[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
One of the irrational things about women is that they think – or should I say feel – that “support” and good conversations mean Relating to Her Feelings, as opposed to getting the slightest bit of constructive advice. [/quote]
Gotta agree with Bill here. If a girl talks about a diet, she wants you to support her, NOT offer up facts and advice. So you have to be subtle and let her feelings guide her in the right direction. For example, “Chocolate diet? That sounds pretty amazing.” You didn’t really say anything there, and didn’t contradict her. Then follow up with something constructive. “Do you have any pics of girls who did the chocolate diet? That would be pretty inspirational for you, huh?” You supported her, but at the same time planted the idea to find pictures of women to model, and we all know where to find those. Lead her feelings down the right path, and do not bother her with cold facts.
[quote]Carlitosway wrote:
One day set it up like your masturbating to one of debras before and after pictures or any one of the hot chics who post in the T-Vixen thread. Pretend like you got caught in the act and just cover your face and hide in the bathroom acting ashamed she caught you looking at your ideal womens physique.
Then she’ll be curious and will surf through pictures and maybe have a few links open to some of Dr. Jonny Bowden’s youtube clips talking about nutrition. Then put up some other windows of various informative articles.
[/quote]
That will not work the way you think it will at all. You know nothing of women.
As a t-man, you deserve the best. Non fat and non ugly.
I only had one girlfriend who I allowed to drink soda or have a bad diet. She was 5’5" and 100 lbs. Literally a perfect model body. She could eat all the fatty foods without gaining an ounce of fat. But if she wanted a frap, soda, juice, chocolate or unhealthy fast food, I let her pay for herself. She was the only girl I lost or left me. Perhaps if I kept my power and trained her to “care” for herself more, she would still be around.
The best advise I can offer is to tell her to eat right or you’re out of there.
I had an ex-girlfriend who asked me what would I do if she became fat or if she looked like this person (she pointed to a fat woman). I told her I’d leave her ass. Her reply is, “then that means you don’t love me.” I said, I will care and love you as much as you care and love yourself. If you allow yourself to be fat, that means you are not caring for yourself.
Not only did she start eating right, but she started working out. She eats anything I tell her to eat and has quit candy, chips, soda, frosties and junk food. We occasionally ate pizza as that is her favorite.
After we broke up, she gained the weight back and stopped working out. When she found out there might be a second chance of us getting together again, she started eating right and rejoined her gym.
Basically, for me, if the girl gets easily fat, I make all the rules for her diet.
My newest girlfriend was easier to “control.” I didn’t tell her I’d leave her if she gets fat. But she noticed that I was unhappy if I saw her drinking soda or eating candies. If your girl loves you, she will do anything for you. Even quiting soda, junk food, and a bad diet.
I think the best way to handle this is to be HONEST. Speak your mind. When a girl asks me, what kind of girls do I like, one of my answers is “A girl who drinks lots of water.” They will start drinking more water. That leaves less room for junk food and candies, fraps, and soda. My ex who loved me the most drank a gallon of water a day. Others are slower in adjusting, taking up to a month to reach eight glasses of h20 a day.
If she doesn’t want to change, she never will no matter what you say. If she does want to change, get her to pay for nutritional advice (from someone that knows their shit!)herself from her own hard earned money. This way the advice has value, and she’s more likely to take it on board.
You know, I may have to take back what I said about not being able to convince her. Now that I think about it, when I was chunky two years ago, rock bottom was when my own mother (normally very sweet and encouraging) said I needed to lose weight. You know it’s bad when you hear it from your mom. She made me get on a scale. I was terrified to face reality. I cried a lot. It wasn’t a pleasant evening for either of us. But I started running 8-10 miles a day (not T-Nation approved, I know, but it was exercise) and I lost the weight.
If she’s essentially being cowardly but, deep down, isn’t happy, then I wouldn’t discount the value of telling her the truth. In the end it can be a relief to be forced to face facts and have them out in the open. It may be harder to do that as a boyfriend than as a friend or a parent, but if you have a VERY good relationship she may be able to understand that it’s because you want her to be a stronger person, not because you’re a meanie.
I can understand how mentioning a problem and in response getting lectured at can be annoying and why most girls hate it. I hate it when other guys waste my time like that with me, i hate it when my gf does it to me, so i guess i can relate. With my gf we swap articles. She emails me pro-high carb articles, i email her tnation stuff. We plan food together, but i can’t lecture her. Otherwise she lectures me about stuff i said i would change but have no actual intention to change. (Like about 3 drinks being binge drinking).
Changeing her body is not about doing whatever you tell her to do. Your not her nutritionist. She hast to take responsibility for her own education. If shes getting her advice from bad sources then obviously shes not serious about it. You can provide material. but you can’t decide that her free time is yours to make her listen to you rant.
[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:
Carlitosway wrote:
One day set it up like your masturbating to one of debras before and after pictures or any one of the hot chics who post in the T-Vixen thread. Pretend like you got caught in the act and just cover your face and hide in the bathroom acting ashamed she caught you looking at your ideal womens physique.
Then she’ll be curious and will surf through pictures and maybe have a few links open to some of Dr. Jonny Bowden’s youtube clips talking about nutrition. Then put up some other windows of various informative articles.
That will not work the way you think it will at all. You know nothing of women.
[/quote]
Of course it wouldn’t work. Yet I was just visualizing some body doing this and thought it would be hilarious. If you thought I was serious, you know nothing of me:D.
[quote]B rocK wrote:
I’ve been into lifting and nutrition since my girl and I met and she has adopted many of my traits because she sees how well they work for me.
Lead by example.[/quote]
This is all it takes. If this doesn’t work most likely nothing will changer her mind and she’ll be lost in her ways.
[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
nvh95 wrote:
The proverbial “put-it-in-her-pooper” does not solve everything.
Actually, there was an '80s porn video where Ron Jeremy played Dr Peter Proctor (no relation to the hair doctor today of that name) and I forget who played his brother, both of whom worked as counselors aiding women with their relationship problems.
They did not quite agree on methods. One had it that anal sex was the solution to each problem – naturally, in the form of, the therapist having anal sex with the woman so as to get her off to a good start – while the other, I think Ron Jeremy, had it that the correct answer was double penetration.
So while at first I didn’t see where “put-it-in-her-pooper” was all that widely considered to be the cure-all, on further thought, true, it has been advanced that way.[/quote]
LMAO! That is too awesome and I actually laughed out loud. Many thanks for improving a crummy evening.
You know, the forums started messing up – or I started noticing it – right after I posted that and that post disappeared almost immediately after I first saw it, not to be seen again till much later.
I was wondering if the mods considered it over-the-top for Supplements and Nutrition and whether it might have been my first so-deleted post. Not so, it turned out.
It must have been a memorable scene (Ron Jeremy explaining this disagreement in therapeutic philosophy.) There aren’t too many porn plots from the '80s that I remember. Just to be clear on that.
this thread has gone from good advice, to porn to how to train and control your girlfriend
lead by example and Precision Nutrition
empathy my ass
have to edit:
I am not a fan of the empathy thing, but Bill Roberts may have something about you trying to see things from your girlfriends perspective and all that. That keeps things a “you and her” thing as opposed to “you telling her” thing. If she feels like you guys are a team in this together (although only she can do it) she may feed off your enthusiasm for a healthy life and training.
[quote]Carlitosway wrote:
MarvelGirl wrote:
Carlitosway wrote:
One day set it up like your masturbating to one of debras before and after pictures or any one of the hot chics who post in the T-Vixen thread. Pretend like you got caught in the act and just cover your face and hide in the bathroom acting ashamed she caught you looking at your ideal womens physique.
Then she’ll be curious and will surf through pictures and maybe have a few links open to some of Dr. Jonny Bowden’s youtube clips talking about nutrition. Then put up some other windows of various informative articles.
That will not work the way you think it will at all. You know nothing of women.
Of course it wouldn’t work. Yet I was just visualizing some body doing this and thought it would be hilarious. If you thought I was serious, you know nothing of me:D.[/quote]
LOL, you have an evil sense of humor. I visualized somebody doing that too, and all I could think was “Oh god no! Don’t do that!”
I am not a fan of the empathy thing, but Bill Roberts may have something about you trying to see things from your girlfriends perspective and all that. That keeps things a “you and her” thing as opposed to “you telling her” thing. If she feels like you guys are a team in this together (although only she can do it) she may feed off your enthusiasm for a healthy life and training.
[/quote]
I have really only noticed the phenomenon and found how to work around it, which is easy enough to do once being aware of it.
I haven’t put effort into figuring underlying reasons, as I don’t really assume I’m capable of it, would have no means of verifying (so it would just be speculation anyway), and also it would have no practical value.
But now that the subject has come up for discussion, I suppose it could work this way:
Let’s say dieting is the subject, and the persons are A and B. B is the one thinking about doing a diet.
A says the helpful and correct fact that actually, fats aren’t necessarily the enemy, it’s more a question of total calories and the total balance of nutrients, and some fats are actually helpful while others are best minimized. No big “lecture” as someone put it, just something quick along those lines. Done in the light of it being a subject A finds interesting and genuinely thinks is relevant and maybe useful.
Now if B is a man, B will not be emotionally bothered by this.
If B is a woman, perhaps the reason for annoyance and negative response is, “Now this is not about me and what I am interested in, it is this CRAP that A is interested in and AS ALWAYS they are turning it to what they care about.”
If that’s the light in which statements are being evaluated – is the statement caring about my feelings and the way I look at it, or is it about how THEY look at it and what THEY are interested in – then I suppose the annoyance could reasonably follow.
Of course it’s unproductive either to the problem at hand or the relationship to be annoyed by the other person bringing in things constructive to the situation being discussed, but it’s a frequently a real situation. Whether for that reason or another, or just some bizarre firing of neurons that no one will ever comprehend
I suppose another potential reason is a paranoia that such constructive additions to the conversation are (supposedly) belittling because they suggest that B doesn’t already know everything she needs to. B would feel better if everything is along the lines of wow, what you just found sounds amazing. The implication that what she was planning and feeling good about actually may not be the best is just flat annoying (to many women: most men would be glad that they were tipped off so as to avoid making a mistake.)
Dunno which, if either. But actually it’s not necessary to know the underlying cause, I don’t think, but just what to avoid.
[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
Actually, there was an '80s porn video where Ron Jeremy played Dr Peter Proctor (no relation to the hair doctor today of that name) and I forget who played his brother, both of whom worked as counselors aiding women with their relationship problems.
[/quote]
Gotta agree with Bill here. The above quote has nothing to do with it though.
[quote]rephore wrote:
As a t-man, you deserve the best. Non fat and non ugly.
I only had one girlfriend who I allowed to drink soda or have a bad diet. She was 5’5" and 100 lbs. Literally a perfect model body. She could eat all the fatty foods without gaining an ounce of fat. But if she wanted a frap, soda, juice, chocolate or unhealthy fast food, I let her pay for herself. She was the only girl I lost or left me. Perhaps if I kept my power and trained her to “care” for herself more, she would still be around.
The best advise I can offer is to tell her to eat right or you’re out of there.
I had an ex-girlfriend who asked me what would I do if she became fat or if she looked like this person (she pointed to a fat woman). I told her I’d leave her ass. Her reply is, “then that means you don’t love me.” I said, I will care and love you as much as you care and love yourself. If you allow yourself to be fat, that means you are not caring for yourself.
Not only did she start eating right, but she started working out. She eats anything I tell her to eat and has quit candy, chips, soda, frosties and junk food. We occasionally ate pizza as that is her favorite.
After we broke up, she gained the weight back and stopped working out. When she found out there might be a second chance of us getting together again, she started eating right and rejoined her gym.
Basically, for me, if the girl gets easily fat, I make all the rules for her diet.
My newest girlfriend was easier to “control.” I didn’t tell her I’d leave her if she gets fat. But she noticed that I was unhappy if I saw her drinking soda or eating candies. If your girl loves you, she will do anything for you. Even quiting soda, junk food, and a bad diet.
I think the best way to handle this is to be HONEST. Speak your mind. When a girl asks me, what kind of girls do I like, one of my answers is “A girl who drinks lots of water.” They will start drinking more water. That leaves less room for junk food and candies, fraps, and soda. My ex who loved me the most drank a gallon of water a day. Others are slower in adjusting, taking up to a month to reach eight glasses of h20 a day.
Also, I find this article inspiring.
Oh dear…
If a guy trying to control my diet then i think i’d be forced to hurt him, granted i find dating a pain because i eat more strictly then most blokes out there, and it’s funny but normal blokes are really weird about women who lift … shrug
If she wants to eat crap let her it’s her body her life you have no right to dictate to her, if she’s the right girl for you then either she’ll have the same goals for herself as you have for her, or you’ll love her fat or not.
I stopped trying to preach, the people are work think im a food freak and i see the girls every day “trying” to diet, cringing at the shit they put in thier bodys in the name of getting in shape one thing i have learn’t is the best way to teach is by being a positive role model, eventually when they say your diet works and their’s doesn’t they always ask for help.
If she’s not what you’re looking for anymore, time to move on.
If you’re married, you’re stuck with her. I’m stuck with mine who thinks I’m “over the edge” and “too extreme” and “not the same person” as I carefully weigh out each protein serving, spend a day cooking it all up and preparing all my clean meals, spend an hour in the evening dicing and choping all my fresh organic veggies, etc.
I must be doing something right! LOL
But yeah, I’m dropping weight and increasing strength (I’m on CT’s Jacked diet atm), etc. to the point that people in the gym are talking about it.
She on the other hand would prefer to baloon up and then binge on birdseed and cabbage soup. and completely refrain from weights as she doesn’t want to look like “a man”.
