack squat, but no machines free.
D/ On Leg Press Slow Eccentric
2 x 10 with 50 kgs
My left leg is, obviously, weaker and less stable. I want to stick with these for a while and develop my left side.
E/ Calves on Leg Press
3 x 10 + 10 partials*
Perhaps I also have less knee pain because I don’t skip my calf work, that I superset also with tibialis? I shall keep doing them.
Last year I was really liking leg days. Knee pain, feeling of weakness… That day my squat felt waaaay better than the preivous weeks and I was more strong! I’ll keep hammering my legs twice a week, with an emphasis on hammies. Last few weeks I improved my strength on leg curls and nordic curls. I’ll keep them. I know my hammies are weak, well my left one (the one I tore last year, but who’s been weaker since my surgery 12 years ago).
I have finished Colossus but I’m not satisfied with my shape. Lost 6 kilos but gained 1 back this last month (breakup affecting me). So I’m gonna go with Creeping Death for a few weeks to lean it out before I start my Crossfit-ish prep.
So my ex kept coming back, she even went in front of my house. She wasn’t accepting it, still loving me. But I stayed my course. She said I took the “easy way out” by escaping, not facing the hardships of a relationship. We said goodbye for good. But she’s wrong.
I took the hard way out this time, and today it’s a bit tough.
By three times already I took the easy way. I let her come back in my life after she hurt me so badly. I thought I would have moved on, but not totally, and it would corrupt a bit the relationship, prevent me from trusting at 100 percent.
Prevent me from doing the efforts now to make things work, because so much hurt made love go away, and things not as worth as they could be.
I would be easy to go back to a loving woman that cooks me meals, a fun companion, and have amazing sex, a woman with my ideal body type that I probably won’t find again. But it would also mean dealing with her bs and issues and not be a 100% happy.
She loved me and appreciated me too late.
Now I’m thinking about me, and not the well-being of someone else. It would made 60% happy to be with her, but now I want a 100%.
Shape a couple of days ago. Yesterday morning I did a bit of cardio, and today I feel significantly less bloated, even though I drank half a bottle of wine and ate a giant bull rib
4 Likes
Any thoughts of working with someone (a counselor) to fix the parts of the relationship that weren’t working? Because this is a lot of good, though her control (OCD?) were absolutely not okay.
Well she told me that I should see a counselor to fix my own issues, because she was “doing it and improving, whereas I wasn’t working on myself and improving”.
There were other issues. Before that, we were together/flirted for a year and a half.
She had issues because her mother was diagnosed with cancer 7 years ago and had to assume to role of her mother, as her brother and father were dumbed down and lethargic because of this state.
When her mother died she left me and came back with her ex for a few months.
She’s still in denial of her mother’s death. Her psychiatrist proposed to accompany her to the graveyard, but she refused last minute. She’s not ready to make it real yet.
Then I accepted her (how can you be so stupid) but she had too much issues and was not serious, and manipulative with me, seeking attention and more from other men. She saw another one, then wanted things with another. I snapped, insulted her and left.
She then would beg me to come back. I guess you only appreciate things when they’re gone.
She worked with her counselor to let go of fear and traumas and stuff like that and really wanted something serious, and did the right things mostly, but that time, when we came back together, my love for her had significantly diminished. She acted “as a bitch she said”, but it had a toll on me, as you can understand.
Then her OCD and everything when we tried to live together was like the final drop for me.
But that’s also on me. I tolerated some of her behaviour while in fact, was not happy with it. I told it at the end. I should have put boundaries. I just have to respect myself.
I any case, I need a clean break and to work on myself before contempling anything, be it with her or someone else.
I have too many wounds that I have not healed properly.
2 Likes
Ah, yes, that’s all too much to try to fix. I thought the complaining and OCD were the main things. She sounds untrustworthy, not just difficult.
You’re better alone, it sounds like. And when you meet the next girl start the boundaries right away. 
2 Likes
Wrote the first week of my “performance” block when I’ll start it. It soothes my mind. It’s based off Westside Olympic Programming. I know it’s not the best, but I want to try some of these fun exercises and methods (and at my level, I really don’t need the “best”).
Chaged some things, and I will probably change some more as things go by. Notice the presence of a “beach day”. Not many crossfit things for now, it’s still general work. Cardio is separated and easy this first week. I’ll gradually increase the workload.
Hannibal
Day 1
A/ Reverse Band Clean 1RM
B/ Reverse Band Deadlift 1RM
C/ Nordic Curl 6 x 6
D/ Split Squat 3 x 8
E/ Seated Row 4 x 8
Day 2
EMOM 20’
30s KB Swing
30s Burpee
30s Jumping Rope
30s Thruster
Day 3
A/ Behind the Neck Snatch Grip Push Press 1RM
B/ Snatch Grip High Pull 5 x 5 at 50 % with bands
C1/ Bent-over Row 4 x 12
C2/ Incline DB Bench Press 4 x 12
D/ DB Rollback 5 x 8
E/ Cable Crunch 4 x 10-15
Day 4
10 minutes Bike
10 minutes Rower
10 minutes Stairmaster
Day 5
A/ Paused Speed Squat 6 x 3
B/ Power Clean 5 x 3
C/ Seated Leg Curl 3 x 12
D/ Reverse Hyper 4 x 20
E/ Single Leg Press (3s eccentric) 3 x 10
F/ Calves on Leg Press 3 x 10 + 10 partials
Day 6
A/ Power Snatch 5 x 3
B/ Paused Speed Bench 6 x 3
C/ DB Bench Press 5 x 15
D/ DB Rollback 5 x 15
E/ Isometric High Pull (narrow, moderate, wide grip) 3 x 1 min
F/ Band Triceps Extension 100-150
G/ Weighted Sit-up 4 x 10
Day 7 - Beach Work - 60 secs rest everywhere
A/ Banded Chest Press 3 x 8
B/ Machine Fly 2 x 12
C/ Stretch Push-up 3 x max
D/ EZ Bar Curl (3s eccentric) 3 x 8
E/ Pinwheel Curl 2 x 15
F/ Machine Curl Paused 3 x 10
G/ Standing Calf Raise 3 x 15
H/ Assault Bike 20 min
3 Likes
15/04 - Pull Heavy
A/ One-arm Barbell Row
4 x 8 with 4 plates
Nice and controlled
B/ Pull-ups
3 x 8 with 10 kgs
Way harder than I thought it’d be
C/ Pullover
3 x 10 with 38 kgs
D/ DB Shrugs Paused
3 x 12 with 40 kgs
E/ Barbell Snatch-Grip Hyperextensions
3 x 10 with 60 kgs
These were horrible
F/ Incline Sit-up
4 x 12
No weight this week
G/ Preacher Curl
4 x 10 with 12-14 kgs
H/ Hammer
4 x 8 with 14 kgs
Ughhhhh… I’m sore evrywhere today and I slept 10 hours. This was tough.
I have a prescription for some bloodwork, more extensive than usual (total test, free test, LH, FSH) so I’m going to wake up earlier tomorrow and do that
5 Likes
16/04 - Push Heavy
A/ Slight Incline DB Bench
4 x 8 at 38 kgs
The program called for an RPE 8 and I lanaged to not be greedy. I only used a slight incline this time, it’s been month, and I could feel it work in my left shoulder. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I figured at some point I had to reintroduce movement close to the one that “hurts” the most (flat).
B/ Incline Bench
6 at 70, 75, 80.
Idem, tried to keep it "explosive"
C/ Chest Press
15 + triple rest pause at 80 kgs
Eh not the best today, felt it a bit in my shoulder (injured), not in my chest.
D/ Machine Fly
2 x 8 with 25 kgs
Supposed to be 3 sets but I felt it in my… Right shoulder this time??? Or pec. Probably too much strain. I called it a day. Today 0 pain. Only sore everywhere
E/ Reverse Fly
4 x 15 with 15 kgs
F/ Seated Unsupported Neutral DB Press
2 x 6
The program calls for cage press but no way I can do this. Wanted to do some HBT press but my bands were in my trunks and no rack available so I tried these, but it was too heavy
G/ Rope Pushdown
4 x 10 with 25 kgs
H/ DB French Press
4 x 8 with 30 kgs
Really good pump afterwards. Despite some pain, it was shorter and easier than yesterday. Training is dialed, now I have to really follow my diet.
3 Likes
There is magic in the “buy in”.
If you enjoy your training I find you’re more likely to lift with intent and focus, and get more out of it that 75% effort on “the best” plan.
Keep it up brother 
Hope you’re finding some peace in your personal life
3 Likes
That’s always been my philosphy ahah, I train for fun !
17/04 - Legs Heavy
A/ Seated Leg Curl
4 x 10 with 55 kgs (2 drops on the last set)
B/ Tempo Squat 31X0
5 x 6 with 90-100 kgs
Still no knee sleeves. Was a bit tough. Knees, especially the right one, were sores, and are today as well. Watching the video, there was a fair amount where I was going a bit too fast. Next week I’ll simply put the sleeves on and respect tempo as much as possible.
C/ BSS of Death
1 x 8 + 8s iso with 40 kgs, then 30, then 6 reps with 20
I was too greedy LOL ! The fact that I didn’t use a pole as well for balance made it extra harder. But I was unable to complete all the reps. I was grunting and ached out at least 6 excruciating reps that seemed impossible to do. Today, my asscheeks are sore as hell.
D/ Tempo RDL 5120
1 x 8, 1 x 6 with 80 kgs
I was fried!! This weight is supposed to be easy ! I did two warm-up reps at 60 kgs and my head was spinning lol.
I skipped calfes because I was dying and gym was full. Gonna do them today. Also, slept badly, so I’m a mess
3 Likes
Those two statements can’t align 
No one enjoys the BSS of death
1 Like
Funny story, during the session a client sent me a meme about “when your coach programs bulgarian split squats” and I sent it to another guy I coach in my gym, who was precisely doing bulgarian split squats in agony a few meters away from me. Then I saw Creeping Death called for the BSS of death that day 
Bloodwork came back today :
It’s in French but the words are almost the same.
Everything great lol, even HDL at 0.84g/L (good cholesterol)
But, I asked for free test and I’m not seeing it, I’m thoroughly disappointed
5 Likes